Room to Breathe (13 page)

Eric takes the tray from the bed and places it outside the door. He then kicks off his shoes and pants while climbing into bed next to me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls my back against his front. I want to pull away but his embrace is so comforting and familiar that I give in. I breathe him in and feel my body relax. I wonder if I will ever get over the calming effect he has on me.

“Cora, I have something to ask of you. Promise me that if something upsets you again that you will talk to me instead of running away.”

“I promise,” I answer simply.

“Good. Now, honey, I need to get some sleep. I have a lot of things that will need to be accomplished tomorrow,” Eric says with a yawn.

“Eric, why are you worried about Tristan coming here,” I ask unable to hide my curiosity any longer.

“Hmm, eavesdropping I see? You know if I wasn’t so tired that would earn you a very good spanking. Maybe I will just save it for tomorrow,” Eric playfully warns me as he squeezes me slightly.

“Spanking? I am going to have to start eavesdropping more often.”

“Tristan is my best mate but he isn’t what I would call stable. Just please be on your guard around him. He will probably be here with his wife and her assistant. Now as I said it is late and I am beyond tired. We can discuss Tristan’s visit tomorrow but for now I am going to sleep.”

“In my bed?”

“If that is alright with you then, yes. I am really glad that you are alright, Cora.”

I turn off the lights from the command center. The room is lit by the subtle glow from the outside lights alone. I am surprised he is sleeping next to me. I can’t deny that I love the feel of him in bed next to me. The way his arms cradle me and the feel of his breath on my neck makes me so at peace.

It only takes a moment for Eric’s breathing to even out and deepen. I just lay here listening to him breathe and feeling his heart beat next to me. I can’t help but replay the events of last night in my head.

I wish I had gone in the room instead of out the door. He seems to have such a calming power over me. I think that even as upset as I was he could have calmed me down.

I hear him sigh softly in his sleep. I realize in that moment how much I truly love him. I don’t just love being with him or having sex with him. I love all of him. The pretty put together parts and the messy complicated parts. I love him completely and if he asked I would stay wrapped up in him like this forever. It is a thought that scares the hell out of me.

I try to switch my thoughts to something else so I can sleep. I begin to wonder about Tristan’s early arrival. I fall asleep to the gentle rhythm of Eric’s breathing while trying to imagine what lies ahead.

Chapter 19

I wake up and roll over to find that once again Eric is gone. I sit up and stretch. I decide to run through my yoga routine. I am sure that part of the reason my panic attack got so out of hand is that I have been skipping my morning routine. After yoga I take a quick shower and get dressed for the day. I am just fastening my jeans as Eric walks into the room. He doesn’t knock and that doesn’t bother me.

“Good morning, honey. I brought you breakfast. How are you feeling?” He asks crossing the room in a dark grey three piece suit. He is carrying a silver tray with tea, fruit, and croissants. He is so handsome that seeing him still knocks me off guard. I am happy to see he has left the stubble from yesterday. It is manicured and gives him a manly air. Not that he needs it.

“Much better after some yoga and a hot shower, thank you.”

He set down the tray and leans in to kiss me. I turn my head at the last moment so his kiss falls on my cheek. I am not sure I am ready for physical contact with him yet. I know it is stupid since nothing happened but I feel betrayed somehow.

“Honey, I thought we were over this. What is still bothering you?” Eric asks his patience obviously wearing thin.

“I just feel kinda strange about kissing you. I can’t stop picturing you with them,” I say and realize I am pouting like a child. I don’t care.

Eric lets out an obviously exasperated sigh. “Cora, I did nothing wrong. I tried to reassure you last night. I do not know what else I can do. You either put this foolish behavior behind us right now or you can leave.”

“What?” I ask in surprise. I am confused. Did he really just tell me I can leave?

“I am serious, Cora. Either we move on from the whole thing now or you can pack your things and go. I didn’t do anything wrong and won’t have you try and make me feel guilty,” he says forcefully. The fire in his eyes is bright but different than usual.

“For that matter Claire didn’t either. I have spoken with her and with Lucinda. It seems the whole thing was Lucinda’s idea. Claire had one to many glasses of wine and it didn’t take much for Lucinda to convince her it was a good idea. She said had no idea it would upset you and seems to genuinely feel bad,” he says sincerely.

“I am not surprised to hear that and I believe her,” I say still pouting.

“So, is this in the past or should I help you pack?” His manner leaves little doubt about his seriousness.

I really only need a moment to make my mind up. He is right I am being ridiculous and I know it. He didn’t do anything wrong and it sounds like Claire really didn’t either. Even if he had, I think I would forgive him. I have never met anyone I just want to be close to like I do him.

“I am sorry,” I whisper. “I promise I won’t bring it up again.”

“Honey, I just want you to be happy here. Do you really think you will be?” He says as he pulls me into a hug. I rest my head against his chest. I love the smell of him and how warm his embrace always is.

“Yes, I do. I really am sorry. You are right I was acting like a child.”

“Good because I really don’t want you to leave,” he says kissing the top of my head. “I have an idea. I was going to send Dean with Claire to select the centerpieces for this weekend. Why don’t you go with her instead? It will give you a chance to get out of the manor. You two could go to lunch as well and maybe do some shopping. If you are with Claire shopping is almost mandatory.”

I consider his offer for a moment. I am not sure I am entirely over Claire’s part in everything, but I do believe she didn’t mean any harm. Claire is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. She is really the only friend I have here at the moment and I think she feels the same way about me.

“Okay, that would be nice. Can we take the Aston Martin?” I ask as he pulls out of my embrace.

“Um, no. Sorry no one drives that car but me. You can take the Land Rover or the Jaguar is back now too.”

“Oh, come on! I will be careful,” I smile and wink at him.

“Sorry, honey but there is no way I am letting you drive the Aston Martin. I am surprised you have an English permit.”

“Oh, yeah, I don’t.”

“Huh, well then you won’t be driving anything I own. I let Angus know to get the car ready,” he kisses my cheek and leaves the room.

*********

Claire and I are seated in the back of the town car. We haven’t said much since we got in the car. I have been peacefully watching the landscape roll by and she has been texting with one of her possible guys.

“I am sorry,” she blurts out so suddenly I jump.

“What?” I ask, still in a little shock.

“I am so sorry. Cora, I swear if I hadn’t been drinking so much I never would have gone for it. Lucinda had me convinced that was why Eric wanted to see us. I am not proud of my actions. Even with the drinking if I had any idea that you love him I would’ve told her off for even suggesting it.” Claire says in her usual rushed manner.

“What do you mean I ‘love him’? Who told you that?”

“I mean, come on, you are obviously in love with him. Girls don’t freak out like that over a guy they are just sleeping with, history of panic attacks or not. You are a little mad to fall in love with someone like him though.”

“Why do you say that?” I am a little hurt by her comment.

“Well he is sort of the prime example of ‘emotionally unavailable’, don’t you think? Don’t get me wrong, he is a great guy. Just be careful,” she says as she places her hand on my leg.

“I will be and I do forgive you. I would really like five minutes alone with Lucinda though. I don’t understand why she hates me so much.”

“Lucinda is a pretty unhappy person. She is even more unhappy now though. I would be careful around her if I was you. After what Eric told her this morning she should leave you alone but I wouldn’t trust her,” Claire says as she touches up her lip gloss. She looks wonderful in jeans with brown knee high boots and a brown cashmere sweater. The rich brown color highlights her coppery curls and bright green eyes.

“I won’t, believe me. What did Eric say to her?”

“He told her that after this weekend she is out. He doesn’t care if she finds a benefactor or not. He wrote to her sister and she said Lucinda can stay there. He said that if she does or says anything bitchy to you or anyone that she is out on the spot too. Looks like we’re here,” she says as we pull up to the party planners. I am relieved to know Eric has been so firm with her. I hope that means the next week will go smoothly. This also means that within the next two weeks it will just be him and me at the manor. I can’t help but feel giddy at the thought of having him all to myself.

“Hey, Claire,” I say as Angus gets out to open our doors. “Please don’t tell anyone about me being in love with Eric.”

“I promise I won’t but if you keep getting that goofy grin on your face every time he is mentioned and I don’t think it will matter.”

*********

I lean back against the soft leather seat of the town car. After spending two hours at the party planner, an hour of which was spent with Claire trying to decide between two different white flowers, we went to a wonderful Thai restaurant for lunch. It was really nice to have a more relaxed meal than at the manor.

I have really been enjoying the day just being out and in the real world. As much as I want to see Eric I am not really ready to head back just yet.

“Claire, do you want to maybe do a little shopping?” I ask knowing she will say yes.

“Of course! On my death bed I will want to shop. Where do you want to go? I need some new knickers and a nighty or two.”

“Sounds good to me,” I smile at her. I really enjoy shopping for pretty undergarments especially now that someone is seeing them.

Claire quickly types away on her phone. After a moment it makes a noise indicating she has a text. She sends another message and then tucks the phone away.

“Hey, Angus. We want to go to the lingerie shop that I went to last time. Do you remember where it is?”

“Yes, Miss Claire, I believe I do. It is the one next to the tea shop with the pink sign correct?” Angus answers from the front seat.

“Yes, I think so anyways,” Claire answers back.

Within in a few minutes we pull up in front of a little boutique. Angus helps us both out. The shop is warm and comfortable. A petite blonde woman comes around from the counter to greet us.

“Hello, Miss Baxter. It is lovely to see you again. This must be Miss Allen,” She says as she takes each of our hands in turn. “Lord Ashford called ahead and everything is arranged.”

“Oh wonderful. Thank you,” Claire says smiling at the woman.

“What does she mean ‘arranged’?” I ask Claire.

“You didn’t think we were going to spend
our
money did you? Besides in your case whatever you buy here is really for him isn’t it?” Claire winks at me as we walk further into the shop.

“Miss Allen would you like to get measured? That way we can make sure we have the right fit for you,” the smiling blonde lady asks.

“Sure, I am sorry I didn’t catch your name,” I figure I should know who I am taking my top off for.

“I am Evelyn. Right this way,” she leads me off to be measured. I find out I have been wearing the wrong size bra forever apparently, a fact that leaves Claire to exclaim that I need a whole new lingerie wardrobe. By the end of our little shopping spree I am sure that I have more undergarments then I could wear in a month. I feel a little bad for spending so much of Eric’s money, but like Claire said it is mostly for him, right?

“Claire, you really do have a knack for picking out the best things. I can’t believe how good everything looked on me. It was like I was trying things on with someone else’s body.”

“Well thank you. I have always said it is all about fit. The fact that your body is fairly wonderful on its own doesn’t hurt either,” she says smiling at me as we grab our bags. She really does have an eye for what looks good and what fit well. I am glad she is pursuing a career in lingerie design.

We say goodbye to Evelyn with promises that we will be back. Angus places our bags in the trunk and we head back out to the manor.

I had entirely too much fun shopping with Claire, but now I am really missing Eric. The drive back to the manor seems twice as long as the drive from it. I send Eric a text message telling him we are on our way and thanking him for the lingerie.

He responds quickly saying that I am welcome as long as I plan on showing him what I bought and then let him take it off me. I feel my body clench down at the thought. It has only been a few days but I feel like my body is craving him. I am completely addicted to his touch.

“Tell Eric hello for me,” Claire says with a smile.

“What makes you think it is Eric I am talking to?” I retort, blushing.

“Everything about your face right now. I really should have caught on sooner that you are in love with him. Looking back you are pretty bad at hiding it,” she says as we approach the manor.

“Claire, how do you think he feels about me?” I ask as the car stops in front of the door.

“I don’t know. Eric is pretty guarded. I think he cares about you at least a little more than he does most people. I have never seen him talk to anyone the way he talked to Lucinda this morning. I know it was because she hurt you. Just keep in mind Cora that if he does love you it is against his will. People have a way of trying to fight that sort of thing.”