Roping the Rancher (Harlequin American Romance) (15 page)

“How do you live with it?”

She hadn’t realized Ryan kept in contact with the man he hit, or that he carried enough blame for a lifetime. No matter how much she sympathized or wanted to understand, she couldn’t comprehend how he felt over what happened. But Colt understood because a similar survivor’s guilt gnawed at him.

“I try to live my life in a way that honors them. I try to make a difference.”

Stacy stared at the two men in front of her as emotions crashed over her, almost bringing her to her knees with their force.

Two men capable of such incredible compassion yet forged of iron.

And she loved both of them more than she dreamed possible.

Her knees threatened to buckle under her as the realization slammed into her. How had she let this happen? Andrea fell in love every five minutes, but Stacy knew better than to give her heart away.

Over the years she’d wondered if she ever loved any of her boyfriends. Now she knew that she hadn’t.

A cowboy who lived in Colorado? Why did it have to be a man like that when she finally fell in love? She thought her mother picked the wrong men? Like mother, like daughter.

Maggie joined her. “Colt’s amazing. He seems good with Ryan.”

Too bad he was so wrong for her in so many ways because Maggie was right. “He understands Ryan and what he’s going through in a way I never could.”

“After this afternoon’s events, I’ve decided to use the last take of the scene with you and Brandon. We’ll call it a day and pick up tomorrow.”

“You had a full day scheduled. Stopping now will cost you a lot of money.” Stacy glanced at Ryan. He appeared much calmer. His fidgeting had ceased, and his face looked more relaxed as he and Colt stood near the barn talking. That’s what Ryan needed right now—time with a man who understood what he was going through. She told Maggie to hold off on letting everyone go until she talked to Colt and Ryan.

“How about you two get out of here?” Stacy said when she joined them by the barn.

“You need Colt here for the scene,” Ryan said, his eyes clearer than when she’d spoken with him before.

“We’re calling that scene good, so I’ll be fine. Get out of here. Do some guy stuff.”

As she stared at Colt, she prayed he received her silent message.
Get Ryan out of here. Talk to him. Help him cope with what he’s feeling.

He caught her gaze over her brother’s shoulder, and nodded in understanding. How could he know her better in such a short time than friends she’d known for years?

“Ryan, I could use your help sorting through the equipment in the barn to see what’s salvageable and what needs to be replaced.”

“That sounds a lot better than being an extra in the movie. I only agreed to it because Jess asked me to.”

They talked to Jess and decided since she still wanted to be in the movie that Stacy would bring her home later. Once the guys left, the rest of the Stacy’s day proved uneventful. They filmed another scene around the ranch, a get-together with the area ranchers with Jess as an extra. With that done, Maggie wrapped up early for the day.

When Stacy dropped Jess off, she found Colt in the rocking chair on the porch. “What’re you doing out here?”

“Enjoying the quiet and the sunset.” He stood. “Ryan is playing video games and the noise was getting to me.”

She glanced over her shoulder and gasped at the beauty before her. The setting sun was just dipping behind the mountains, darkening them. A fiery glow spread across the sky. “It’s beautiful. I could sit here for hours.”

“I do some of my best thinking in this chair.”

“I can see why. Something about being here has cleared my head in a lot of ways.” Since coming here she’d taken a long, hard look at her life and found it lacking, except for her relationship with her brother. The thought reminded her of why she’d come. “Thanks for all you did for Ryan today. How’s he doing?”

As she followed Colt inside he asked her to stay for dinner and then said, “He’s doing better. We took inventory here to see what we could salvage. After that we went to Twin Creeks to check on the horses. There’s something about working with a horse that calms a person. That kid’s been holding a lot in. He knows how much your mother dumps on you and he doesn’t want to do the same thing.”

Once in the kitchen she sat at the table and tried to process what he’d said. “I had no idea he was thinking that.”

This was the kind of kitchen she’d dreamed of having, cozy and warm. The kind of room a family congregated in at the end of the day to reconnect and share their lives. Truly share. Where everyone listened because they cared about each other.

“We spent a lot of time talking about the accident. He’s beating himself up for not anticipating someone could walk out from between the parked cars. He thinks if he’d been a better driver, he could’ve avoided hitting the man. He keeps replaying the scene in his mind trying to figure out what he could’ve done differently.”

“He’s being too hard on himself. The police investigated and saw no reason to charge him. They determined he’d done nothing wrong.”

“He knows that, but it doesn’t make him feel any less guilty because he’s walking and the guy he hit isn’t.”

“Like you feel guilty because you came home and friends you served with didn’t?” He nodded, and pain flickered in his gaze. “How do I help him deal with what he’s feeling?”

“You can’t. He’s got to come to terms with it.”

“Have you?”

“Some days, I think so. Then others I’m sure I haven’t even started. That’s how it’ll be for Ryan. It would help if he didn’t spend so much time alone. That gives him too much time to think. He says you’ve been putting in long hours on the set.”

“I can’t help it. Filming is behind and Maggie’s worried about money. She says we’ve got to wrap up on time.”

“Don’t get your dander up. I wasn’t criticizing, merely stating facts, and I’ve got a solution. He can come here after school.”

“This isn’t your problem. I’ll figure something out. I could ask Maggie if Ryan could come to the set after school.”

“Why do that when I’ve offered a better solution? Let me help.”

His words, said with a good amount of irritation in his voice, made her think. Why hadn’t she just been thankful for his offer instead of insisting she could take care of everything on her own?

In her experience whenever anyone offered help there were strings attached. They wanted something from her. Either that or they failed to follow through. Look at Andrea. How many times had she promised to be there for her children only to have “something come up?”

But Colt was different. “I guess I’m a little out of practice accepting help. Thank you.”

How could she ever repay him for everything he’d done for her? Worse yet, how would she ever be able to walk away from him?

* * *

A
FEW
DAYS
later as Colt stood inside the front door of Halligan’s with Stacy beside him, greeting people as they arrived for the fund-raiser to help Healing Horses cover the insurance deductible, he marveled at the changes in his life. Ryan and Jess had settled into a routine. Their friendship seemed to be a stabilizing force in both their lives. After he picked them up from school, they sat in the kitchen doing homework. Then they either worked with the horses or played video games until dinner. If Stacy finished shooting in time, she joined them and the four of them sat together, ate and discussed the day’s events.

Like countless other families.

After dinner he and Stacy either snuggled on the couch to watch TV or sat on the porch in their rocking chairs. He smiled thinking of how Stacy had hugged him when she showed up to find the chair he’d bought her next to his on the porch.

He was happier than he’d been in years. Stacy had slipped into his life and turned it upside down, but in a good way. He enjoyed being with her, even though he spent the majority of his time trying to figure out a way to get her alone. Not that it had gotten him anything other than a few minutes here and there to share a few kisses and some heated necking.

Lord help him. How was he ever going to let her walk out of his life?

She’d helped him in so many ways. This fund-raiser was another perfect example. Without him even asking, Stacy organized the event with Nannette’s help. The pair met with Nannette’s daughter-in-law Elizabeth, a former New York City advertising executive who now ran a local ad agency, to design posters and put them up around town. Then Stacy talked to Avery’s friend Emma and asked Maroon Peak Pass to play for the event.

“Thanks for doing all this. I’m surprised Mick agreed to let me in the place. He’s still mad at me for the fight with Carpenter.”

“You’ll have to thank Nannette for that. She’s the one who sweet-talked him and promised there wouldn’t be any trouble. She even talked to Travis and told him if he came within fifty feet of Halligan’s tonight, he’d answer to her.”

Colt laughed. “That would put the fear of God into any man. Even Carpenter isn’t foolish enough to cross Nannette.”

“No kidding. I think we should send her to Washington. She’d have the nation’s problems fixed in a week.”

“Now that would shake things up.”

He shifted his stance, their conversation oddly trivial and awkward after everything they’d been through.

“Great idea, having this fund-raiser,” Brian, an old friend of Reed’s and one of the city’s Board of Trustees, said when he walked through the front door. “What you do for the disabled in the area is so important to the community.”

Colt introduced Stacy. “This was her idea. She did all the work. I just showed up.”

“I heard you helped Colt get the horses out when the barn caught fire.”

“I did what anyone would have done,” Stacy replied.

Not every woman would’ve charged in. Would Lynn have risked her life to save his? More than likely she’d have called 911, and told him to forget about the horses and save himself.

Not Stacy. She dived in and helped. She stood by his side.

“She did more than that.” Colt explained how the horse had kicked him and Stacy had calmed the animal enough for him to cover its eyes and lead him out. “Without her, I might have died in that fire.”

“Who would’ve thought a fancy city-girl actress like you had that much gumption in her?” Brian’s voice pulled Colt away from his thoughts.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Stacy said with a huge grin on her face.

“Why wouldn’t you since that’s what it was?” Brian glanced at her, confusion clouding his plain features. “You’re all right.”

“She certainly is,” Colt said.

And he’d fallen for her. He hadn’t even known Cupid was in town, much less seen the arrow heading his way.

Chapter Thirteen

Brian’s simple statement and the admiration shining in Colt’s gaze set off a ripple of pride in Stacy. Tonight was different than the last time she’d been in Halligan’s. No whispers and pointed glances shot her way. No questions about her time on
Finding Mrs. Right
and how she felt being tossed over on national TV. Instead she’d received compliments for her quick thinking and bravery. She felt as if she belonged.

Even when Griffin and Maggie walked in that feeling didn’t change. How could she be uncomfortable around them when her heart had never been involved? Her pride? Sure, but never her heart. When he’d proposed to Maggie at the finale she’d been more worried about her career and upset over looking like a fool. Never once during their dates did her heart flutter when Griffin looked at her. He never made her want more out of life. Like Colt did.

“Thanks for coming out tonight to support Healing Horses,” Colt said.

“We’re family. Where else would we be?” Griffin replied and slapped his friend on the back.

They have no idea how lucky they are. What a gift having a family like theirs is.

Maggie turned to her. “How’s your brother doing? I feel so awful about what happened.”

“I think him melting down was a blessing in disguise. I didn’t know that Ryan had been in contact with the man from the accident. Now that’s out in the open, and we can deal with what he’s feeling. He had a session with a psychologist and that’s helped, too.”

“Two more days of shooting. Can you believe it?”

She flinched at Maggie’s statement. Not tonight. She didn’t want to think about leaving.

“I didn’t know you were that close to being done with the movie.” Beside her she swore Colt stiffened.

“All we’ve got is one more scene to film, and based on how great yesterday’s rushes were, we should breeze right through that,” Maggie continued.

Colt’s hawklike gaze zeroed in on Stacy and she resisted the urge to squirm. “Do you know when you’re leaving?”

Ask me to stay. Tell me you can’t bear the thought of me leaving you.

“Originally Ryan and I thought we’d fly back next week, but I don’t have to be back in L.A. until I start shooting my next movie in six weeks.”

“You could stick around for a while.”

Colt’s comment wasn’t exactly what she hoped to hear, but it was something. What harm would there be in staying a few weeks longer? She could take some time for herself and unwind. When was the last time she’d done that? Plus, the extra break from Andrea would be another benefit, but more importantly she would have more time with Colt to see what developed between them. “I could use a vacation. I could take time to do all the touristy type things I keep hearing everyone talk about before I head back.”

“I bet you could use some time off. That director of yours is a slave driver,” Griffin added, only to have his wife swat him on the arm.

“I’d be happy to play tour guide,” Colt offered. “We could start with the tour of The Stanley Hotel. They filmed
The Shining
miniseries there.”

“Spring break’s in a couple of weeks. The transition would be easier for Ryan then. He wouldn’t have to miss any school.”

That’s not why you want to stay, and you know it.

No, but the rationalization sounded like the perfect one for public consumption. That way if things didn’t work out with Colt she had a way to salvage her pride.

“Colt, the band would like you to say something before they start playing,” Nannette said as she joined them.

While Colt stood on stage, Stacy and Nannette sat at a back table. “Thanks, everyone, for coming tonight to support Healing Horses. That’s one thing I’ve always loved about this community, how everyone pulls together when someone’s in need.”

“I’ve got to say, you’ve surprised me,” Nannette said. “The girl that showed up at my ranch never would’ve taken the time to do what you’ve done for Colt by organizing this.”

“Colt’s done so much for Ryan, it’s the least I can do.”

He’s done so much for me.

She heard him talking about his work with Healing Horses and a thought popped into her head. He mends people.

He’d done that with Ryan. He’d mended her as well, and she hadn’t even known she needed putting back together. Because of him, she didn’t feel alone for the first time since her father died. Colt had taken some of the weight off her shoulders by helping with Ryan. He’d given her a safe place to unwind at the end of the day. A person to confide in, bounce ideas off of, someone to sit and be with if she didn’t feel like talking. He’d been the first person in her life in so long who had given more than he’d taken.

She thought of the two of them sitting in rockers on the front porch. A sunset never looked more beautiful than it did from her spot in the comfortable oak rocker he’d bought for her and placed on his front porch beside his. She could see herself sitting there with him in her old age. The realization rippled through her leaving her weak. She bit her lip.

She loved the man with all her heart, but loving someone wasn’t always enough to make a relationship work in the real world.

“There’s more to what’s going on with you and Colt, and we both know it.” The older woman’s knowing eyes stared through her.

The words that she and Colt were just friends stuck in her throat. She wouldn’t lie to Nannette, and even if she did, the older woman would see it for what her words were—a big, stinky pile of cow manure.

“Movie sets are funny places, almost a world of its own. The cast, crew and the people we come in contact with become a family of sorts. At least during filming.” Then shooting wrapped up. People said they’d keep in touch, but Stacy discovered that to be one of those polite phrases individuals spouted with all sincerity but failed to follow through on. Or, they commented on each other’s Facebook posts or tweets, and occasionally texted each other, but that wasn’t really being involved in someone’s life. “Unfortunately, a lot of the relationships forged on the set fade once the movie’s done.”

What if her relationship with Colt was one that grew out of close proximity and shared emotional events—Ryan’s therapy, facing her fear of horses, Colt’s barn fire and Jess’s revelations about her mother—but it lacked the substance to last?

“Colt cares about you. I see it in his eyes when he watches you when you’re not looking.”

But did he care enough to try to make things work between them? Enough to tackle the issues keeping them apart, like the fact that they lived in two different states? “I’m not so sure.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t give it a chance.”

“It’s not that simple. My life is in California. That’s where my mom lives. That’s where my career is.”

“Sometimes what we think is important is really just noise keeping us from hearing that little voice inside telling us what we really want our life to be about.”

Noise? The clatter in her life was deafening. Colt quieted some of the din for her. He had a way of cutting to the heart of the matter.

He’d shown her what life could be like when there was give and take. Like yesterday. Andrea had called during the lunch break. She didn’t know what to do. As if she ever did. Things weren’t going as well as her mother hoped since Grant moved back. He’d been coming home late, and when Andrea questioned him about his whereabouts, he accused her of not trusting him. Her mother went on to say Grant often wasn’t answering his cell when she tried to call him and he seemed distant. Then Andrea tearfully added she couldn’t wait for Stacy to come home.

Stacy knew the signs, having seen them time and time again with her mother’s other relationships. Andrea latched on to a man, but then became so fearful of losing him she clung to him with a desperation that drove him away.

Not once did her mother ask about how the movie was going. Nor did she ask about Ryan and if the therapy had produced any results. Unlike Colt who always asked about her day and actually cared what she said.

Stacy stared at Nannette. Strong, capable and nurturing. So unlike Andrea.
Too bad we don’t get to choose our family.

“It’s not that simple. I have Ryan to think of, and my mother’s had a difficult life. Her marriage is on the rocks—”

“Life’s hard for everyone.”

Stacy froze, afraid she’d offended Nannette. What was she thinking? Nannette was a widow and a cancer survivor. “I’m sorry. That was thoughtless of me to say after everything you’ve gone through. Unfortunately, my mom doesn’t possess your strength. She relies on me so much.”

The older woman placed her hand over Stacy’s. “You’re not your mother’s keeper. She’s a grown woman. You’ve got the right to live your own life. That’s part of a parent’s job—to let go.”

That sounded wonderful, but how did she get Andrea to see the fact?

She glanced at Colt on the stage. “I want to thank Maroon Peak Pass for playing tonight. Now I’ve yammered on too long, so I’ll get out of the way for them to take over.” Colt turned to Emma and said something before he left the stage.

A minute later when he stood beside Stacy, he nodded toward Nannette and asked the older woman to excuse them. Then he slipped his hand in Stacy’s, and her heart tripped. “Dance with me. We didn’t get to do that the last time we were here.”

“There are things I need to check on—”

“I’m here to see to things. You two go on,” Nannette said, a bold matchmaker smile on her face.

“We’ve had a request for a slow one to start off the night, so grab your honey and come out on the dance floor,” Emma announced.

Colt leaned down and whispered in Stacy’s ear. “I need you in my arms.”

A shudder rippled through her as his heated breath fanned over her skin. How could she resist his husky plea and heated gaze, especially when she wanted him to hold her, too?

As she followed him onto the dance floor she told herself that tonight she’d forget about everything but Colt. When his hands slid around her waist, she leaned into him, savoring the feel of him. His strength seeped into her. If only she could bottle that feeling and take it home with her to use when dealing with Andrea left her weak and feeling drained.

“Not being able to have you in my arms has been killing me.”

She’d missed him holding her. They’d seen each other every day since Ryan started going to Colt’s house after school. The four of them ate dinner together most nights. If shooting ran late, Colt kept something warm for her and then he kept her company while she ate, but they hadn’t been alone.

“Kids, even teenagers, definitely complicate things, don’t they?”

“I’m just glad they had plans with friends tonight so we could have some time alone.”

Stacy laughed and glanced at the couples around them on the dance floor. “I don’t know what your definition of alone is, but this isn’t mine.”

“We could sneak out.”

“Of a fund-raiser for your program? Not likely, or in good taste.”

“So when would it be okay for us to cut out? And keep in mind the movie the kids are at ends at ten-forty.”

Just the thought of being with him again made her all tingly inside, but making love with him was the last thing she should do when she was leaving soon. What she needed to do was wind things down with him or decide where they went from here.

What if she brought up the idea of them continuing to see each other and he smiled, said no, thanks, but wished her luck? But wasn’t that what she wanted when she first became involved with him? No strings attached? She’d wanted things in her life—like a mother who acted like a parent—but fate never cooperated. Great time for fortune to turn the tables on her and grant her wish.

Bits and pieces of her and Colt’s discussion after they’d made love flitted through her mind. She’d been up front with him.
There can’t be anything other than something casual between us.
Then he’d echoed her sentiments saying they were both adults and could enjoy each other’s company. She still saw his smile when he added that there wasn’t anything wrong with that. Not exactly the response of a man who wanted a more permanent relationship.

When she’d uttered those words she’d believed them, that she’d be happy with a casual relationship. She wanted more, but couldn’t have it. There wasn’t a lot of work for an actress in a small Rocky Mountain town of eight thousand people. Plus, her mother was counting on her coming back. How could she bail on her mother with Andrea’s marriage on the rocks again?

She’d been a fool to think she could be content with something that paltry. Leaving him was going to be like leaving a part of herself behind. How could she go back to the barren wasteland that had been her life now that she’d seen what life could be like with a true partner to share it with?

She leaned closer to Colt and kissed him. She wanted this one last night to last forever and she wanted that one last time with him. “I think we could leave at ten without causing too much gossip.”

* * *

N
ORMALLY
C
OLT
ENJOYED
socializing with his friends and neighbors, but not tonight. By the time he checked his watch for the tenth time since Stacy told him she figured they could leave at ten, he thought he’d go crazy. Nine-forty-five. How could time pass so slowly?

“Quit checking the time. People are going to think you don’t want to be here.”

He leaned forward to whisper in her ear. “They’d be right because I’d rather be home alone with you.”

“Then go on stage. Thank everyone one more time for coming and let’s get out of here.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He forced himself to stroll up on stage and talk for a full minute before he told everyone to enjoy the rest of the night.

As he and Stacy headed for the front door, he chatted with anyone who stopped him along the way instead of shoving them aside and making a break for the door.

By the time he and Stacy walked into his house five minutes later, his jeans had become more than a bit uncomfortable. No sooner had they walked in the front door than he scooped Stacy into his arms and headed upstairs.