Route 66 Reunions (50 page)

He shrugged. “I live in Rockford, so the place won’t do Kara or me any good.”

“Are you getting it ready to sell?”

“Yeah. That doesn’t bother you, does it?” Chad looked at her. “I mean helping out when I’m going to sell the place.”

“No, of course not.” Amanda shook her head, but really she didn’t know how she felt about the farm belonging to someone else. It wasn’t her business, but somehow the thought of someone else taking over Jessica’s home did bother her.

“I might keep it, except in time Kara won’t remember this place.”

“You’re taking her with you?” The question was out before she could stop it. Of course he’d take his niece with him. Was Susan still in the picture? Even if they weren’t still married, what would happen when he brought a baby home? Would that make a difference in their relationship?

He frowned. “Of course, I’m taking her. She’s all I’ve got now.”

They entered the city limits and neither spoke for a few minutes as they drove through the cleanup still in progress and turned south. On the south edge of town, Chad stopped in front of a rambling old Victorian house. Amanda loved old houses, and this one was charming with its wraparound front porch and curlicue trim on all the corners. A cement walk led them across the wide lawn to the front steps. She’d never thought of what a foster home should look like, but if there was a pattern, this should be it. If only the people were as welcoming and warm as their house.

Chad turned what looked like a large flat turnkey, and they heard the
brrringing
sound outside.

“Oh how wonderful.” Amanda laughed. “I didn’t know those old door ringers were still in existence.”

“They probably aren’t outside a museum.” Chad grinned. “Except for this one.”

“Is the foster mother as old as the house?” Amanda widened her eyes.

Chad chuckled. “Thankfully, no.”

At that moment the door opened and a teenage girl, her dark brown hair in a ponytail, motioned them in. “Hi, Mom says come to the family room. That’s where Babycakes is.”

“Babycakes?” Amanda had to ask.

The girl grinned. “That’s my name for Kara. She’s got these cute, fat little cheeks, so I call her Babycakes. Don’t ask why, ’cause I don’t know.”

She spoke over her shoulder as she led them through two large rooms before they reached the family room. “I’m Jana, by the way.”

“Glad to meet you, Jana. I’m Amanda, and I love your house.”

Jana shrugged. “Thanks, it’s pretty, I guess, but that’s just the face it shows the world. Truthfully, it’s just a big, old drafty barn. We love it though.”

“There you are.” An older version of Jana sat on the sofa with the baby and a book. She stood and walked toward them and smiled at Amanda. “Hi, I’m Kathy Warner.”

“I’m Amanda Wilson, a friend of Chad’s.”

Amanda sensed Chad stiffen as Kathy approached. Jessica’s little girl was adorable, just as she knew she would be. The fat, little cheeks Jana had mentioned looked kissable. Amanda could scarcely wait to hold her, but she stepped back to allow Chad access.

“Look here, sweetie, Uncle Chad has come to see you.” The foster mother shifted Kara so she faced her uncle.

For long moments, Chad watched the baby as if she might bite him if he moved too quickly. Finally he held his hands out. She shrank back against the woman, curling her shoulder up against her chin while her large, blue eyes stared back at him.

“Let’s sit together on the floor with some toys,” Kathy suggested. She moved close to a corner where a pile of baby toys waited.

Amanda nudged Chad, so together they followed and sat with legs crossed on the floor. Kathy put Kara in the middle of the semicircle they made and motioned toward the toys. “Why don’t you hand her something? See if you can get her to play with you.”

Chad looked at Amanda with pain in his eyes, and she almost buckled. Kara was his niece. He had to connect with her if he expected to take her home. She watched him pick up a small, soft ball and hand it to Kara. His eyes widened when she took it and some of the starch dissolved from his posture. Amanda was so proud when he got Kara to throw the ball to him. At least she opened her hands and it rolled his direction. She squealed when he didn’t toss it back immediately. Amanda laughed and he relaxed a little more.

Kathy eased back and soon sat in the chair a few feet away watching with a soft smile on her lips.

Amanda itched to hold the little one who brought memories of Jessica to mind. She didn’t know whether to release the tears pressing against her eyes or let loose the laughter that bubbled at every cute expression that brought back memories of her own baby. She knew she’d lost her heart from the moment she saw Jessica’s daughter. Seeing her squeal in play or watch Chad with large wary eyes filled Amanda’s heart with love such as she knew wasn’t healthy. She would pay for this visit later with the unfulfilled pain of longing for a child of her own. Of longing for Charity. Missing the sweet times.

Kara soon tired of their game. She leaned forward and caught herself on her hands. Before either of them could react, she was crawling toward Kathy’s rocker. Amanda wouldn’t let her get away. She reached past Chad and caught the baby. Speaking softly to her, she picked her up.

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” She smiled at the little girl and stood with her, walking away from Kathy. She motioned for Chad to follow her.

Kara leaned back in Amanda’s arms and studied her with a serious expression. Amanda kept talking to her and smiling while she walked around the room. “You are such a pretty girl. You look so much like your mommy did. Her eyes were exactly that same pretty shade of blue.”

She shifted her to sit on her arm. “Like Uncle Chad has. Have you seen his pretty blue eyes lately?”

Amanda glanced at Chad who stood in the center of the room watching her. The hint of a smile touched his lips in answer to hers. Kara patted Amanda’s face as if demanding full attention. Amanda laughed. Charity used to do the same thing. It would be too easy to pretend she held Charity. She couldn’t do that to herself or to Kara.

“Let’s go see Uncle Chad’s pretty eyes.”

“Pretty?” His eyebrows rose in challenge while his lips twitched as if he wanted to smile but wouldn’t let himself.

“Oops, I mean handsome. Men are so easily offended.” As she talked and drew closer to Chad, Kara’s watchful expression turned to trust.

Kathy stood and motioned to herself and then toward the door. Amanda nodded. She was going to leave them alone. Maybe with her gone, Chad would have a chance to become friends with Kara. She hoped so.

Kara found a button on Amanda’s shirt and concentrated on trying to pick it up between her thumb and finger. Amanda stood so close to Chad, she could sense his uncertainty and tension.

“Chad, relax.” She gave him a smile. “She’s a baby. She reacts to the way you feel. Even I can feel your fear of her. Just love her. That’s all she needs right now.”

“I do love her.” Chad ground the words out through his teeth. “Why wouldn’t I? She’s part of Jessica.”

“Then take her. Hold her and tell her so she believes you.” Amanda set Kara in Chad’s reluctant arms but stayed close for her to continue playing with her button. Of course that meant she had to practically lean against Chad. In reality, she could have run a hand between them without touching, but she still felt his warmth. She felt his tension, too, and that troubled her.

“Look, Kara.” Amanda tapped against a button on Chad’s shirt. “Uncle Chad has buttons, too.” She took the button between finger and thumb and held it out for Kara to see.

Kara turned to the new attraction, letting Amanda’s button go. Chad’s was smaller and she couldn’t get her fingers to latch on. She looked up at Chad as if to ask for help and stared at the unexpected face.

Chad tried to smile. Amanda had to give him credit for that. Before he could muster up a full-fledged smile, though, Kara’s little face scrunched and her mouth opened to let out a cry that tore through Amanda’s heart. Pudgy little hands reached for Amanda just before she lunged, almost falling from Chad’s grasp.

They caught her at the same time and Chad let go. Amanda held her close and patted her back, softly talking to her. “You’re fine. There’s nothing to be frightened of. Uncle Chad loves you, Kara. He wants to hold you and let you be his little girl. He’s just a little afraid right now, so you’ll have to help.”

As she talked, Chad sank into the nearest chair, his face hidden by his hands. Amanda’s heart carried the burden of his pain. She’d loved him once. She’d trusted him and he’d betrayed her. She thought he’d killed any chance of her ever loving him again, but now she didn’t know. Something had flared to life for just a moment. Maybe if she covered the spark with the painful memories of their breakup, it wouldn’t come back to life to hurt her again.

Kathy came back after that and talked Chad into trying again to play with Kara along with all of them. Jana and her younger sister, Teri, joined them and soon had Kara laughing and squealing. Amanda watched Chad and knew his pain was real. His niece had rejected him for strangers and he didn’t know what to do about it. Soon he would have to take her home. How would they get along then?

By the time their visit ended, Amanda had lost her heart to Kara. She held the baby for Chad to kiss bye, then she squeezed her close, loving the feel of her tiny body in her arms. Charity had not seemed so close, yet so far away, since she died. She kissed Kara’s cheek and a tear slid from her eye. She couldn’t let this little girl into her heart only to be hurt again. She just couldn’t.

She handed her to Kathy and forced a smile as she wiped her tears away. She couldn’t explain why she was crying so she only said, “She’s so sweet.”

“Yes, she is.” Kathy turned Kara away when she reached for Amanda, babbling in her own baby language. Kathy looked at Chad with a question in her eyes but spoke to Amanda. “I hope you return with Chad.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I hope so, too.”

Amanda couldn’t make any promises. She wanted to get away before Kara reached for her again and she took her. Or broke into tears. She turned toward the door. “We need to go.”

Outside, she couldn’t stop the tears from filling her eyes and running down her cheeks. She walked ahead of Chad, hoping he wouldn’t notice, while she tried to wipe them away. In the truck he started the engine and pulled onto the street. He didn’t look at her but simply said, “I’m sorry. Do you feel like stopping for something to drink?”

“Yes, that’s fine.” Amanda wiped her eyes again and took a deep breath. “I didn’t mean to get so emotional. Actually, I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.”

He pulled a box of tissues from the console and handed them to her with a grin. “I’m not blind. I just stink as an uncle.”

She took the tissues and mopped up the effects of her tears. “No, you care and that makes you a good uncle. Right now, you care a little too much, and Kara senses that. When you relax around her, she’ll know, and then she’ll find out how wonderful you are.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, she wished them back. “I mean as an uncle.”

His grin let her know he’d caught her slip and enjoyed her discomfort. “Thanks. I appreciate your confidence in me. As an uncle, I mean.”

She stuck her tongue out at him, and he chuckled. He drove to the drive-in and stopped beside a menu board. “So, what do you want?”

“Iced tea.”

He placed the order and then turned toward Amanda. “I’m sorry I asked you to go.”

“What?” He couldn’t have said anything to hurt her more.

“I’m not sorry you went. I can’t tell you how glad I am you were there. Linda told me about your baby. She was the same age, wasn’t she?”

“Charity.” Amanda whispered her baby’s name. “Yes, she was ten months old when she died.”

Tears threatened to fall again past Amanda’s fragile control. Her emotions hovered near the surface, waiting to break free.

“I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine how tough that had to be.”

“I hope you never do.” Amanda held a tissue to her eyes and then met his compassionate gaze. “I don’t even know if you have children.”

He gave a bitter-sounding laugh and looked out the windshield. “Nope, not a one. Except Kara. Here’s our drinks.”

Chad took the drinks and paid for them while Amanda used another tissue. He’d pulled her through a rosebush of memories today. Why did pain, like thorns, always seem to hide among love and beauty? How could a guy make up for stuff like that? She didn’t blame him for today, but she blamed him for what happened back when they were engaged. He’d loved her so much and he still lost her. She’d already married some guy in California before he figured out what’d happened. He never found a way to tell her how they’d been manipulated. Of course, he’d already gone through a wedding ceremony before he fully understood.

He handed Amanda her tea and took a sip of his own. She was single now, same as him. Could this be a second chance for them? If things turned out the way he’d like over the summer, maybe he and Amanda could make a home together for Kara. Maybe they could have children of their own just as they’d planned long ago.

“I overheard some of the men talking after church Wednesday night about your barn.” Her eyes shone as if the tears were still near the surface, but she didn’t seem so close to the edge as she had a moment ago.