Rowan's Lady (32 page)

As time had passed, Rowan grew more and more fond
of his daughter’s governess. Fond to the point of distraction. So fond in fact,
that her image began to invade his dreams, making sleep nearly impossible.

Before the blizzard had hit, he was able to work
off his physical desires by training with his men. In practice he would not
have time to think of Arline and it also gave him the opportunity to work out
his frustrations. If he could get to the point of exhaustion then mayhap he
could sleep at night. It wasn’t working.

Matters were made worse by the blizzard. Unable to
leave the keep, unable to work off the pent up frustrations was beginning to
wreak havoc on his otherwise happy disposition.

He was beginning to feel less and less guilty over
having these strong feelings and desires toward Arline. It wasn’t just Arline
who visited him in his dreams. Kate was often there, chastising him for being a
foolish man and telling him to move on with his life.

Last night’s dream had been the most vivid and
terrifying of his life. In it, Kate was holding Arline’s hand. They were
standing in a field of spring grass and bluebells. They were both smiling at
him, adoringly. Kate was telling him he had to move on, to love again, and that
she believed he had made a fine choice in Arline.

I couldna have picked a better woman to be a mum
to our daughter than Arline. Rowan, ye must not keep yer heart to me and me
alone. Ye be too lonely. I ken it and it breaks me heart. Ye promised me, Rowan
Graham, on me deathbed that ye would give yer heart to another some day.
Please, Rowan, give it to Arline.

And then they were both gone. Blackness had filled
the space where the two beautiful women had floated in the air. The happiness
and joy he had felt with seeing Kate and hearing her speak Arline’s praises
were replaced with something ugly, dark, ominous. They were both gone, and he
had the sense that Lily was with them. The three women that he loved and adored
most in his life, were gone.

His hands were filled with dust, little particles
of memories, hopes, dreams. He was left with the impression that these three
beautiful lasses had been taken somewhere far away where they would never be
found. In his dream, he knew they were being tortured and there was nothing he
could do to save them.

Then Kate was back, telling him it was not too
late, he could change the tide, he could save Lily and Arline, if only he would
open his heart.
The only way ye can save them both is to love Arline with
all of yer heart.

 He woke then, long before dawn, shooting upright
in his empty bed. He was covered in sweat, his heart feeling as though it were
about to explode and gulping for air.

He tossed back the covers and sat on the edge of
his bed, willing his mind and heart to settle. He took in deep, slow breaths
and tried to shake the images from his mind and the sense of impending doom
from his heart.

He failed at both.

Something niggled at the back of his mind and made
the hair on his neck stand up. He had to check on Lily. Quickly, he grabbed his
tunic from the back of the chair by his fireplace. He tugged it on over his
head, punching his arms through the sleeves. He grabbed his plaid and wrapped
it around his shoulder and waist before snatching his dagger from the table by
his bed.

Lily’s room was connected to his. With his dagger
in hand, he silently opened the door and stepped inside. He noticed first that
there was no lit candle. The last he had known, she could not sleep without one
for she was terrified that the
bad men
would come for her again.

The embers from the fireplace however, cast enough
light into the dark room that he could make out her bed. He took a few quiet
steps forward.

His pounding heart stilled at the sight before him.

Lily was, as always, curled into a ball, thumb in
her mouth and hair twisted around her finger. But it was not her own hair
twined around her finger. Nay. The long auburn locks belonged to Arline.

They were lying under the furs, with Lily nestled
into Arline’s chest. Arline had one hand resting on Lily’s stomach and they
looked so content and at peace that it stole his breath away.

No wonder Lily did not come to him with her
nightmares anymore. Arline was there to chase the demons away.

He felt the dread and despair leave him, taking
with them the guilt and fear he had been dueling with for weeks. He was tempted
to climb into the bed with them and wrap them both in his arms. He wanted to
promise them that he would never allow either of them to be hurt or taken away.
In his arms, in his heart, they could always find comfort and protection.

He stood for a time listening to the soft crackle
of the embers in the fireplace and watching these two beautiful women sleeping.
Occasionally, Lily would sigh and suck on her thumb for a few moments. Arline
barely moved save for an occasional soft, contented sigh.

A sense of peace fell over him, like a warm length
of plaid or an old familiar blanket. He found that he liked the way he felt,
but he wanted more. He wanted to know that this beautiful, smart, witty and
strong auburn-haired woman would be with him for the rest of his life.

Soon, very soon, he would tell her how he felt. He
could only pray that she had the same feelings toward him.

He left them then, as quietly as he had entered.
He went back to his room, but not back to his bed.

For the first time in many years, he knelt beside
his bed and prayed. He prayed for guidance, strength and courage. He prayed for
the ability to protect his people, his daughter and Arline.

But his most fervent prayer would be that Arline
would say yes when he asked her to become his wife.

Arline suffered with delightfully disturbing
dreams of her own. The dreams left her feeling like two separate people stuck
inside one body. There was the good, decent, righteous Arline who hated how the
dreams left her feeling. The good Arline wanted nothing more than to live a
clean, wholesome life. A life that would have made Minnie quite proud.

Then there was the less than wholesome, less than
godly Arline. The one who thoroughly enjoyed the dreams, relished them. The
Arline with the fluttering, swooning, happy insides. The Arline who wanted
nothing more than to sneak into Rowan’s room in the middle of the night and
strip him bare just to see if her dreams had been accurate. In them, he was as
perfect. There was also the strong desire to see if all the things she had
dreamt were in fact physically possible. She desperately wanted to know if she
would feel the same delightful, wicked, excited sensations while awake as she
did when she was asleep.

It was becoming more and more difficult to look at
him. She was certain he must think her an absent-minded fool, she was certain
of it. There were many times when he had to repeat questions for she simply
wasn’t paying any attention to what was coming out of his mouth, though she was
fully aware of his mouth. It could not escape notice for those lips were full
and his teeth perfectly straight and white. Had God designed that mouth to test
a woman’s virtue? Or had the devil, for the same purpose? Either way, it seemed
wholly unfair to have such a temptation staring her in the face.

The blizzard finally laid and dawn broke over the
horizon, casting the lands in vibrant shades of pinks, oranges, and purples. As
the sun rose over the horizon, it turned the snow a brilliant shade of gold.

Rowan felt it was a most magnificent morning, a
perfect day to ask a beautiful young woman to be his wife.

He pulled Frederick, Daniel and Thomas into his
library just after they broke their fast. There were several items they needed
to discuss, the best one he would save for last.

Thomas reported that Mrs. McGregor was getting
along nicely in her new quarters. She had been removed from the dungeon -- per
Arline’s incessant requests -- more than a week ago. They had her locked away
in a small room on the third floor. Still, she refused to apologize or tell
anyone anything.

“I dunna think I ever met a more stubborn woman in
all me days,” Thomas said, clearly exasperated by the situation. “Not even yer
mum was that stubborn!”

Rowan laughed heartily at Thomas’ comparison of
Mrs. McGregor to his mother, Enndolynn Graham. “Mayhap my mum was no’ as
stubborn, but clearly she would have been much smarter about things. Mum had a
way of letting everyone ken just how angry she be without utterin’ a word.”

They spoke for a time, reminiscing about days past
before finally getting on with matters at hand.

“Daniel,” Rowan said as he gave the man a pat on
the back. “I want ye to send a group of men to relieve our lads on the
perimeters.” Rowan said as he made his way to his seat. They had men located
around the outer regions of Graham lands, though not nearly as many as he would
have liked. He knew his men were smart enough to take refuge in the tiny huts
placed along their borders. Hopefully they had been able to do so before the
snow had become too difficult to traverse.

“And take a few men out to check on the crofters.
Make sure they be well-stocked. If their supplies are low, ye can offer them to
stay in the keep. We may get more blizzards and I do no’ want to lose anyone.”

Daniel happily agreed. “’Twill be good to get out
of the keep fer the day. I was goin’ daft with nothin’ to do.”

“Aye, and ’tis been four days since ye’ve seen
that bonny little MacKenzie girl!” Frederick teased him.

Daniel’s face burned with embarrassment. “Yer
daft,” he grumbled.

Frederick pretended to be confused. “Are ye sure?
I mean, if ye are no’ interested in Anna MacKenzie, I wouldn’t mind askin’ her
to take a walk in the moonlight.”

Daniel’s eyes flew open. “Ye stay away from Anna
MacKenzie! She’s too good a lass fer the likes of ye.”

Frederick laughed and slapped Daniel on the back.
“’Tis just as I thought. Ye’ve takin’ a likin’ to the lass. I can’t say that I
blame ye, fer she is a bonny thing. But, I wonder,” he let his words trail off.

Daniel raised an eyebrow. “Wonder? Wonder over
what?”

“If her da will let her marry a man like
ye!
”
he answered playfully.

Daniel rolled his eyes and sighed with
indifference. “Who says I want to marry the girl?”

Frederick gave a wink to Rowan before he answered
the question. “Ye do. Ye talk in yer sleep, ye eejit!”

Daniel had had enough of Frederick’s needling. In
one swift motion, he had Frederick in a headlock, threatening to part him from
his manhood if he did not cease his teasing.

Frederick was laughing so hard at Daniel’s
distress that he could not answer at first. “Aye, aye, aye,” he said between
fits of laughter.

Thomas smacked them both on the tops of their
heads. “Settle down, ye heathens. There’s work to be done.”

Daniel and Frederick finally regained their
composure and settled down to listen to their chief. Rowan took his seat behind
his desk and tried to settle the wave of excitement that had plagued him since
the early morning hours.

“I wanted to let the three of ye know that I have
made a decision.” He paused for a moment, looking to make certain he had their
full attention. “I’m going to ask Lady Arline to marry me.”

Three stunned men looked back at him. Thomas tried
to started to speak, stopped and tried again. “Ye canna be serious?” there was
no denying the fact that he was astonished.

“I am. I plan on askin’ her after the evenin’ meal
this night. I’ve made up me mind.”

“Then
un
make it!” Thomas said. “Ye canna
marry a woman known to be barren, Rowan. The clan council will no’ allow it.”

Rowan tilted his head sideways and raised an
eyebrow. “I wasna aware I had to ask the council permission to marry, Thomas.”

“Ye dunna have to ask permission, but ye need
their approval!”

“Och! Now yer tryin’ to separate the fly shite
from the pepper!” He had hoped, after all these weeks, that Thomas would have
changed his mind about Arline. “Mayhap it be yer opinion of Lady Arline that
skews yer opinion of me marryin’ her.”

Thomas ran a hand through his unruly brown hair.
“I do no’ hold the same opinion of her that I did when she first arrived,
Rowan. She is a fine woman and aye, she’d make almost any man a fine wife. But
she’s no’ fer ye! Ye need sons, sons who can become chief of this clan some
day. Lady Arline canna give ye that.”

It mattered not to Rowan if Arline was barren or
as fertile as a rabbit. He loved her, plain and simple. With or without the
council’s permission, he would marry her. While he did not relish the argument
or fighting his decision might cause, it was a fight he would not back away
from.

“I’ll no’ change me mind, Thomas,” Rowan said as
he clenched his jaw. “She’s good fer Lily and fer me.”

“Aye, she’s a good governess, I’ll grant ye that.
And there is nothin’ that says she canna remain her governess. If it’s a wife
ye be wantin’, there be women here who’d give their right arm to be yer wife.”

Rowan let out a long, heavy sigh of frustration.
“But I do no’ want those women to be me wife, Thomas. I’ll no’ marry a woman I
do no’ love.”

“Did ye love Kate when ye married her?” Thomas
growled.

Rowan shot to his feet. “That was different! That
was an arranged marriage. I may no’ have loved Kate the day we took our vows,
but I grew to love her shortly after.”

Thomas shook his head in befuddlement. “What if
the council does no’ give their blessin’? What will ye do then? Give up yer
chiefdom? Give up yer clan, yer family’s legacy? Give up all the hard work of
yer father, and his father, and his? Does none of that mean anythin’ to ye?”

It meant a great deal more to him than Thomas
realized. Rowan was dedicated to his people, to the clan. But must he sacrifice
his own happiness in order to remain chief and continue the Graham legacy?