Royal Games (The Royals of Monterra) (15 page)

“No extra security,” I said. This postcard had just invaded my life in the worst way possible. I didn’t want to have his bodyguards doing the same thing on a daily basis. “And you already promised me you wouldn’t follow me and you wouldn’t have Marco follow me. That extends to all bodyguards.” That made him halt in his tracks.

He had an incredulous look. “You can’t expect me to sit here and do nothing when that man is out there and he knows where you are.”

“Actually, that’s exactly what I expect. It’s not your job to protect me. I can take care of myself. I have pepper spray and I’ve taken self-defense classes. Plus, people kind of know who I am now. Going on the show might have been the best protection for me. He’ll have a hard time trying to hide me away.”

Walking over, he snatched the postcard out of my hand. “Hey!” I protested.

“I’m going to have Gianni run this for prints.”

“You’re not listening to me,” I said. I let the afghan drop on the couch as I got up to retrieve the postcard. I wanted to show it to Aunt Sylvia and then turn it over to the sheriff. Another person I’d have to tell the truth. But Sheriff Stidd was a good man. He would keep it to himself.

I took the postcard back. “I can take care of it myself. You don’t need to involve your security team.”

He ran his fingers through his hair, grabbing it in clumps. “I do need to!”

“Do you know how long it took for me to feel safe? How I worried every minute of every day that he would kidnap me? Or how I was always watched at the commune? I had no privacy at all. Do you want to make me feel that way now, too?”

“No, but this isn’t the same.”

I went into the kitchen, intent on throwing him out so he could go back to his own house. All I wanted to do was go upstairs, climb under my covers, and sleep for about twelve hours. To have some period of time where I could hide and pretend that this hadn’t happened. He was hot on my heels. “Wait,” he said just as I put my hand on the kitchen doorknob.

At the same exact moment I whirled around to tell him off, Laddie decided he needed to be part of this conversation and get underfoot, pitching me forward into Rafe’s waiting arms.
He has awesome reflexes
was my last thought before my mind went completely and blissfully blank. It didn’t feel like I had just tripped over my dog, but like I had stepped off a cliff and I was falling and falling while Rafe held me.

The anger was still there, but there was such tenderness in his expression, an overpowering affection that even I couldn’t deny. “Don’t you know what it would do to me if something ever happened to you?” His voice was low and heartfelt as he caressed the side of my face.

His earlier kiss still lingered on my lips. I wanted another. Any anger I’d felt quickly turned into want. That desire was driven by a frantic desperation. I wanted to forget everything else, especially that stupid postcard. I let it slip away from my fingers, not caring where it landed. There was something magical and heavy between us, something that bound me to him. Like we had been covered in shimmery pixie dust. I studied his warm, full mouth, wanting to feel it against mine. His pupils dilated and he sucked in a deep breath when he understood what I was about to do.

But before anything could happen, Aunt Sylvia called out, “I’m home!”

I quickly disentangled myself from him, even though I didn’t want to leave his embrace. “In here!” I called out. The spell between us was broken. Because magic obviously had to have been involved to explain my behavior. I just couldn’t admit that the real magic was what happened every time he touched me.

“Are you going to tell her?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m going to tell her,” I snapped back. “But you need to leave.”

“I’ll go,” he said. “But this conversation isn’t over.”

I stopped him with a touch as he opened the back door. His forearm flexed underneath my palm. He looked hopeful, but all I said was, “You gave me your word.”

He nodded tersely and let the screen door slam shut.

“Was that Rafe?” Sylvia asked when she entered the kitchen. I said yes and bent down to pick up the postcard. She had a glowing smile on her face, one I hadn’t seen in a very long time. “Where have you been?”

“I went on a date with Max.”

“You did?” I yelped. When had this happened? How did I not know? Did Amanda know? For three blissful seconds I pushed John-Paul from my mind and focused solely on my aunt. I looked at the postcard in my hand and then shoved it into the back pocket of my jeans. I would show it to her tomorrow. I didn’t want to do anything to ruin her happiness tonight.

She nodded with a girlish smile as she opened the fridge to get out a cold can of Diet Coke. It was her one vice. Mine, obviously, was hoarding chocolate bars.

“Well it’s about time,” I said, sitting at the kitchen table, ready to get the scoop, to banish John-Paul and his postcard from my thoughts. “He’s been head over heels for you for years.”

She popped the top of her soda, letting the carbonation fizzle and snap. She took a small sip. “He’s asked before. I didn’t think the timing was right.”

“And now you do?”

“Some things have changed,” she said evasively. “I should have said yes years ago. You know, he warned me about Richard and I didn’t listen. I thought he was just jealous. Which he was, but that didn’t make him any less right.”

“I’m glad that you finally took a chance on him.” I felt like she was trying to tell me something, but she wasn’t being direct.

Until she said it. “I hope you’re smarter than I was and don’t make Rafe wait as long.”

And there it was.

So I changed the subject. “We should have a spa day.”

Her whole face beamed. “Yes! We haven’t done that in so long!”

We’d never actually gone to a spa and it was now technically nighttime, but we did our own in-home pedicures and facials. It would be an excellent distraction. “I’ll go upstairs and get my stuff.”

She glanced up at the black cat clock on the wall, his tail swinging back and forth. “It’s late and I’m worn out. Rain check? What we need to do is get a Christmas tree and put it up. How about tomorrow?”

We used to buy our tree and decorate the house the weekend after Thanksgiving, but we hadn’t managed that in years. It had turned into something we threw together at the last minute. Probably in part because Richard had left at Christmastime, and it always seemed to make her a little sad.

“I have a meeting with the bazaar committee after school and work, but we can do it after that.”

“It’s a date.”

“But probably not as good as the date as you just had,” I teased as I helped her out of her chair and up the stairs. “You’ll have to fill me in tomorrow.”

She promised she would, and after making sure she was settled, I went and got ready for bed, finishing off half a Twix bar before brushing my teeth. As I slid under my covers, I told myself I was fine. The darkness felt oppressive, like a thick, heavy, suffocating blanket, so I got up and turned on a lamp on my desk. My jeans were hanging over the back of the chair, the postcard sticking out. The postmark was from Washington, so John-Paul was still there. He wasn’t here. He just wanted me to know that I hadn’t been able to hide from him.

Nothing would happen, I told myself sternly. I was safe.

It took a long time, but I finally managed to drift off to sleep, repeating the words in my mind over and over again.

I was safe.

Safe.

And John-Paul was not going to change that.

Chapter 15

I really was trying to be positive, but the universe seemed determined to mess with me. First, I lost my keys. I searched for about half an hour until Rafe pointed them out on the key rack. Which was weird, because I swear I’d checked there like three times.

Then I had to tell Sylvia about the postcard, and she insisted, as I thought she would, that we tell Sheriff Stidd the entire story. He sat stone-faced and listened to the whole tale. He promised to increase patrols near our home and to keep an eye out for any strangers.

Rafe insisted on coming with me to the church bazaar meeting, which was scheduled for before my shift at the diner. I told him he’d have to take his own car because, one, I didn’t want to keep being in confined spaces with him considering how hard of a time I was having keeping my hands to myself, and two, I didn’t want him to drive me to the diner and then have to come pick me up later. I didn’t want a bodyguard, and that included him.

When we got to the church, the current committee was waiting for us—Nicole, Pastor Dave, Whitney, Mrs. Mathison, Mrs. Ramirez, and for some reason, Brooke Cooper.

I raised an eyebrow at Whitney, glancing at Brooke, but Whit just shrugged her shoulders. She didn’t know why either.

We went through the agenda quickly, and when we got to the bachelor auction, Nicole told us about how well that was going. “And it would go even better if we had the most eligible bachelor included. What do you say, Rafe?”

I did not miss the way Brooke’s eyes lit up. “Yes, it’s for a great cause.”

“I would love to help out,” Rafe said. That shouldn’t have bothered me. It did.

Mrs. Mathison and Mrs. Ramirez were in charge of the dinner and organizing food items for the silent auction, and they gave us an update on that front. Just as I planned to close the meeting, Brooke interjected. “Do we have enough to attract a lot of attention? Should we be adding something more kid-friendly? Like a petting zoo?”

“Since we have to hold it inside, space is an issue,” I said.

“Hamsters and rabbits are small. We could just throw them all in cages together.”

My guess was that Brooke had never owned a hamster or a rabbit, let alone a lot of them. They might hurt each other. Or ruin the flooring. Or worse. “We don’t want to end up with a bunch of pregnant animals,” I said. “They’d multiply like Tribbles.”

“Like what?” she said.

“Tribbles? From
Star Trek
? Those furry little aliens? Remember?”

She looked at me blankly. “No. As you’ll recall, I actually went to my prom.”

I opened my mouth to say something back, but caught Pastor Dave watching me. I could refrain in a church. I just smiled sweetly instead, and she didn’t seem to know how to respond to that. She glared at me and turned away.

Brooke could go Trek herself.

Even though she wasn’t in charge, she called the meeting to a close and then pulled on Rafe’s arm, asking to talk to him. Nicole and Whitney took seats on either side of me. “Why did she show up today?”

“Brooke’s just full of surprises,” Whitney said.

“I always thought she was full of something,” Nicole added, and I found myself wanting to smile, which was surprising given last night’s events.

“What do you think they’re saying?”

Whitney sat forward and with a breathy, singsong voice said, “Oh, Rafe. I know you’re in love with Genesis, but please forget about her and take me and my hair extensions and Botoxed forehead away to your castle.”

Nicole chimed, in, lowering her voice to mimic Rafe’s deep tones. “Thank you for the offer, Brooke. And while you have excellent Botox, I’m sorry. I can’t run away with you. I’d rather shove knitting needles into my eyeballs.”

Then I couldn’t help but snicker, and my two friends joined in. Nicole’s phone buzzed, and she turned it on and read the screen. The smile slid off her face. “Oh no. No, no, no, no . . .” she kept repeating as she scrolled through something, reading quickly.

“What is it?” Whitney asked, rubbing her hand across her swollen belly and grimacing. “Sorry. Braxton-Hicks. So annoying. You were saying?”

“I . . . last night I got a wee bit tipsy on peach schnapps and I drunk texted Duke.” Duke, her ex from college. He had been her most serious boyfriend until the Thanksgiving weekend she came back early to school and found him Resident Assisting one of the freshmen in his dorm. “He just texted me back and told me to leave him alone.”

“Delete his number,” I said. “Delete it right now so this never happens again.”

“You’re right,” she said, her fingers tapping away. I hoped she was getting rid of his contact information and not texting him more. “Every time I do this I get to wake up the next morning to a transcript of shame.”

“In your defense, though,” Whitney added, “technically you didn’t drunk text him. Peach schnapps did.”

“Maybe he should take it as a compliment. He was the only person you could think of when your brain wasn’t working.” Part of me wished Rafe had heard this. So that I could show him a real-life example of the kind of woman who would lose her shoe at midnight.

Pastor Dave approached and asked if he could speak to me. Whitney and Nicole told me goodbye. Nicole planned on going to the diner to get some dinner, while Whitney was going home. She had cut back on her hours ever since Rafe had given Christopher a job. I told them I’d see them later, and walked with the pastor back to his office.

Was this about the postcard? I wasn’t ready to talk about that.

“What’s going on?” I asked as we sat down at his desk. With his silver hair, lined face, and happy blue eyes, he’d always made me think of a beardless Santa Claus. He even usually smelled of peppermint candy, which I’d always associated with Santa.

“I was about to ask you the same question,” he said. “It seems like something has been weighing on your mind. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”

He was probably the only person in town who hadn’t watched the show, and he wasn’t one for gossip. What with it being a sin and all.

Had Aunt Sylvia put him up to this? It was like when she wanted me to go on the show. She was so determined, so fixated on that goal that I couldn’t say anything to dissuade her. And now she seemed just as determined to repair my relationship with Rafe. I wouldn’t put it past her to enlist a man of the cloth in her efforts. She probably figured she’d win if she could claim she had God on her side.

But Pastor Dave had been a big help to me when I was younger. Maybe he would have some good insight for me now. “What do you do when you can’t trust someone because they hurt you in the past?”

“That’s a really good question,” he said.

Usually when somebody says “that’s a really good question” you can be sure it’s a lot better question than the answer you’re going to get back.

But Pastor Dave was awesome at good answers. “There’s a whole list I could give you, but it boils down to some simple concepts. Forgiveness and trusting in yourself.”

“That’s it?” I had expected something more profound.

“The best stuff is the most basic. The man that you—we are talking about that young man out there, correct?”

I hoped my face hadn’t gone too bright of a red. I nodded.

“It doesn’t matter what he does. You can’t control him or get a guarantee out of him. The person you have to trust is yourself. Trust that you can make wise decisions.” He had his hands folded together on his desk, so sincere and earnest.

“I’m not sure I know how to trust anyone anymore,” I admitted.

He leaned back in his chair. “That’s not true. You trust people all the time every day. Your entire life is filled up with little acts of trust. You trust the drivers around you to drive safely. You trust your customers to pay you when you bring them the bill. You trust your employer to give you a paycheck. You trust your committee members to do the things they promised to do.”

That was certainly a different way of looking at it, but it didn’t feel the same. “He lied to me.”

“Everybody lies. Even pastors. The only person who didn’t ever lie was Jesus. Nobody is perfect, and you can’t ask them to be. If you ask him to earn your trust, you’re asking him to never make a mistake. To never hurt you, and to never upset you. That’s not realistic, even for people who don’t have baggage and are blissfully in love. Like I said in the beginning, if you can forgive, and if you can trust in yourself to work through the issues, then it will all work out.”

My first instinct was to say that he didn’t know what he was talking about, but he’d been married to his wife for over forty years. Maybe he knew a little bit more about it than I did. “I’m not sure I do trust in myself. Or that I can work through it if he hurts me again.”

“You have to realize that trust isn’t about never again experiencing a negative emotion. It’s about knowing that you are strong enough to deal with whatever comes your way. In my line of work, we also tend to call that faith.”

He made it sound so easy. Like I could just let Rafe explain why he did what he did, and then get over it and move on. Have faith in him and faith in us that we could work through everything together.

But was that what I wanted? “I don’t want to be hurt again. I’m so tired of being hurt. I just want to be . . .” I searched for the word, and it popped into my head. “Safe. I want to be safe.”

“In trying to keep yourself safe, all you’ve accomplished is keeping yourself lonely. Let me give you this piece of advice. When you expect someone to mess up, when you put them under a microscope and wait for them to hurt you, they always will. You’ll see betrayals even when there aren’t any.”

The pastor folded his hands together. “You’re a clever, kind, strong girl. I know you can figure it out.”

I gave him a fake smile, my head swimming in thoughts. Could it really be that easy? Did I want it to be that way? I said I wanted Rafe to leave me alone, but I found myself looking for him. Turning toward him whenever I heard his voice. Missing him when we weren’t together. I had spent a long time denying it to myself because I thought our obstacles were insurmountable. What if they weren’t?

He stood up, and I did too. He thanked me for all the work that I was doing for the new roof, but I hardly heard him because Rafe was waiting for me at the back of the church by the doors. My heart did a little skip when I saw him.

“Just remember, nothing in life is guaranteed. Well, except computers and robots. And would you rather be in a relationship with a robot or a flawed human being?”

Rafe chose that moment to smile one of his glorious smiles, and my heart said,
Flawed human being
. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I loved my computer, but I wanted the flawed human being.

Heart in my throat, I smiled up at Rafe as he opened the door for me, which seemed to surprise him. I couldn’t talk. Not yet. I needed to process and figure things out. He said he’d see me at the diner, and I nodded.

It was a short drive, and there were a lot of hungry people waiting when I got there, which kept my mind blank and free from thinking about everything the pastor had just said.

Until a lull hit, and it all came rushing back. I’d never been in love before, but during the show, I had thought of it as possibility. That I was falling in love with him. Maybe I already was in love and didn’t know it. Maybe that’s why I’d been so sad for so long and missed him so much.

Nicole was still messing with her phone and muttering under her breath. “Not going so well?” I asked.

“How did I ever think Duke was my knight in shining armor? He’s just an idiot in tin foil.”

I brought the water pitcher over to Rafe’s table, where he had finished eating and was now working on his laptop. “What’s wrong with Nicole?”

“Oh, don’t mind her,” I said as I filled his glass with more water. “She’s having female troubles.”

“What kind of female troubles?”

“The male kind.” I certainly knew a lot about that. The bells on the door rang, and I looked up to see a man I didn’t know. Claws of frozen terror clamped down on my heart, and I dropped the pitcher with a loud clanging sound, sending water and ice cubes everywhere. Rafe immediately came over to help me, bringing napkins. “Don’t worry,” he said in a soft voice so that only I could hear him. “That’s one of my new employees, Shane. He’s here to help teach programming.”

I nodded, letting out a sigh of relief and feeling a little silly as Shane sat at Rafe’s table. The two men started an intense discussion as I threw away my wet napkins and hung my rag up to dry. “Who is that?” Nicole asked.

“His name is Shane. He’s new to Rafe’s company.”

She smiled a feline grin. “Do you think he’s single? Because the odds of finding a single, hot, normal man in this town are about as likely as finding Bigfoot. Looking like that, he has to have a girlfriend. Or with my luck, a boyfriend.” He was tall, broad-shouldered, and blonde. She sighed. “Like my dream Iowan farmer. If that man knows how to shuck corn, I’ll be his forever.”

Max called me over. He was alone today. “Did you hear about the power outage in the library at Iowa State today?”

“I didn’t.”

“Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.”

That made me laugh, and Max chuckled along with me. “Sit down for a minute.” My gaze darted toward the kitchen. “Oh, if that brother of mine gives you a hard time, you tell him to come talk to me. Sit.”

I slid into the booth across from him. It was actually nice to sit. “I hear you finally took my aunt out.”

“Been asking her for years. She always said no. Said she had to put you first. But that the circumstances had changed.”

What circumstances? Rafe? Is that what had changed her mind? She was so sure she could marry me off that now she had time to date?

“And before you ask, it went well. Although we found one thing that we had very differing viewpoints on.”

“What was that?”

“Did I ever tell you that I worked on a horse ranch in Idaho when I was a young man?” Max tore open a packet of sugar and poured it into his coffee. He swirled the spoon slowly while he talked. “The ranch specialized in taming wild horses. One of the lead wranglers told us this old story about how the first rancher caught the first wild horse. The horse would come to graze on his land, and whenever the rancher went near it, the horse would run away. So the rancher started hanging around the spot—far enough away that the horse wasn’t afraid, but always around. Then he put up a fence post. At first the horse was scared and ran off. But the next day he sniffed the post and went back to grazing. The day after that the farmer added another post. And then a rail. And another post and another rail. And before you know it, a whole fence. By the end the horse was so accustomed to him and the fence that all the rancher had to do to catch him was close the gate.”