Royal Games (The Royals of Monterra) (16 page)

He took a long sip of his coffee, while I looked over at Rafe, who was still chatting with his new employee. As if he sensed that he was being watched, he glanced over his shoulder at me. I focused on the coffee cup in Max’s hand, thinking about his warning.

Max liked his jokes, but he wasn’t the type to tell moral stories. Was that what Rafe had been doing this whole time? Building a fence slowly around me? Insinuating himself into every aspect of my life so that I would become accustomed to him? Making it so I could let go and forgive him?

Because, after all these conversations, that was turning into a real possibility. His plan was apparently working.

Was this what he and Aunt Sylvia had disagreed about? I excused myself, saying I had to get back to work. Max left some money on the table and stopped by Rafe’s booth on the way out. I gripped my dishcloth tightly. What now?

Max’s booming voice carried through the diner. “She’s special, that one. Our ray of sunshine. Until you nearly put it out.”

“I know, sir. That’s why I’m here. To fix things.”

“You don’t fix this, you’ll have me to answer to, understand?”

“Absolutely, sir.”

Max nodded, sliding on his ball cap as he left the diner. It seemed like he was taking the potential role of uncle a little too seriously. I was torn between humiliation and a heart that melted to hear Rafe speak so respectfully to Max, who had been nothing but kindness itself to me and Aunt Sylvia ever since I’d first met him.

I moved to the farthest point of the counter away from Rafe. It was just my luck that not thirty seconds later Tommy walked in with some of his buddies. He told them he’d catch up and then came and sat right in front of me.

“Hey,” he said, leaning in. “So I was thinking.”

I could almost hear Whitney’s voice saying, “
That would be a first
.”

“You and I should get together sometime and have some real fun. What do you say?” I had a pretty good idea of what constituted “real fun” for him. I couldn’t remember what it felt like to think he was attractive.

“That’s really nice, but I’m going to be super busy for a while.”

“Your loss,” he said, getting up to join his friends. It probably didn’t even occur to him that I was nicely brushing him off. I would have loved to have been honest, but you couldn’t really do that when you lived in a small town. That was the sort of thing that caused Hatfield-McCoy level feuds that would last for generations. The Coopers and Davises were already going at it. I didn’t need to add in the Summers women to the mix.

Nicole kept sneaking peeks in the mirror behind the counter, watching Rafe and Shane talk. “Shane’s so cute. Isn’t he so cute?”

“He’s so cute,” I agreed. Not anywhere near as handsome as Rafe. But cute.

“They’re coming over here!” she gasped.

As Rafe and Shane approached, Nicole threw her shoulders back, taking her hair out of the ponytail. She ran her fingers through it, trying to straighten it. “How do I look?”

“Perfect,” I told her with a conspiratorial wink.

“Genesis, Nicole, may I introduce you to Shane Fitzgerald? He’s come to work for me. Nicole, I thought you might like to give Shane a tour of the town.” Nicole turned into a totally different person in front of my eyes. She was literally batting her eyelashes coyly at Shane as they shook hands. It could have set a Guinness world record for longest handshake, and he seemed just as smitten as she did.

“That won’t be a very long tour,” she said flirtatiously.

“I’ll take what I can get,” Shane responded with a grin. “Shall we?”

They walked out, with Nicole turning to mouth “OMG” at me. Then I heard her say, just before the door shut behind them, “Have you ever shucked corn?”

I hoped that wasn’t some kind of euphemism.

Chapter 16

Two men whom I’d known for a long time had given me some serious and conflicting things to think about. On my way home, I picked up a tree from the Ramirez farm. It wasn’t quite the tree from
A Charlie Brown Christmas
, but I had to make do with what they had left.

All the ornaments and decorations were waiting in the living room, along with my aunt. There was no way she had carried up all those boxes from the basement by herself. I didn’t ask, and she didn’t tell.

We got everything ready before we started decorating the tree. I made the hot chocolate and started up a fire from the logs that Rafe had cut, while Sylvia turned on a Johnny Mathis Christmas album. Even the weather cooperated, sending down little tufts of snow to blanket the yard.

Opening all of the boxes was like going through a mini time capsule. We remembered the ornaments and when and why we had bought them. I grabbed my favorite
USS Enterprise
NCC-1701 ornament, hanging it near the top. Laddie had always been a little obsessed with Christmas trees and thought everything hung on the tree should be his own personal chew toy.

Part of me felt guilty as I put up the strands of colored lights. Rafe was sitting in his little house, all alone. We probably should have invited him over. The worst part was that I wanted to.

The hardest thing about what had happened on the show wasn’t just losing a boyfriend or a possible husband. In that short time, he’d become my best friend. He’d understood me and my hobbies in a way no one else ever had. When I talked about pwning some noob in a battleground, he knew what I meant. No explanation necessary.

And he was practically perfect for me. If someone had asked me to describe my ideal man, it would have been Rafe. Ridiculously smart, witty, loving, kind and thoughtful, strong and steady. He made me laugh. He liked my weirdness. We had a similar sense of humor. I had felt comfortable with him. He was the first man I had ever been my total, actual, authentic self with. I never felt like I had to hold anything back or play any games. He accepted me for me. And best of all? He made me feel safe.

To stop thinking about him, I asked Aunt Sylvia to tell me about her date with Max. She had a sparkle in her eye and a wistful tone in her voice that I hadn’t heard in a very long time. She told me all about how Max had brought her daisies, her favorite. Then he had driven her to a theater in a town twenty minutes away. They were running a 1950s movie retrospective, and he knew how she loved old black-and-whites.

“I heard you two had a disagreement about something,” I asked, wanting to find out whether or not my suspicions were correct.

“Not everyone agrees on everything,” she said, putting me off. “Wouldn’t that make the world a boring place?”

If she’d been my age, I would have asked her how the date ended, but it sort of squicked me out to think about them kissing. Or anything else. She was like my mom. You didn’t want to think about your mom doing that kind of stuff. Although moms obviously must have, or else none of us would be here.

“You sound really happy,” I said. I was so glad. If anyone deserved it, it was my aunt.

“I feel really happy.”

There was a knock at the front door, and I half expected and wanted it to be Rafe. But it was Marco. They were going to do a sweep of the farm. Either Marco or Gianni always checked in with us first to let us know what they were doing so we wouldn’t get scared. Or accidentally shoot one of them with Aunt Sylvia’s shotgun. Rafe had hired extra men since the postcard had arrived, and I didn’t know their names. I didn’t even know if they were Monterran or not. Aunt Sylvia offered them hot chocolate, but they told us that they’d brought their own beverages with them. He smiled and wished us a merry Christmas.

After I closed the door, Aunt Sylvia handed me a bulb that had my mother’s name on it and the year 1988. “This was her last ornament before she left home,” she said, just as she had every other year. I put it up at the very top. I would strangle that dog if he broke this one. Well, not really. But I would possibly imagine doing it.

I plugged in the Christmas lights and turned off the living room ones. Aunt Sylvia left on a single table lamp so that we could see while we strung the popcorn she had made. This was one of my favorite traditions, because it always was so beautiful and made me feel so calm and centered.

“Can I ask you something?” I said.

“Anything, sweetheart.”

We’d never really talked about the cult or what had happened there, at my request. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk about my mom. I loved hearing stories about her when she was younger. Aunt Sylvia didn’t have many, as she was almost fifteen years older and had been off at college by the time my mom was three years old. My mother had been a surprise baby for my grandparents.

“Why didn’t she come with us?”

I didn’t have to clarify who or what I was talking about.

Aunt Sylvia put her popcorn chain down.

“Did she . . . did she not want to stay with me?” It was a question I’d always been afraid to ask. It was easier to pretend or make up my own answer than face the truth. My voice cracked, my throat hot and thick with emotion and tears.

But I had come to a point in my life where the truth had become necessary. Good or bad, I needed to know. Not just about my mom, but about Rafe, too.

“Of course she did. But she knew that if she came with you, John-Paul would never give up. It was one thing to let you go. It was another for you both to leave. She stayed behind so that you could get away. She made me promise to always keep you safe. And I’ve done the best that I could.”

Relief, sharp and powerful, cut through me. My mother had loved me. She had made the ultimate sacrifice to keep me safe. I hugged my aunt, holding her close. “You’ve been the best mother I could have asked for.”

“And you have been the best daughter. You have made my life complete,” she said.

Now we were both crying, which ended up making both of us laugh. “Look at us,” Aunt Sylvia said. “I’m glad we’re the only ones here.”

“Me too,” I said, wiping tears from my cheeks.

She grabbed a box of tissues from the end table and offered me one. “Speaking of being alone, why don’t you go ask Rafe if he’d like to string popcorn with us.”

I groaned, laying my head against the back of the couch. “Why do you keep pushing this?”

“As long as we’re being honest, and despite what you might think, I’m not going to live forever.” She put the box back down.

“Yes, you are,” I interrupted as panic bloomed inside me. “I won’t let you die.”

She patted my hand. “I love you, too, but I want to know that you’re happy. I want you to have real love and a family, all the things I never got to have.”

“You can have real love. Maybe with Max. It’s never too late. And I’m your family.”

“You are. But I want more for you.” She pushed the needle through another piece of popcorn. Even when her hands were bothering her, she was somehow always able to do this at Christmas. “And I suppose I push Rafe because I’ve seen how happy he makes you.”

I crossed my arms, irritated at the implication. “I can be happy on my own. I don’t need a man.”

“Some people are very happy on their own. But speaking as the woman who raised you, I don’t think you will be. I know you. I got to see your relationship with Rafe in a way that you never will. You watch the show and all you see are the lies and the hurt. I watch it and I see the love. I see the romance. How his face lights up, even now, every time you walk in a room. I see how important you are to him. He is giving up everything just to be near you. He is disappointing his family, his nation, his staff, the charities he supports. Everything has been put aside for a chance with you. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

My heart plummeted into my stomach at her words. Because she didn’t lie to me. She never would. She didn’t have it in her.

Rafe had never said he loved me, but Aunt Sylvia was telling me she had witnessed it. And maybe I was so consumed by my perceived hurts and betrayals that I couldn’t see it. Or wouldn’t.

Maybe I’d never given him the chance to say it to me. I’d certainly never said it to him. My head started to throb, and I leaned my forehead against my hands.

What was I doing? How would I cope with any of this?

There was another knock at the door. Saved by the bell. Er, knock. I expected to see a bodyguard, but was surprised to find Amanda standing there. I turned the lights on and invited her in.

“Sorry for not calling first.” She kicked the snow off of her boots and came inside. “Did you tell her yet?”

Aunt Sylvia shook her head. “Not yet. You can, if you want.”

“Tell me what?”

Amanda’s eyes danced with happiness. “Rafe has hired me as a full-time caretaker for your aunt. Which means I don’t have to drive into the city anymore! No more two-hour commutes!”

“He what?”

“And he hired me to be on call for his new offices. I’ll be able to tell people whether or not they need to go see a doctor, run some educational classes—it’s going to be so great. The best part is how much more time I’ll be able to spend with Austin and work at the B&B.”

She opened up her bag. “So I’m just here to check on your aunt. If you wouldn’t mind giving us a moment?”

I stepped into the kitchen, listening to the two women laugh and talk.
Rafe strikes again
. Pretty soon he was going to have the entire town on his payroll. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

Whitney had worried that I was going to have an uphill battle getting the town on my side. I was more worried about the uphill battle I was about to have with myself.

Amanda popped her head in the kitchen. “I’m all done, and I’m heading out. If you ever need anything, I’m now officially on call for you and your aunt.” I thanked her, and she started to leave. “Oh, by the way, even though I’ve thanked him a thousand times, please thank Rafe again. I can’t tell you what this means for me and my family.”

With that she plunged a knife into my heart and twisted. So far, since coming here, he’d spent gobs of money, taken care of me and my aunt, and solved so many problems for the little community that I considered my extended family.

So now I had to invite him over. I would be such an ungrateful wretch if I didn’t. My guilt was like a large, ugly toad, squatting on me until I did the right thing. I also felt bad about him being away from home. Given that he was from such a large family, they probably had a million different traditions that he was missing out on because he had chosen to be here. I put on my coat, telling Aunt Sylvia I’d be right back. I was glad I couldn’t see her face, because I could hear the smugness in her voice when she said, “Okay!”

While I trudged across the yard, I decided that there were some decisions that had to be made. I needed to get away from him for a little while. I wanted a chance to clear my head and think when he wasn’t constantly around, influencing me. I had that appearance scheduled tomorrow night at a club called Element in Iowa City. That would be a good chance to think about what I wanted and whether or not I could do as Pastor Dave suggested. To figure out if I could forgive him and if I could trust myself.

You shouldn’t go alone,
a voice said in my head.
What about John-Paul?

John-Paul was in Washington. Where the postmark was from. I wasn’t going to stop living my life. I needed that Rafe-free time to evaluate our situation.

I knocked on his door, unprepared for his smile that nearly bowled me over. “Hi. I came to see if you’d like to come over and have some hot chocolate and help us decorate our Christmas tree.”

“Yes. Let me grab a coat.” I stepped inside, closing the door. He walked back toward his bedroom, which surprised me because his coat was hanging next to the front door. I was about to point that out to him, but he had already returned, picking up the coat and sliding his arms into the sleeves. “Let’s go.”

He opened the door for me and closed it behind us. “What’s new with you?” he asked.

“Same old, same old. My guild can’t find a decent healer for our Saturday night raids. I got a C on my organic chemistry lab work and I’ll have to redo it. And a megalomaniac cult leader knows where I am.”

That earned me a laugh, but I could only smile. Too many warring emotions struggled inside me. Right as we got to the back porch, he put his hand on my arm. “Wait. I have something for you.”

I hoped it wasn’t a kiss.

Okay, that was a lie. I hoped it
was
a kiss.

But it wasn’t. He pulled out a small wrapped box that made my heart cease all function until I realized it was too big to be a ring box.

“Open it,” he encouraged.

The silver paper ripped off easily, and I could tell that he had done it himself because there was tape everywhere. I wondered if he had ever wrapped a present before. The fact that he had personally done it softened me more than I would have admitted out loud.

I opened the box, and inside was a perfect glass slipper ornament. I held it up, and the kitchen light sparkled and danced against it. It was dazzling. “Oh,” was all I managed.

“Sometimes when you lose a shoe at midnight, it’s so your prince can return it to you.”

My first instinct was to give it back. To tell him it was too much. I even said, “You have to take this . . .” I closed my eyes, fighting the impulse while letting my voice trail off. Because I had the sneaking suspicion this was like Swarovski crystal or something and probably cost more than my car. Rafe never did anything small.

But to reject this gift would be like rejecting him. And if there was a possibility that I would want something more at some point in the distant future, then I couldn’t shut him down.

So I opened my eyes and said, “Thank you.”

We got inside and I brought him into the living room, offering to hang up his coat. He gave me a look, like I’d just insulted the thousand years’ worth of chivalry and honor that had been bred into him. Instead he took mine from me and hung them both up.