Ruining Me (31 page)

“My God Jay,” he whispers and the tears roll down his big cheeks.  His big body shakes
as he is
wrapped
them
around me.  “I am so sorry.” 

My first thought is
that my parents have died
in a plane crash, but before I can ask,
JT
grabs me from
Cal
.  Losing my balance I fall into his arms.

“What the fuck
Cal
?”  Panic and worry fill his eyes now.

Some drunk
en
ba
seball player sneers at me and sa
ys
, “Whore.”

Whipping around in a rage
,
JT
and Cal lunge
for
him
at
the same time. 
JT
gets to him first and hits him square in the face.
 
 

“What is your problem Scott?” 
JT
yells
at him.

“Your girl here probably just ruined several of our chances at a full-ride scholarship,”
Scott
said looking ri
ght
at me, “I don’t believe it happened
,
even if I watched it.  He wouldn’t have done that.”

“She’s a druggie whore anyway.”  Some unknown female voice whispered.  There were over seventy of us standing in the room. 

JT
whipped around and tried to find who said it.  All the sudden everything comes to me.  Turning around
,
I grab the phone out of Cal’s hand and look through his text message
s
.  Sure enough, it seems he has got a video message forwarded from at least fifty people in the last hour.

Pressing play
,
the grainy image of Coach Branch and
me
in the science
lab
fills the tiny
screen. 
Someone must have been
hiding to the side of one of the doorways
,
filming from their phone.  The volume is at blast when I hear his voice.

You Jay.  You might have shared yourself all over town the last two years, but at least you weren’t giving it to him.  I’ve never liked that little shit.  Actually, you being a little loose has really helped me out Jay.  I mean who would ever believe a drug addict whore over this school’s star coach
,
loving husband and father?  No one Jay.  No one would ever believe you. 

I’ve never told anyone.  I never plan to.

Oh, I’m not talking about that.  I’m talking about how I’m going to take that little body again and again.  I’ve been missing you Jay.  You throw my notes away and ignore me.  That hurts me and it makes me angry.  I’m already going to have to punish you for your sins.

Punish me?   

Yes Jay.  Maybe you think I’m stupid, but I assure you I’ve been one step ahead of you this whole time.  I guessed right away why you weren’t in school that month after we were together.  Did you kill my baby Jay? You did
,
didn’t you?   Why you little murderer.  What would your perfect boyfriend
JT
think about that?

Let me go.  I’ll tell everyone.  If you don’t let me go, I promise that I will.

Go ahead.  I really don’t think anyone would believe you.  I’ll just tell them how you threw yourself at me for years.  I’ve already mentioned to my wife how you constantly flirt with me.  She will share that with anyone I tell her to. Really Jay, you should have told when it happened.  You didn’t tell though did you?  Maybe you liked it
.

You Bastard, what do you think I liked?  That you raped me in a gym closet and then got me pregnant so that I had to have an abortion.  That you ruined me
for my boyfriend and my friends?
  You took it all away from me and then you continue to harass me for years.  What the fuck do you think I liked about any of that?  I swear to all that’s holy that if you come near me again I will tell everyone.  I don’t care if
anyone
believes me.  I
will not
stop talking about it until your own kids grow up.  Do not come near me.

When the video end
s
,
JT
grab
s
it from my hands and hurl
s
it tow
ard the wall
,
shattering the phone. 
He bends over grabbing his stomach, groaning as if he was in pain.  My body is in shock.  Everyone is looking at us.  His sobbing brings me out of myself.  Bending over I wrap my arms around him.

“
That bastard,
I thought he cared about me.  About all of us,” he says catching his breath.  “How Jay?    You were so sweet and innocent.  How could he take that from me?  How could he do that to you?
” 

I look up and Molly and Reed are standing there.  The both have been crying.  Molly leans over and hugs me from behind.  My body stiffens and she pulls away
, s
taring at me with pity in her eyes.

“It’s okay Jay.  Everyone knows what he has done now and he’ll pay for it,” she whispers to me.

“I never wanted
anyone to know,” I whisper back.

At my words
,
JT
jumps up and I fa
ll to the ground.  He looks right at
Cal
.

“
Let’s
go.  I’m going to beat the shit out of him.”  I grab him from behind.

“No
JT
, you’ll make things worse.  Just let it go.  Please for me
JT.
  Stay with me.” 

He finally turns around and looks at me, “I’ll be back for you Jay.”  He pushes me toward
Molly and says to her, “Watch her.”

Him and Cal run out the
door
with me screaming, “Stop.”
  I turn to Reed and plead.  “Please Reed, stop them.  They’ll get arrested and what then?  Please let’s just go after them.”

Suddenly, a
ll hell breaks loose and everyone starts running outside to their cars. 
They were all going to follow J
T and Cal to Coach Branch’s house to catch ring side seats. 
I pull away from Molly and run outside to try and find my own ride.  Reed grabs me from behind and pushes me toward his car with Molly.

“Get in,” he tells us. 
I jump in the backseat and he
whips the car around out of
Cal
’s driveway.  Coach Branch live
s
about fifteen minutes on the other side of town.  To get to his house you ha
ve
to pass
through
a busy
four-way stop.  When we reach that intersection, w
e first notice all the empty cars
and trucks
with their doors wide open.
  I hear
Reed first.

“God no,” he said and jumps
out of the car and start
s
to run with Molly running after him.

I sat in the back seat and stared through the windshield.  Looking past the empty vehicles, I could see the tangled heap of metal on the side of the road.  At one time
,
it look
s
as if
part of it was a dump truck and the other half used to be a shiny red truck.  Slowly, almost as if my body was possessed, I g
e
t out of the car and wal
k toward the wreckage
. 

The sirens blare in the distance coming toward
s
us.  Everyone from the party was standing or sitting down crying.  Molly runs up to me and tries to grab my hands to stop me, but I push her away.  Someone else grabs me around the waist and I kick and fight
for them to leave me alone. 
Finally
, I escape,
running from them to the twisted metal.  The closer I get
,
I can smell the strong s
cent
of gasoline that rises from the pavement. 

I hear someone from the woods yell that they have found
Cal
.  Looking deeply into the wreck
,
I can see the driver of the dump truck hanging upside down behind the wheel.  He is not moving and
something dark pours from his neck
.  I can’t stop myself from trying to look where
JT
should be in the red
twisted metal
.  My heart flutters when I see he is not there. 

Jumping up with hope, I look around the wreck to see if he is standing with anyone.  By now the Emergency Response Team ha
s
arrived and
they are
trying to move everyone away.  I hear Molly yelli
ng f
o
r
me, but I run
to
the woods where I can hear people crying for help. 
I t
hrow my
shoes
off
and
race
faster
toward
s
the voices
. 

“
JT
,” I scream for him. 

I stop at the small clearing where everyone is standing
,
crying
as they look
away from something on the ground
.  Reed looks up at me
and tears stream down his face
.  H
e rushes forward and grabs
me,
t
rying to turn me away.

“Look away Jay.  You don’t want to see this.”

Fighting to get away from him
,
I
glance back and see what he is talking about. 
JT
lies on the ground.  His neck seems to be at an odd angle and his lifeless eyes stare back at me.  The pain hits my chest like a freight train and my body goes limp in Reed’s arms.

“NO!”  I scream over and over.  “Please God, not him.  It should have been me.  It was
supposed to be
me.”

The paramedics come over and try to move us all away from him.  Reed is cradling me in his arms as I continue to sob.  Looking back
,
I see another body on the ground.  More paramed
ics are performing CPR on him.  Reed pulls me closer and walks away. 

“Are they dead?”  I hear Molly’s voice but I feel a million miles away.  Reed’s body shudders.

“
JT
’s gone.  I think
they’re
still trying to save
Cal
,” he sobs to her.

Hearing him say it
,
I feel a calm come over me.  I know what happens now.  This part I had planned all along.  My voice is much clearer when I speak.

“Put me down Reed.  I think I might be sick.”  I knew that was a sure way that he would let me go.  Once I’m down he pulls Molly into his arms and I take my chance.  I slip away and then run toward his car.  My name is being called behind me, but I continue faster.  Getting there first
,
I slip into the car and place it in reverse screeching backwards and away.

I drive straight to my house praying my parents are not home yet.  For
once things go my way and I run in the house
an
d lock the door
s
behind me.  Rushing upstairs
,
I pull the bottle from my hiding place and start to run water in my bath.  If the pills don’t kill me then maybe I’ll drown.

Setting down in
to
the water, I turn the pill bottle up directly
t
o my mouth
and try to
swallow as many pills as possible
. 
Some fall into the water, but I continue turning it up until they’re all gone and settle back against the tub.  The water runs from the
faucet
, filling it by the minute and times passes for me.