Ruining You (27 page)

We stare into each other’s
eyes. I look at the perpetuity in his steady gaze as I connect the last piece
of the puzzle. He fills me, stretching me to the point of pain, but it’s a
welcome hurt. The satisfying ache reminds me that he’s finally here. I move
slowly at first to allow myself to conform to him. I increase my speed when his
eyes roll back in pleasure. The pressure mounts within me, seeking release.
Knowing what I need, he moves his finger down and rubs me just there, setting
me off. My vaginal walls clench tightly around him, causing jolts of delight
for us both. He groans louder, and his hips move up once more, forcing me down
hard onto him. We moan together one last time.

Falling forward onto him, I
place my ear over his heart and listen to the harsh thumping as he calms. He
rubs my back with both hands and kisses the top of my head as he regains normal
breaths. Peace spreads throughout, contentment blooms deep within, and
happiness replaces all the pain. For in this moment, I am whole. I shut my eyes
in triumph, knowing that I can feel this again. I am regaining a piece of me
that was stolen.

Raising my head, I rest my
chin on his chest and look up at him. He has captured my heart wholly and
stolen my soul for eternity.

He is looking back at me,
smiling, but there is something else. Opening his mouth, he suddenly shuts it
and shakes his head. “Girl, what you do to me. I didn’t think you could own me
more than you already do.” Stretching underneath me, he says, “Sorry, we didn’t
make it further than the couch. I wasn’t thinking,” he says laughing.

“I don’t know, I think I
like how you don’t think,” I say, smiling back.

“C’mon, get up. My bed is
softer, and I’m not done with you.”

Standing unabashedly in
front of him, I let his hungry gaze consume me. He instantly sends my body
springing back to life. He stands, and my throat goes dry. Every thought leaves
me except one -- he’s mine. I’ve seen Kane halfway naked, but this is the total
package. His chest is sculpted perfectly and defined abs lower into his pelvis
and form the perfect “V” with his brawny hip and legs. What he is working with
is better than fine, and his backside is breathtaking. Men just don’t have
rounded asses like that; it’s almost unbelievable. Not realizing the effect he as
over me, he goes to dispose of the evidence of our joining. When he glances up,
he halts, finally seeing the desire reflected back into his eyes.

Leaning in, he kisses me,
“Let me throw this...,” he doesn’t finish.

Launching myself at him, I
wrap my legs around his waist as he catches me with one arm. I kiss his sweet
mouth as he walks, carrying me, only making a stop by the trashcan. We go
straight to his bedroom, and I get a quick glance around before he falls down
on the bed, with me on top. Rolling me underneath him, we begin again,
remembering to only slow down during our favorite parts
.

Several weeks pass, and the contentment
of my heart is a new experience. Kane fills emotional voids that I never knew I
had. His love, well I call it love since he hasn’t out right told me he loves
me yet, makes me stronger. It gives me strength to consider doing things I
never thought I would be able to do.

Life continues. He works, and I finish
up my online high school diploma and maintain my coursework at the college. We
don’t necessarily flaunt our physical relationship in front of my parents, but
I refuse to miss too many precious moments with him. I stay over at his house
when I can, mostly when my dad is out of town. I’m always sure to let my mom know
where I am. 

I haven’t heard from Rhye. I texted him
trying to check on how he is doing, but I got no response. I told Eli
everything that happened. Actually, I cried to Eli about it, and being the
wonderful guy that he is, he held me as I wept. He reminded me that, just like
JT, I had to mourn Rhye, letting him go so I could move on. Molly, Reed, Cal,
Kane, and Eli have taken to coming over on Sundays to hang out. Having those
that I love in the same place at the same time warms my heart. It’s just another
reminder of the good things to come.

One evening, my mother enters my room
while I am getting ready for bed.

“Jay,” she says, standing in the door,
“can I come in?”

“Sure, Mom. What’s going on?” I ask.

Walking towards me, she opens her closed
fist to reveal bottles of antidepressant and anxiety medication. Offering them
to me, she says, “Here. It’s time I trusted you to handle these. I have to
trust that you realize that life is not always rainbows and that there will be
days of darkness, but if you hold on long enough, the sun will come out.”

Smiling at her, I can’t help but think
how much I love the woman. “Thanks, Mom. Even though that’s about the corniest
thing I’ve ever heard you say, I understand where you are coming from.”

She shakes her head as I reach for them.
One-by-one, I pick them up and place them on the table. Turning back to her, I
give her a quick hug.

“So, you and Kane seem to be doing well
together?” she asks as we pull back.

Smiling, because I can’t help it, I
answer, “Yes. He’s everything and more to me.”

“I love seeing your genuinely smiling
face. It makes your father and me happy.”

“Me too.”

She smiles at me one last time before
walking out the door. Minutes later, my phone vibrates with a text message.

Kane – Just got done with the new
job…tired, but you know I still want to come over.

Grinning, I look down at his message. I
know if I ask him, he will come. That’s just how he cares for me, and I would
do the same.

Me – No sleep. You will need your energy
tomorrow night.  I hate sleeping without you.

Kane – Yeah, me too

Me – Night......<3 you!!!

Kane – night :)

I shake my head. He’ll tell me he loves
me when he’s ready. The important thing is that I know that he does. I lie down
and close my eyes, praying for sweet or no dreams at all.

~~~~~~~

The next morning, as I’m coming down for
breakfast, the doorbell rings. I go to answer it, and I’m not surprised to see
Agent Morris standing there. I’ve never met a more persistent person in my
life. She still isn’t my favorite after the stunt she pulled taking me to where
JT died.

Putting on a fake smile, because what I
really want to do is slam the door in her face, I say, “Good morning, Agent
Morris.” I make note not to invite her in.

“Hi Jay.” She smiles at me and asks,
“Can I please come in?”

Sighing, I step back and open the door.

“Can we talk?” she asks.

Going no further than the foyer, I cross
my arms and ask, “What? No other place you can think of to take me to and
torture me?” I can’t help but continue, “I’ve already been to his grave, so I
beat you there.”

“Jay, I was desperate. I am desperate
because I want to convict him of the crime he committed. I know that he did
what he has been accused of, and the thought that he is going to walk free
kills me. That is why I do what I do. I believe in justice and that it can be
served, but sometimes, it takes desperate measures. Those measures mean that I
have to do things that I may not necessarily be proud of later.”

Sniffling, I listen to her words. I
don’t like them, but I understand. “Do you understand why I haven’t wanted to
testify? Can you understand that, when I get on that stand and tell every
detail about what happened, the next morning, I’m still going to wake up
hurting from the memory? I’ll still have the nightmares. It will not end for
me, Agent Morris. It probably never will.”

Nodding her head, she says, “I know you
will deal with this for the rest of your life, but Jay, what kind of life is it
knowing you did nothing? That he could possibly do this to some other young
girl. Like I said before, we haven’t found anyone else that he has assaulted,
but that doesn’t mean that, at some point, he couldn’t transfer his obsession
for you to someone else.”

Hearing her words, I stop her, “Wait,
what do you mean by ‘obsession’? That’s the second time you’ve alluded to
something like that. No threats Agent Morris. Tell it to me straight this
time.”

“I honestly believe that, at some point,
he may try to contact you again. Actually, I’ve put in several requests to have
him followed, but unfortunately with budget cuts and no continuing evidence,
it’s been denied. Jay...”

She continues to speak, but I don’t hear
any of it as my world drops out from underneath me. He has contacted me, and I
think, no I know, I’ve seen him. The cemetery, the mall, school, glimpses of
him, making me think I’m going crazy. Was he really there? Watching and waiting
for his chance? No, it can’t be. Why would he risk it? Hearing my name being
called, I finally look towards her.

She reaches out, grabbing my wrist, “He’s
contacted you hasn’t he?” Her eyes are wild and eager.

Shaking my head, I whisper, “No...I
don’t know. I think I’ve seen him but just glimpses. I thought I was imagining
things. Why would he risk it? You’ve said it yourself, and I’m sure he knows
that if I don’t talk then he walks free. Why would he jeopardize me changing my
mind?”

“Listen to me carefully,” she says,
bringing me closer to her, “you have to tell me everything.”

Breaking my arm free, I pull it back and
cradle it with the other. I can tell that she knows she is scaring me.

Stepping back, she lowers her hands and
says, “Listen, if he contacted you, he is in violation of his bond. We can have
him apprehended and put in jail until trial.”

Shaking my head, I tell her the truth,
“He didn’t contact me. I went into the market, and he was there, so I left. I
only made it outside the store before I became sick. As he left, he muttered
something as he walked by. I guess you could say that he was talking to
himself.”

“What did he say?”

Taking a deep breath, I finally answer,
“He said, ‘Miss me, Jay’ and that was it.”

“When? When was this, Jay?”

“Months ago.”

An incredulous look spreads across her
face as she asks, “And you’ve seen him other places?”

“Not necessarily. Sometimes, I think I
see him, and other times, I think it’s just in my head.”

Grasping the bridge of her nose, she
sighs and says, “Jay, he violated you, and then for two years, he tormented
you. To make matters worse, he enjoyed every moment of controlling you and
reminding you to fear him. The only reason I believe his threats didn’t
accelerate faster was because of lack of time in his personal life. Between
coaching and his wife having twins, he didn’t have the time to harass you, but
he was starting to. He is not going to just disappear. He has proven that he
can have patience. So it might not be as soon as the trial is over, but he has
some sick fascination with you, and he’ll eventually act on it. Again.”