Rule (19 page)

“Want
to come to another show with me on Saturday?  I tattoo one of the guys in
Artifice and I got backstage passes.”

I
let my eyes snap open and I went stiff which he was bound to feel since I was
using him as a body pillow.  I pushed my hair out of my face and looked up at
him.  His eyes were droopy and sleepy as well but I saw that he really wanted
to know what my answer was.  I gulped a little and bit down on my lip like I
did when I was nervous.

“I
have to go to my mother’s for the weekend.  I’m leaving on Saturday and won’t
be back until sometime Sunday afternoon.”

Now
he was the one that went stiff underneath me.  “You going alone?”

“No.” 
My voice was barely a whisper.  “I told Gabe I would drop him off at his
parents on the way.”

“You
told the guy that has been stalking you and harassing you that you would give him
a ride?”  The incredulous tone made me nervous.

“Yes
I did.”

“Why?”

“Because
it was easier than dealing with the guilt trip and endless amounts of
disappointment my mom would throw at me if I didn’t.  You don’t understand.”

“Oh
I understand perfectly.  Your mom says jump and you do it right into that nut job’s
arms.  I can’t believe this Shaw, I barely get to see you as it is, I go
freaking insane half the time because I wake up in the middle of the night to
reach for you and you aren’t there and you’re off planning a weekend getaway
with your psycho exboyfriend.  Unbelievable.”

I
rolled off of him and pulled the sheet up around myself feeling exposed and
vulnerable, neither having to do with the fact I was naked.  “It isn’t like
that and you know it.  I don’t want to go, don’t want to spend time with Gabe
but letting my mother have her way is easier than trying to defy her.”

“How
would you know?  Have you ever even tried to defy her?”

I
sucked a cold breath in through my teeth.  “She’s my mom Rule.”

“Whatever. 
We can talk about it tomorrow.”  He rolled onto his side away from me and I knew
Rule well enough to know that there would be no talking about it tomorrow.  In fact
as he dropped me off at my car the next morning there was zero talking, zero
kissing, zero eye contact, zero anything from him to indicate that a
conversation could fix what I had somehow done.

I
texted him after work on the next day that I was sorry and wanted to see him
but got no response.  I called him on Tuesday to see if he wanted to get lunch
and talk about things and got sent right to voicemail  By Wednesday I was
practically frantic and ready to show up at the shop or at his apartment and
demand that he talk to me only Rome was back in town and commandeered me for dinner
Wednesday and let it slip that he was crashing at Rule’s for a few days because
his other buddy had family in town for the week.  My heart nearly devoured
itself when I realized Rule hadn’t even bothered to let me know Rome was in
town.  I very well could have shown up and made a complete ass out of myself in
front of his brother  and he didn’t even care.  I spent Thursday and Friday
sobbing onto Ayden’s mostly unsympathetic shoulder and trying to get through my
shifts at work.  I was a mess and on Saturday morning when I stopped at the
bakery to get Gabe all I wanted to do was run his smug, smiling face over with
my BMW.

He
tried to lean in to kiss me on the cheek and I pulled away so violently I
smacked my head on the driver’s side window.

“Don’t.” 
I could almost see the icicles hanging on my voice but I didn’t care.  I missed
Rule, I was mad that I was having to pick between him and another family and I
was pissed that he couldn’t see why I had to do what I did.  All week long I
had been plagued with visions of his room turning back into a revolving door of
sexual conquests and it made me hyperventilate.  I could see why he was angry
at me, but I hated that he was just shutting me out.

“Come
on Shaw can’t you at least try and make this weekend pleasant?  Our parents
would be thrilled if we could just work things out between us.”

I
turned the radio on and let Georgia rock of the Drive by Truckers fill in the
void where my conversation should go.  I slapped Gabe’s hand away when he
reached for the volume control.  “Don’t even think about it.”

“Come
on Shaw we need to talk.”

“No.”

“Stop
being so stubborn.”

“Gabe
I’m involved with someone else, there is nothing we need to talk about.  The
only reason I’m going this weekend is to get my mom off my back.”

“That
tattooed punk?  You can’t think you have anything serious with him Shaw,
seriously what are you thinking?  You’re going to come home after a seventy-two
hour shift at a hospital and he’s just going to be sitting around waiting for
you like some kind of house husband?  You really think that’s an accurate
description of how your future looks with someone like that?  More like you
start your residency and as soon as he sees how much you’re gone and how much
time he has to spend alone he starts bringing all those girls that were there
before you back around.  Get real, guys like that are not in it for the long
haul, they’re only there until the shine wears off.”

I
bristled because it was hitting a little too close to home for me right now so
I just turned the music up louder and did my best to ignore him for the rest of
the ride.  I made great time, driving faster than I should have but desperate
to get out of the confined space with Gabe.  He had tried several times to pull
me into conversation but each time I upped the volume on the radio until the
Truckers were at an ear splitting level making it ridiculous to try and talk. 
He finally got the point and zipped his mouth shut.  I practically shoved him
out the door without stopping when I got to his house in Brookside.   He
motioned for me to roll the window down so he could talk to me but I just
gritted my teeth and pulled away with squealing tires.

My
parents lived in another gated community in Brookside so as I tooled through
town I decided to stop at the Starbucks where I had taken Rule last time I was
here and pull myself together.  Just to torture myself a little more I pulled
out my phone and died a little more when it showed no new messages or texts.  I
didn’t know what to do and I felt like everything I had ever wanted was
slipping right through my fingertips.

“Shaw? 
Shaw Landon is that you?”  I looked up from my coffee and stifled a groan as
Amy Rodgers barreled down on me.  I should have remembered her and this
Starbucks went hand in hand.

“It
sure is, Amy how are you?”

She
air kissed my face and gave me a toothy smile.  She had never even pretended to
be this nice to me in high school so I was instantly on high alert.

“Oh
I’m good.  I just finished beauty school and I’m working in a super trendy, super
high end salon in Denver, you’re living there now too, right?”

I
nodded and I saw her eyes trail over my new and improved hair.  “Well I’m
excited I ran into you, I was thinking about looking you up.”

I
lifted a brow.  “Why?”

She
flicked her hair over her shoulder.  “Well I was home a few weekends ago doing
laundry and I ran into one of the Archer twins, the one with all the tattoos,
anyway I remembered that you were close with them and I was wondering if I
could get his number from you.  I can’t remember which one is which but lordy
was he gorgeous.  I heard they moved to Denver too and I was hoping I might be
able to start something up with him.”

I
felt everything inside me turn to ice.  I almost threw my coffee in her pretty,
perfect face but just barely, by the skin of my teeth managed to refrain
myself.  “Remy died, Amy it’s just Rule, has only been Rule for almost three
years now and I‘m sure he would just looooove to hear from some idiot girl that
didn’t even know who he was, just one of the Archer twins.  You make me want to
vomit and you’re lucky we’re in a public place or there’s a really good chance
I would be punching you repeatedly in the face right now.”  She gaped at me in
astonishment as I pushed past her and tossed my coffee in the trash, all taste
for it gone.  “I’m not giving you his number because he’s mine and if you get
anywhere near him I swear to God the things I do to you will be chronicled on
Investigation Discovery for years to come.”

I
was shaking by the time I got back in the car and it only took a second for the
tears to come.  I missed Remy, I missed Rule and I missed Margot and Dale. 
Rule was right, I didn’t know what it felt like to defy my mother because I
never had and now she was just one more person trying to get between me and the
person I wanted to be with.  I had no trouble laying claim to him with a bimbo
like Amy, but my mother, well that was far bigger fish to fry.  I had always
known he was worth it, that’s what I was waiting so desperately for his parents
to see, but when the time had come to prove it I had done what everyone else
did to him and let my mother pressure me into doing something that moved me
away from him.  I pressed my forehead against the steering wheel and picked my
phone back up.  I stared at it for a solid five minutes with the car running
trying to think of what to say to him and all I came up with was:

-
      
I
really am sorry, I never meant to hurt you.  I should’ve stayed.  I really miss
you.

I put it away before I made myself
crazy seeing if he was going to write anything back and made my way to my parent’s
house.  The house was more like some kind of elegant mountain chalet than an
actual home.  Everything past the gates was elegant and expensive and as I
parked and made my way to the front door I remembered how small I felt next to
the grandeur.  When Remy had come into my life and taken me under his wing, I
had taken the opportunity to spend every second I could at the Archer’s, for
all their faults they made a home where it was clear people were loved and
cared for, both my mother and my father’s homes had none of that.  They were
filled with servants and show pieces and as I was led into the living room I
was struck again by how very much I didn’t want to be here and how if I
couldn’t fix things with Rule after this weekend there was a good chance I was
going to have to be committed because I just might lose my mind.

My mother in all her refined glory
came at me with a critical eye.  There was no hug, no how was your drive, no
sorry I missed your birthday sweetie just a quick sweep of her ice cold gaze
from the top of my head to the toes of my laced up leather boots.  Her already
tight mouth pulled into a frown.  “What have you done to your hair Shaw?  It
looks dreadful and I hope you brought more appropriate clothes for the country
club, we’re going to dinner not a potluck.” 

I was wearing leggings and a long
oxford with a wide leather belt that matched my boots.  It was way too fancy
for a simple car ride home but I had been trying to avoid this exact scene.  Once
again I had failed to meet her exacting standards.  My hands curled tighter
around the bag I had refused to give to the maid that opened the door.  My
heart was in my throat, well actually it was back in Denver currently ignoring
me but that wasn’t here nor there.

“I assume you and Gabe had time to
talk on the way up here?”

“Not really.  I’ve told you I don’t
have anything left to say to him.”

If it was possible her mouth pulled
into an even tighter frown, she looked like she was sucking on a lemon.  My
mother was a beautiful woman, I got my fair hair and light coloring from her,
but as I looked at her objectively for possibly the first time in my life I
realized that all that beauty was harsh and encased in so much ice and
bitterness that it was hard to see.

“I asked you to stop being
ridiculous young lady.  You will be polite and charming this weekend.  I will
not tolerate any hostility or rudeness directed at Gabe or any of the
Davenports, do you understand me?”

From somewhere deep inside of me
the Shaw that I was when I was with Rule, the Shaw that should have refused to
come on this farce of a weekend raised her head.  I flicked the ends of my
two-toned hair over my shoulder and brushed past my mother to head to the
stairs where my room was located.  “You ordered me to be here mother, so now
you have to deal with that whether you like the outcome or not.”  She called
something after me in a shrill voice but I tuned her out calling over my
shoulder, “Let me know when you’re ready to leave for dinner.”

I shut the door to the room that
had never really felt like mine and let my bag drop on the floor.  My mother’s
interior designer had done the room in a pallet of grays and soft pinks.  It
was all very lovely, feminine and girly to the max with a million frilly
pillows on the bed and even an honest to god lacy canopy draped over the white
four poster bed.  It was the room a person that wanted to sleep in luxury and
be surrounded by million thread count sheets would enjoy, for me it had always
felt lifeless and dull.  There were no personal pictures, no splashes of color,
no TV or radio simply nothing to describe a thing about the person that was
supposed to live there.  I settled cross legged on the center of the big bed
and sent Ayden a text.  She had been acting a little weird since the night she
had Jet take her home from the bar, but she didn’t want to talk about it and
since I was having my own boy drama I didn’t want to fight to drag it out of
her.

-
      
Wasn’t
even in the door two steps before she mentioned my hair and my outfit.  So good
to be home
L

-
      
That
sucks honey.

-
      
Yeah
and Rule still won’t text me back.

-
      
Ummm….

-
      
What?

-
      
I
don’t know if I should tell you.