Running Northwest (6 page)

Stephanie looked at the clock on the radio and tried to calm herself down, drying her eyes off with some tissues she had in her hand. A few minutes
later,
she was driving down the highway on her way to work. The radio was helping her put the events of the night before behind her, at least for the time being. She picked up her cell phone and dialed the number for her office.

“Hey, Karen, it’s Stephanie.”

Karen Barns was 33 years old, married with two kids. She was the secretary at the company’s corporate headquarters
and
one of Stephanie’s closest friends. Karen was almost like the older sister she never had and always wanted.

“I’m running a little late, Hun, but I’m on way. I’ll be there in about 20 minutes
if
I get any calls in the meantime forward them to my cell phone please.”

“Stephanie, are you okay? You sound upset,” Karen asked over the phone.

“I’m fine. See you in a few, okay?” she told Karen, hanging up the phone, trying not to come off too upset and bitchy but still fighting back some tears.

Mondays were always busy and stressful for Stephanie at the office. There were company meetings, phone calls, paper work, complaints that had arisen over the weekend from angry employees and managers. Paper work and follow up phone calls for those complaints. Questions about insurance benefits, and the occasional interview kept her very busy. Stephanie looked at the clock on her desk; it was 12:45 pm. Her back hurt already from sitting hunched over in her chair for the last few hours working. It was almost lunchtime but she probably would not eat today, at least not until later. Stephanie stood up and stretched her body. She took off her heels that squeezed her toes together and that made her height 6’1” as opposed to her actual height of 5’11” and walked barefoot around her office. She turned up the music on the computer that she was listening to while she worked and just walked around her office a little bit. She walked over to the large entertainment center that was against the wall, which housed a 27-inch flat screen TV and a DVD player that was supposed to be used for training videos, but sometimes she watched other movies and quite often had the news on. Scattered around that was a hodge-podge of framed photos. There were pictures of her and her family, her dog, her brother and his family and a few friends. As well
as pictures
of her on various social occasions and vacations.

Stephanie loved the fact that she had her own office. And because she had occasional meetings and interviews in her office, she tried to make it as comfortable and nice looking as she could. She did this for the occasional visitors she had, but more for herself and her own sanity.

Stephanie stood there looking at some of the pictures, trying to calm herself down from the hectic morning. She looked down at a small box that was on the floor by her feet. Inside of it were pictures of Jared and of her and him together that she had taken down to throw away but had not gotten to yet. She looked up and noticed she had forgotten one that was higher up on the top of the cabinet. It was from a trip down to the Florida Keys, a vacation they took during the first six months of their relationship. She reached up to grab it and tossed it in the box with the
others;
she felt it hit something else she
could not
see. She looked briefly at the picture of her and her ex and then promptly threw it into the box with rest.

“Bastard,” she said
aloud
.

She reached up to the top of the cabinet and felt around for whatever it was that she had hit, feeling around with the tips of her fingers. Her hand found whatever it was and she pulled it down. It was a framed picture of something, but of what she could not tell because it was covered in a thick layer of dust. She grabbed a dust rag, dabbed it in some water and went to sit down in a chair, scrubbing the dust off as she was sitting.

Three or four minutes later, Stephanie was still sitting in the same chair in her office in disbelief as she stared at the old picture of her and another man. She had not seen the picture in a long time and thought she had lost it.

“Jared must have laid it down,” she thought
aloud
.

It was probably so she could not see it anymore. Or so he
did not
have to look at it on the rare occasion when he came to visit her at work. Jared had jealousy
issues, which
she found ironic considering the fact he had cheated on her multiple times in her own home.

The man in the picture had his strong arms wrapped around her waist and was holding her close to him as the sun was setting. She was about 22 years old when the photo was taken. In the picture she was smiling, her eyes were closed and her face was turned slightly up and pressed up against the man’s cheek, who was smiling also. Her long slightly curly brown hair blowing in the ocean breeze, they were holding hands. It was a man she had not seen, spoken to or heard from in a few years, almost five to be exact. She ran her fingertip across his face, as if she was actually touching him. The picture was taken on a beach south of Tampa, Florida when they went there on vacation together. It was taken on the night they had their first kiss.

She looked at the old picture for another minute or two remembering that day and remembering him and as she did, a tear ran down her face. She bent down to the box that held the pictures that would be thrown away later and grabbed one of her and Jared together. As she held the two pictures next to each other, she compared all the little details of the two. She reached down and grabbed another picture of her and Jared, and then another, eventually going through most of the box. Stephanie realized that in none of the pictures of her and Jared together did she ever have this same smile on her face – this same look of pure happiness and peace that she had with this man from her past;  the man who was holding her in his arms so long ago. She looked at her ex-boyfriend’s face, his forced smile – almost
as if
he was annoyed, his eyes off somewhere else. Not like the other man’s smile. His smile was of someone truly in love and content, his eyes filled with love for her. Stephanie knew this because he was in fact, very much in love with her, at least back then.

“It was so long ago,” she said quietly to herself.

She also remembered, though what she had done to him and how she had made him feel. She pushed him away and rejected him not long after they got back from this vacation together. She destroyed him and his heart she knew that. She was young, and dumb and scared of how he felt about her and how she was starting to feel about him. Shortly afterwards, he left Michigan and her life completely. Stephanie had always known that she was the reason Thomas left Michigan and moved to Oregon. He never actually said it to her though; he loved her far too much to say something like that. However, she always knew the real reason for it; the reason that nobody, including their mutual friends and even his family would ever admit to. Standing there thinking about him and her past, she realized she had missed him every day.

She stood up and threw the picture of her and Jared into the box as hard as she could. Shattering glass all over and not caring if anyone else heard. She sat on the floor of her office and leaned against the front of her wooden desk. Stephanie pulled her knees against her chest as she held the old picture in her arms tightly against her chest.

As she sobbed
uncontrollably,
she said quietly said to herself, “I miss you so much, Thomas, I was so stupid back then.”

A few minutes later, Karen the secretary knocked on the door
, came
in and saw Stephanie sitting on the floor, quietly crying.

“Stephanie, are you okay? I heard breaking glass…”

Karen came into the room and shut the door behind her. She walked over to Stephanie and knelt down onto the ground next to her. She put her arms around her crying friend.

“What’s the matter, Steph? What’s going on?” she asked, very concerned.

“I don’t even know, Karen. I don’t even know what to say right now,” Stephanie said, and adding, “I just feel kind of stupid, right now for a lot of reasons I guess.”

“Why? What the hell would you, or could you, feel stupid about? Is this about last night with that bastard Jared?” Karen asked.

Earlier in the
day,
Stephanie had filled Karen in on what happened the night before with her ex-boyfriend.

“No, not really. Well, maybe a little, but not as much as you would think,” Stephanie answered, still holding the picture of her and Thomas tight to her chest.

“You’re confusing me, babe. What the hell did you break anyway?” Karen asked, seeing the broken glass on the floor.

Stephanie, who was a little embarrassed now, pointed to the box on the floor with the pictures in it which had broken glass lying around it, “Those,” she said quietly.

Karen looked at the box on the floor with the broken picture frames in it, and back at Stephanie’s face. Her eyes closed tightly as she looked at her young friends face and at her eyes that were starting to fill with tears again.

“You know
what;
let’s take care of this crap right now okay? I’m going to throw it away myself,” she said as she bent down to grab the box off the floor, reaching for the picture frame Stephanie had clutched in her arms.

“No! Not this one, Karen,” Stephanie said as she pulled away from Karen’s reaching hand that was already touching the still somewhat dusty frame.

“Stephanie!” Karen said angrily, “You need to get rid of them all, every picture you have him.”

“I know and you can. I’m not going to stop you, but…” Stephanie started saying

“But nothing, Steph,” Karen said, again reaching for the dusty frame causing Stephanie to pull away further.

“No, you don’t understand. This isn’t him, Karen. This one isn’t Jared,” she said somewhat meekly, but smiling slightly as she looked down at the picture.

Karen looked at her friend and was a little confused and curious now. “Umm…okay. Who is it then?” she said.

“Don’t take it, please!” Stephanie said causing Karen to laugh a little bit.

“Okay. Don’t worry, Sweetheart I won’t take it” Karen replied as Stephanie slowly stood up and removed the old dusty picture from her chest so Karen could see what it was.

Stephanie watched Karen’s eyes as she studied the picture in Stephanie’s hand.

“Who is this Stephanie, he’s a stud and look how damn young you look!” Karen asked.

“Yeah, that was back when I was really hot,” she said trying to make a joke.

“Oh, shut up. You were gorgeous then and
you are
gorgeous now. How old were you when this was taken?” she asked.

“Twenty-two. It feels like forever ago sometimes,”
Stephanie,
answered.

“Yeah, I bet; five years is lifetime,” Karen said sarcastically. “So who’s the cutie, Stephanie?” she asked with a cheesy wink.

Stephanie smiled as she was looking down at the picture studying it herself once
again,
looking at his face before she answered. As she did this, Karen was watching her face. Stephanie sat down on the edge of her desk, Karen doing the same.

Stephanie sighed a little and then smiled as she looked down at the picture, “His name is Thomas…Thomas M. James,” she said quietly with far away thoughts of the man in the picture.

Karen looked over at her friend who was still lost in thought and was starting to tear up again.

“He was important to you?” Karen asked, trying to dig a little deeper and get Stephanie to open up and talk since she had been very withdrawn as of late.

“He was, yes,”
Stephanie,
answered quietly as she looked up at Karen’s face.

“I think he still is, Stephanie,” Karen said, giving her friend a knowing look.

“Why do you say that?” she asked as she looked down nervously, and feeling a little embarrassed.

“Stephanie, I’ve known you for a long time, darlin, I haven’t seen a man make you smile like you were since…well, I don’t even know when, before Jared I know that for sure. I never saw you smile like this when you looked at him, ever,” Karen said in a very matter-of-fact way.

“So out with it, give me the lowdown on this guy Thomas. How do you know him and why haven’t I ever met him?”

“It’s a long story; a really long story, Karen. I can’t really go into it right now, being at work,” Stephanie said, trying to get herself together and dry her eyes off.

“Uh-huh, sure,” Karen said then adding, “Well here’s what is going to happen then Darlin.
I am
going to get the husband to watch the kids tonight. I’m going to get us some Chinese food and a bottle of wine…or two…and
I am
coming over, okay? No excuses. I will be there at 6:30 and then I want the whole juicy story all of it. Besides, I need some juicy girl talk, it’s been a while.”

“I don’t know, Karen, it was so long ago. I
do not
know if
there is
even a point in talking about it anymore. I’ll probably be tired,” Stephanie said.