Running Northwest (9 page)

“So this Thomas James guy. Over the course of a few years, he slowly and patiently tried to become a part of your life. You hated him at first and then eventually you ended up caring for him a lot as a ‘friend’,” she said sarcastically.

“But he was someone you talked to about other relationships you had and other guys. He gave you honest opinions and actually talked to you about those things, even though he had feelings for you the whole time. He slowly becomes one of your closest friends, and you became one of his closest friends. You and he talked to each other about everything. When something was wrong, he was the first person you usually called, just as you were usually the first person he called when he needed to talk. He knew more about you, generally, than any man ever has before, and made an effort to learn as much about you as he could. He wanted to know what made you, you basically, and he actually paid attention to you when you were talking.
H
e did everything he could to get you to trust him or at least tried to.
He did not lie to you and he did not purposefully hurt you. Am I right so far?” she asked Stephanie.

“More or less, so farm” Stephanie answered quietly feeling like a huge jerk more than she already did.

“Okay, so eventually you and Thomas
started spending a lot of time together alone and also with friends. You and Thomas would go for walks, have coffee for hours,
and take
his dog to the park and things like that. Eventually he admitted to you that he had feelings for you; then a little later on he told you he had fallen in love with you, correct?” she asked.

“I feel like I’m on
trial
,
Karen,” Stephanie said with a nervous laugh.

“No, not a trial, but I’m thinking you should have gotten a mental exam a long time ago,” Karen said jokingly.

“Ha, ha, you’re a funny old lady,” was all Stephanie could manage as a reply.

“Anyway, he told you he was in love with you. He sent you flowers when you got a new job because he was proud of you, and the card from those flowers you still have over five years later. He was not a bad man, he wanted a family, and he had his own money, he was somewhat successful for someone his age. And let’s not forget he was handsome as hell; at least I think so.

“He took care of his family. His dad thought you were great. He was loyal to the small group of friends that he had. He would and tried to do anything to make you happy and to be good enough for you. What’s more, even after you turned him down multiple times out of stupidity, he never backed away, never stopped loving you, and never stopped trying to prove himself to you. He was still very much in your life when you started seeing other guys, was still in your life when those guys were gone. He made no real attempt at dating other women. He even chose chasing after your dumb, skinny ass when he had the chance to get back together with a woman from his own past. You treated him like crap sometimes, made him feel stupid. Even when you did that, he did not back away, did not treat you like crap back as most guys did; and he just tried harder. He was a complete gentleman. He never tried anything inappropriate or that you did not want, he was never pushy or forceful. He opened up to you in ways that he never had with any other women before you. He did more than any other man ever did to try to win your heart. You and he were in each other’s lives for more or less three years and the last two years very consistently. I think that’s about it so far right?” Karen said as she eyeballed Stephanie.

Stephanie had, by this point, pulled her knees up to her chest and was hugging a pillow
feeling horrible
.

“Yeah, pretty much…in a much shorter, less emotional version than what I told you – and managing to call me stupid,” she said squinting at her friend as she took a sip of her wine.

“Sweetheart, that’s my job. My job is to make your lonely dumb ass feel stupid so that maybe you do something about it,” Karen said to her friend.

Stephanie sighed, took a sip of her wine
, gazed
over to the picture of Thomas and lost herself in thought as she looked at it. Karen was watching her as she looked at the picture on the table.

“Okay, the picture then,” Karen started saying, “You said it was taken in Florida when he took you there on vacation, to meet his mom, right, and that was right before the shit hit the fan and it totally ended.”

“So tell me about Florida, tell me what happened down there…or didn’t happen,” Karen said as she went to refill her and Stephanie’s wine glasses.

Stephanie thought quietly for a minute or two as she tried to recall events that had happened years before.

“He was nervous about me meeting his mom, I remember that. I actually brought it up to him a few times before he did it. He and his mom were close. Meeting her was a big deal to him, as well as to her and to me also, for some reason. He did not take it lightly, because he rarely introduced women to his mom. He thought about it for a long time. Then there were a few weeks where we didn’t talk a whole lot because I started spending time with this other guy,” Stephanie said quietly as she looked off into space as she spoke.

“Go figure. I could have seen that one coming,” Karen said.

“Shut up and let me finish!” Stephanie said.

“Okay, okay – fine, finish,” Karen said annoyed.

“Anyway that whole other guy thing ended quickly and turned out to be nothing and Thomas was, as always, still around. We started spending more time together again, and talking more. He asked me if I still wanted to go to Florida with him and meet his mom. I had wanted to for a long time, so naturally I said yes,” she said and before Stephanie could finish, Karen interrupted her with a well-placed jab.

“Yes, naturally… of course you said yes. Because it’s normal and perfectly natural for a woman to go on vacation to meet the mother of a man who’s in love with her that she won’t date,” Karen said, looking away from Stephanie.

“Anyway
s
, Karen!”
Stephanie exclaimed.

“We had long talks about it before we actually went there. And things were really great then, but we were still just friends,” Stephanie said as she paused to take a sip of wine, looking up at Karen who had raised an eyebrow at her.

“We went down to Sarasota towards the end of July. His mom Grace picked us up at the airport. She was so sweet and nice and hugged me before she even hugged him. She and Thomas had talked a lot about me and she was anxious to finally meet me. We did all kinds of things down there. We went hiking, and shopping he took me to the Ringling Brothers art museum. We went to little bars on the ocean, we walked around downtown Sarasota, went to different beaches and keys. He took me to this local art show and farmers market in Venice that went down an entire street. We went to different restaurants every day. We spent a lot of time with his mom. I got to hear all kind of stories about him when he was growing up and about his ex-wife and ex-girlfriends, and when she went to visit him out in Oregon when he lived there the first time. His mom had fun trying to embarrass him,” she said.

Stephanie paused, shifted her position on the couch, grabbed a cookie from the table, and took a bite before continuing.

“His mom and he took me to this bar called Captain Kirk’s on Siesta Key that they go to sometimes, to do karaoke. He sang to me in front of everyone, something by Frank Sinatra because he was a huge Sinatra fan. He took me to a different beach every night, slow dancing at sunset out on Blue water Key. It was amazing and truly romantic; we were the only ones on the beach,” she continued to say very thoughtfully as the memories she thought were long lost rushed back to her from somewhere deep in her heart.

She noticed Karen looking up at the wall to her right at a framed picture of Sinatra that was hanging. She smiled as she looked at it too.

“Is that why you have that silly picture of Sinatra then?
Because I do not see you a
s a Frank Sinatra fan sweetheart
.
And I know for sure that Jared wasn’t. He wasn’t classy enough for that,” Karen said, curious.

“He wasn’t…never will be. Jared hated that picture and the music. Actually, Thomas bought it for me when we were down in Florida. I did not really like Frank Sinatra all that much; I was young and did not like old music like that then, at least not all that much. Nevertheless, he bought it for me anyway because he knew someday I would like Frank’s music…and he was right. Now I love Sinatra and that whole type of music: the Rat Pack, Tony Bennett, all of them. Thomas loved Frank; he loved his style, his voice, his class and his persona. He loved what his songs represented; Thomas was always a cheesy romantic. I kept that picture up to remind me of Thomas, but Jared never knew that,” Stephanie said as she looked up, smiling still at the picture while continuing, “Want to see something?” looking back at her friend who was amazed.

As she slowly got up off the couch, she turned to look over to Karen who had not answered her yet.

“Yeah, sure,” Karen answered, wondering what Stephanie was going to show her.

“Okay, but don’t laugh at me,” Stephanie said as she pointed her finger at Karen in a warning fashion.

Stephanie walked across the room, bent down, and picked up a medium sized box that was lying on the floor next to her stereo. She came back with it, sat back down on the couch, set the box in between her and Karen, and slowly opened it. Inside it was full of CDs and a few old vinyl records; the contents surprised Karen.

“What are these, Steph? Why do you have these?” Karen asked curiously.

“Like I said, at some point I eventually I became a huge Sinatra fan. These are all the CDs I could find of Sinatra’s, and also a few old LPs that I found at garage sales and used record stores. I had to hide them from Jared for years, because as I said he hated this music. I just brought them out a few days ago,” Stephanie said smiling and rather excited as she thumbed through them.

“Damn Sweetheart, I never knew this side of you,” Karen said still surprised.

“Yeah, no one does,” she replied quietly, “I’m sorry. Anyway, back to Florida.”

“No, it’s fine. Really Steph,” Karen said smiling and mildly impressed then asking, “So after this beach dance episode did you sleep with him?” again with a raised eyebrow and a devious smile to go along with it.

“Yes and no,” Stephanie said.

“What the hell does that mean?” Karen asked, confused and sitting up straight.

“Well, when we left we were not dating or in a relationship. We were still just friends like I said before. Of course, Thomas being the gentleman he is, he willingly slept on the couch and let me sleep on the bed in the spare room. I don’t think he ever assumed anything would happen while we were down there. His mom’s condo was gorgeous by the way.

“That night and after a busy day, I think it was our fifth night there, we were lying on the bed in the spare room talking. It was pretty late and he got up to go out to the couch
, I
asked him to sleep in there with me. I wasn’t planning on saying it, it just sort of came out.”

“Mmm hmm, and what happened then?” Karen asked with an insinuating smile on her face.

“Absolutely nothing, we didn’t have sex, we didn’t even kiss and he didn’t try. As I said, Thomas was always a gentleman. We changed clothes and kept talking for, I don’t know, another hour and then we started to fall asleep,” Stephanie said as she paused to think, trying to remember more.

“I remember I was lying on my stomach and he was rubbing my back and I kind of turned and curled up against him. He put his arm around me and over my stomach and I remember reaching down and holding his hand,” she said with a small smile on her face.

“And I think that may have been the first time we ever did that on purpose, but I can’t be sure. Then he kissed the back of my shoulder just once, but it was so slow and so sweet.”

Stephanie stopped and did not say anything else for a minute. She just closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip slightly and without even realizing she was doing it, she rubbed the back of her shoulder in the exact spot Thomas had kissed years before as if she could still feel his lips and warm breath on her skin.

“So what happened next, you shit?” Karen said as she hit Stephanie with a pillow.

Stephanie smiled and continued to talk with her eyes still closed, then sighed.

“You know what? I can still remember the way his lips felt, I remember a tingle going up my spine. Then he quietly said ‘Stephanie, I love you.’ I just
smiled and said ‘I know Thomas
and curled against him tighter. We didn’t say anything else. I can still remember the way his breath felt on my neck and ears…the sound of his breathing. Then we fell asleep. I fell asleep in his arms, woke up with my head on his chest and my arms over his stomach. We were still holding hands. I never slept so well with someone else in my life. It was so peaceful. It was better than sex…so much better.”

Stephanie stopped talking, opened her eyes, and looked over at Karen who was sitting there practically dumbstruck with her mouth wide open.

“Wow, you’re right, way better than sex. That is some seriously sweet and romantic stuff right there, damn! Why the hell doesn’t my husband do more sweet things like that? He just rolls over and falls asleep!” Karen said still somewhat awestruck and a little jealous at the whole thing.