Running with Scissors (29 page)

in A.J. about his future as a bandmate with Jude. Or with

Connor, for that matter.

He exhaled. No band had perfect harmony, but this was

all rapidly getting out of control. He couldn’t cope with the

tension, or the guilt for how much of that tension he’d caused.

226

This wasn’t even his band. He was the new guy. The

outsider. Hell, the name of the band had been their inside

joke since grade school. Whether he liked it or not, he would

always play proverbial second fiddle to a prodigal founding

member.

Though it was usually Jude who ran for the hills when

things got sketchy, that approach was sounding pretty

tempting at the moment. Maybe it was time to pack it up. To

get away from all this drama, and from the man who’d gotten

way too far under his skin.

He closed his eyes. He’d walked on eggshells for so

fucking long to make sure he didn’t give the band a reason to

show him the door, and then he’d gone and handed them one.

Maybe it would be best if he saved them the trouble.

As expected, Kristy had gathered the entire band, ordered

them to keep all this shit off the stage and out of the public

eye. She’d made it clear in no uncertain terms that they
would
work together and the show
would
go on, or they’d see a side of her only her ex-husband had ever seen. Then she’d dismissed

everyone except for Jude with one last warning to make sure

tonight’s show was on point
or else
.

A.J. was happy that she hadn’t held him back to chew

him out along with Jude—judging by her expression, that was

what she intended to do. He’d gotten the hell out of there.

In the back of his mind, he was still considering just packing

up and saving everyone the trouble, but he wasn’t going to

be impulsive about it. He’d see how things went. For now, he

did the only thing he could think of—he focused on getting

ready for that night’s show. They had their early sound check

227

coming up, so he busied himself backstage. God forbid he

fucked up that song again. He’d had enough of Connor’s

wrath for one week.

People moved in and out of the ready room. His drum

tech had left a few minutes earlier to take some stands to

the stage, and the guitar techs had been wandering back and

forth while they all waited for the opening act’s sound check

to wrap up.

So as he pulled a snare drum case down from the stack, he

only vaguely registered footsteps coming in behind him. And

stopping.

The silence, though—no movement, no rustling, no

speaking—raised the hair on his neck.

He turned around.

If looks could kill, he’d have been a dead man.

A.J. exhaled. “Connor, we have to get set up.”

“Yeah, and—”

“Shouldn’t you be on vocal rest?”

“Shouldn’t you be sucking our bassist’s dick?”

A.J. clenched his jaw. Whether Connor was keeping his

voice down to protect it before the show, or if he’d reached

that level of anger where a person couldn’t even shout

anymore, he couldn’t tell.

Connor folded his arms tightly across his chest. “You

want to tell me what the fuck you and—”

“I’m not discussing this again.” A.J. turned back to the

case and popped the snaps on it. “What’s done is done.”

“Uh-huh. And what’s done is threatening to fuck up my

band.”

“Your band?” A.J. faced him, gritting his teeth. “Yours?

Well, that’s impressive. You’re finally admitting you think this is your fucking band.” His own words startled him—shit,

228

maybe standing up to Connor once had broken the dam

completely. Or he was just too damn raw to take any more

people coming down on him today.

“Mine. Ours. Whatever.” Connor shrugged. “I’ve spent

my entire life working to get this band off the ground. I’m not about to let you fuck it up.”

“Yeah?” A.J. stepped toward him, heart pounding and

stomach ready to lurch into his throat. “Has it ever occurred

to you that you do a fine job of fucking it up yourself?”

Connor blinked, drawing back. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”
Oh God. He did. He heard me.
A.J. forced his nerves out of his voice. “You ever thought about changing

the name of the band to Walking on Eggshells? Keep Connor

Happy? Don’t Cross Connor? Because that’s how it fucking

feels around here.”

Connor’s eyes widened.

A.J. swallowed. Well, he’d already started. No point in

stopping now. “You really want to know why I got involved

with Jude?”

“I . . .” Connor pushed his shoulders back. “Okay. Why?”

“Because we’re two single guys working closely together,

and we have a shitload in common.” A.J. gestured at Connor.

“Just like you and Wyatt.”

“Don’t you fucking dare—”

“Dare what? Point out the obvious?” A.J. rolled his eyes.

“Come on, Connor. We’re all each other’s social circle now.

Not that any of you seem to give two shits what I have to say

about anything, but we’re traveling together, we’re working

together, and yes, sometimes we—”

“Wyatt and I knew each other forever,” Connor snapped.

“You and Jude didn’t exactly wait long to start fucking

around.”

229

“What we did and when is none of your fucking business.

And neither is how we felt about each other.”

“Oh yeah? Are you saying— Wait, did you say ‘felt’? Like,

past?”

A.J. winced, shifting his gaze away. His surge of confidence

vanished, and reality slapped him across the face. Yeah. Past

tense. One minute it was there, and the next it wasn’t. He

coughed into his fist. “We, um—”

“Oh really?” Connor folded his arms across his chest. “So

tell me again about what you felt for each other?”

A lump tried to rise in A.J.’s throat, and he forced it back.

“What do you want me to say? You all obviously don’t want

us together. There. You got your wish. Happy now?”

Connor blinked. “Oh.” Recovering quickly, he glared at

A.J. again. “Good. Because the last thing this band needs is—”

“Bandmates doing the same fucking thing you’ve done

twice
now?” As soon as he said it, A.J. regretted it. He raked a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

Connor snorted. “And fucking Jude wasn’t?”

A.J.’s shoulders sagged. “What do you want, Connor? It’s

over. It’s done. I . . .” He tried to throw up his hands, but that took more work than it should have. “It’s done.”

“Good. Keep fucking up, and you’ll be done too.”

Connor didn’t wait for a response before he stormed out,

leaving A.J. alone with the stacks of instrument cases.

A.J. pinched the bridge of his nose. This day just kept

getting better and better.

230

ude knew damn well that breaking up with A.J.

jwouldn’t fix everything immediately. That things

would get worse before they got better.

And oh, he was right. No one could even look at each

other when they arrived for their early sound check. That

gathering didn’t last long—Connor was too spun up to

provide any constructive criticism, and A.J.’s focus didn’t seem to extend beyond the songs he already had down. Finally they

all agreed to just cut the troublesome song and deal with it—

and everything else—later.

The show, however, had to go on.

Running with Scissors had performed while they were

at each other’s throats before, and their experience served

them well that night. From a purely technical standpoint,

the show was fine. Instruments were in tune. Vocals were on

point. While Connor and Shiloh worked the crowd they

were their usual charismatic selves, and every band member

played their heart out just like they always did.

Jude just hoped that the fans hadn’t caught on to the frosty

looks or the very deliberate distance between bandmates.

Thank God it was a big stage so they’d all been able to stay away 231

from each other. Tonight, anyway. Some of their upcoming

venues were substantially smaller, which meant they needed

to get their shit together
stat
.

Practice and professionalism had carried them through,

fortunately, but the whole time Jude dreaded what would

happen once they were out of sight of their fans.

As soon as the show ended and they were backstage, A.J.

disappeared, Connor stormed off, and Vanessa shoved her

guitar into a tech’s hands before she left too.

Richie and Shiloh stayed, though. And Shiloh’s voice was

trashed from the show, but that didn’t stop her from letting

him have it backstage. “Do you get it now? Do you fucking

get why none of us wanted anyone—”

“Yes. I do.” He raked his hand through his sweaty hair.

“Believe me, I get it.”

“I mean, even you and A.J. were shooting daggers at each

other. What the hell, Jude?” She stepped closer, lips pul ing

tight across her teeth, and her voice grew louder and more

strained as she spoke: “Let me guess—you guys broke up, so

now we get the aftermath that we all knew would happen
if

anyone started screwing around
?”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” he asked through his teeth.

“For us to—”

“No! I mean . . . I mean, yes, but . . .” She groaned.

“Goddamn it, Jude! We’ve worked our asses off.
For years
.

Then we almost lost our shot because of you and Connor.

And then Connor and Wyatt. And now this? Do you guys

just, I mean, not give a shit about anything except yourselves?

You
knew
something like this would cause a problem because it’s happened time and time
and time
again!”

“Yeah, I did.”

232

“So, why did—”

“Do I really have to spell it out?” Though it hurt like

hell to look anyone in the eye, Jude lifted his gaze and met

hers. “We were attracted to each other. We got carried away.

And . . .” He waved his hand, which shouldn’t have taken that

much effort. “Look, I’m sorry. It was—”

“You’re always sorry for something,” Richie snapped.

“How about, I don’t know, not fucking up once in a while?”

Jude exhaled.

“He’s got a point,” Shiloh said coldly. “Didn’t Kristy tell

you and Connor
specifically
to keep your dicks out of—?”

“This was not just sex,” Jude growled.

Richie and Shiloh glanced at each other. Then at him.

Shiloh tilted her head. “What the fuck was it, then?”

Jude’s heart fell into his stomach.
Yeah, Jude. What
was
it?

Well?

Fuck . . .

He leaned forward, covering his face with his hands.

“Oh God.”

The feeling twisting in his chest right then was one he’d

felt exactly one other time in his life. Guilt, regret, and the certainty that there was no going back—that he’d fucked up

hard enough he couldn’t fix it. This was how he’d felt when

he’d woken up next to that bartender and realized he’d just

hammered the last nail into the coffin of his and Connor’s

relationship. And only then, once it had fully slipped through

his fingers, had he understood just how much he hadn’t

wanted to let go after al .

But A.J. . . . this didn’t make sense. They were . . . It
was
just sex. Right? Just some chemistry and some sex to keep each

other sane. There wasn’t . . . They weren’t supposed to be . . .

They hadn’t . . .

233

Oh God.

They had.

He had.

And now A.J. was gone. Still here, still part of the band,

but a few knife-edged words and a slamming door had put

miles between them.

“Jude?” Shiloh asked, calmer now.

He exhaled and met her gaze. “Look, we called it off.

We’re not . . .”
Oh fuck. A.J., I am so sorry.
“We’re not sleeping together anymore.”

“Mm-hmm. And it’s going to be completely back to

normal, with no awkwardness and no weirdness?” Her

eyebrow rose.

“I . . .” Jude swallowed. “I don’t know.”

“Jesus,” Richie muttered. “Is it really that hard for you

idiots to keep your hands off each other? Seriously? And not

make it all weird and awkward?”

“For some of us, no,” Shiloh said. “Most of us are capable

of not letting our hormones control us.”

Jude winced. Oh, he’d done okay when it was just

hormones drawing him to A.J. Something else was involved

now, though, and ignoring that wasn’t so easy.

Shiloh exhaled sharply. “How long has this been going

on? Before you called it quits, I guess I should say.”

“Not as long as you might think.” Jude’s shoulders sagged,

and he gazed up at the ceiling. “It didn’t start until after the last tour, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“Uh-huh. So you guys made it that long without touching

each other, and now—”

“Yes. Exactly.”

“And you—” She paused. “Look, here’s the deal. You guys

broke up. Good. You’ve finally put the band first for once.”234

Beside her, Richie nodded in agreement.

Shiloh folded her arms. “Speaking for the entire band, I

want to make one thing abundantly clear.”

Jude gritted his teeth. He wondered if this was another

instance of the band coming to a consensus without including