Rush Into You (30 page)

“He suffered a minor concussion and a gash on the left side of his head from the initial impact of his fall that required twelve stitches. Thanks to the helmet, he’ll be left with a scar underneath his hair, but that’s it. No brain damage.”

“So he’s going to be okay?” I asked breathlessly, my hand pressed into the wall for support.

The nurse typed in a several digit code on the keypad next to the door, successfully unlocking it. “He’s doing well considering the extent of his injuries. Like I said, he’ll need lots of time to recover.”

I nodded, not having any words left. I was anxious to see Ryker, and terrified of what I was going to see when I did. I followed the nurse through the stark white hallways of the intensive care unit in a daze. I wasn’t paying attention, and slammed right into her back when she stopped short.

“I-I’m sorry,” I stuttered and shook my head.

All the rooms had front walls made of glass and no doors, allowing the medical staff to see the patients easily, ensuring they received the best treatment. A hook held a chart on the glass wall beside us, and the large bold letters on the paper caught my eye—Rosse, Ryker.

I chanced a glance through the glass and my heart stopped. If seeing Ryker crash his motorcycle first hand didn’t feel real enough, seeing him lying broken in the hospital bed did. This was all my fault. His pain was because of me.

My entire body was trembling, and I was silently screaming in my head. The nurse gently placed her hand over my shaking fingers.

“I know this is hard, I really do, but it will only be worse for him if he senses your grief. If you still want to go in there, you’ll have to be strong, no matter how hard it will be.”

I nodded and squared my shoulders, trying to pull myself together. I owed it to Ryker to stand by his side. He’d stood by mine when I needed him, and Keith hurt him because of me, so I needed to be strong for him.

The nurse left me alone as I quietly walked through the entryway. There was a single seat in the corner of the room that I pulled closer to his bed, careful not to disturb all the equipment. Tears slid silently down my cheeks, but I didn’t dare make a sound.

His usual strength and commanding presence was gone, and in its place was a vulnerable boy. He looked so small and helpless hooked up to the intimidating machines. Wires seemed to come from all over his body, each one assisting him in one way or another, and there was an oxygen mask covering his mouth to assist him with his breathing.

His head was wrapped in a white gauze bandage, and I could see purple bruising peeking beneath the fabric. Ryker’s left arm wore a cast that began at his bicep, and extended down to his hand. Road rash marred the skin on his fingers and disappeared beneath his cast. Three fingernails on his hand were completely gone, and the other two were barely hanging on. His right hand was in the same condition. The blanket was draped over his right leg, his left leg was suspended in the air, and a cast covered him from his thigh to his foot.

I reached my hand out for him and stopped midair. I wanted to touch him, and hold him somehow, but I was terrified of hurting him. His entire body was damaged. The tears flew from my eyes faster, but I refused to make a sound. I didn’t know if he was asleep, or unconscious, but I didn’t want to risk him hearing my pain — if he knew I was sad, he’d worry about me instead of himself.

As easily and quietly as possible, I moved the chair to the other side of the bed so I was on his right instead because it was less injured. I reached my hand back toward him, carefully avoiding the IV protruding from the center of his hand. The back of his hand was a lot worse than his palm, so I let my hand rest on his thigh with my palm facing up, sliding it beneath his hand.

I sat as still as a statue, afraid to make even the slightest movement once his hand was in mine. I didn’t want to move too quickly and hurt him more. I was even afraid to breathe.

“Oh, Ryker.” I sighed. “I’m so sorry.”

I hesitated, stupidly giving him enough time to respond. I shook my head, exasperated with myself. Of course, he couldn’t answer me. I decided to keep talking to him anyway, knowing if I didn’t busy myself with something I’d break down completely. I needed to get a few things off my chest, regardless if he could hear me or not.

“This is all my fault. This would have never happened if you didn’t leave the race the other night to take care of me. You were supposed to race like you always do, but you came after me instead. You put yourself at risk to save me from that truck. You saved my life, Ryker.”

My voice was barely above a whisper, and my silent tears were still streaming down my face. They haven’t stopped since I walked into this room, and the front of my shirt was wet.

“And now you’re here. You saved my life and took care of me, and then you ended up here yourself. You don’t deserve this, Ryker. I don’t deserve you, but I love you so much and I really want to be with you if you still want me.”

I sniffled. “I had so much to tell you tonight, babe. I met with my mother this morning. It’s been years since I’ve even talked to her, but I called her and she came to my house. It was so great to see her, and I have you to thank for that. You gave me the strength and courage to reach out to her after all this time.

“I told her about you, and she put things into perspective for me. I knew I wanted to be with you, but I was terrified. I still am. I’m afraid of getting hurt. I’m afraid you’re going to leave me when every single thing I’ve been hiding is revealed. But, I know how much I love you, and I know I need to let you make your own decision when it comes to being with me or not. It’s not fair for me to just end things between us because I’m afraid. I don’t want to run every time something gets tough, and I get scared, not anymore. I’ve been running and hiding for too long.”

I let my thumb stroke the back of his hand on the small area that was unaffected by road rash.

“I’m so sorry things were left the way they were between us. I’m sorry that you were looking for me before the race and couldn’t find me. I was there, babe. I saw you. I found out you were racing and got there as fast as I could. I wanted to tell you everything that I’m telling you now, plus so much more. I didn’t want there to be any more secrets between us.”

“When you wake up, there are things I’m going to tell you. I went looking for you tonight to tell you everything about it so we could move forward. I just wish I’d had the courage to tell you everything last night when you were asking me.”

“I’m just so sorry about everything. I’ll never be able to say it enough, but I hope you’ll come back to me and give me the chance to try and make it up to you. You’ve been so good to me, Ryker. Even before you knew me, when we met a year ago, you were amazing. I really didn’t think it was possible for me to feel the things you made me feel. You always made me feel as if I was worth something. Like I was important. You made me feel things I didn’t think I’d ever be able to feel for anybody. I was living my life one way, and you came in and turned everything upside down. You’ve saved my life in more ways than one.”

Still sitting in the chair, I leaned closer to Ryker’s bed and dropped my head on the mattress. There were a few inches between his body and the edge of the bed, so I took advantage of the small space to get closer to him. I closed my eyes and breathed his scent in. The leather and smoke clung to his skin and comforted me.

Everything that happened tonight seemed to settle in my eyes all at once, burning them with exhaustion. The steady hum and beep of machines keeping Ryker alive began lulling me to sleep. I fought the heaviness pushing down on my eyelids, blinking rapidly to keep them open, but it was no use. My eyes shut and a deep breath shuttered from my lungs. The last thing that crossed my mind before sleep overtook me was how I wanted this man in my life forever.

“I love you so much, Ryker Rosse.”

I STAYED IN Ryker’s room that night until the nurse made me leave a couple hours later. I drove Jay’s car back to my apartment with only a little apprehension. All my nerves were left in Ryker’s hospital bed where they were focusing on bigger problems. Jay was letting me borrow her car for a while, because she knew I’d be back and forth to the hospital until Ryker could come home. She really was such a great friend, and I knew I was lucky to have her.

I made my way back to the hospital early the next day, wanting to be there for Ryker the second visiting hours started. They said he was recovering well, so I wanted to be there when he woke up. I was hoping to see his beautiful eyes open today.

With my iced coffee in hand, I walked quickly with my head down through the halls to avoid any familiar faces. I was here for Ryker and I wouldn’t be leaving that easily.

I was let into the ICU by a round faced, gray haired woman, with the warmest eyes I’d ever seen. She looked like a cookie cutter grandmother that people adored.

“You must be here for that handsome fellow, Ryker. The night nurse, Susie, told me to expect you by this morning. I’m glad you’re here for him.”

I was glad that I now knew the name of the nurse who helped me last night. She was incredibly patient with me, and answered any question I’d had for her. I felt more relaxed knowing that Ryker was in such good hands here. I haven’t met his doctor, but the nurses caring for him were amazing.

“Yes, ma’am. How’s he doing today?” I smiled politely, my voice hushed so I wouldn’t disturb the people around us.

“Please, call me MaryBeth. Ma’am makes me feel old.” She winked her sparkling eye.

I laughed. If this lady felt it was okay to make jokes at this time, it made me think Ryker was doing just fine.

“Everything is looking good for your boyfriend, honey. His vitals are strong, and all his tests are coming back normal. He’s a healthy young man which will help speed the recovery time along quicker.” Her jovial face suddenly turned serious. “He’s very lucky to be alive.”

My throat constricted and my eyes stung with unshed tears. I couldn’t speak past the growing lump in my neck and only managed a nod in answer. I definitely knew that he was lucky to be alive. MaryBeth gave my shoulder a squeeze before walking away from me at the entrance to Ryker’s room. A sudden thought flashed through my mind.

“Wait!” I cringed, realizing I was louder than what was considered appropriate in this unit.

The nurse turned. “Yes?”

I cleared my throat. “Ryker was in an accident with another man, Keith Rayburn. They’re about the same age. Is he at this hospital too?”

She bridged the distance between us, and I saw the sympathy in her baby-blue eyes. She shook her head. “He was brought in, darling, but he didn’t make it.”

I stumbled away on shaky legs into Ryker’s room, and dropped into the chair. I felt so conflicted about Keith’s death. I was furious that he’d purposely crashed into Ryker. He was the reason that Ryker was battered from head to toe, and laying on this hospital bed before me. The other part of me was devastated for Keith. I’d ruined Keith’s life by killing his family in that accident. I was the one who had left him alone and miserable in this world. He’d hurt Ryker because he wanted to hurt me. He’d wanted me to feel the pain he felt when his family was taken from him.

It broke my heart that the entire Rayburn family was taken from this world too soon because of auto accidents. I just hoped that Keith had found his way back to his parents in Heaven. He needed to feel their love again.

I reached for Ryker’s hand the same way I did yesterday, and let my head rest back on the bed. My tears fell silently, the wetness skimming his fingertips. I cried until a movement snapped me from my grief. I paused, holding my breath and not moving an inch. I wasn’t sure if I’d imagined the movement, but I wanted to be sure. When I didn’t feel or see anything else, I put my head back down.

That was when I saw it.

Ryker’s fingers wiggled beside my face ever so slightly before they stroked my cheek with a feather-light touch. I inhaled sharply, not trusting any of my senses. I saw his fingers move, and I felt his touch on my face, but it seemed like a dream.

I lifted my head from the bed to look at him, but kept my hand beneath his. “Ryker?” My voice sounded soft and unsure. Weak.

In response, his fingers tapped against the inside of my wrist, tickling the delicate skin. His eyes twitched beneath his lids, struggling to open.

I quickly hit the red call button on the side of his bed, signaling the nurse. I watched in amazement as his eyes fully opened, his beautiful blue and gold orbs locking on mine.

“Ryker!” I cried, tears pouring down my face from joy and relief.

The nurse ran into the room and stopped in her tracks when she saw Ryker awake. With a gigantic smile, she turned on her heel and went in search of the doctor assigned to him. When MaryBeth came back into the room, she checked his vitals to ensure they were strong and steady, and once she’d confirmed that they were to her liking, she removed the oxygen mask that covered his beautiful mouth and nose.

Ryker looked right at me, his voice raspy when he spoke. “Gabby.”