SafetyInNumbers-Final (9 page)

Billy

Squirming wasn’t something he did often or ever, and it really pissed him off that he was currently squirming on his bar stool. He should have waited a few more days and let the dust settle before requesting this meeting. That would have been the smart thing to do, but Liam made him do stupid things. Not that Liam asked him to do this. It was his own desire that prompted the impulsive text that led him to the bar where he was making a valiant effort not to squirm.

“Hey, Billy.” The strong voice coupled with the stronger hand on his shoulder made him jump. Jump, for fuck’s sake. He was a violent man. Violent men did not jump. Chris peered down at him and smirked a little. “Now I really can’t wait to hear what’s going on in that head of yours.”

You know what was worse than squirming? Blushing. No, he refused to use that term. Flushing was better suited to a violent man. Which was stupid since neither suited him at all. “Hey. Uh. Pull up a stool.”

“Hmm.” Chris looked around the half empty bar and nodded to a booth in the corner. “Let’s snag that table before this place fills up.”

“Yeah, sure.” Billy threw some bills on the bar, grabbed his beer, and followed Chris across the room. As they settled into the booth, their regular waitress, Nancy, hustled over with some menus and a mug of root beer for Chris. She winked, told him to wave when he was ready for something stronger, and was off like a shot. “You’d probably bring that speeding bullet to a grinding halt if you actually spoke to her.”

“That might be fun.” Chris seemed to be mulling it over before he pinned Billy with a piercing stare. “Not as much fun as watching you sweat, though.”

Was he sweating
and
squirming? “You’re enjoying this entirely too much.”

“I’d be enjoying it more if I knew why you called this super-secret meeting.” Something passed over Chris’s face then, some decision that Billy felt all the way across the table. “Billy, if you need to talk to me about anything, anytime, all you gotta do is knock on my door. It doesn’t require a covert operation, you know.”

“Yeah, I appreciate that.” Billy really did appreciate that, but he didn’t want Liam or anyone else in the house to overhear their conversation. “I’m guessing Liam was pissed when I left.”

“Early and without an explanation? Oh yeah, you’re in for an epic ass chewing. And not the good kind.” Chris laughed at his own joke and Billy blushed...err, flushed...again.

Billy took a sip of his beer and watched Chris over the top of his glass. Obviously he was spending too much time with Saul because that deep stare was definitely trying to pry the lid off his brain. “So, I, uh, wanted to talk to you about Liam. And me. Me and Liam. And all of us.”

“Okay, I’m all ears.” Chris settled back against the booth, looking as calm and friendly and welcoming as you please. It didn’t help one little bit. “Come on, Billy, I’m still the same guy I was yesterday and the day before.”

“You’re right, sorry, it’s just...I’ve been waiting a long time to do this.” Billy cleared his throat a few times, took a few deep breaths, and ignored the growing smile on Chris’s face. “I think I might love your brother.” Did Chris’s smile get bigger? “Like, in love, if that’s okay?”

Now that wiped the smile off Chris’s face. “You think you gotta ask my permission to love my brother? Do you know how pissed off he’d be if he knew that?”

“Yes, and yes, I know he’d be pissed, but hear me out.” Crap, this was not how he planned to start at all. “Look, I’m a really bad bet for a, uh, boyfriend.” That sounded too juvenile and didn’t come close to explaining what he felt for Liam. “I mean partner. Partner’s better. Anyway, so yeah, I’m like the last person in the world anyone’d want as a partner. You know I’ve been to jail?”

“We’ve all been to jail,” Chris reminded him.

“Yeah, well, apparently I liked it so much that I booked a few return stays.” Billy sighed and looked down at his beer. “Started young. I was only fourteen the first time. My shortest stint was six months. I was settling into a ten year run when I met Owen.”

“You went to jail at fourteen?” There was only curiosity in Chris’s voice, not judgment, and Billy felt one of the knots in his stomach loosen. “Not juvie?”

“No. Public defender said the judge needed to make an example out of someone and who better than the white kid living in the barrio? Guess they thought I’d see the error of hanging out with the Latino gangs.” Billy shrugged as if it didn’t matter. He didn’t learn that lesson or any lesson, not really. “Like they had the first fucking clue what it was like to grow up in the projects. Where I lived, it was ninety-nine percent Spanish and the other one percent was some fucked up combination of black, white, and oriental. What were we gonna do, form our own little gang of three? You either hung with and did what the gangs wanted you to do or you were branded an enemy. My survival instinct made the decision for me.”

“I get it,” Chris said, as if he completely understood. “Liam and I saw plenty of those lines drawn in prison.”

“Yeah, the lines are severely drawn in prison.” He looked at Chris with renewed respect. Liam had said that Chris wasn’t always the powerhouse he was today, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t imagine how they survived prison. “I’ve done time for everything from petty theft to larceny to armed robbery, vandalism, possession of drugs, possession with the intent to distribute, possession of a deadly weapon, assault, aggravated assault…”

Chris held up his hand, stopping the regurgitation. “How much of that did you actually do and how much did you just take the rap for?”

“Well.” Billy had to really think about that. “Math wasn’t ever my thing, but I guess about fifty-fifty.” He wasn’t sure why that mattered. “You of all people know that it doesn’t really matter what you did or didn’t do, or even why you had to do it. My record will follow me the rest of my life. They tell you in those reentry meetings that you gotta take steps to rebuild your life. Start small, get a job, prove you’re trustworthy, get involved with the community, and keep your nose clean. Simple, right? Every kind of reform involves steps, you ever notice that?”

“I hadn’t really given it much thought.” Chris looked amused by him again. Since when did he become the funny guy? “Not that we heard any of that. They stuck us in a cell and it was like the whole world forgot we existed.”

“That’s weird, isn’t it?” It seemed pretty weird to him. What happened to their due process and shit? “Why didn’t Kieran look into it?”

“We didn’t want him to.” Chris waved at the waitress. He still looked calm, friendly, and welcoming, but apparently he was ready for something stronger. “At first we weren’t sure who to trust. Three strangers come in after two years and tell us they want to help us? Talk about weird. Then we were out and they kept using the word free. We didn’t even know what that meant anymore. Our families had abandoned us, Liam’s life was completely ruined, and I was afraid anything I had to say would make me lose him. We had nowhere to go, no money, no jobs, just the clothes Bull brought us when they picked us up, and the money he gave us when we got to the halfway house. It didn’t feel free. It kinda felt like we had traded one prison for another.”

Billy sucked in a harsh breath. “Your life was ruined too.”

That had Chris looking at him sharply. The waitress chose that moment to drop off his usual—a shot of Jameson and a pint of Guinness—as well as another Ultra for Billy. She looked between them for the briefest second before taking off again. Chris grabbed the shot, banged it back, and set the empty glass upside down on the edge of the table. “Yeah, my life was ruined too.”

Billy leaned in close and whispered, “The blame game has no winners, Chris.”

“I’m learning that.” Chris looked like he meant it, so Billy didn’t try to hammer the point home. It was a process, those damn steps, and he could see Chris taking them by leaps and bounds since he decided to speak again. “By the time we realized Bull and the others were for real, it seemed more important to rebuild than it was to figure out why.”

“And now?” They had gotten a little sidetracked, but he’d been thinking a lot about what Liam needed to put the past in the rearview once and for all. “Would knowing help you move forward?”

Nancy traded the empty shot glass for a full one without missing a step and Chris picked it up, toying with it as he considered the question. “Liam and I hashed out the important questions last night and we’re ready to put it all behind us. Shit just happens sometimes and the reason is never good. If I thought knowing would give us back those two years, I’d sic Kieran on them in a heartbeat.”

Billy had to agree that the answer wouldn’t change what happened. He just hoped the question wouldn’t become a roadblock in the future. For now, he’d trust Chris. “If that’s what you think is best.”

Chris tipped the shot in salute, slammed it back, and set the empty glass next to his beer mug. He’d never seen Chris drunk and, despite the conversation, Billy knew he wouldn’t see it tonight. Chris was entirely too controlled for that. “Back to those steps. You got a job, proved you were trustworthy, got involved in the community, and kept your nose clean. So what’s got you so worried?”

“I didn’t do those steps.” It sounded good when Chris said it, but Billy wouldn’t have him believe he was better than he was. “Remember I said I was in for a ten year sentence when I met Owen. I only did three though. Owen told Bull that I helped him, that I saved him, and I guess Bull thought he had to repay me. Hell, I didn’t even know they were digging into my case until Kieran showed up and told me I was going back before a judge. I didn’t want any part of it. The last lawyer said the only way to reduce my sentence was by giving up my accomplices. Rats die and I wasn’t ready to sign up for that particular party.”

“Can’t say as I blame you there. As bad as shit got, I never wanted to die.” Chris met his gaze and Billy knew they were both thinking about Red. The impact he had on all their lives was immeasurable and Billy wondered if any of them would have gotten their shit together without his inspiration. “I just wanted it to stop.”

Billy felt a few more knots loosen and realized he was really enjoying talking with Chris. “I was pretty much resigned to doing my ten and maybe I was thinking I’d make some changes when I got out, but I wasn’t prepared for the Bull-Kieran-Jared tornado. Without making me rat out anyone, Kieran got my sentence reduced to time served and I was walking out of the gates just a couple of months after Owen did. Before I could even wonder if I was going back to the projects or making that change I might have been considering, Bull pulled up in his truck and told me he was taking me home.”

“Ha, the Bull-Kieran-Jared tornado. That’s the perfect description.” Chris chuckled for a good minute before shaking his head. “Then they took you to FTR, right?”

“Yeah, whew, that was an experience. All of a sudden all these strangers were helping me get out of jail, giving me a place to stay, and offering me a job. Like you said, talk about weird.” He learned early and quick that favors were currency. If you had a need, someone was ready to fulfill it as long as you were willing to return the favor, no questions asked. As much as he thought he might be ready to make changes, he had feared what the tornado would make him do for his fresh start. “I didn’t help Owen so he or his family would feel indebted to me, but they wouldn’t let me say no.”

“Did you really want to say no?” Chris looked at him knowingly. “I remember praying that it wasn’t a dream.”

“No, I didn’t really want to say no, but I was kinda afraid to say yes.” Billy felt the final knot uncoil and breathed a sigh of relief. “Kinda afraid to wake up from the dream.”

“I remember that feeling too. Now you’re going to tell me that you didn’t do those important steps because you had help, right?” Chris waited a beat, let him think about it, before continuing. “And since you didn’t do the steps all by yourself, you can’t possibly be reformed.”

“Well.” It hadn’t sounded that ridiculous in his head.

“If you had screwed up at the FTR, you would have gone back to jail, right?” Chris looked at him expectantly, so he nodded. “If you had screwed up in the garage, Bull would have fired you, right?” Again, he nodded obediently. “If you had screwed up in the house, Saul would have kicked you right back out the door, right?”

Everything Chris said was correct, but it wasn’t that easy. “You’re oversimplifying it.”

“I am? Bull may have helped you because of what you did for Owen, but that didn’t mean he had to trust you.” Chris didn’t add the ‘right?’ at the end, but Billy found himself nodding again. “Would he leave his garage in the hands of someone he didn’t trust? Or let you anywhere near his sisters, his niece, or his husband? Would he give you such a glowing recommendation that Ty is all but begging for you to take over management of his shop?” Chris gave a little shake of his head as if answering his own question and plowed on. “Speaking of Ty—the most untrusting man on the planet requested you,
trusted you,
to have his back when he rescued Saul. I’m not even going to bother to mention Chase or the kids—that would just be overkill.” Billy opened his mouth to interject, but Chris would not be stopped. “Do you need me to go on? Okay, I will. Let’s talk about Saul, the man who kills anyone he thinks might be a threat to his lovers. Would he have let you breathe the same air as Javier if he didn’t trust you?”

“Uh...I’m not even sure how to answer any of that.” The questions had been asked in rapid fire succession and he got what Chris was trying to do, but he was having trouble processing the truth Chris wanted him to believe.