Salvaged (17 page)

Nicole gasped. I looked up, and Joshua was no longer taking
notes. He just sat with his mouth hanging open.

"Oh wait, it gets better," I assured them. "Even to this day I have
conversations with Jesus. I actually see him dressed in blue jeans
standing in my room. We talk about everything from school to boys
to boobs. Although, I must say that he didn't like the boob conversation very much.

"Anyway, I also suffer from terrible nightmares almost every
night and have since I woke up in the hospital.

"I'm currently living in my dead best friend's bedroom and have
a crush on her brother. Oh, and he sleeps on the floor next to me
every night so that if I start to have a nightmare he can wake me up
before it gets too bad. Don't worry, there's nothing kinky going on
or anything like that. It's totally innocent."

Joshua let out a small chuckle.

I thought I was finished and then thought of something else.
"One more thing, I've failed my driver's test three times now. I think
that un-unknowingly I'm afraid of driving a car, so I do poorly on
purpose but don't know it. Kind of a subconscious thing."

I took a deep breath. "Okay, I think that about covers it." I nodded and waited for their reaction.

They sat stunned and silent.

"Oh, you don't have to worry. I already know that I'm a nut-job,
so don't be afraid to say exactly what you're thinking. It couldn't be
any worse than what I've already told myself."

"Do you really want to know what I'm thinking?" Joshua asked.

"Isn't that why I'm here? For you to make all this craziness go
away?"

"Oh, I don't know," he responded. "Why are you here?"

"Is this like a trick therapist question?"

"Nope. I will not ask you any trick questions," he said reassuringly.
"So tell me, do you want all of this so called craziness to go away?"

"I want the nightmares to go away." I knew that for sure.

"The rest? What about your visions of Jesus? Do you want them
to go away?"

I might as well be honest. "Not really. I kind of like those."

"I can understand." He nodded as he and his wife looked at each
other.

I was certain that they didn't know what to do with me.

Joshua looked back at me. "Attie, I'm going to be brutally honest
with you because I believe that you can handle it."

"Bring it on," I encouraged.

"I don't think there's one thing wrong with you."

"Pardon?"

"Other than the nightmares anyway."

"You don't?"

"Nope." He turned to his wife. "Do you?"

"Not at all."

My mind was spinning. "Huh? I'm confused."

"Attie, I've been a Christian for fourteen years and a pastor for
six, and I must be honest with you and tell you that I'm jealous."
He was dead serious, and his wife was enthusiastically nodding in
agreement.

"Huh?"

"You have a faith and relationship with the Lord that I would
literally die for."

"Me too," Nicole agreed.

I was in shock. "Huh?"

"Don't you see? God revealed himself to you in such an amazing,
wonderful, and loving way that you can't help but believe he's as real
as the three of us sitting here in this room."

"He's in the room too," I stated.

"He is?" Joshua asked excitedly. "Where?" He frantically looked
around.

"I was just joking. I thought I'd freak you out."

"Good one. Cruel, but good."

Nicole snickered at him.

"Seriously, Attie," he continued, "the truth of the matter is that
he is that real, the rest of us just aren't willing to see it. Whether it's
the Holy Spirit or Jesus or God, or even your imagination could be
debated forever, but the fact of the matter is, he's here and you see
him. You see him because you want to and because you're willing to
do whatever it takes to keep yourself that close to him."

"I don't understand."

"God reveals himself in various ways. But to see him, and I mean
see him spiritually, not necessarily in the physical, it usually involves
a lot of sacrifice on the part of the follower. There must be a willing ness to go through the very difficult times and walk out the other
side still believing that God is good. Most of us are willing to go to
church on Sunday and maybe Wednesday. A few will go above and
beyond that and will serve in some way or another, but the reality
is that most of us are unwilling to give up everything if that's what
he asks.

"You may not have chosen to lose everything, but you did, and
rather than turning your back on Christ, you ran to him. Look at
your reward, Attie. It's amazing. You have a very real, very loving
relationship with the Creator. With your Savior. I wouldn't give that
up for anything if I had it."

"Me either," Nicole said as tears rolled down her face and dripped
from her chin.

I took her the box of Kleenex. "You need these more than me."

"Thank you," she whispered.

Joshua continued, "Other people, many of them fellow Christians, won't understand. They may in fact call you crazy, but if that's
crazy then sign me up."

"So to clarify here, you don't think I'm crazy?" I asked.

"I'll be glad to clarify. No, Attie, I don't think you're crazy at all,"
Joshua answered.

"What about the nightmares?"

"I don't know yet. We need to pray about it and see what the
Lord will reveal about them. What concerns me is that you seem
detached from your emotions."

"Pardon?"

"You sat right there in that chair and told me one of the most
horrific stories I've ever heard. You lived through it, but yet you told
the story as if none of it affected you. That concerns me. It may be
that you haven't truly dealt with your grief, and your nightmares
are a way for your subconscious mind to work its way through your
emotions. Since you don't deal with your grief when you're awake,
you end up having to tackle it while you sleep."

"I guess that makes sense. But if I thought about it all the
time, I'd be a walking basket case. I don't want to deal with it any more. Nobody would be able to be around me I'd be so darned
depressing."

"I completely understand that. Look, the Bennetts lost their
daughter on that same day, and the only reason they're doing as well
as they are is because through counseling they forced themselves
to deal with their pain. You haven't been given the opportunity to
heal. You haven't talked it through with anyone. Nobody can expect
to completely heal without working through their grief. I may be
totally off base, but I don't think so. I do know that if we ask God to
reveal what's behind the nightmares, he will. God's faithful, Attie."

I laughed. "Oh, I know that!"

"Yes, I'm sure you do," Joshua agreed. "Better than most."

"What about the driving thing?"

"I can understand your fear there. It's very common for people
that survive vehicle accidents to no longer want to get in cars, let
alone drive them. That's a normal fear that we can work through.
Baby steps.

"Attie, you're not crazy, and I don't want you walking around
thinking that you are."

We spent the rest of the session in prayer. I found this form
of "communicating" with Jesus very intriguing. Other than short
prayers with Gramps and the church service on Sunday, I'd never
prayed with anyone else around. Joshua seemed to know what he
was doing. I figured he must have taken a prayer class in seminary or
something. He used beautiful words and terms that I'd never heard
before. I found myself wishing that I had a tape recorder so that I
could play it back, but then I felt guilty because I was thinking about
recording the prayer and not listening to it live. I tried hard to concentrate and not let my mind wander again.

Joshua asked that the Lord "grant me peace of mind both during the day and while at rest" and that God might "reveal to us how
to bring the nightmares to an end." My favorite part was when he
asked that my "struggles and pain would be used to bring glory to
God and to be a witness to others that when you're faithful to God
all things are possible."

He also used the word "intercede." I would have to look that
one up when I got home because I had no idea what it meant, but
it sounded good when he said it. He asked for the Holy Spirit to
"intercede on Attie's behalf."

Nicole also prayed. Her words were sweet, and she was very
emotional. She expressed thankfulness that God had revealed himself to me in such a sweet yet powerful way. She even thanked him
for bringing me into their lives. That was neat. All in all, the prayers
could have won an award if there was an award for such a talent. The
only thing I knew for sure was that when prayers were that beautiful,
God would surely have to answer them. I believed the odds were in
my favor and the nightmares would be over soon.

"I wish I could talk to Jesus the way you do," I exclaimed when
they finished.

"And I wish I could talk to him like you do," Joshua replied back.

"Me too," Nicole added.

"Maybe we can all rub off on each other," I suggested.

"I truly hope so." Joshua gave me a hug. "I truly hope so."

There was a honk from outside, which meant my ride was
there.

"One of my many chauffeurs." I rolled my eyes and made my
way to the door.

"We'll work on the driving thing on Thursday, okay? It's my
new goal in life to have you driving by the end of summer."

Saying my good-byes, I ran to join Mrs. Bennett in her Suburban. As I opened the door, Bon Jovi poured out of the speakers. She
yelled a thank you to Joshua and Nicole, who were standing on their
patio, and then pulled away.

"Okay, I've had a very hard time, but I think I finally came up
with your new name," I said.

"Oh goody. Let's hear it."

"It's from Little Women. I might as well stick with the whole
names-from-literature theme."

"All right."

"How about Marme?"

"Oooh, I like that! That's a good name. I love that book."

"Good. So, Marme, do you happen to have any big plans
tonight?"

She laughed. "Attie, I'm old and have no life. No, I have no plans
tonight and hardly ever do."

"Well, would you be at all interested in going shopping with
me? I need an outfit for the pool party Friday night."

She glowed. "Oh, I would love to, Attie! I would just love to!"

During the rest of the drive she talked nonstop about the stores
that she wanted to take me to and the type of clothes she would wear
if she had my "cute and dainty" figure.

She pulled in front of the vet clinic. "I'll pick you up after work
and we can get busy shopping."

"Great, Marme. Thanks."

She let out another squeal and drove away. I'd made her day, but
I was slightly disappointed that it wouldn't be Riley who was picking me up after work. He'd gone to the gym before I woke up, so I
wouldn't get to see him until late in the evening. I looked forward to
telling him all about my counseling session.

The reception area already had three dogs and their humans
waiting for the doctor to see them, so I immediately got to work
behind the desk checking in each "patient."

"Everybody's checked in, Gramps," I announced as I made my
way to the back.

"Well, Atticus, I didn't know you arrived already," he said, giving
me a kiss on the cheek. "So how was it?"

"Good. Maybe we can talk about it over lunch?"

"Not today. Riley has already requested that you go to lunch
with him."

My heart almost exploded. "Really?"

"He's anxious to know how it went."

"Oh, okay." I tried to act normal, but the look I got from Gramps
made me believe that he wasn't falling for it. I changed the subject.
"So how's Baby?"

"She's waiting for you."

I grabbed the homemade sling, put it on, and went to retrieve
Baby from her temporary home.

"Hello, Baby. It's me, Attie. I'm back."

After placing her in the sling, she quickly fell asleep.

"She didn't sleep well last night," Gramps informed me. "She
whined quite a bit. I hope her leg isn't hurtin' her."

"Oh, poor Baby." I rubbed her head. "Don't tell me that you have
nightmares too. Are you thinking of the mean man who threw you
away? That would certainly give me nightmares."

"Can you call 'Theo' back please, Atticus?"

"Yes, sir, I'm on it."

I spent the majority of the morning at the desk answering
the phone and setting appointments. Baby slept quietly and never
whimpered.

The phone rang again. "Reed Clinic, may I help you?"

"Is this Attie?" a male voice asked.

"Yes, it is."

"Attie, this is Cooper Truman."

I slightly gagged.

"We met yesterday at my ranch."

"Yes, I remember you. How can I help you?"

"Well, actually this is a personal call. I was wondering if you
might want to join me for lunch today?"

I silently gagged again. "Oh, that's so nice of you, but I already
have plans."

"Disappointing."

"Yes," I lied.

"I'm going out of town for the rest of the week and won't be back
until the party." He was thinking out loud. "You will be at the party,
won't you?"

"Yes." Although now I wished I wouldn't be.

"Then I guess I'll just have to wait to see you then." He sounded
disappointed.

"Unfortunately," I lied again.

"Well,"-I could tell he didn't want to hang up-"I'd better let
you get back to work."

"Okay, Cooper. Thanks for calling and I'll see you Friday." I
hung up the phone. I think I heard him trying to say something just
as I was about to set the handset down. I felt a slight satisfaction
from sort of hanging up on him.

I noticed Baby start to whimper. "I know, Baby, that gross boy
is freaky, isn't he?" She looked up at me and then laid her head
back down.

At ii:5o Riley came strolling into the clinic with a movie star
grin spread across his face and wearing khaki shorts with a purple
polo shirt. The purple enhanced his tan skin, and his green eyes
sparkled under his hair, which was lying in disarray on his head.