Sara's Soul (12 page)

chapter 12

together

Sara awoke to the smell of pancakes and sausage filling her usually empty house. The sun was shining, and it was a tranquil morning. Her mood had improved somewhat since the night before, and she was focused on spending the day with Chip and meeting his father before he died. Although she was still melancholy, it wasn’t nearly as difficult to get out of bed and start her day as it usually was. Knowing all of her torment would soon be over brought her peace. After she helped Chip get through his father’s death, she would finally kill herself. She stretched her arms and rose from the bed to join Chip in the kitchen.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he said with a big, bright smile.

“Morning.”

They sat down together at the wooden country table and began nibbling on their breakfast. “So how are you feeling today?” Chip asked.

“Okay,” Sara said quietly.

“Is there anything you want to talk about? Anything you want to tell me?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?” he asked. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I won’t be upset and I won’t judge you. You’re safe with me.”

Sara felt the blood rushing to her face.
Why is he asking me so many damn questions?
she wondered.

“I’m okay, really.” She smiled the biggest smile she could muster. “I’m looking forward to spending the day with you.” Chip didn’t look completely convinced, but she saw his shoulders relax a bit. It would have to do for now.

They continued their breakfast in silence. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, but felt more like the calm before the storm. Sara took a bite of sausage, followed by a mouthful of pancakes. She chewed slowly as she thought about how difficult it would be to leave Chip. She watched him eat his breakfast, admiring the way his eyebrows raised each time he took a bite. It was as if his taste buds were reawakened whenever the food touched his tongue. You would think that every bite was his first.

Sara loved how he savored each moment, enjoying the stillness of now. Chip wasn’t the type of guy to waste precious time or worry unnecessarily about the future. He made the most of each day and had an appreciation and zest for life that Sara could never quite comprehend. All she knew was that when she was with him, her world became a bit brighter. He was the best thing that had ever happened to her. It was so hard to let go. She wished there was some other way. Why did life have to be so complicated?

“You’re pretty quiet,” Chip remarked as he speared a piece of sausage with his fork. “What are you thinking?”

“Just about you.”

“Oh?”

“How you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Sara explained.

“Well, the feeling is mutual,” he said with a grin, reaching across the table. He took her hand in his and gave it a gentle kiss.

“Why are you so good to me?” Sara asked.

“Well, that’s easy, silly. Because I love you.”

He looked at her with those gleaming blue eyes as if she were the only woman in the world. Sara couldn’t help but smile.

“You’re too good for me,” she said. “You deserve better. I really don’t have a lot to offer, you know.”

“Nonsense,” he said. “All I want is you.”

Sara felt a hard lump forming in her throat. If only it were that simple. “I don’t even know if I can give you that.”

“Of course you can,” Chip objected. “You already have. I’ve never felt so close to anyone before. You’ve given me a part of yourself, Sara. And I can never let you go now.”

You don’t have a choice, Chip,
Sara thought sadly.
The decision’s been made.
It’s for the best.

“C’mon,” Chip said after taking his last bite of pancakes. “Let’s get ready for our big day. I would like to wash you this morning.”

Sara choked on a piece of pancake. She coughed hard and cleared her throat. She didn’t see that one coming. “Really?” Sara said, feeling a thrill of excitement run through her body. Nothing wrong with having a little fun during her last days on Earth. She was with the man she loved, after all.

Sara followed Chip to the bathroom, where they enjoyed a nice, steamy shower together. They took turns washing each other in between passionate kisses. Sara enjoyed both the soothing feel of the water and his gentle touch on her skin. She felt like she was living someone else’s life. If there was a Heaven, she imagined this would be what it felt like.

“I wish it could always be this way,” she said. She breathed in deeply as she slowly ran her wet fingers along his chest.

“It can.” Chip smiled, caressing her neck.

How can he be so damn optimistic?
Sara wondered.
He really believes we could have a great life together.
If only he knew how troubled his existence would become once he had been fully immersed into her dark world. Then he would surely let her go.

After their shower, they dried off quickly in soft white terry cloth towels, and then raced each other to the bedroom, giggling like teenagers. Neither could hold back the intense desire that had been building during their tantalizing shower.

They made love again. Sara relished the spiraling tingles that ran up and down her body. Their hearts, minds, and souls were joined together as one again. There was nothing in the world that mattered except the union they had created. It was just how Sara had pictured it in her dream, the one she had had before the vision of his father’s death. Did that mean the end was near?

They rolled over, breathless, still wrapped in each other’s arms. Chip picked his head up slightly to glance at the clock. Sara had no concept of time and really didn’t care if they stayed that way forever. She knew that getting up meant she would have to return to her normal life again.

“It’s already nine a.m,” Chip said suddenly. “We’d better get dressed. I called my dad at seven-thirty and promised we’d pick him up at noon for lunch. And I still have so much more in store for you first.”

“Really?” she said. “Do we have to get up? I could just stay here all day with you and that would be enough for me.”

“I can assure you, my love, that your day is about to get better.”

“Well”—she winked—“I will definitely get up then.”

They dressed quickly, Sara in a simple royal-blue dress and Chip in a pair of jeans and a light-blue button-down shirt that he had grabbed before heading to her place.

“I have one finishing touch for you,” Chip said. “Turn around.”

Sara did as he asked and felt his fingers gently brushing against her neck as he put on a necklace. When she turned around to see it in the mirror, her heart skipped a beat. The light from a nearby lamp reflected off a shiny silver star necklace and sent a beam that pointed directly at Chip. This wasn’t just any necklace. It was special. It was a precious keepsake her mother had given her many years earlier. She remembered when she had lost it at the playground as a child. She had cried for days. She continued to absentmindedly reach up to her neck to make sure it was still there long after it was gone. The bareness of her neck made her feel lost and vulnerable. That necklace was a treasure to her, a reminder of the bond she and her mother had shared.

Tears flowed like a stream from Sara’s eyes, and she was filled with not only Chip’s love but also the joy of her mother’s love.

Her mind traveled back to the dream she had had of her mother months earlier.
I will leave a special gift for you. It will appear one day when you least expect it.

“Where did you find this?” Sara asked.

“It was on the mantel,” he replied. “Why?”

“This is a very special necklace my mother gave me when I was a child,” she said, still sobbing. “I haven’t seen it in years. I thought it was lost forever.”

“Apparently, your mother wanted you to have it back.”

Sara laughed. This all seemed too unbelievable to be real. Her mother was dead. Surely, this was just a coincidence. Maybe the necklace was inside her mother’s urn and fell out when the urn broke. She didn’t remember putting it on the mantel, but that must have been what happened. She was too exhausted and emotional that night to remember what she had done. All she recalled was being interrupted from her suicide attempt by the crashing sound of the urn, and then cleaning up. She did remember carefully putting her mother’s ashes into the urn that held her father’s ashes, but everything else was just a blur to her.

“I’m serious, Sara,” Chip said.

“I know,” she said. “I wish I lived in your world, but I don’t… I can’t.”

“You can,” he said confidently. “Follow me.”

They headed out the door and got into Chip’s car. Sara admired the scenery as they drove to their destination. The trees were lush and green, and gave her a sense of serenity as they whizzed by. The sunlight reflected off of their leaves, creating patches of gold that glowed like a welcoming campfire. They soon arrived at Herrick Recreation Area in Clare. Chip pulled up to the gate and was greeted by an elderly woman with curly silver hair.

“I’d like to reserve a campsite for tonight,” he said.

“Of course.” She smiled as she took care of him. “Campsite number 111. You two, have fun,” she added, handing Chip his parking pass and campground map. Chip pulled the car away and placed his permit on the dashboard.

“You didn’t tell me we were going camping,” Sara said with surprise. She wondered how she was going to complete her plans while stuck at a campground. How long were they staying here? She would surely have to wait until he dropped her off back at home before she could make her escape.

“I wanted to surprise you,” he said. “Let’s get set up and then we can pick up my dad for lunch. After that, I’m all yours.”

“Okay,” she said weakly. Sara couldn’t deny the fact that she found spending the night with Chip in the park both intriguing and exciting. But that nagging feeling of death still lurked just below the surface. She was often powerless against its fierce pull. Today, she fought hard against it, determined to enjoy the last moments of her life with Chip.

They arrived at the campsite. It was nestled deep in the woods, secluded and private. In the distance, two tiny log cabins stood at the top of an overgrown, grassy hill. A small stream dotted with rocks and sticks ran through the site. The setting was quiet and serene. Chip climbed out of the truck and popped the trunk. He pulled out a tent and began to set it up. Sara jumped out of the car to help him. In less than fifteen minutes, they were all set up.

“Let’s go for a walk,” Chip suggested. He took her hand, and they began strolling through the park, taking in the beauty of their surroundings. Lots of tall oak and maple trees looked down on them, their leaves waving as if to greet them. The sun sat high in the summer sky and provided a comforting blanket of warmth. Sara felt happy and safe. Her mind flashed back to the dream she had of walking hand in hand with Chip in the park. This was exactly what she had seen. That is, before the vision of his father’s death.

“Chip, I have to tell you something,” Sara said.

“What is it? Is everything okay?”

“I saw this—us—walking through this very park, holding hands, just like we are now. And us making love this morning, I saw and felt that, too, in my vision.”

Chip’s face brightened. “That’s awesome, Sara,” he said excitedly. “What else did you see?”

“I saw us watching the sunset on the beach… kissing… hugging… and I saw us sitting by a campfire roasting marshmallows.”

“That’s exactly what I had planned for tonight. I figured we could watch the sunset and then roast marshmallows by the campfire. I guess I won’t be able to surprise you with that one. But this is great. Do you realize what this means, Sara?”

Sara felt the sadness take over her heart again. “Yes,” she replied softly. “It means your dad is going to die next. I saw that after all of this.”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” he said seriously. “What I meant was that you can see visions of positive future events. You didn’t just see my father’s death. You also saw all of these wonderful moments with me.”

Chip had a point there. This was the first time she had ever seen anything good. But it still didn’t stop death from finding a way to spoil it.

“That’s true,” said Sara. “But I still saw death. It didn’t take that away.”

“Well, I still think it’s an encouraging sign,” Chip said hopefully. “Maybe you will start seeing more good visions. Maybe you will see the afterlife and be able to communicate with spirits one day.”

“I doubt it.”

All Sara knew was the life she had lived up to that point. She couldn’t conceive of a world where death wasn’t the end. But she appreciated Chip trying to help her. He had a big, kind heart that brought a lightness to her life she had never before experienced. Why couldn’t it always be this way?

“What are you thinking?” Chip asked, interrupting her thoughts.

“About you. You’ve given me something I haven’t had for a very long time.”

“What’s that?”

“Hope,” she said, inhaling the crisp, clean outdoor air. “When I’m with you, things don’t seem so bad. I feel lighter, happier.”