Sasha: The Awakening (The Wallflower Series Book 2) (9 page)

Slade returned Dmitri’s unflinching gaze. “Why the sudden interest?”

Dmitri scoffed. “You see, I’m trying this new thing where I show people I actually give a shit.”

His friend only laughed. “Should I even ask what brought about this sudden change?” When Dmitri only glared at him, Slade decided to finally satisfy his curiosity. “After I broke off the arranged marriage, predictably, my family was a bit upset. A union between the two families would have done wonders for our social power in South Korea. Powerful families like mine marry strategically and, being their oldest son, it was my responsibility to close the union. Moving to Europe just gave me a break from all their nagging and passive aggressive antics. I was never even supposed to stay this long in America, but I can’t see myself going back any time soon. I came back here because I decided it was time to stop avoiding them. And the calls have already started coming in.”

“Are you going to go back to Korea, then?”

Slade smiled bitterly. “I’ll have to eventually. But before I do, I need to find a way to break it to them that I don’t plan on returning on a permanent basis. I love my family and they have never asked more of me that I wasn’t willing to give before, but marrying that girl, no matter how beautiful she was and how great a partnership between our families would have been, was asking for too much.”

Dmitri tilted his head, deep in thought. “You never complained before about the arranged marriage when I met you. Does this have anything to do with the young woman my brother was seeing?”

To Dmitri’s shock, a blush actually spread across Slade’s cheeks. “How do you know about her?”

“Dominic and I have been in the process of mending ties and, like with you, I’ve been trying to catch up on everything I’ve missed. Though they were only dating for a little while before she moved to Italy, apparently he recognized that there was a bit of a competition between the two of you for her attentions. Did the arranged marriage have anything to do with his eventual victory?”

“I hate to stroke my own ego, but I think it had a lot to do with it. Dina and I had seen each other for a bit before my family really started to hound me about the marriage. When the constant calls and visits intensified, I couldn’t very well continue dating her with a betrothal hanging over my head.”

Dmitri shrugged. “Well, if you are still interested, now that you’ve dealt with your issues in South Korea, there is nothing stopping you from courting her once more.”

“Except an entire ocean.”

“A distance that can easily be traversed with the resources at your disposal.”

Once Slade had left his office with a look of sincere determination decorating his handsome features, Dmitri felt a sense of accomplishment he had never been exposed to before. He didn’t realize just how much Slade’s friendship had meant to him until he was finally the one to give personal advice. It had always been the other way around, but giving back and seeing Slade’s spirits lift at a mere conversation was an accomplishment in the right direction and intensified his drive to do the right thing with the folder that still lay in his possession.

After closing his office and saying a farewell to his executive assistant, in a little over half an hour, he found himself knocking on her door, hoping she wouldn’t slam it in his face. The look of shock that crossed her features at the sight of him was justified and his only response was a soft smile.

“H-how…what the hell are you doing at my apartment?”

So as to ease her suspicions at his sudden presence, he stated calmly, “I haven’t been stalking you if that is what you are wondering. I simply asked Dominic for directions to your apartment.” The blank look on her face, made him experience a nervous tingling in the pit of his stomach. With her, it seemed, he was in a constant state of uncertainty. The man bloated with confidence at his office and in his daily dealings, just seemed to disappear when standing before her. Maybe it was because he had never been so invested in courting a woman. In this, for the first time, Dmitri didn’t hold the power to reject and hurt; he was completely at her will. And it was humbling.

“I would have come to your office but what I wanted to talk to you about was a bit too personal for that environment. I wouldn’t have come uninvited otherwise. And, if you feel uncomfortable with my presence, I will be sure to never come again. But, I need you to hear me out first. Please.”

Sasha continued to eye him suspiciously, even as the door slowly opened to invite him in. He scrutinized her abode appreciatively as he strode in. It was decorated warmly with accented walls and comfortable furniture. It was truly an indicator of how far she had come from the small apartment she had inhabited merely three years before with Teagan.

With a wave of her hand, Sasha invited him to take a seat in her living room, even while she continued to stand at the opposite end of the room. Dmitri said nothing at her noticeable avoidance of his physical presence. Instead, he reached into his briefcase and brought out the worn folder.

“I’m not too proud of the actions that led me to this finding but I don’t regret them.” Her raised brow of confusion prompted him to elaborate. “I hired a personal investigator to find you a few months back.” He paused to sense her mood.

Sasha’s breathing increased as she became overwhelmed by anger. “You did WHAT?”

“I wanted to see you again. Coming across you that night was something I never expected would happen and since we had no ties to each other, the only way for me to find out where you were- if you were even still residing in Boston- was to hire a PI. It was never my intent to violate your privacy. I simply wanted him to find you.

“And he did. Rather easily I might add. But I couldn’t bring myself to approach you. So…” Dmitri found it hard then to continue. He knew by voicing the truth he was risking his chance with her once again. But he had promised himself to turn over a new leaf. He wanted her to choose to be with him of her own free will, not be coerced by his lies and deception.

“I then asked him to find anything…secret.”

Sasha held up her hand for him to stop. “So you did invade my privacy in the end?”

He lowered his gaze with an ashamed nod. “Yes.” Quickly, his eyes met hers in desperation for her understanding. “But not in the way you might think. He simply found evidence that you were looking into your mother.”

She gasped. Having specifically told no one of her efforts at finding her birth mother, Sasha felt truly exposed in that moment. “Get the hell out of my apartment, Dmitri,” she threatened.

He stood up and walked towards her. “Not until I’m finished, Sasha. When the PI told me the roadblocks you were coming across, I told him to change his investigation.” He held out the folder to her. “In here, you will find all the information you have been patiently waiting for. It’s amazing what money and a well-known last name can get you,” he laughed dryly.

Debating whether or not to trust him, Sasha, at first, didn’t take hold of what he was offering. Until finally her curiosity got the best of her. Quickly, she snatched it out of his grasp and opened it up to the first page. A whimper escaped her before she could hold it back. Staring back at her was a picture of her mother with an attached address and full personal background information. Everything she had been searching the past year for was in her hand.

“How long have you had this?” she asked.

“I just received the correct information today. It was going to be my excuse to finally approach you. A part of me wanted to bargain your time for it. But I couldn’t do that.”

She rolled her eyes at his response. “What? Did you suddenly get a conscious?”

He didn’t even flinch at her insult because he knew she was right. “This shouldn’t be about our relationship and it was selfish of me to ever consider doing something like that. I’m not perfect; I’m just desperate for you.” Dmitri stepped closer to the point Sasha had to strain her neck to keep eye contact. But his intent wasn’t to intimidate; he simply couldn’t control the need to be close and feel the warmth of her body emanate towards and encircling his. Gently, he reached out and stroked the smoothness of her right cheek.

“You deserve this closure, Sasha. I want to see you put this behind you. And if meeting your mother once more is the way to do that, I want you to know that I’m with you the entire way, even if you don’t want me.”

“Thank you for not keeping this from me,” she found herself saying, surprised at her sincerity.

Dmitri smiled softly. “I just have one request. Don’t go by yourself. I’m not asking for it to be me, but, trust me, you may need the emotional support. You don’t have to go on this journey by yourself, Sasha. You don’t have to prove to anyone how strong and independent you are. I’ve had to realize the same thing. And, while it isn’t easy to admit sometimes, it’s okay to need someone else for a change.”

He bent down and in a barely-there caress, brushed his lips from her cheek to the corner of her luscious lips. It took his entire willpower not to passionately kiss her and pull her into his larger form. Sasha by that point had closed her eyes and was waiting in anticipation to finally feel his lips pressed against her own.

All she heard instead was, “Like I need you.”

And as if he had never been there, when she finally got the courage to open her eyes, the apartment was empty and her body was shivering. 

“I’m guessing by your inability to look away from your cell phone that you haven’t heard from her yet?”

Dmitri’s attention was torn from the bright screen as his brother stalked into his home office with a large grin spread across his features. They had been spending more and more time together to both their surprise, finding that they actually enjoyed each other’s company. While there was no denying their relationship still had bumps in the road as it surely always would, the development they had made over the past few weeks was more progress than they had ever made before.

Dmitri found it rather nice to have Dominic to talk to. Slade had been his only friend for so long, it had been rather lonely with his departure to Europe.

“I never expected her to,” he stated simply. “I’m waiting for a call from my PI.”

Dominic’s smile disappeared at this. “Are you still having her investigated? I’m sorry to tell you this but you are venturing deep into creepy territory now.”

Dmitri shook his head and sighed. “No. I’m just worried about what will happen when she finally meets her mother. It’s a sore spot she has held onto since she was abandoned and I can understand how impactful the meeting will be, both good and bad. I want to be there for her, but I know she wouldn’t allow it.”

He leaned back into the leather chair and scrubbed his hands down his sharp cheekbones. “I have to sit back and watch as she could possibly be hurt more than she has ever been before. All I want is to protect her- be there for her. But I’m stuck.”

Dominic looked on at Dmitri’s torn expression with sympathy. He knew it was probably the same as watching Nadia become sicker and being unable to do anything about it. Despite Dmitri’s protests to the contrary, he was a protector- he put the people he loved above all else. And even though it was sometimes hard for him to love, when he did, it was irrevocable. “Why are you stuck?”

“Sasha wants nothing to do with me. Even if she does still have feelings for me that won’t change what I did because I have lost her trust. And I’m starting to think there is no way of gaining it back.”

“You can’t give up,” Dominic urged. “Like you said, you understand what she’ll be going through more than she knows. You’ve held onto the same sore spot with your own mother.” He shook his head with a small chuckle. “It baffles me how much you two have literally exchanged positions; she holds people off the same way you did. And, if you’re right, and her mother doesn’t react to her sudden appearance as she hopes, I think this will be the turning point for her permanently closing herself off.”

Dmitri nodded in agreement. “I don’t want her to feel unwanted. Family is something she has always valued. What will happen when the last vestige of that dream becomes a nightmare? The PI isn’t watching Sasha; he’s watching her mother. And as soon as Sasha makes first contact, he’ll call me. She may not want me there, but I’ll make damn sure she is safe.”

Reluctantly, he set his cell phone down and stood from the leather chair. Stretching out his long muscular limbs, he groaned and shook his head. “But enough about my troubles…”

“You know, if things don’t work out with Sasha, I could always talk to her. I know now how much you care about her, and she may just need a nudge in the right direction,” Dominic offered, worried about his brother’s happiness.

Dmitri immediately shook his head. “Thank you but I can’t allow you to do that. There will be no manipulation from my end in this; I need her to make the decision completely on her own. I have to know if we end up together that she has forgiven me. We need a clear start.”

Nodding in understanding, Dominic didn’t bother refuting the decision. “But what are you going to do about Father? You can’t start over if he still opposes the union between the two of you. You may have cut all ties with him, but I can tell you from personal experience, he is never done interfering in our lives.”

Dmitri’s face hardened at the thought of Nikolai. Ever since Nadia’s recovery, he had been able to completely avoid all interactions with the man. But considering Sasha’s bravery in facing her past, he knew he would have to do the same- and soon.

“You’re right. It is about time we sat down and had a…chat.”

The ringing of the doorbell interrupted their conversation. Dominic followed behind Dmitri as he left his personal office and answered. He stepped back in surprise as Nadia threw herself into his arms, laughing.

“I’m sorry for disappearing the last few weeks.” She apologized, quickly moving into Dominic’s arms soon after while Dmitri closed the front door.

“You aren’t hearing any complaints from me,” Dominic teased.

Nadia merely rolled her eyes in response. The warm greeting quickly disappeared once she turned back to Dmitri. With her hands on her hips, she informed them, “So, I was talking to Mom the other day and apparently Daddy isn’t doing so well.”

“What do you mean?” Dominic asked, worry in his voice.

“Apparently he’s been having consistent chest and back pains. She’s taking him to see his physician. I don’t know what to make of it though because she often tends to exaggerate these matters. Remember when Dom ‘broke’ his arm.”

Both her brothers groaned at the memory; pandemonium had ensued in the entire household at Natalia’s dramatics. As a teenager prone to daredevil antics, jumping off the roof of a moving vehicle proved to be Dominic’s last after landing incorrectly and dislocating his shoulder. Though he quickly popped it into place, Natalia’s screams at her son’s actions and Nikolai’s lack of discipline and worry had echoed throughout their house for many days after.

“I wouldn’t think anything of it. Let’s just see what his doctor says before assuming the worst,” Dominic provided.

Dmitri said nothing on the subject. Instead, changing the topic of conversation, “What brings you here, Nadia? You are still attending university, aren’t you? And eating?”

“Of course, I am! I didn’t come over here for a lecture, Dmitri. Damn! Don’t I get enough of that from Daddy? I came because I wanted to see how you were doing?”

“Me?”

Dominic grinned, knowing full well what Nadia was referring to. “I think what she means to say is: how is your love life progressing?”

With a warning glare at both of them, Dmitri responded coldly, “That is enough about that. I am not some pathetic spinster in need of coddling.”

At their spouts of immediate laughter, he blushed and in exasperation walked away. “It’s not like the two of you are in any promising relationships either,” he grumbled to himself.

The three of them ended up ordering in for dinner, comfortable conversation flowing amongst each other with playful jabs. It was the first time Dmitri had spent time with the two of them in one room without drama in several years. The dissipating animosity was a welcome relief. But the tension between he and his father was one that had to be dealt with. Despite his convictions to the contrary, Nikolai was still a powerful figure in his life, capable of life-changing manipulation.

He was suddenly pulled from the dinner table at the sound of his cell phone ringing. Excusing himself, Dmitri withdrew to his office and looked down at the familiar number. The anticipated phone call filled him once again with anxiousness. Quickly, he answered.

The knock resounded loudly in the shabby dwelling. Sasha stood with her hands braced at her side, her back straight, dressed in a form-fitting pencil skirt and silk blouse with black heels and an unnerving fear of what was to come. She hadn’t fully prepared herself for the moment her mother would be standing on the other side of the door, deciding instead to be brash and get the introduction over with. After all, she could find a million reasons to stay away, but there was only one important enough to pull her in this direction. She wanted- no, needed- to see her mother again. She needed to know if there was the possibility of a relationship with the woman.

Despite Dmitri’s pleas, she hadn’t informed anyone of her decision. While she had contemplated telling Teagan and asking her to come along, the very real possibility of her mother rejecting her once more convinced her to do otherwise. It would be hard enough facing such a tragic end to her search, but far worse to have it all viewed by her dearest friend. She didn’t want pity; she didn’t want anyone to see her weaknesses.

Sasha had looked over the folder in great detail before making the flight to Newark, New Jersey. Apparently, her mother had a decorative history of being in and out of jail because of actions related to drug use throughout her young adult life. But there were no recent arrests, which gave Sasha hope that maybe she was a changed woman. Maybe she regretted abandoning her so many years ago and was looking forward to a moment just like this one.

Either way, she was about to find out. Sasha heard heavy footsteps approaching the door, which had paint peeling from its surface despite what appeared to be a brand new handle. The two-story home was an obvious fixer-upper with boarded windows here and there. Similar to the other houses on the street, the one before her was old and in need of a fresh coat of paint. Sasha never anticipated her mother being well off, remembering the rat-infested apartments they had dwelled in as a toddler. As such, she was not surprised by the neighborhood even though the taxi-driver was hesitant to drop her off in the area.

The door opening slightly interrupted her thoughts. An older man looked down at her with a glare, his eye peeking through the crack in the door.

“We don’t want nothing!” He screamed before slamming the door in her face.

Sasha jumped at the sound but quickly recovered and knocked with more conviction. When it reopened to the same man, she spoke,

“I’m not here trying to sell anything sir. I am looking for a woman named Janelle…Janelle Harmon. Does she live here?”

He sent her one more suspicious glance before opening the door and yelling behind him, “Janelle! Some woman is at the door looking for you!”

Sasha concentrated on the responding scream coming from the house. The woman’s voice was hoarse and croaked slightly as she drew nearer, cursing the man out in not so many words.  Sasha braced herself for what was to come; along with the nervous energy came an excited anticipation of looking into her mother’s face after two decades.

Suddenly, the door sprung open and Sasha stared into rich aged brown eyes. Janelle Harmon was a thin woman a few inches taller than her daughter, who looked much older than her forty-odd years. Her hair, thinning from years of chemical relaxers, hung down to her shoulders. Sharing many of her daughter’s features, Sasha knew immediately that there was no denying their blood relation.

Sasha gulped and stepped forward slightly while Janelle continued to stare at her blankly. “Hello,” she was finally able to utter.

“I apologize for my Daddy. He don’t know no better. He’s going a bit senile. Who are you? Are you here about our land?”

“N-no. Actually…” she didn’t know whether to tell her outright or to ask to come inside first. Admittedly, she was a bit disappointed Janelle didn’t seem to recognize her. How could she not tell that they shared the same eyes, nose, and mouth? While she was a bit more muscular in comparison to her mother, Sasha had no doubt in her younger years, Janelle looked just like her.

And she had a grandfather! Sasha had never dreamed of other relatives considering she had no memory of anyone else during her childhood besides Janelle and her inconsistent male companions. But it was wonderful news! Could there possibly be others?

“I’m not here in regards to your land. I came here because…well, I don’t know how to say this…” Janelle gave her a weird look as she stumbled for words. “My name is Sasha,” she paused, waiting for any sort of recognition from her mother, but there was none. “Sasha Harmon…y-you’re my mother.”

Those three little words felt like a tiny explosion through her body. She had never dreamed of saying them again to this woman. She had never dreamed of ever seeing her again. And, now Sasha waited in anticipation for Janelle’s reaction. Could this truly be the happiest moment of her life? She felt so close to grasping the very thing she had sought for so long- family. To belong to something, to be tied to people irrevocably for there was no denying blood.   

But deny it she did: “I don’t know what you are talking about. I don’t have a daughter. If that is all you came here for…then good-bye.”

Sasha saw the door beginning to close and panicked. “Wait!” Her hand lay flat upon the door’s surface, preventing Janelle from shutting her completely out. “Just hear me out. Please.” Sasha kept her voice calm, not showing how much Janelle’s words had torn her in two.

Her mother let out a frustrated sigh and opened the door once more. “What is it that you want me to say?”

Sasha looked upon her in disbelief. “What do I want you to say? I didn’t come here expecting money or any material goods. I have been looking for you, since you left me on that church stoop. Every house they took me to, I wondered to myself- when is my mother going to come and get me? I thought I had done something wrong and you were simply punishing me for it. But the years passed, and I ended up from one house to the next until I was desperately searching for your replacement. But every time I believed someone loved me enough to keep me, they sent me away the same way you did. Do you have any idea what that did to me? I thought I was flawed! An unlovable, ugly, and stupid child that no one wanted- not even her own mother.