Save Me (21 page)

Chapter T
hirty-Seven

Tegan

After Friday night I spent most of Saturday with Lucas, too, and it was the perfect weekend. He was so sweet, like going to give me a cavity sweet, but it was nice to just be able to relax without drama. I could feel things getting scary serious fast but he made me feel something close to happy so I didn’t want to put the breaks on.

Lucas squeezed my
hand as we stopped in front of Dad’s grave. All I felt was a cold emptiness that reflected my life right now.

“Hey, you okay?” he said, running his thumb over my lip. It was only then that I felt the sting as I’d been biting it.

I released my lip and smiled up at him.
“It’s okay.”

“Do you want to say anything?” he asked.

No. I definitely didn’t. Well, I wanted to be able to. That was the normal thing to do, right? But the thought of talking to a lump of rock above his cold body made my stomach turn and I didn’t want to open the emotion gate and let it all flood through.

“
No, I can’t.”

Kai said I would know what he’
d say back to me but I still wasn’t ready for silence after I finished speaking.

“Do you want me
to?”

Frowning, I said, “Okay.”

He didn’t know my dad, what could he have to say to him?

“Hi
, Simon. You’ve probably been watching pretty closely so I just want to start by assuring you I won’t hurt her. I know the situation isn’t exactly the norm but that doesn’t mean we can’t make it work.”

He was answering questions he thought other people would have for us or be saying about us.

“I bet you’ve been worried about her, but I promise you we’re all here for her, Alison and Ava. Nothing will happen to any of them while we’re around. I can’t thank you enough for what you did for my dad.”

Fuck. My blood ran cold.

“Things were bad, really bad. He was only just healthy enough to have surgery, any more time and he would’ve been too weak to even take the anaesthetic.”

I knew it was bad but I didn’t know
Carl was
that
ill.

“The day we got the call we were overwhelmed with relief and worry. It wasn’t until I met Tegan at the hospital that I realised what my dad’s second chance at life cost another family.”

I wanted him to stop but I couldn’t move.

“I wish it could’ve been another way. I wish I could have met you and had you interrogate me face to face. I wish the girl I love wasn’t so lost. But she’s getting better, going to school.” I wanted to correct him; it was sixth form. What a fucking stupid thing to want with everything else he’d just said.

“I’m so proud of her and I know you are, too. I won’t let her down, Simon, I swear. You gave my dad, my whole family, a chance to be happy and a reason to carry on. I’ll do the same for your daughter.”

Was that what this was?
Was Lucas with me out of guilt?

I
took a step back and pulled my hand from his.

“What?” he said, turning around. “Hey, no, that came out wrong. I’m not here because I feel I owe it to Simon. There is nothing I could ever do that would set us straight. I’ll do whatever I have to make you happy again because I love you, Tegan. That’s all there is to it.”

I wasn’t sure if I believed him or not.

“Okay,” I said. “Can we go now? Kai’ll be picking me up soon.” I’d never needed to get away from Lucas so much. My head was spinning. I wanted to believe him, he had no reason to lie, not really. But my level of self-respect and self-worth was at an all-time low
and I knew I wasn’t the best person in the world so I couldn’t understand why he’d want me.

He hesitated but then replied, “Sure.”

Back home Lucas watched me like he was trying to figure out some hard maths problem. Or he was trying to figure out me, which could quite possibly be more fucking frustrating. I hoped he figured it out because I would love to know, too.

I never usually wished my time with Luke away but I was now and when
Bruno Mars blasted through my phone I couldn’t answer it quick enough. “Hey, Kai.”

“He
y, where are you?”

I gaspe
d. “Are you early?”

He laughed humourlessly.
“Where are you?”

“You sounded like such a stalker then,” I said,
laughing.

“Maybe I am
. Look out your window.”

I rolled my eyes but sneaked a look out of the corner of my eye. Of course he wasn’t outside my window, he couldn’t bloody levitate.
“Anyway, are you at mine?”

“Yeah.”

“Outside?”

“Yeah.”

“My mum and Ava there?”

“Uh huh.”

I laughed. “Awkward?” 

“Maybe,” he replied.
 

“Want me to hurry up?

“That would be great.”

They were better with Kai after he’d looked after me when I was wasted but it was still a little awkward. Ava thought it was inappropriate
that I was still friends with him, and I thought she was a twat.

“Cool. I’ll be there in a bit, have fun.”

“Thanks, princess,” he replied sarcastically.

“Why does he call you
princess?” Lucas asked. Oh, good, he was listening in.

“
Apparently I was acting like a diva.”

“Oh,” he replied. I wasn’t sure if he assumed Kai called me princess because he thought I was one, in the good sense. That could add to his dislike of him. It really wasn’t in the good sense, though. Kai thought I was being a brat. I probably was.

We walked downstairs and I saw them standing in the front garden. “Does he not get on with Alison and Ava?” Lucas asked.

“They get on okay but they’re not entirely happy because he’s older, which is just stupid.”
He nodded tightly. There wasn’t that much he could say because he was just over a year younger than Kai.

“
Hey,” Kai said, smiling in relief as I stepped outside. “Lucas,” he added.

“Kai,”
Luke said with no enthusiasm whatsoever.

Oh, this is fun.
I was just going to ignore it. There was no way I was picking sides.

“Hey
, spaceman–” Kai held his hand up and raised one pitch-black brow warningly.

“Ready to go?” he asked and I nodded.

“Have a nice time, sweetheart, and be safe,” Mum said.

Kai waited in the car while I said good
bye to Lucas, he kissed me longer than usual and then got in his car to drive back home.

Kai was
smirking at me when I got in his car. “So, you gonna let me drive?” I asked.

“Yeah
, sure.” I stared at him for a second. Did he just say yes? “Just show me your driving licence and we’ll switch places,” he said. “See, you’re still a baby.”

I laughed
with no humour. “I hope that makes you feel like a dirty old man.”

His eyes narrowed and I sat back in the seat, smiling to myself and feeling very smug.
“I’m not that old, thank you, and as I remember I met you in a club. You have to be eighteen to get into a club, so technically, jailbait, I should be pissed off with you.” He tried to keep a straight face but I could see him struggle.

I knew in about five minutes time I’d have the perfect comeback but right now I had nothing.
“You know you suck, right?”

He
threw his head back and laughed. “Tegan, out of the both of us I’m definitely not the one that
sucks
.” That wasn’t exactly true but I didn’t want to get into a conversation about all the times he’d had his mouth on me so I kept shut and slapped his arm.

Kai drove to the house
Holly and James were viewing, snickering now and then, still very pleased with himself. I got out of the car and ignored him.

The house was
at the end of a row of four and looked pretty cute with a little wooden fence and colourful flowerbeds. Holly and James were waiting outside for us and I could feel Holly’s excitement.

Joan,
Holly’s aunt, was an estate agent so she let them have the keys for a few hours as the house was empty. Still ignoring Kai, I followed them inside after saying a quick hello.

“Are you
not talking to me?” Kai asked, failing again not to laugh.

I looked away from him and
just knew he was shaking his head at me. We walked into every clean, bright room and for a new house it actually didn’t look that boring and samey as they usually did. It still needed personalising but it was plenty big enough.

“I love it, I love it, I love it,” Holly chanted as we walked into the back garden. She’d said that about every room so I was pretty sure James was getting his checkbook out real soon.

“Come on, talk to me,” he said, groaning and trying to step in front of me.

“You shouldn’t have been a dick to her then,” Holly said, poking him in the chest.

“You don’t even know what I’ve done,” he replied.

“But I know you’ve done something.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine, I forgive you for being a prick.”

“Thanks,” he replied sarcastically.

James grabbed Holly’s hand and said, “Let’s go see upstairs again, I want to make sure we’ll get all your clothes in the room.”

“There’re three bedrooms, James.”

“Yeah, I know!”

I heard her nagging at him as they walked back inside. I was left with Kai. Narrowing my eyes, I crossed my arms over my chest. “Are you ready to be nice to me now?”

He opened his arms. “You only ever need to ask and I’ll be as nice as you want whenever you want.”

I slapped his chest. “Ha ha.”

Dropping his hands to block my blow, he asked, “So where’s your crazy friend?”

Sophie he meant.
“Why is she crazy?”

“She keeps
texting me.”

“Yeah
, you’re right, she must be crazy if she likes you.”

He glared.
“I know you don’t mean that, you’ve been under and over me enough times.”

I really did bring it on myself.
“She’s with Will.”

“Ah, Will’s this week’s conquest then.”

I slapped him again in Sophie’s defence.

“He’
s not a conquest. She just likes to try before she buys.” 

He
laughed. “Right. Hey, I’m all for doing what the fuck you want, but a reputation as a slut is hard to shake and makes it hard to get the person you want to trust you to actually trust you.”

“Hey
, I was like her before,” I said. His words made me feel ashamed, not that I wasn’t already. Losing my virginity in the backseat of a car was a particularly low point.

He ran his fingers over my forehead,
flattening my frown. “You were nothing like her.”

“You didn’
t know me right after my dad died, Kai.”

“
So tell me.” I looked at him like he’d grown another head and then I started to consider it. “Tell me,” he said and snorted. “It can’t be that bad.”

Oh, it could.

“Okay. I was innocent before he died, like nun innocent. I lost my virginity a few days after his funeral to Adam’s older brother on a drunken night out in the back of his car. I slept with random guys at clubs and parties and I didn’t care what happened to me. Before I met you there was a different guy almost every time I went out and I hate myself for it.”

“
I’m sorry, princess, your first time shouldn’t have been like that,” he said and wrapped me in his strong arms.

“
It’s fine, not every girl gets flowers, candles and expensive hotel rooms, Kai.”

“You should,” he
replied.

I smiled and kissed his cheek
. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure
. Hold on, I was one of your passing random guys?”

“You were but I just can’t seem to get rid of you,” I
teased. Completely unexpectedly, he bent down and bit my neck, making me squeal. “Boundaries!”

Laughing, he pulled back
and winked. I was still in his arms and I was pretty sure I couldn’t overpower him to get out.

“Whoa!”
I looked up to see James and Holly at the back door. James pouted. “Hey, we want to be the first ones to christen the garden so knock it off.”

“Very funny,”
I replied dryly, shoving Kai off and slapping his chest for the third time in as many minutes. He did nothing but flash that cocky smile.

Chapter T
hirty-Eight

Kai

I would damn well love to christen the room with her. She drove me crazy and could literally get me hard with just one look. I wished I’d met her right after her dad died, maybe then she wouldn’t have lost her virginity on the backseat of a car. I wasn’t an angel but I wouldn’t have let that be a girl’s first time. Well, not anymore anyway.

Back at mine, we
sat on the sofa, waiting for Sophie and some Mark guy to get here. She’s spent the day with someone called Will but had moved on already. I didn’t even know the same amount of people as she’d slept with.

“Don’t leave me alone with
Sophie tonight, Tegan,” I said as Holly let them in.

She giggled and grabbed my hand.
I felt her touch down south. “I got your back, don’t worry… Astro.”

“Astro?” I asked
, raising my eyebrows.

“
Spaceman’s just too long.”

Fuck my family.

“No,” I said. “No space related nicknames or I’ll have a chat with your mum, there must be something I can use against you.” Of course I wouldn’t really have a conversation with her mum since I was pretty much the anti Christ.

We’d
decided to keep things low key, eat greasy Chinese and watch something funny on TV.

I positioned myself on the edge of t
he sofa beside Tegan. Wandering-hands-Sophie, couldn’t cop a feel. I didn’t mind an assertive woman but I wasn’t keen on sex pests. Thankfully, Sophie seemed to be a one man woman tonight but I wasn’t taking any chances.

“
I’m so full,” Tegan said, handing James her half eaten chow mien. He’d polish them off and everyone else’, too. Pig.

Tomorrow she was
starting back at sixth form and although I wanted to keep her here for as long as possible and drive her home in the early hours I knew I couldn’t. I didn’t want her to feel like shit on her first day so we were doing an afternoon thing. Selfishly, I did want to keep her longer. I wanted to do a lot of things with and to her actually.

By the time the vultures had downed all my beer and stuffed their faces full it was
seven o’clock and time for them all to do one. I bundled a very reluctant Tegan in my car and waved the others off. I was almost certain that Sophie was giving Mark a blow job as he drove off, she wasn’t that short.

“I feel like a
child,” Tegan whined. “It’s still early.”

“Well, at least you’re
handling it maturely.”

“
You have to get up early in the morning and if I don’t take you home now so you can get a good night’s sleep I know you’ll be chewing my ear off tomorrow.” She folded her arms over her chest and pouted. I knew she didn’t like being home much but this was ridiculous and a bit amusing. “Hey, now you look like a child, too.”

She gave me a dark look and tried not to laugh.
“Wanna come in and watch a movie? I’ll even let you choose.”

“Can you
not entertain yourself for one night?”

She
saw straight through me, though. I was sure ‘hell yeah’ was written all over my face. “Great. So, what do you wanna watch?”

“
One
film, Tegan, and not a long one.”

“Aww, Kai, don’t beat yourself up too much.”

Rolling my eyes, I pulled over outside her house. I should’ve expected that as soon as I’d said ‘long one’.

We sat on
her bed and watched
Letters to Juliette
. Turns out it wasn’t my choice after all. Didn’t really matter, though. Tegan got ready for bed and I had an awesome view of her legs in tiny shorts.

Ava popped her head around the open door.
“You two want a drink?” That was the second time in under half an hour that she’d asked. It was obvious what she was doing but it was really unnecessary. I wasn’t about to jump Tegan’s bones when she had a boyfriend and her family were just downstairs. Unless she asked nicely.

Tegan,
reaching her limit, snapped, “We’re not having sex, Ava!”

Oh
, dear God, what do I say now? 
I smiled, trying to make it look natural when all I wanted to do was laugh. Ava was being fucking annoying but Tegan had successfully shut her up.

Turning on her heel, Ava stalked off, shaking her head.

Just when everything was going to shit on screen – though it’d be fine in ten minutes time no doubt – Tegan fell asleep.

I crept off the bed and brushed her blonde hair out of her face. Fuck, she was beautiful. Her long eyelashes casted shadows on her face and her pink lips
pursed, ready to be devoured. Okay, I needed to leave before I did something I would not at all regret.

Her phone rang and Lucas’
s name flashed on the screen.

“Princess.” I nudged her
shoulder but she didn’t even flinch. Shit. I pressed the answer button. “Hello, Lucas.”

“Kai? Where’s Tegan?”
 

I nudged h
er again and she groaned. “Go away, Kai,” she mumbled sleepily.

Chuckling
, I replied to Lucas, “Err, she’s asleep.”

“Yeah
, I heard,” he said, sounding amused. “So how was the house?” he asked, making awkward small talk.

“
It was good. I think they’re gonna buy it.” 

“Cool. So
, she at home now?” 

“Yeah, she was bored and wanted to watch a film.
I think she might be nervous for tomorrow, too.”

“
Right. Yeah, makes sense. Can you tell her to call me when she wakes up?”

“Sure.”
I won’t be here…

“Thanks.”

We hung up at the same time, neither of us wanting to drag it out any longer.

I
put the phone down and got back on the bed. Willpower was never my strong point. “You awake?” She didn’t say anything so I kissed the top of her head again.
I love you.

“She sleeping?”
Alison asked as she came in Tegan’s room twenty minutes later.

“I’m not sleeping,” Tegan mumbled
into her pillow, throwing her arm over my stomach. Perfect. I was gonna get a hard-on when her mum was standing right there.

“Sure you weren’t,” I said.
Alison came in and sat on the bed with us. It was getting awkward pretty fast and I was trying, desperately, to control my hormones.

“
Whatever, Astro. What’s the time?” She groaned and sat up.

“Astro?”
Alison asked.

Tegan
laughed, waking up suddenly. “Kai had a big space phase when he was younger.”

“
Okay,
princess
, it was a long time ago and I really don’t think we need to bring it up.”

“
Aw, but you looked so cute in your little foil helmet.”

I turned to
Alison. “What dirt have you got on her?” She laughed and stood up.

“Lots, I’ll go get the photo albums
.”

Tegan grinned.
“You know she hasn’t got anything on me. I’m perfect.”

“
Of course you are.”

Her playful façade faltered for a second. She didn’t believe for one second that she was perfect. Who fucking was?

“Here.” Alison came back in and handed me an album.

“Seriously, Mum?”

I flicked open the first page and ignored Tegan shooting daggers into the side of my head. She was a cute kid, all big green eyes, unruly blonde hair and cheesy smiles.

Alison leaned over
. “This is Tegan when she was three. It was the first Christmas where she was excited about Father Christmas. She dressed up as an angel and wanted to be the one on the tree. When we said she couldn’t actually sit up there she threw a huge tantrum.”

“Yeah
, I can believe that,” I said.

Tegan mumbled something about hating us both but I couldn’t care less, this show and tell was golden.

“So, have you got any really embarrassing pictures?” I asked. I flicked through all three of the albums while Alison told me stories. Both me and Alison were laughing. The little princess was not.

“A
re you both finished?” Tegan asked, frowning adorably as I closed the last album. 

“
For now, yes.”

“I hope you know I’m going to be seeing your mum again on Wednesday and I’ll be asking her for stories
, too.”
Damn, I didn’t think of that.

I
put on a poker face and smiled. “Knock yourself out.”

“I will.”

Ava came in next, she really couldn’t help herself, and sat beside Alison. She looked between me and Tegan and raised her eyebrows. She clearly had a problem with us. Our sides were touching, ooh.

“
What’re we talking about?” Ava asked.

“Embarrassing moments from Tegan’s childhood,” I replied
.

“And we’d finished.
You suck, Kai!”

Laughing, I nudged her. When Ava and her judgemental eyes weren’t around things were actually
pretty normal. Alison was cool with me now and I felt more and more comfortable around her.

“You ready for sixth form
, honey?” Alison asked.

Tegan groaned.
“Yeah.”

“I thought you were looking forward to it?”

“I am, but it means getting up early again.”

“
You don’t have to get up that early,” I said.

She nodded. “It’s before ten.”

“Well, yeah…”

“So
, Kai, do you have a girlfriend?” Ava asked. It wasn’t a question that surprised me. The timing did, though.

I clenched my jaw. She knew the fucking answer to that. If Alison wasn’t here I’d have said something a little more colourful. “No,” I replied.

“Let’s go, Ava,” Alison said and got up. She looked embarrassed that her daughter had asked me that. It didn’t bother me, not really. I was fine with people not liking me.

“Tegan
, don’t be up too late, okay?” Tegan nodded at her mum before she closed the door.

“I’m sorry
about my idiot sister.”

“
Hey, it’s fine.” I’d had worse.