Authors: Whitney Cannavina
Slowly he enters me, stretching me and filling me with his member. I don’t know when it happened or why but my body responds to his without my consent. Moving in slow leisurely thrusts, I start to move with him.
“That’s it baby. Feel me.” Grunting and moaning I know he’s getting closer and closer to climax. I try to stave mine off, not wanting to give him the satisfaction but I think it’s going to be near impossible. I don’t know why my body wants to defy me by gaining pleasure from this sick fuck, but it continues to climb closer and closer to exploding.
“God you feel so good. So fucking good.” His thrust become deeper, harder and more erratic before I climax followed two thrust later by his. As I feel his seed shoot into me in quick succession, my fear takes over not wanting to experience another pregnancy and forceful abortion.
There are so many emotions roiling in my heart and head right now that I can’t seem to control my breathing and racing heart as I have an anxiety attack with Jeremy still inside of me. I can’t breathe, my heart feels like it’s going to explode, and my vision starts to darken. Jeremy finally takes notice pulling out of me and pulling me up into his arms. I try to move away but he holds me tighter. Close to his chest that I can hear the thump, thump of his heart beat. I try to match my breathing to the beat of his heart to calm down.
I know why I am having an anxiety attack. There has just been too much that has happened. Being kidnapped, beaten, raped, losing my baby, and now my body turning against me, it was the last straw. I don’t know how to handle all of this. I’m betraying my family, Forrest and myself. How can I ever forgive myself for the feelings Jeremy has evoked in me. Loathing and pleasure don’t go together making me feel as if I have betrayed anyone and everyone who has ever cared for me.
I don’t know how long I sat there with Jeremy rocking me back and forth, smoothing my hair and telling me I’ll be alright before I finally got my breathing under control. I was exhausted by the time it was over and I just wanted to fall into a deep sleep and never wake up for fear of the person I was becoming.
“Shh. It’s ok Sierra, my beautiful girl. It’s ok.” He just didn’t get it. It wasn’t ok. None of this was ok. “Rest. I’ll be back later to collect you for dinner.” Laying me gently on my bed, Jeremy pulls the blanket over my half naked body and kisses my forehead whispering I love you to me. I know he wants to hear it back and if I can do something right, it’s this. I’ll say it back to him to make him happy and to protect my brother even if I can’t protect myself.
“I love you.” I whisper but I don’t know if he heard me. I turn away so he doesn’t see me crying as he leaves my room to let me rest. My life is officially over. I have gone to hell and there is no way I can dig my way out. I have been taken to the darkest depths of despair and I can’t find the light at the end of the tunnel. This is my life now. Beatings, unwanted pleasure from a monster because of my traitorous body, and words of affection that are false in feeling. Now I must worry that I am going to be pregnant again and have to go through another beating to rid the baby. I don’t know how I can fix any of this or escape this future.
What would Forrest think of me if he knew? He would hate me for sure. I hate me. Would my parents still want me if they knew everything? Would my brother disown me for getting his best friend killed? Probably. How can I ever go back to my family and friends if I escape this? They would hate me for all eternity for what happened here today and what happened to Forrest. It’s all my fault. Maybe I truly deserved this. Maybe I should just make the most of this life because there is no going back for me.
As I fall into a deep sleep all my mind can conjure up is Forrest. Like every other night it’s always Forrest there telling me to hold on. Telling me he will find me and save me. But this night is different. This night he doesn’t promise he will find and save me. No. This night he is so far away. I try to reach for him but he moves out of my reach. His face is sad, disappointed like he knows what happened. I try to stop him. I try to explain that I didn’t want any of this but he just shakes his head and turns away. Walking away from me I call for him to wait. I tell him I love him and to please not leave me here but he never looks back. He just walks right out the door of the grey room we were in and leaves me standing alone. I know he won’t be back after this and I drop to my knees and cry.
When I wake up from my bad dream my pillow is soaked in my tears as I must have been crying in my sleep. I sit up and dry my face with my shirt before looking around my dark room. I must have napped several hours because the clock on my night stand says seven. I know Jeremy will be here to collect me soon so I need to look presentable for him and hide the fact that I was crying. Time to put a fake smile on my face and pretend to be the doting girlfriend. I guess that means I have accepted that this is my new reality. There will be no saving or escape for me.
To be continued…