Savin' Me (23 page)

He rested his forehead against the window and
stared at the river. Tears of shame and regret burned the back of
his eyes, and for the first time in ten years, he couldn’t stop
them. “We had a huge fight… She left my apartment, hurt and angry.
I was angry that she’d been difficult. But mostly, I was furious
with myself for hurting her.”

His sharp exhale fogged the glass, and he
absently swiped his fingers through the moisture, wishing the past
could be so easily erased. “I decided to take her home with me and
protect her the best I could from my mother. I was determined to
make her understand… it wasn’t that she wasn’t good enough. In
reality, my family wasn’t good enough for her.

“She didn’t have a cell phone, so I got in my
car and went after her.” Tremors began in his fingers, then climbed
his arms and spread through his body as he recalled the events in
clear, horrifying detail. His throat closed, and he had to force
the words past the blockage. “She ran a red light… I got there
moments after the accident happened. People were rushing to her
car, trying to help. The driver’s side door had been hit, and we
couldn’t get to her.”

He looked at the scars on his palms. “I
shredded my hands trying to rip through the metal… but I couldn’t
get to her… There was nothing I could do. The paramedics said she
died on impact, and it wouldn’t have made a difference. But it
would have… She wouldn’t have been in that car alone.”

***

Kat felt Erik’s pain in every fiber of her
being. She swiped her tears away and stifled a sob. She wanted to
go to him, to hold him, and take away some of his pain. But she
couldn’t do any of that for him. He’d stuffed this down for too
long, and he needed to work through it on his own terms.

Anger and outrage marred his handsome face as
he turned to face her. “I allowed her to die thinking she wasn’t
good enough. Nothing could have been further from the truth. I,
obviously,
wasn’t good enough for her. When I asked her
dad’s permission to marry her, I promised him I would take care of
her. I failed in every possible way.”

Unable to allow this faulty thinking to
continue, Kat stood and closed the gap between them. “The accident
wasn’t your fault. She drove the car. She ran the red light.” She
stroked away her tears, then cupped his jaw in her palm, forcing
him to look at her. “It was a horrible tragedy, but it wasn’t your
fault.”

“Not taking her home with me. Allowing her to
think, even for a second, that she wasn’t good enough… that was my
fault. And that’s what caused the accident.” Renewed determination
set in as he yanked his head away from her hand. “I will never risk
doing that to anyone again. Especially not you.” He picked up his
water bottle and tossed the towel over his shoulder. Looking at her
with a mixture of regret and determination, he said, “You know the
way out.”

Chapter Fifteen

Erik fought back an anguished howl as he
watched Kat circle around the driveway and leave his property.

Dammit, sending her away
was
the right
thing.

So why did it feel like his heart had been
ripped from his chest while his soul collapsed?

The sound of the ringing phone pulled his
attention away from the window. His dad, along with everyone else
at the plant, must be wondering where he was, so he gave in to the
incessant ringing and snatched up the receiver. “What?”

“Son? Are you all right?”

He ground his teeth together and bit back a
snide remark. No, he wasn’t all right. He’d never be all right
again. But that wasn’t his dad’s fault, and there wasn’t any need
to take it out on him. Squelching his frustrations, he said, “I’m
fine. I just had some stuff to do this morning. I need to shower,
then I’ll be there.”

“Okay, good. When you come in, bring my golf
clubs. I’ve got a game scheduled tomorrow.”

“Will do.”

He disconnected the call and headed for a
much needed shower. While standing under the pulsating spray for
what seemed like hours, he wished the water could also wash away
all of his life’s ugliness. That of the past ten years. And
especially that of the past two days.

While his on-demand water heater would allow
him to stay in the shower forever without running out of hot water,
he couldn’t hide in the tile enclosure forever. It was time to man
up and face the rest of the godforsaken day.

Kat and Steve had left Erik’s car in the
driveway with the key under the mat, so he cut through the garage,
grabbed his dad’s clubs, and exited the side door. He pushed the
button on his key fob to pop the trunk, and as it lifted, a flash
of pink caught his attention. The sight of Kat’s boogie board set
off a barrage of memories that acted like an electrical shock,
stopping his breath and short-circuiting his heart.

Kat wading into the ocean in running
clothes, laughing and splashing with the kids.

Kat good-naturedly throwing back shots with
his friends after losing in cards.

The pleasure on her face and the look in her
eye when they…

Made love?

Yeah, that’s exactly what it had been. Even
though she hadn’t said I love you until today, their connection had
grown hotter and stronger until the words hadn’t been necessary.
He’d seen it in her eyes and it terrified him, because it forced
him to acknowledge that he loved her too.

And the way he felt now was how he’d feel if
something tragic happened to her. He felt a breath away from dying
himself, and the reality of the situation rocked him. He wasn’t
being chivalrous and saving Kat from himself, although he used the
bullshit excuse that she was better off without him. In truth, he
was protecting himself from the risk of once again suffering a
devastating loss.

And doing a piss-poor job of saving either of
them. Shit, all he’d done was pile grief onto both of them.

Love had risk associated with it. But it
didn’t have to turn out badly. For all he knew, he and Kat might
have seventy years of bliss ahead of them.

Jesus, he was a fucking idiot.

Could she ever forgive him? That seemed like
a tall order, even for someone as big hearted and loving as Kat,
but he had to give it a try.

However, before he could move fully forward
with his life—one that hopefully included Kat—he had to forgive
himself for the past. He dumped the clubs in the trunk of his car,
then ran back inside. He had a call to make.

***

After talking with Lindsey’s parents for an
hour, Erik felt like he’d been drug across the Atlantic behind a
freighter. He shed ten years’ worth of tears and purged the deep
regret he harbored. He told her parents about Kat and all the ways
she reminded him of Lindsey. The important ways, like her big
heart, compassionate nature, and ability to see beyond people’s
faults and love them anyway.

And he promised to introduce them to Kat as
soon as he worked this whole mess out.

After a quick call to his dad to say he
wasn’t going to make it to work after all, he ran down the pier,
jumped on his boat, and headed across the river.

As he crossed the street to SMG, Rusty exited
the front door. Seeing Erik, he stopped on the steps and waited.
“You all right?”

Erik smiled. He must look like hell, but on
the inside, he couldn’t remember being better. “Yeah, I am. But
I’ll be even better after I see Kat.” He started to pass Rusty on
the steps, then paused and said, “Oh… you’re fired. I want Kat
back.”

His laughter and elevated mood died when
Rusty said, “She’s not here. And you can’t have her back; she
quit.”

“What?” He backed down the step to stand even
with Rusty.

Rusty shrugged. “I told her I wouldn’t accept
her resignation in the heat of the moment, but I’m not counting on
a change of heart. Between you and Elise, I think she’s done.”

Erik scrubbed a hand over his head. “I fucked
up. I know it. But I’m here to apologize and make things right.
Both personally and professionally…” The sentence died off as
Rusty’s words sank in “What did Elise do?”

“Same old bullshit.” He threw up a hand and
shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it. And you need to
find Kat. Last I saw her, she was headed off to find you.” He
shrugged. “I haven’t seen her since, so I’d check her house.”

After ringing the doorbell and knocking
several times, Erik decided Kat’s house was too still for her to be
home. But her car was in the lot, so where could she be?

Running.

One thing he learned about her over the
weekend was that she ran when stressed. And thanks to the way he
treated her, her stress level was probably pretty damned high. He
took a seat on the deck overlooking the waterfront and got comfy.
He didn’t care how long he had to wait; he wasn’t going anywhere
until he had the chance to apologize.

Thirty minutes later, he saw a lone figure
jogging along the narrow road paralleling the river. He could tell
she’d been running a long time by her labored strides and slow
pace, and he wished for the hundredth time today he could kick his
own ass.

With each step she took, his doubt grew
stronger. What if she wouldn’t forgive him for being an asshole?
What if he hurt her so badly she
couldn’t
forgive him?

He brushed the doubt aside, refusing to
accept the negative thoughts. Hoping to shake off his explosive
nervous energy, he paced back and forth on her deck and watched her
draw near.

She ran facing traffic, and several cars were
coming from behind. He checked his watch and noted the high school
had just let out, which explained the heavy traffic on this
normally sparsely traveled road.

Suddenly, a dog ran out from the brush. It
barked at Kat and ran across the road, chasing her. The lead car
slammed on brakes and avoided hitting the dog. But the second car
in line didn’t brake, and instead, swerved to keep from rear-ending
the car in front.

As it crossed the center of the road and
headed straight for Kat, a panicked warning ripped from his throat.
But Kat was too far away to hear him over the squealing tires and
blaring car horns.

Kat turned her head and looked behind her as
the swerving car slammed on brakes, but it was too late.

The car hit her with a sickening thud and
tossed her into the air like a ragdoll.

Shock and horror ripped through him, buckling
his knees and freezing his lungs, as Kat’s lifeless body rolled
once, then stopped facedown on the grass. Reflexes took over, and
without conscious thought, Erik had his cell phone in his hand,
dialing 911 while running down the stairs when he heard sirens
approaching.

Kat’s apartment was in the old fire station,
and the new station had been built next door. The crewmen were
always sitting in the doorway, watching the traffic, and must have
seen the accident occur. By the time he reached Kat’s side, the
paramedics had also arrived. Matt Vickers, a Riverside resident
Erik had known all of his life, was the lead paramedic. He and Erik
pushed through the crowd and reached her side at the same time.

Erik swallowed the terror in his throat and
beat back the rising bile to ask, “How bad does it look, Matt?”

“Do you know her?”

Unable to speak around his closed throat,
Erik nodded.

“It’s hard to know exactly what we’re dealing
with. Right now, we’ve got a pulse, and although it’s unsteady and
labored, she’s breathing on her own.”

Erik shook from head to toe as adrenaline
ripped through his system. The numbness in his extremities began to
recede as they put her in a neck brace, then gingerly placed her
onto a backboard.

“I’m going with her.” This was nonnegotiable,
and he hoped he didn’t have to throw down in the street with Matt
to make it happen.

Matt nodded. “You’ll have to ride in the
front.” As the other paramedics placed Kat in the ambulance, Matt
asked, “Do you know her next of kin?”

Paralyzing fear locked him in place and froze
his breathing.

His expression must have screamed his panic
because Matt placed a reassuring arm on his shoulder and said, “We
just need to notify her family of the accident.”

Relief flooded his system and made him
week-kneed again, but he somehow managed to stay vertical and get
his faculties working. He found her cell phone lying on the ground
and snatched it up. “She’d want her grandfather notified first.
I’ve never met him, but I want to be the one to call. I’ll do it on
the way to the hospital.”

The next several hours passed in a blur. The
doctor said although her injuries weren’t life threatening, they
were extensive and severe. Erik lost track of the broken bones and
scrapes and concentrated on the biggies. Broken ribs had punctured
a lung, and there was significant head trauma. Because of that,
they would keep her heavily sedated and intubated for several days.
They also wouldn’t know if there was permanent brain damage until
she’d regained consciousness.

For the first time in years, Erik closed his
eyes and prayed.

***

Around midnight, Kat’s parents and
grandfather arrived. Erik introduced himself as a friend of Kat’s,
and soon after their arrival, the doctor came in to explain the
situation.

Kat’s grandfather asked questions while her
father sat quietly in a chair. Her mother paced the room in her
tailored suit and conservative one-inch heels, appearing more
agitated and inconvenienced than concerned. As soon as the doctor
left the room, Kat’s mother said, “Well, there isn’t a need for us
to stay here any longer tonight.” Turning her attention to Erik,
she said, “I noticed several hotels around the hospital. Is this a
decent area? Can you suggest a suitable hotel?” Without giving Erik
a chance to respond, she waved her hand dismissively, and said,
“Never mind. I’ll ask at the information desk in the lobby.”