Say You'll Never Love Me (29 page)

He slid pizza boxes onto the counter, then wrapped her in his arms. “I can’t stop thinking about this afternoon.”

God help her. Her stomach fluttered and heat pooled. Damn him. She hated he caused such a reaction without even trying. She pushed away. “That was a mistake. Another example of how I continue to make stupid decisions.”

“I don’t think it was stupid.” He reached for her again, and she spun away, but he caught her by the wrist. “Why are you doing this?”

“What? Going to tell Silbie the pizza’s here?” She should know better than to play dumb.

He scowled. “No. Pushing me away.”

With the latest development, she wasn’t up to arguing. Not now. His expression remained sober, so she moved closer and rested her head against his chest. “Today has been the best and worst day. Please trust me on this and not ask me to talk about it. Okay?”

He didn’t speak for a minute. Just held her the same way her daddy had when she was a girl. His embrace could fix anything and now, Jared furnished the same comfort and protection against all the Bronson’s and Rory’s and hateful mother-in-law’s of the world.

He stroked her hair. “Whatever the problem is, please don’t take it out on me. Things are finally right between us. No lies. No pretense. Let’s keep it that way.”

Why did he have to be so understanding? Why couldn’t he be a selfish jerk?
What’s wrong with me? I ask him to be patient and then want him to be a jackass.
One thing for sure. She didn’t want to stir things up. Not now. Not with him. “I do, too.” She pecked him on the cheek. “Let me call Silbie.”

As always, he engaged the little girl in a way Raynie couldn’t. It was a father-daughter connection even though they weren’t related.

“A fire-breathing dragon,” Jared said. “What would you choose, Raynie?”

“Huh?”

“Silbie asked what you’d want to be, real or make believe.”

Raynie smiled. “And you’d be a dragon?”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“How cool would it be for Silbie to ride a dragon to school?”

“It’d be so cool! Would you take me every day?”

“I would. Plus, I could help your Aunt barbecue.” He raised his hands, opened his mouth and pretended to breathe fire.

Silbie giggled. “You’re funny.”

He turned back to Raynie. “So? Your choice?”

“Hmm. A wizard. Cast evil spells on bad people, and grant wishes to good ones.”

“I bet you already have a list. Okay, sweet pea, your turn.”

Silbie widened her eyes. “I’d be a unicorn because they burp rainbows, toot glitter, and poop jelly beans!”

Jared chuckled. “I think we were set up. Where’d you hear that?”

She giggled harder. “My friend, Katie.”

Later, after three games of Old Maid, Silbie’s bath, and Jared’s bedtime story about the home run that sent his team to the finals, he and Raynie were alone. She’d already spent far too much time with him today, but the thought of him leaving caused her stomach to hurt. Once he did, she’d be left with a stack of black and whites and the threat of losing Silbie.

As much as she wished to avoid showing him the pictures, he’d reminded her. No lies. No pretense. Better to explain everything than risk him finding out some other way. And he would. He was in one of the pictures.

“We need to talk.”

He glanced up from his phone. “About today? I know I freaked you out when I said it meant more than fun.”

She shook her head. “No. I mean, yeah, that too, but there’s something else more pressing.” She walked to the hutch and slid the 8x10’s from beneath the mats and went to sit next to him. “You remember me saying I thought someone was watching me.”

He ran a hand over his face. “I don’t like the sound of this.”

“I was right. Thanks to Evan’s parents I’ve been under surveillance. They’re fighting for custody.”

His jaw tightened and his lips thinned into a hard line. “Well they won’t win. You were Celeste’s and Evan’s choice. The court won’t go against that.”

“They might. I wanted to tell you before someone questions you about our relationship. See what I mean by stupid decisions?”

He focused on the papers. “They don’t have pictures of us, do they?” He narrowed his eyes as if replaying the visit. “They can’t. The blinds were closed. So what went on in my office won’t affect the case.”

“It will if this goes to court and you’re called to testify. Besides, it isn’t just you.”

“Dammit, Raynie. Show me.”

She passed them over.

He stared at the first one. “Who is this guy?”

“Rico.”

Jared glared at her. “I thought you said he lived in California. He’s at this house. How do you explain that?”

She understood he wasn’t jealous, only upset she might have lied. So far, lies had played a big part in their relationship. “He was on his way to L.A. and stopped by. It was a long time ago.”

“How long?”

His voice tightened, and she didn’t like his tone. “The day after I met you.”

“And this one at the hotel? Same visit?”

“Yes.”

A smiled played at the corners of his mouth when he looked at the next one. “Glad I made the cut.” He studied the one from the night of their sunflower date where he had her slung over his shoulder going into his apartment. “Not my best side.” He stacked it behind the almost kiss on her porch. “This one is much better.”

With the next photo, his mood went from light to dark in two seconds. Fire burned in his eyes. “This dude?”

“My yard man stepped inside for his check. It looks bad because he isn’t wearing a shirt, but we never touched. I swear.”

He slipped the glossy behind the others and laughed. “Well, this one of Sean can’t hurt you. But who is this cowboy?”

“Celeste’s lover.”

“What?”

“Yeah, my reaction, too. I met him at the cemetery and needed answers, so he came over. Again, no romantic connection, but these make me look like bad.”

“We can get Marc to help. I’m not sure he handles cases like this, but if not, he’ll recommend somebody.”

Jared laid the images aside and took Raynie in his arms again. She relaxed in his embrace and decided everything would be okay. How could it not? Mr. Mafia Wannabe knew a mean sonovabitch who would take care of the problem.

When the truth comes out, it comes out swinging.

~Unknown

RAYNIE’S EMOTIONS PULLED
in all directions. Custody battle. Jared. Moving. Lying to Silbie. She kept telling herself justice was on her side. Yeah, but would that matter?

Sex with two different men in a short span didn’t prove her unfit, so why did she feel cheap? She took a deep breath. One problem at a time was all she could handle. That meant concentrating on prairies dogs, Chihuahua coronary concoctions, and the biggest heart ailment of all. Jared.

She unwrapped the towel from her head and ran a brush through the curls. She’d stripped the color, because a judge might not appreciate her creativity. She needed to change her persona with a more respectable appearance. Not like a wild woman with no business raising a child. She pulled the strands to the side and braided.

“Aunt Raynie? Will you do my hair like yours?”

She spun around. Silbie sat Indian style in the doorway. “You snuck up on me!”

“You were cloud thinking. Mommy used to say that.”

For the first time, Silbie used past tense. A good sign. She was finally accepting her parents’ death. She stood in front of the mirror and Raynie brushed the tangles. The thought of losing her niece made Raynie’s lungs burn. She’d bonded with the child. Stronger than she ever imagined. She couldn’t let the Collins win, but they had money. Connections.

She wound the rubber band in place and hugged her. “I love you more than anything. You know that right?”

Silbie slid her arms around Raynie’s waist. “I love you, too. Will you let me dye my hair again sometime?”

“Absolutely.” Even if the grandparents won, Raynie would be allowed visitation. The Collins couldn’t shut her out. A court would never hand down such a verdict. She hoped. But the photos made her appear unfit and a bad influence, so they might. “What did you say?”

“I love Father Jared, too. I’m glad he’s your boyfriend.”

Raynie sat on the edge of the tub. “He spends time with us because he’s a nice man. He isn’t my boyfriend.”

“Yes, he is.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because he says your name different from everybody else, and he smiles when he looks at you.”

“He does?”

“Uh-huh.”

Another denial tripped on her tongue. What did people say? Out of the mouths of babes? For a fleeting moment, Raynie thought she could have a future with Jared. But then reality set in. She’d tried to be good enough for Bronson and Rory. And failed. No. A happy ending wasn’t in the cards for her. As Silbie answered the door, Raynie swallowed her truth.

“Hey, sweet pea, you ready to go?”

The excitement in his voice matched Silbie’s enthusiasm. Raynie was the only Debbie Downer in the bunch.

He hugged Silbie and gave Raynie the full force of his dimples and then a peck on the cheek.

“See, I told you he’s your boyfriend.”

Jared let go of the little girl and pulled Raynie into a hug as if to say he agreed. Her brain said to push away, but her heart wanted to stay close to him for eternity. Then she remembered that was a term jewelers used to sell diamonds. Regardless of what he and Silbie thought, he was not her boyfriend. She didn’t have those.

Hours later, Raynie decided seeing one prairie dog was plenty, but Silbie loved every minute. When they arrived at Pete’s Pizza, Raynie recovered, while her two partners played arcade games. Thankful to be in air conditioning, she blotted her face with a paper napkin. Heat, dust, a sleepless night, and the lawsuit combined caused her stomach to churn. She swallowed a drink of water and tried to focus on positive things.

There wasn’t a more cheerful place for kids than Pete’s. Built in two sections, bright yellow, green, and blue booths dotted a black and white tile floor. In the lower half, video machines lined the walls, with stuffed animals and piñatas hanging overhead. Near the entry, a ticket booth and prize redemption counter.

Their order number boomed over the loud speaker. Raynie craned her neck to find her two companions in the crowd. Silbie tossed a ball at a hole while Jared gave her tips on technique. The way the child idolized him, and the patience he had with her melted Raynie’s heart. He could break it, too. Easily if she let him.

The waitress delivered the food at the same time Jared and Silbie came to the booth. Even though Raynie had placed herself in the middle of the plastic bench, that didn’t deter him. He nudged her over and planted himself next to her, their legs touching from hip to knee. She moved a little to the right, and so did he.

“See all these tickets I won!” Silbie pulled a string of blue coupons from her jeans pocket and dangled them in the air. “I want a stuffed prairie dog.”

“I saw one hanging near the Pacman game.” Jared reached for Raynie’s hand, placed it to his lips. This time, she shifted and crooked her leg onto the seat forcing him to stay where he was.

He got the message and didn’t like it. She could already read his thoughts. That was so—intimate.

He shoved a bite into his mouth and cheese dangled from his lips. Silbie pointed and laughed. He made a crazy face, stretched the wild string into the air, then sucked it in a little at a time.

Poor Silbie. She’d lost her dad, and now Raynie planned to take Jared from her. She was the most horrible person alive, but there was no way around it. She’d given up her carefree status for this new job, but every decision couldn’t be based on her niece’s happiness. Didn’t Raynie deserve her own? How could she be a good parent if she was miserable?

Losing custody, would make it a moot point. She’d be out of Silbie’s world. If that happened, she wondered if Jared would keep the relationship going or if the Collins’ would allow it?

A wave of nausea swept over her. She clutched her stomach and slapped her hand over her mouth. “Let me out!”

Jared scooted from the booth and Raynie ran for the bathroom.

After vomiting, she slurped water from her palm, and wished for a toothbrush. She’d been fooling herself. It’d all caught up with her. Celeste’s’ death. Mom’s engagement. The lawsuit. Jared wanting more than Raynie could give. All of it weighing on her soul, choking the life out of her. She was losing herself and didn’t know what to do.

“Aunt Raynie?”

Lost in her misery, Raynie jumped. “What?”

“Are you sick?”

“A little.”

The door eased open a crack and Jared leaned around it. “You okay?”

“Yeah. You two finish your pizza.”

“We’ll get a to-go box. We should take you home. You don’t look so good.”

After a cool shower, two antacids, and an hour-and-half of rest, she’d bounced back to her old self. She wasn’t sure which edition that was. Since coming to Lubbock, the lines blurred. She didn’t know the definition of normal anymore.

By the time they arrived at Stars and Stripes, it was twilight. Jared took Silbie to get the famous sandwich while Raynie rested her head in the open window. Stress still gripped her, but at least her stomach had settled. Staring up at the sky, she thought how that same moon shone over Austin. Her home. She wished to be back there. Away from hateful grandparents. Away from a house filled with her sister’s memories. Away from a perfect man she didn’t deserve. With those final thoughts, she closed her eyes and drifted into sleep.