Scars and Songs (8 page)

Conner and Lea looked at each other and then to me.

Lea stood up, “I really donʼt think she should be alone with everything that just happened with her brother, Jake. Shoot, I hate going running with her.”

“I
ʼll go with her,” I offered. “Itʼll give you guys a chance to be alone. Conner told me he was horny in the kitchen.” I didnʼt wait for Lea to disagree with me or even laugh at my audacity. I just leapt to my feet and dashed to the door, picking my sweatshirt up off the floor on the way.

Grace was stretching on the front steps when I walked out. Her perfect body bending and twisting; even in sweats, the girl was making my mouth water.  I moved beside her and stretched along with her.

She froze when she noticed me there. “What are you doing?” she asked with narrowed eyes.

I didn
ʼt want her to think this was a weak move to get her to sleep with me, so I challenged her. “I thought Iʼd run with you,” I chuckled. “I figured you wouldnʼt care; you know since youʼre just one of the guys, and this is what I do with the guys. Unless you donʼt think you could handle it.”

Her eyes narrowed more and that gorgeous sly smile appeared on her lips. “I
ʼll try my best.” Then she bolted into a dead run.

Not a jog, not a fast walk. 
A balls to the wall dead run
.

She headed towards Fifth Avenue; hooked a right and sped past the Metropolitan Museum of Art. She crossed into Central Park and started on the Reservoir Loop around the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir. I tried to keep up the pace, silently. Who was I kidding, there was no way I could run that fast and talk at the same time;
that’s
why I stayed silent.

She ran the park loops twice.
Holy shit, I completely understood why Lea hated to run with her; this was inhumane
. We must have done twenty miles; running at full speed.  My lungs ached and the stitch in my side was like a knife plunging in my gut continuously.  But Grace, she looked like she had been relaxing on a freakin’ beach the whole time.  For the last fifteen minutes of the run, I choked back the vomit that was threatening to splatter itself all over the path through Central Park I was running on.

Dusk had settled over the city when she slowed down and jogged slowly to her building. She stretched her legs on the steps again. I watched as she moved her body fluidly
, gracefully. I was filled with awe. I was also filled with pain from head to toe. I cleared my throat to make sure she knew I was still there.

She spun around and regarded me what looked like a hint of respect.

“Youʼre a runner, huh?” I said, trying my hardest not to pant or show how completely out of breath I was.   It didn’t work, I stuttered and stammered, panting like a slobbering Saint Bernard all over myself.

She squished up her face and gave me the most adorable exasperated expression I
ʼd ever seen anyone give. “I said I was going for a run. You assumed that I wasnʼt
man
enough?” she asked.

“Not many people surprise me, Grace, you just surprised the shit out of me.”
She completely ignored me and unlocked the front door. I sighed to myself. I hated having to watch her walk away from me. “Did my heart love till now? Forswear it sight, for I never saw true beauty till this night,” I whispered.

“Shakespeare,” she whispered back.

I hadnʼt realized I quoted him out loud. Her expression was beautiful and haunted. I knew I needed to stay away from her; she would make me want to have a human life that I know I would never be allowed to have. I turned to walk away, but couldnʼt help myself and I turned back, but continued walking backwards. “Hey, you coming to the bar tonight?” I called to her.

She stopped and turned around, “Maybe, I don
ʼt know, I have to see how I feel after a shower.”

I felt the smile burst across my face.  How could I
not
say something back to
that
?  “Do you need help with that? Iʼd like to see how you feel after a shower too...”

She slammed the door on me, but before she did, I saw her smile. 
Damn, she was beautiful
.

I walked home slowly. My body was screaming at me to shut down. I dragged myself into a hot shower and stayed under the stream for at least an hour. I gulped down more aspirin to try to numb my throbbing muscles.

Hauling myself onto the couch, I sat with just a pair of jeans on, waiting until I had to leave for the show.  My eyes blurred and my head swam, darkness engulfing me.  The warmth of Selah’s soft hands in mine filled my dreams.

However, it was Ethan’s huge hands that shook me awake.

It took me a minute to figure out where I was and what I was supposed to be doing. Realizing I had only a few minutes to get my stuff together before the gig, I jumped up and was surprised that my body felt rested and just a bit sore.

Ethan and I made our way to the bar and commandeered our favorite table. I leaned back comfortably with a beer in hand. Alex, Brayden, Tucker
, and Conner, showed up a few minutes later and joined us. I almost bit my teeth clear through my tongue, trying not to ask Conner if the girls were going to show up.

The place just started to get crowded when I notice an insanely pair of sexy black leather boots walk through the front door. Her tight jeans showed off her curves and the way she walked through the crowd made every man in the room notice her.  Grace was simply perfect.

Tucker jumped up when he saw her. A stupid smile lit up his face; I wanted to punch it the fuck off.

Conner grabbed their coats, hung them on the back of two chairs, and acted the part of gentlemen. She wore a flattering sweater that hung off one shoulder and her hair fell in thick wavy curls to her waist.

Lea stood in front of the table and waved a hand towards us. “Grace, you didnʼt get to meet the rest of the guys last night. Of course, you know Tucker and Conner,” she said. “This is Ethan the drummer, and this is Brayden, the bass player; you know Shane already.”

Alex came up to the table with a huge bucket of icy cold beers for everyone.  “And that
ʼs Alex,” Lea continued. “He plays rhythm guitar and keyboard.” Alex gave her a smile and raised his eyebrows. Lea grabbed Grace away from Alex and moved her into the seat next to Tucker. Tucker handed her a beer and leaned into her ear to whisper something to her.  She gave him a smile that never reached her eyes and she whispered something back to him. 
Shit
. Rage burned in my stomach. Tucker was looking at her with his beady little greedy eyes. He was practically eye fucking her in front of everyone and she was
smiling
back at him.  I almost asked him how his threesome was from the other night, just so Grace would know what kind of a guy she was smiling at, but I decided not to be a douchebag. 
Yet
.

Tucker flicked his eyes towards me and he smirked.
What the fuck?
It felt like he was staking a claim, calling dibs on the new toy. I wanted to rip his heart out and hand it back to him. I couldnʼt even explain the feelings that rocked my body at that very moment. I held my beer so tight that I felt like I could smash it with just a little more pressure.
Is this what jealousy was?  How pathetically human of me. 
If he touched her in front of me one time, I was going to kick him hard under the table and say it was an accident.  I swear I wanted to bust his nuts right there.  Realizing I was glaring at Tucker hard, I ripped my gaze off him and chanced a small glance at her.

Her eyes were on mine
.
We held a private glance together for just a moment, but a strange calmness rolled in slow waves over my body
.
I didnʼt know what the hell was happening. I didnʼt know what control this human had over my body, but I knew I couldnʼt give her any more.

Ethan tapped me on the head with his drumsticks to get my attention.  I could barely move. I didn
ʼt want to leave her here with Tucker.  I didnʼt want his hands on her perfect skin.  But what could I possibly say or do?  I desperately wanted to tell her she reminded me of the love of my existence, and that I needed to be with her, even if it was just for one night. 
Yeah, how crazy would I look then?
  I nosily pushed my seat back and stormed toward the stage.

“What the hell was that look?” Lea asked Grace when she thought I was out of earshot.  I didn
ʼt wait to hear Graceʼs answer. 
I had to get this girl out of my mind
.

I jumped on the stage and felt the pulse of the crowd.   This was my own way of getting high now, my only way to remember how it felt to be invincible.

I started the set with a nod to Ethan. A tornado of rage burst through my hands as I danced them over the strings of my guitar. The crowd hummed and echoed back the intensity of the melody I threw at them.

I blasted through each song.  Every note I played, every breath I took was a small piece of my soul breaking and smashing beneath the feet of the dancing crowd.  Grace’s silver eyes, and the thought of her in the audience watching me from somewhere below me, was a constant thought in the back of my mind.  I played like there was a fire ripping through my body, and there was,
its name was Grace
.

At the end of one song, Alex motioned to my harp guitar and smiled. I nodded to him and agreed. Lea and Grace appeared near the front of the stage. I gave Lea a wink, because I knew this was her favorite song. 

I ran to the back of the small stage and picked my twelve string up. My fingers moved along the strings before I could even strap it on. I walked to the front of the stage and twisted an intricate melody painlessly from my fingertips.

I sung the words as if they were they first
ever to be whispered into being. I watched Graceʼs face as the emotions bore on her features. 
Shock, awe, desire, elation, and longing
.  A surge of pure adrenaline tore through my body, knowing that I put those expressions on her face. 
Me
. 

I locked eyes with her and
sang
.  Sang my heart out.  The heat of the spotlights above me burned through my clothes and sweat beaded across my skin.  I kneeled down on stage to close the distance between us, my fingers playing my twelve strings like I wanted to play her body.

Tucker walked up behind her and spun her around to dance with her. His features were so human
, terrified of rejection,
yet longing, lustful, and greedy
. My heart ached; it burned. She was born into this world and I hated that, just like Selah, and I wasnʼt the right one for
her
either. She was forbidden to me; and her prize in this shitty world would be someone like Tucker.

We ended the set and were immediately assaulted with bras and panties. I made sure Grace watched me as I grabbed a sexy little bra and held it to my nose. I was done. I
ʼve done my time in hell desperate to be with someone I was forbidden from, I couldnʼt let myself spend my eternity here desperate for someone who reminded me of her. 
To hell with this, I was
going
to erase her from my mind
.

Jumping off the stage, we were surrounded by a crowd of beautiful women. Two of them piqued my interest. I told them I couldn
ʼt tell which one was hotter, so I would be taking them both home,
if they were good
. They giggled. I rolled my eyes in my mind. Of course, they wouldnʼt care, any self-respecting woman would have told me to go home by myself.
I guessed these werenʼt self-respecting women.
  These were the kind of chicks I had to stick with, those I knew would
never
touch my soul.

The guys and I sat around our table with a girl on each of our laps. I had my two. 
Yes, erasing the thought of Grace was what I was going to do.  Easy
.  I was nice and comfortable with the two hotties on my lap, no problem. 
Then why the hell did I feel like I wanted to run the fuck out of there?

Conner and Tucker sat down with us, bringing a bucket of ice-cold beers with them.

Grace sashayed over to our table with a whole bottle of Tequila in her hand. Standing behind her was Lea armed with a handful of shot glasses.

Her eyes glanced at mine and she gave me a beautiful smile that threatened to melt my heart.  I held my two girls tighter and she just shook her head at me, as if I was being a silly boy.  Maybe I was, but I wanted to lose interest in her, I wanted to forget her.

Grace held the tequila over her head. “Okay, ladies and gentlemen here is the first drinking game of the night: Fuzzy Duck!” she announced. “Here are the rules.  Everyone starts off taking one shot. Then we pour another. We go around the table and each person has to say Fuzzy Duck. The first person to mess up, takes a shot and around and around we go!”

Lea held the glasses as Grace poured shot after shot and slid each glass to a person without spilling a drop. 
Sheʼs done this before, damn that’s kind of hot
.