Scars and Songs (12 page)

When the apartment sparkled with cleanliness, we split ourselves up in groups to hang the posters we created in a few bars around the neighborhood. I took control of the situation because I wanted to spend some more time with Grace. Not to make any moves, but just to hang out with her and talk. I figured that the Cyrano De Bergerac quote today and the Shakespeare from the other day was a bit too much. I was also feeling desperate to find something to take her out of my mind
,
anything
.
There had to be something that I could learn about her that would make me shake the feelings
. “Conner and Lea, you guys hit the Bowery Ballroom and the bars around there. Brayden and Ethan, you guys hit the Highline and wherever else you can think of on the West Side. Alex, you go home. Both your arms are broken and you look like an idiot. Grace and I will hit the East side.”

I smiled at her shocked expression. “Ready?” I asked her.

“Uh...yeah...sure,” she answered arching her eyebrows up to the middle of her forehead.

Laughing at her reaction, I grabbed her coat and tried to put it on her like a gentleman. She yanked it out of my hands before I could even try to put it on her and shoved her arms in the sleeves.

“Donʼt worry, I wonʼt try anything, unless youʼve change your mind...” I joked.

If looks could kill, she would have shot me at close-range, bullet right between my eyes.  I flung my hands over my head in surrender. I stepped closer to her. “Yeah, Grace, I got it. You
ʼll never have sex with me. Right. I know. Maybe Iʼll make up a few tee shirts so thereʼll be no confusion for anyone who thinks my dysfunctional ass canʼt just innocently flirt.”

She continued putting her coat on, stuck her tongue out at me and walked out the front door.
Damn, what I would do with that tongue
.

I followed her down the street to the corner of the block and we stood there watching for the light to change so we could cross the avenue.

“Thank you for helping,” I said quietly. I looked ahead into the distance not wanting to see how much of a disgusted expression she wore from being with me.

From the corner of my eye, I saw her head turn up to look at me. She seemed to watch me for a moment, probably measuring my sincerity. “No problem. Conner and his
friends are very special to Lea, and Iʼd do anything for her,” she looked back away from me. “Besides, itʼs just handing out a few fliers. Iʼm not playing a guitar for him, just helping you guys find someone who can.”

The thought of her playing guitar like Alex made me laugh inside. God, that would be the worst thing ever. I
ʼd never get her out of my mind if she could make music with me. 
Selah and I made music together
.  I decided she couldnʼt, I didnʼt even want to know if she could. I was crazy about her too much already. “Yeah, that would be a hoot. Those delicate little hands of yours playing Alexʼs heavy riffs, now that would be hysterical to see.”

She gave me a little glance, but said nothing. We continued our walk and placed posters up in about half a dozen bars. Everywhere we went people came up to me and patted me on the back saying they
ʼd spread the word about the auditions. Everyone was sorry to hear that Alex wouldnʼt be able to play for a few weeks, but each person was visibly excited about who would possibly become a new member of Mad World, at least for a little while.

Grace was outgoing and friendly to everyone that stopped to talk to me. Each guy that came to talk to me only had eyes for her, and each girl gave her a jealous once over and walked away angry. She captivated every person she met, from the old guy who swept the floors in Tramp
ʼs Bar and Grill, to the ten-year-old kid who helped his father bus the tables at Macʼs Pub.

She even fell into a relaxed conversation with me as we walked alon
g the busy city streets. Anybody passing us by would have thought we were a couple. Maybe from the way I looked at her, or maybe the way I put my hand on the small of her back and the comfortable way she leaned into my touch. Whatever it was, it was like a small sliver of heaven to me.

“Hey,” I tugged on her coat softly as we stood in front of the bar we posted the last flier in. “I was going to head over to Boozer
ʼs, maybe grab a beer, want to come?”

“Yeah, that sounds great,” she replied. A smile swept over her lips, illuminating her eyes.
My God, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in this life
.

“Well, damn, Grace,” I whispered.  “When you smile, it certainly does some serious damage to a man’s insides.”

Blinking quickly, she looked away and started walking, shoving her hands deep into her coat pockets.  I had to run to catch up to her and we walked the rest of the way to the bar in silence.  However, there was a huge smile plastered on her face and I knew it was what I said that put it there.

Alex was sitting alone at our regular table when we got to Boozer
ʼs. We ordered a bucket full of beer and a basket of cheese fries as soon as we joined him. Lea and Conner met us there, after I texted Conner. Brayden, Ethan, and Tucker came in a few minutes after.

When Tucker saw Grace, he shoved my chair over,
with me still sitting on it
, and pulled over another chair in its spot, to sit in between us. “Hey, Shane, you donʼt mind, right?”
Oh, hell yes I mind
. I didnʼt say anything though. Tucker would act like a jerk within an hour and Grace would hate him. Heʼd screw it up himself and I needed to have her witness for herself how much of a jerk he was.  I wasn’t going to be a douchebag friend and tell her.

Alex burst out laughing at Tucker
ʼs efforts to get Grace to notice him. “Wow, Tucker. What are you, like twelve?” Alex teased.

Tucker lifted his shoulders and let them drop dramatically. He tilted his head adoringly at Grace, “Dude, I just want to sit next to the prettiest girl in the bar, that
ʼs all.”
Oh, he was so slick, wasnʼt he?

Alex laughed at him and slapped the table. “Tuck, you think she looks pretty now? God, you should have seen her in her little pink teddy bear pajamas before. It made me start thinking of
very
indecent things,” Alex whistled and winked at Grace.

Tucker looked down at her and raised an eyebrow. “Hmmm. Damn, I miss all the good stuff.”

“Oh yeah,” Alex continued. “She looked all sweet and innocent. I just wanted to corrupt her.” Alex was egging Tucker on.

“Corrupt her? What were you thinking of doing? Show her the smallest penis in the world? Make her dislike men forever?” Lea asked him, laughing.

“Yeah, dude. One night with you and sheʼll run screaming to a convent,” I offered.

Alex nodded agreeing with me. “Ah. You
ʼre probably right. But, sorry, Grace, watching you in those little pink pajamas, put pictures in my mind of how freaky Iʼd get with you.”

Grace didn
ʼt seem to be bothered about anything they were saying, she just laughed along with everyone. 
She didn’t even blush
.

“So, Alex, what kind of freaky things go on in your place? Hmm? What
ʼs the freakiest thing youʼve ever done?” Lea asked. 
Holy crap, can I tell a few freaky tales about Alex
.

“I love bondage. I
ʼd love to spank you, Lea,” he said. 
Man, is that true.  I’ve seen him tie a few girls up
.  “But what Iʼd really love to know is what freaky things you get up to, Lea,” Alex continued. “And you too, Grace.”  He gave her one of his predatory smiles and leaned in closer to her; it made my stomach drop.

Grace beamed. She doubled over, bursts of breathy laughter escaping from her lips. She looked up and winked at him, “I bet you would, Alex.”

Conner threw a handful of cheese fries at Alex causing him to lean away from Grace. “Leave my girlʼs freakiness outta your thoughts,” he laughed.

I leaned across the table closer to Grace, leaning my face so close to hers our noses
almost touched. “Okay, Leaʼs off limits because sheʼs Connerʼs girl.  Iʼd like to hear about Grace though.”

Tucker shoved me so hard that he almost pushed me off the chair. “Real nice, ass!” He screamed at me.  Grace flinched. A frown etched itself across her beautiful face.  Confusion clouded my brain. Why was it okay when everyone else flirted and teased her, but I got the look of death when I did it? I gave her a confused, unblinking stare.

“Some of my close friends have called me Black Widow, because after I sleep with someone, I kill them,” she joked. The laughter just didnʼt reach her eyes, and I knew what I had said bothered her. I wished I understood why.

“I have no doubt in my mind that you have had that effect on men, since I feel like I
ʼve died every time youʼve smiled at me.” I spoke the words so softly I didnʼt even know if they reached her ears.

She narrowed her eyes and looked away quickly. She couldn
ʼt even meet my stare. While the rest of the table kept on laughing and talking nonsense, Grace got up and walked away with some empty bottles. She walked over to the trashcan and threw them in. Then she walked up to the bar, sat by herself on one of the stools, and threw down a fistful of twenties.

I watched her talk to Ryan, the bartender, who gave her a deep throaty laugh and a wink. He pulled down a bottle of Jack Daniel’s black label and poured her a shot. She put the glass to her lips and gulped it down like a champ.  Ryan watched her as she drank, wringing his bar towel in his hands, and then adjusting himself in his pants. 
Fuck, even Ryan wanted her.

I got up to talk to her. I wanted to apologize, tell her how fucking beautiful she was and how she made me a mess inside.  But, Tucker put his hand out to stop me, “Let me talk to her, Shane. I
ʼm the one thatʼs in a relationship with her, not you.”

His words made me stumble back into my chair.
Relationship? With Grace? What the hell did I miss? 
“Wait…what?”

Tucker ignored me and sauntered up next to Grace at the bar. He gestured to Ryan to pour two more shots. His hand slid down to the small of her back as he leaned down close to talk to her.  My blood started to boil.

She tried to move away from his hand nonchalantly by turning to face him and clinking her shot glass up against his.

They sat together and talked closely. Every time Tucker tried to touch her, she would move away. She looked uncomfortable and agitated. I watched her down about four shots and then Tucker made his move. He brought his hand up to her face and caressed her beautiful pale cheek with his greedy fucking fingers. He lowered his face and said some line to her and my head almost exploded with rage.

She took another shot and turned away from him and her eyes collided with mine. Her jaw tightened and her posture stiffened. Her fingers flexed at her sides and she slowly released a deep breath. She turned on her heels, away from me, and grabbed Tucker and whispered something in his ear.

Whatever she said made Tucker jump and run towards our table. She walked to the door as he grabbed their coats off chairs. His feet shuffled as his cheeks reddened looking at the table. “G-Grace wants to be alone with me!” he stuttered. Then he ran out. My freaking
heart went with him.

Ethan smacked me in the arm. “What
ʼs up with Tucker and Grace?”

I shrugged. He gave me a deep laugh, “Shane, you look a little green, are you okay? I sort of feel bad for Grace, poor kid. You know he
ʼs going to do something stupid like he always does and sheʼs going to think heʼs a jerk.”

“Damn, Ethan. What
ʼs wrong with me? I wanted to go after her and stop her,” I whispered.

A thoughtful expression shadowed his face. “Shane, I
ʼll admit it. Grace is the prettiest girl I have ever seen. But, you have to ask yourself, what do you want from her? Nobody is going to let you hurt her, so donʼt go after her just to sleep with her.”

“But, I don
ʼt just want
that
, thatʼs the fucking problem,” I said.

Lea
ʼs head snapped in my direction and her eyes almost bulged out of her pretty little head. 
Damn, that’s all I need, Lea to know how freaking crazy I am about her best friend.  She probably won’t let me in her apartment anymore after this to try to keep me away from Grace
.

I shook my head at her, “Don
ʼt say anything, Lea. Please.”

She just gave me a tight smile and looked away. We stayed at the bar for another hour. I didn
ʼt join in any conversation, or listen to any of them talk. I sat and wondered what it was that was happening to me. I kept looking at the door to see if the archangels Michael or Gabriel were going to show up and yell,
“Surprise, this is your punishment phase two, hell on earth!”
Complete with angelic bells and whistles sounding.

When Lea and Conner stood up to leave, she gave me a small nudge. “Hey. Do you want to come back with us?  I
ʼm sure youʼll feel better when you see how quickly Grace will come back from being with Tucker.” She nodded at me and took my hand.