Scars of the Present (7 page)

Chapter Nine

We went back out to the living room once we were clean and I felt thoroughly worked over. We sat down at the small kitchen table that was rarely used in the apartment, and Maddie piled pancakes onto everyone’s plates as she chattered on about random things.

I tried to follow the conversation the best I could, but I was distracted as I watched a freshly showered David eat his food. I didn’t understand how someone could be so sexy when they ate. At one point he caught me staring and leaned over until his lips were at my ear.

“If you don’t stop looking at me like that we are never going to finish breakfast.” His words came out as a whisper and they made me shiver.

I grinned and leaned forward myself. “I’m really not that hungry after the snack I had in the shower, Ralph”

David inhaled sharply and gave me a serious look. “You play dirty, Sydney.”

I looked up and both Josh and Maddie were grinning at our quiet exchange. I quickly went back to my pancakes, purposely keeping my eyes off of David. Once we finished, David stood and attempted to do the dishes before Maddie shoved him out of the kitchen.

“Thanks for breakfast, Maddie. It was delicious.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and glanced at it. “I need to get Claire in about an hour, but can I take you back to your car, Sydney?”

“Actually, that would be fantastic, thank you.” I turned to Maddie. “Are you going to be around later?”

She nodded as she finished clearing off the table. “I think we’re going to sleep here again since we only have the one car at the moment. It’s easier if one of us is stuck here instead at the house.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in a little bit then.” I went back into my room to grab the wristlet I’d worn last night and to shove my feet into a pair of my comfy flats. David picked up his duffel bag and I grabbed his suit jacket off the chair.

“Ready?” I asked, looking around to make sure we didn’t forget anything.

“Yeah, let’s go.” He followed behind me, calling out his thanks and goodbyes to Maddie and Josh. We made it to his car and he held the door open as I got in, shutting it before opening the back door and throwing his bag and jacket back there.

I gave him directions to my parents’ house, and we drove in silence for a few minutes before David reached over and snagged my hand is in his own, bringing it back to his lap. The gesture was big, but he acted as if it was totally normal and started to sing along quietly to the radio.

When we pulled up the gate at my parents’ neighborhood, I gave him the code and he pulled on through.

“Geez Tink. This is fairly ritzy.”

I scoffed. “I think the word you’re looking for is ostentatious.”

David laughed. “Ostentatious works too.” He directed his SUV into the driveway and parked next to my car.

I didn’t move to get out, but instead I leaned over and kissed him softly. “Thank you.”

He reached a hand up and ran a finger down my cheek before returning my kiss. “For what?”

“For the ride to my car, for the ride to my house, for the ride in my bed, for the dances last night, for scaring that old weirdo away, for not hating me for the way I’ve treated you. Take your pick.”

He laughed and shook his head. “No need to thank me for any of that. I enjoyed every second of it. Every. Second.” He spoke the last two words slowly and purposely.

I moved to open my door, and he placed a hand on my arm to stop me. “Sydney.”

I turned back to him but didn’t respond.

“Only me. You got it? If you start to feel like you need that connection with someone, you call me. Promise?”

“I promise,” I whispered, leaning across the console to embrace him tightly.

David’s arms wrapped around me to return the hug and we sat like that for several long moments. I didn’t want to let go as I inhaled deep breaths of David, but eventually I pulled back to end the moment.

“Bye,” I said simply, pushing open the door and getting out.

I turned to wave and he held up his hand, mouthing ‘Bye’ before smiling and pulling out of the driveway.

I started to walk to my car but then changed my mind and went to the front door instead. Ringing the doorbell, I waited until Carol opened the door and I stepped through.

“Ms. Sydney, I didn’t know you were coming by.” She gave me a tight hug, which immediately told me my mother wasn’t home. Carol didn’t dare hug me like this when my mom was around. The unspoken rule growing up was that my mom didn’t show me affection, so the help better not either.

“I needed to get my car and I just wanted to pop in and see if my parents were home.” I followed her into the kitchen and she gestured for me to sit down in a barstool at the island.

“Your father is, but your mother left early this morning to head to Napa for the evening.” Carol set a plate of cookies down in front of me before sitting next to me and taking one herself. She hesitated for a moment. “Did you have a good evening last night?”

I nibbled on a cookie and smiled. “I did. I really did.”

Carol narrowed her eyes and fixed me with a look that rivaled Maddie’s mother. “Not with that Kerry Morgan fellow, I hope.”

I choked on the cookie I had been in the process of swallowing, and coughed for a moment before taking a quick drink of milk. “Oh, no. God, no. He was gross and he seriously thought I was going to sleep with him.” I shuddered at the thought.

Carol scrunched up her nose. “I hate that your mother keeps trying to do that to you. It just breaks my heart. Tell me what was so great about last night then.”

I gave Carol little tidbits about David, leaving a lot of the juicy details out, and by the time I finished she was smiling at me.

“Well, look at my little Sydney. You’re all smitten with this man.”

I shrugged, picking up another cookie. “We’ll see. I’ve never really been in a monogamous agreement with anyone before, so I’m worried I won’t be able to stick to it.”

Carol pat my hand and put the empty plate in the sink to wash it. “Oh Sydney, you just need the right man and you’ll be fine.”

I stood from my barstool and moved to give Carol a hug. “I’m gonna go find my father before I leave. Thanks for the talk- I definitely needed that.”

She squeezed me tightly and gave me a smile. “I’m always here for you, baby girl. I hope you know that.”

I did. Carol was the only one from my early childhood that had continuously been there for me.

I walked through the house until I made it to my father’s study, knowing that he’d be in there if he was home. I knocked twice and waited until his voice said, “Come in” and I pushed open the door.

“Hi dad,” I said, closing the door behind me.

He looked up from whatever he was reading and a small smile touched his lips. “Hi Sydney. What are you doing here?”

“I had to get my car.” I sat down in one of the chairs that were opposite his. “Did you have fun last night?”

He gave a non-committal shrug, much like the one I liked to give to people, and sat back in his chair. “It was no different than the rest, I suppose. You seemed to enjoy yourself.”

I grinned and nodded my head. “I can honestly say I enjoyed last night’s event. No thanks to mom and her idea of trying to set me up with that Morgan guy.”

My dad scoffed and shook his head. “Sometimes I don’t know what you’re mother is thinking, Sydney. The thought of that man- who is not that much younger than me, mind you- being anywhere near you made me sick.”

I watched my dad get angry and my heart swelled with love for him. But the adoration died quickly when I remembered that no matter how much he loved me, he would never stick up for me. It had been that way my whole life. He would know when something was wrong, but he’d never come to my rescue, and instead, he would let my mom say and do whatever she wanted.

“Yeah, that makes two of us.”

“But that Detective fellow seemed nice.” It wasn’t a question but a statement, and dad pinned me with a look.

“He is, dad.” I smiled just thinking about David. “He really is.”

I stood up and walked behind the desk to give my dad a hug. He returned it, holding me a bit tighter than normal, and I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Bye daddy.” I walked out of the room, and before the door had shut completely I heard a faint, “Bye sweetheart.”

–––

After I had made it home that afternoon, I had sat on the couch and provided Maddie and Amanda with most of the details, starting from the time we both met and ending with the events of the night before.

“So, where does leave you two?” Maddie asked, that silly smile still on her face.

“I have no idea,” I replied honestly. “I think it leaves us in an exclusive sexual relationship.”

Amanda shook her head. “It sounds like more to me than that, but the question is… Do you want it to be more?”

I didn’t answer because I didn’t know. Could I offer the type of relationship to David that he deserved? I knew without a doubt that I couldn’t offer that type of relationship to Sean, but with David I really wanted to believe I could. David, unlike Sean however, came with someone else I had to worry about.

“I don’t know. Being with David means so much more than just being with him. It also means being with his daughter and I don’t think I’m the best person for that kind of role.” I glanced at Maddie. “I mean, whenever you and Josh start popping out little Jaddie and Mosh, I’ll be the coolest aunt out there. Sorry Amanda.” Amanda grinned, but stuck her tongue out at me. “But I think that’s all I’m destined to be… The cool aunt.”

Amanda shook her head, the smile disappearing from her face. “I think you sell yourself short, Sydney.”

Maddie nodded in agreement and pulled me to her so she could hug me. “Don’t let how your mom treated you define how you think you’ll treat others.”

I just nodded my head unconvincingly and stayed quiet.

Amanda shifted on the couch and sighed. “So when are you moving out, Maddie?”

Maddie’s head snapped up and she had an alarmed look on her face. “Moving out?”

I rolled my eyes. “We know that you and Josh have been talking about it. Amanda overheard you a couple of weeks ago.”

Amanda nodded. “We understand. You two are getting married, you’re done with school… It makes sense that you two would move in together.”

“I know, but at the same time I hate it.” Maddie sighed. “I’m just going to miss you two so much.”

I leaned my head on her shoulder, and Amanda mimicked my move on the other side. “We’re going to miss you too, but we’re all grown up now. It won’t be long before Amanda gets all responsible and buys a house too.”

Amanda grinned at me from Maddie’s shoulder. “We’ll see.”

“Well, I’m thinking that by the end of the summer I’ll be into Josh’s completely. Which sucks because the elementary school I’m doing my student teaching at is much closer to the apartment.” Maddie squeezed us both tightly. “The past four years have been pretty awesome, girls.”

I nodded in agreement. “I can’t imagine having done it any other way.”

“Me either,” Amanda chimed in.

We sat in the same position, sniffling and reminiscing until Amanda declared she was tired. Maddie stood, agreeing with Amanda, and we all exchanged hugs before heading into our own rooms.

I sat on my bed for a moment and suddenly I wanted to burst into tears. I knew it was only a matter of time before Amanda asserted her independence as well, and soon it would just be me in this huge apartment.

I reached over to pick up my phone and saw a message from Becca asking me if I wanted to go out. I started to type out that I did and I stopped mid-message when I remembered my promise to David. I abandoned my message to Becca and typed out a quick one to David.

Me: Do you think that loneliness is all in your head?

I put the phone down and got ready for bed. When I returned, my heart picked up when I saw that he’d replied.

Ralph: I think it can be, Tink. You may be physically alone right this moment, but you’re not really alone. Lie down in bed and imagine I’m there, holding you tight as you fall asleep. It should be easy to imagine because I’m going to do the same thing.

I cuddled into my pillows and smiled at the message. Just reading those words helped curb that lonely feeling that had crept back up, and I realized for the first time that maybe I didn’t need those faceless men in my life.

Me: It’s working already. Thanks David.

Ralph: Sweet dreams, Sydney

Chapter Ten

On Monday afternoon we all headed over to Linda’s house for the annual Memorial Day barbeque, a tradition that had been started many years ago. We all gathered outside on the patio while Matt told us some happy stories about different fallen soldiers he had known throughout his military career. As the stories went on, I realized just how much devastation Matt had seen and wondered how he handled it with such ease.

Sean and I had successfully avoided each other all evening, and I really hated that it was awkward between us. I noticed Maddie and Amanda scrutinizing the tension between us and suddenly I understood how a goldfish must feel day in and day out.

Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and I walked up to Sean, placing my hand on his shoulder.

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

He nodded and followed me as I led him inside the house. I stopped in the kitchen and turned to face him, but before I realized what was happening, his lips were pressed against mine in a frantic kiss.

“Sean,” I mumbled against his lips as his hands dipped behind my shirt, trailing up my back. “Sean, no.” I stepped back and placed my hands on his chest to keep him where he was.

“What’s wrong?” He looked at me questioningly.

I shook my head and took a deep breath before I could answer. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

Surprise crossed his face and he gave me a crooked smile. “Oh. Last time we decided that we just wanted to ‘talk’ was when I bent you over the guest room bed.”

I rolled my eyes and returned his smile. “Well, I really just wanted to see if you were okay. I hate how awkward it is between us.”

He shrugged his shoulders and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I’m good, Syd. We’re good. I knew what we were doing was just fun and I just needed to remind myself that.” He stepped forward and tugged on the hem of my shirt. “You want to go upstairs and have that quickie?”

I reached out and wiped my lip gloss off his lips, slowly shaking my head. “That sounds fantastic, but I think it’d be easier if we kept it platonic between us from now on. You’re basically my family and I don’t want to fuck that up.”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “You’re probably right. I’ll try to be less awkward, I promise.”

I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him as tight as I could. He returned the embrace and kissed the top of my head before we released each other. He followed me back outside, and Maddie immediately narrowed her eyes when she saw us walking out of the house together.

I rolled my eyes at her and shook my head before dropping into a chair next to Matt. He and Craig were discussing politics, and I decided to just tune them out as I dug my phone out of my pocket. I hadn’t text David back since going to bed the night before and I had to contain my grin when I saw his name on my phone.

Ralph: I want to see you. Are you busy tonight?

Me: No, I’m free. I want to see you too.

Ralph: Okay, I’ll come by your place. 9 too late?

Me: Nope, it’s perfect. I’ll see you then.

I put my phone back in my pocket and smiled to myself. The smile stayed plastered to my face throughout the rest of our barbeque and I was probably still wearing it when I drove everyone back to the apartment that evening.

We stepped through the door and I moved to head to my room, but stopped and turned back to my friends.

“Um, David is coming over tonight. Is that okay?”

Maddie gave Josh an exasperated look before turning back to me. “Of course, Sydney. First of all, this is your home too- you don’t need to ask. And second of all, even if you were worried about the men you were bringing over, I’m pretty sure we can trust Detective Bradley.”

Amanda nodded in agreement. “Just keep the sex out of my room and I am happy.”

“I just don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I also don’t remember the last time I invited a guy over during the waking hours, so this is all foreign to me.” I smiled and my roommates both laughed.

“Very true, Syd. This is huge for you.” Amanda sighed from the couch. “I guess we’re all growing up.”

“Better late than never, I suppose.” I gave one last smile and I went into my bedroom to shower.

After I was clean, I decided to pick up some of the clothes that I had strewn about my room. When I was growing up my room always had to be in pristine condition, so the minute I moved out I rebelled and did the opposite. I never really cared what people thought of my disorganized mess, but for some reason I did care what David thought.

After I had picked up my clothes from around the bedroom, I was amazed at how organized it looked. Pleased with myself, I walked back out to the living room and sat on the couch with my friends. They were watching some RomCom and I let myself get lost in it to pass the time.

About a quarter after nine, someone knocked on the door twice and my heart started beating quickly. I jumped up to open the door and David stood there in his suit and tie, obviously having just come from work. I did my best not to sigh as a content feeling washed over me at the sight of him.

He gave me a once over, taking in my pajamas shorts and tank top with a smile. “Hey Tink.”

“Hey.” I smiled and moved aside so he could come in.

He stepped inside the door and immediately held a hand up to Amanda, Maddie, and Josh. “Evening.”

Josh and Maddie said their ‘hellos’ as well, and I grabbed David’s hand and pulled him back to my room. I closed the door behind us and we just stood there staring at each other.

“For the record, the suit and tie are very sexy, but combined with the badge on the belt and I seriously have an image I can fantasize to for a long time.” I moved closer to him and tapped his gold badge with my finger.

David groaned. “And the thought of you lying on this bed while you fantasize will be mine for a long time.”

He leaned down to push his lips to mine and I greedily opened for his soft tongue. I pushed his jacket off his shoulders and began loosening his tie. He stepped back for a moment and removed his gun holster from his hip, placing it and his badge on my dresser before stepping towards me.

We reconnected our mouths and I frantically began to unbutton his shirt. He pulled his mouth from mine and helped me finish getting him undressed, and when he was fully naked I gave him a light shove onto my bed.

He grinned from my pillows and raised his brow. “This is hardly fair. You’re still completely clothed.”

“I hardly think wearing one little shirt…” I pulled my tank top up over my head to reveal my bare chest. “And one little pair of shorts…” I pulled them down and kicked them off my ankles to reveal I wasn’t wearing anything underneath. “Counts as being fully clothed.” I didn’t move any closer to him, but instead ran my eyes over him hungrily.

Reaching into the nightstand, I pulled a condom out and ripped it open. I climbed onto the bed and moved so I was straddling his knees. “I could look at you all day and never get tired of the view.”

David didn’t respond, his blue eyes fixed on me as I grabbed his erection in my hand. I leaned forward and let my tongue run from the base all the way to the tip, loving the way he moaned as I did. I took him fully into my mouth, sucking on him slowly before pulling back. I rolled the condom on slowly and crawled up his body so I was straddling his hips.

I lifted myself and I slid down on top of him slowly, my eyes fluttering shut as I took him all in. David reached both hands up and pulled me down so we were chest to chest. His mouth ravaged mine and my hips started to move of their own accord. I straightened back up and my movements picked up along with our breathing. I rode him faster and harder until I had to slam my eyes shut as my body vibrated with pleasure.

David flipped me over so that I was on my back and he kept thrusting in and out of me quickly, until he was moaning loudly and collapsing on my chest. We both breathed heavily and I ran my lips up his sweaty neck.

He rolled onto his back, tossing the condom into the garbage by the bed before getting comfortable. I lay my head on his chest and let my eyes close slowly.

“You were right about last night,” I said quietly.

David ran his fingers though my hair and brought his other hand up to grasp mine. “Right about what?”

“That I didn’t need to feel lonely. Imagining you here worked very well.”

His lips met my forehead and he sighed. “It worked for me, too.”

“Do you need to go?” I was so relaxed and content, I wasn’t sure I could move long enough to let him get up.

He shook his head. “I’m on call tonight so Sarah is staying with Claire. Normally I’d go home and wait for a call there, but since Claire’s just asleep anyway I thought I’d spend time with you. If that’s okay.”

“Very much okay.” I squeezed his hand and listened to his heart beating against my ear.  The magnificent sound eventually lulled me to sleep.

I don’t know how long we were asleep, but an unfamiliar ringing woke me up with a start, and I sat up quickly. “Whatsit?”

David sat up too, seemingly more coherent than me as reached over to the nightstand where he had set his phone. “It’s work. One second.” He swiped the screen and brought it up to his ear. “Bradley.” He listened for a moment and nodded his head before yawning. “Okay. I’ll be there in fifteen.” He ended the call and put his phone back on the nightstand.

“I have to go, Tink. I’m sorry.”

I glanced at the clock and cringed. “No, don’t be sorry. I’m sorry that you have to go back out at two in the morning. You didn’t get a lot of sleep.”

He kissed my lips slowly before pulling back so he could stand up. “Three hours next to you is better than ten without, Sydney.” He dressed quickly, and I watched every movement from my spot on the bed. He stood after putting his shoes on and pushed his arms through his suit jacket before smiling down at me.

“You are so beautiful. Thank you for letting me come over.”

I met him halfway as he bent over to kiss me goodbye, and we kissed for a moment before he pulled back. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay? Remember to call me if you need me.”

He walked out of the bedroom and I heard the front door quietly shut behind him. I grabbed the pillow he had been sleeping on and brought it to my chest, inhaling the smell of mint before falling back to sleep.