Scattered Colors (28 page)

“Hey, Mom. I’m home?” Dropping my books by the front door, I headed into the living room where my mom was sitting, placing a kiss on the top of her head before turning toward the kitchen. I needed a beer like nobody’s business. Between work, classes, missing Freya constantly, and the never-ending concern for my mother’s wellbeing, I felt like I was standing in a sinking boat, trying desperately to keep it from taking on any more water and failing miserably.

“Hi, sweetie.” She smiled up at me, looking better than she had in a really long time.

“You look good, Mom. You have a good day?”

“I did, honey. It was a very good day. But I need you to have a seat. We need to talk.”

“What’s going on?” I asked as I sat next to her, concern taking a firm hold of my insides and twisting them in knots. “Is everything okay?”

“No, honey. Everything isn’t okay, and that’s my fault, but I’m hoping like hell that it’s not too late to fix things.”

“What are you talking about?” Her ominous words did nothing to uncoil the dread sitting heavily in the pit of my stomach.

“I’ve been a horrible mother…” When I opened my mouth to argue, her hand came up, effectively silencing me. “It’s true. I let Toby’s death destroy me so badly that I lost sight of the fact that I had another son who needed me. The things you’ve seen, the things you’ve had to do…” Her voice broke at the end as tears welled up in her eyes. I wanted to comfort her, tell her none of this was necessary, that she didn’t need to apologize because I understood, but she pushed through. “No child should ever have to take care of a parent, Parker. No child should have to shield their mother from all of the bad in the world; it’s supposed to be the other way around. And the things you had to live through…I’ll never be able to apologize enough. I let you down, sweetie. I failed you when I should have been there for you, and I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting what I’ve put you through these last five years.”

“Mom, you don’t have to—”

“Please,” she interrupted. “Please just let me say this, okay?” I closed my mouth and nodded. “I’m so very sorry for everything I’ve put you through.” My mother’s tears finally broke free, falling down her cheeks as she took my hands in hers. “I know you’ve given up a lot for me and I’m so thankful that I have you, but it’s time for that to stop. It’s time for me to start doing what’s best for you, Parker.”

“I don’t understand. What brought all of this on?”

Reaching beneath one of the throw pillows, she pulled out the stack of papers I’d kept hidden in the drawer of my bedside table; papers that were worn and wrinkled from years of handling.

“You know, I’ve always wondered just how much you’ve given up in order to protect me from the things you were afraid I couldn’t handle.”

“Mom, I…” the knot in my throat made it nearly impossible to speak. “I did what I had to. You needed me. I don’t regret it or hold it against you. After what happened…” I had to clear my throat against a lump which threatened to choke me at the reminder of that horrible day. “After that day…I couldn’t just leave you. I can’t,” I insisted adamantly. “We’re all each other has.”

“I know I haven’t been there for you when you needed me, but I saw how everything that happened with Toby changed you. I saw how lost you were. I was so thankful when that girl moved in next door because I finally saw my son, my Parker coming back, but then she left and your spark disappeared with her.”

“I did what I had to do,” I spoke softly, brokenly.

“Oh, honey.” Mom’s hands squeezed mine with more strength than I ever knew she had. “And now I’m doing what I need to do.”

“What do you mean?”

“I filled out your transfer papers and sent them in.”

I sat speechless for several seconds, my jaw hanging open before I finally shot up from the couch. “You
what
?”

“What’s the expression kids your age use? Oh, yeah. It’s time to shit or get off the pot, Parker. I simply sped the process along.”

“I can’t…I’m just…” I was speechless. “I can’t leave you all by yourself—”

She held up her hand to cut me off. “I’m not by myself, Park. I have friends I see on a regular basis. I have a life. I know that first year was hard and I leaned on you for a lot, but I’ve been seeing Dr. Crowley for two years now, honey. She and I have already talked about this. I’m in a good place. I’m happy, really and truly
happy
. There will never be a day when I don’t miss your brother like crazy, but I’m not letting it define me anymore. It’s your turn now, sweetheart.”

Reaching up, my mom cupped my cheek in her soft hand. “I want you to be happy, honey. If this…”she lifted the papers in her hand. “…is where you need to be to be happy again, then I want you to go.”

Looking down at the Florida State University paperwork in her hand, I shook my head as sorrow set in. “It’s been too long, Mom. She hates me.”

“My sweet boy,” she murmured lovingly. “Then change her mind.”

“It’s not that simple. I went to find her the night you left Dad. I tried so damn hard to explain but she wouldn’t listen. It’s over, Mom. It’s too late.” I thought back to that night on the beach and recalled the hurt in those gorgeous blue eyes. I’d watched the wall I’d worked tirelessly to break down fall back into place with just one sentence.

“Then make it right.”

“How?” I croaked.

“That’s something you’ll have to figure out on your own, my sweet boy. But I’m here for you no matter what. If you love that girl then get her back. Do anything and everything you have to. Just don’t give up.”

My cellphone began going off in my purse as I hurried through campus toward the parking lot. Pulling it out, a happy grin spread across my face at the number on my screen.

“Spritely Stella!” I cheered in lieu of hello.

“Birthday girl!” she shouted back. “How’s it going, baby cakes?”

“Oh, you know, running late as usual.”

“Ooooh, Piper’s going to kick your ass,” Stella joked. She knew as well as I did that my roommate had no qualms about giving me crap if I caused a delay in the start of her fun-filled night. I met Piper as soon as I got to Florida. We’d been assigned as roommates freshman year and hit it off instantly. She was exactly what I needed to help me through the dark I’d been struggling with when I first arrived. Sassy, to the point, and with as much energy as an entire cheerleading squad, she quickly became my “Florida Stella”. Whenever I got to the point where I really began to miss my fiery little redhead, Piper was there to pull me out of my funk. Between her and Stella, I had the best support network a girl could ever ask for.

“Oh, whatever,” I huffed as I climbed into my car, pulling the phone from my ear as the Bluetooth kicked in. “We’re going out for
my
birthday anyway. I can be late if I wanna.”

“Ah,” Stella’s voice rang through my car speakers as I pulled out of the parking lot, speeding toward my apartment complex. “Is someone feeling pouty that her BFF isn’t there for her birthday?” she teased. Stella had made several trips down to Florida for the past two years, making sure at least one trip was specifically for my birthday. This year, however, she had to delay her trip by a week and I was starting to miss her like crazy.”

“It’s all your stupid boyfriend’s fault,” I grumbled, earning a tinkling of laughter from my friend.

“That’s
fiancé
now. Get it right.” I smiled to myself at the reminder that my best friend was engaged to the love of her life. Some people thought they were rushing into things seeing as they were only twenty, but I didn’t have a doubt in my mind that they’d last. As Stella said, when you know, you know. And she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Michael. I couldn’t have been happier for Stella. She was over the moon.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s all Michael’s fault. He just
had
to schedule the movers for this weekend. He couldn’t have waited to live in sin for one more week?” I joked.

“What can I say? I got it going on. He couldn’t wait a second longer to tie me down.”

“Well, you can tell him I said he owes me. I accept payment in the form of chocolate. If he doesn’t send you down here with a box full of sweets next week, I’ll never forgive him.”

“I’ll make sure he knows.” I could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke. “And just a heads-up, we’re totally going shopping for bridesmaids dresses while I’m there. I’m thinking taffeta and florescent colors.” Her voice grew deep with her pathetic attempt at an evil laugh. We talked for a few more minutes before I pulled into the parking lot of my complex.

“Have fun tonight, Freya. You’re a twenty-year-old college student. Go out and act like it, damn it. Make questionable choices and drink too much.”

“Yes, Mother,” I laughed.

“Love you, sweets. I’ll see you in a week.”

“Love you back,” I said before I hung up and climbed from my car.

As I rounded the landing of the second level on the way to my and Piper’s third floor apartment, I could hear the sounds of deep, masculine voices carrying across the breeze way.

“Feisty Freya!” I came around the corner just in time to see Caleb, our neighbor and Piper’s boyfriend, drop a stack of boxes at his feet. He rushed, wrapping me in a big bear hug just like he did every time I saw him. “How’s it going, birthday girl?”