Scattered Colors (38 page)

Climbing up the staircase to the second level, I turned the corner and walked toward the tables where I always studied. My steps halted for just a moment when I caught sight of a familiar face sitting at one of them, his dark head lowered as he leaned over a textbook, tapping his pen against the table top lightly. Just like every other time we had been in the same room together since his move to Florida, he seemed to have felt my presence. He looked up from his studies, those warm brown eyes instantly meeting mine as he lifted his hand in a hesitant wave. A small, unsure smile tugged the corner of his mouth up.

My feet finally unfroze and I made my way in his direction. “Hi.”

“Hey.”

“Can I sit?”

A flash of surprise flittered across his face “Uh…yeah, sure.”

My stomach dropped at his less-than-enthusiastic invitation. “It’s okay.” I offered a smile I hoped didn’t show the disappointment I was feeling. “I’ll just find somewhere else.”

As I turned to find another table, Parker grabbed my arm. “No!” he said loudly, earning whispered reprimands for being so vocal. “No,” he continued in a quieter voice, still holding on to my arm. “It’s fine, please sit. I was just a little thrown you’d actually want to sit with me is all.”

Tension twisted my stomach in knots as I took a seat in front of Parker. I’d been practicing what I would say to him when we ran into each other again over and over since my conversation with Stella and Piper. I still wasn’t sure if I could give him what he wanted, but having him so close and not talking was really starting to weigh on me. As I reached down to remove my books from my bag, Parker’s voice pulled me from my musings.

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been good. Busy. Stella headed back a few days ago after dragging me all over town looking for the most ridiculous bridesmaid dress she could find.”

Parker’s eyes grew wide. “She’s getting married? I had no idea.”

“Yeah.” I grinned, recalling Stella’s excitement as we bounced from one boutique to another. “Michael proposed not too long ago. They’re young, but—”

“When you know, you know,” he finished, staring directly into my eyes with so much intensity I had to look away.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. A subject change was in order. “How’s your mom doing?”

Fondness seemed to radiate from Parker as a brilliant smile overtook his face at the mention of his mother. It was something I’d never seen back when we were together. His mom had always been a touchy subject, so seeing him happy to discuss her warmed something inside of me. “She’s great. She just started working as the receptionist for a hair salon in town, and she’s excited.”

“That’s fantastic. I’m so glad things are working out.” We stared silently at each other before he spoke again.

“She left him.”

“What?”

“My mom. She left my dad.” He let out a humorless laugh as he shook his head. “Even after everything I did…everything I lost to try and protect her, she found out anyway.”

My stomach plummeted at the thought of everything he may have had to deal with. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

He shrugged casually, trying to play it off, but I could still see the lingering pain behind his eyes. “It’s okay. It took a while, but she finally got the help she needed.” His eyes were downcast as he twirled his pen between his fingers. “I came to you as soon as I could.” He spoke so quietly I almost didn’t hear. “I thought that maybe…” He exhaled heavily before looking back up at me. “I don’t know what I thought. I guess I was just hoping that if I could just explain, make you understand, then we could get back what we lost…what I destroyed.”

As I remembered back to that last night on the beach, my heart cracked. The memory of the devastation on his face made it hard to breathe, even after all this time.

“You’ll never know how sorry I am for everything I put you through, Freya. If I could go back—”

“Parker, stop.” I couldn’t listen to him torture himself for the past any longer, not after everything I had learned. The deep-seated anger I’d carried around was no longer weighing on my chest. I had been able to forgive him for the past and in the process, find peace with it. I wanted to be able to do the same for him, despite the uncertainty I was still struggling with.

“When I told you I forgave you, I meant it. You don’t have to keep apologizing. You were in an impossible situation; I understand that now. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I
do
know I don’t want things to keep going the way they have been. You were an important part of my life once. I want that back. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give you the kind of relationship you want, but I know I want you in my life again. I know that sounds horribly selfish, and I’m sorry, but it’s all I have right now. If it’s not enough, I understand and I wouldn’t hold that against you.”

“Freya.” Parker spoke and I realized I’d been rambling, nervous to get out everything I wanted to say.

“Yeah?” I asked anxiously.

“I know it sounds selfish, but you have to know I’m willing to take anything you can give me.”

A sigh of relief escaped my lips at the same time a tiny wave of guilt washed over me. It wasn’t fair to ask him for what I was asking, but I just didn’t have anything else to offer at that point.

“Are you sure? I know it’s unfair—”

Parker’s hand shot out and covered my own. A singe of electricity raced up my arm at the contact.

“I’m sure. If being your friend means having you in my life…well, I’m happy with that. More than happy, I swear.”

We smiled at each other from across the table and I felt the tension begin to uncoil from my muscles as we reached an understanding, despite its shaky nature.

A few minutes of silence passed in silence before I finally found the nerve to ask the question that had been nagging at me. “What ever happened with Cassidy?”

The corner of Parker’s mouth tipped up in a smirk that looked positively mischievous. “I dumped her the moment she lost what she was holding over me…very publically.”

I felt my own smile mimicking his own as he continued. “Seeing her that pissed off and humiliated will probably be one of the highlights of my life for a very long time. I cut all those people out of my life right after graduation, but last I heard, she started hooking up with Seth. Rumor has it she got herself knocked up to try and lock him down.”

A small gasp worked its way from my throat. “No! What happened after that?”

“Didn’t work,” he said quietly. “The minute Seth found out, he hightailed it out of Sommersfield. Her family shipped her off to live with relatives in Texas.”

A part of me felt bad. Not for Cassidy,
never
for her, but for the poor child that would have to live with her as a parent. I silently hoped she could pull her head out of her ass long enough to be a decent parent. The other part of me couldn’t help but grin at karma’s payback.

After that, we went about studying, occasionally stopping to talk about our lives. The hours passed companionably and by the time we walked out of the library, I felt good. When I got home, I dropped my stuff on the couch and walked out onto the balcony, watching the sun lower into the horizon while feeling a calmness envelop me. Nostalgia offered comfort I thought was long gone, and memories of mine and Parker’s friendship before things had grown complicated settled in my chest. Maybe friendship was exactly what the both of us needed to move on from the past.

If Freya wanted friendship, that was exactly what I was going to give her. I’d immerse myself so deeply into her life that she wouldn’t know how to function without me. Was there a chance that my plan might blow up in my face? Absolutely. But it was a chance I was more than willing to take. I hadn’t been lying when I told Freya I wasn’t giving up on getting her back. And if being her friend was what it took for her to realize we were meant for each other, then I’d bite that bullet, biding my time until that day came. I knew in my gut that the kind of love I felt for Freya was a once in a lifetime thing. I refused to give up on that.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Caleb pointed out as I walked through the front door of our apartment. The smile I’d been wearing for the past three hours was still taking up residence on my face.

“I had a good study session.”

“You look that happy because of studying?” he asked in bewilderment. “Is something wrong with you? Are you feeling sick?”

Letting out a laugh, I dropped my bag on the floor and folded myself down into the couch. “Freya showed up. We had a good talk.”

“So you two got back together? Awesome, brother!” he said, smacking me on the shoulder in a congratulatory manner.

“No. We agreed to be friends.”

He sat silent for several seconds, looking completely confused. “I don’t get it. I thought you moved all the way here to win her back. Isn’t being friend-zoned kind of defeating that purpose?”

“Trust me, this is all going to work out in my favor. Freya and I started out as friends when she first moved to Sommerspoint and that didn’t last long. It’s not going to take much time before she realizes she’s still crazy about me, man. I finally got the in I’ve been needing. Now all that’s left to do is wait her out.”

“You sure about this? That girl can be stubborn as hell, and I never took you for a man who settled for less than what he wanted.”

“I’m not, believe me. And I know Freya’s got a stubborn streak a mile wide, but this’ll work. We’ll be friends. We’ll get closer, and she’ll start confiding in me again. I’ll finally be able to earn her trust back.”

“I hope you’re right, Park. For your sake
and
mine, because I’m not so sure how much fun you’ll be to live with is this blows up in your face.”

I leaned back, relaxing my head against the back of the couch. I wouldn’t let myself consider that I might be wrong. I wouldn’t think about the pain I’d feel if it all went south again. Hadn’t Freya and I already suffered enough? It was time for us to finally start getting some good out of life.

“No worries, man. This is progress.”

Being friends with Parker again was surprisingly easy. Over the following weeks, we fell into a comfortable rhythm, enjoying our time together. I would occasionally look in his direction to find him staring at me with that familiar longing deep in his warm brown eyes, but he never once pushed for anything more. However, for all the good I was feeling, there was still stress. I still struggled every day to try and understand exactly what I was feeling for Parker. Trying to wade through my turbulent emotions was like fighting against the tide. One part of me craved his closeness while the other yelled that it would only lead to more heartbreak. The internal battle I was fighting grew more and more tedious every day.