Scratch (53 page)

‘Yeah,’ I agreed. ‘It is a nice one.’

‘Call your dad and tell him to book Sunday off,’ Terry said. ‘I can feel a marathon coming on.’

‘That sounds like a plan,’ I said, nodding. I studied the DVDs for a few seconds, and then put the box in the cupboard under the till. ‘So, can you cope with a pint?’

‘I feel it’s my duty to try,’ Terry said. ‘I’m not sure how long I’ll last tonight, though.’

‘I’m sure you’ll give it your best shot. Don’t worry, after last night everyone will be knackered, I can’t see it turning into a session.’

‘I don’t know,’ Terry said, accepting the lager I’d poured him. He took a sip, grimaced, then smiled and took a bigger sip. ‘That Natalie and Lucy have scary amounts of energy, and their men are as bad. Even Ronni was struggling to keep up, and she’s no lightweight.’

‘We’ll see what state they’re in when they get here. The better the party, the harder the hangover.’

‘Aye, for us. But they’re young, Jim. When I was in my twenties I could drink for
Scotland
, puke a bit, sleep a bit, then drink for
Scotland
again a few hours later. I could do that for a week on the trot if I had to. Now I just
get
the trots.’

‘We’re only going to the pictures,’ I said. ‘Even if we end up back in here after, they’ll make allowances. They know we’re old bastards.’

‘Hi, Terry,’ Kate said, coming out of the office. ‘Thanks for the hangover.’

‘You’re very welcome, hen. Thanks for the huge red wine stain on our new rug.’

‘Shit, I forgot about that,’ Kate said. ‘I’ll pay for the cleaning.’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ Terry said. ‘If you squint a bit it looks like Jesus. I reckon we can sell it to the Daily Sport if we ever need some quick cash.’

‘I’m still sorry,’ Kate said. ‘Am I dreaming or did I empty a whole bottle of salt over it?’

‘That you did, and my Hoover asked me to pass along its gratitude.’

 
Kate winced. ‘Sorry! Jim, that was Mark on the phone. He’s not coming tonight. Says he’s too tired.’

‘I’d have been shocked if he did,’ I said. ‘Getting him out last night was hard enough.’

Kate went back into the office. Terry looked at me. I shook my head.

‘Why the fuck not?’ Terry said.

‘It’s not a … thing. We’re just pals.’

‘But she’s gorgeous.’

‘I know. It’s too soon,’ I said.

‘Jim, you need to get Paula
Neumann
out of your brain. Move on, for God’s sake. Or at least move forward. There’s a lovely lassie sitting in that office. She’s single, you’re single, you get on dead well. Just ask her out for Christ’s sake.’

‘Keep your voice down,’ I said. ‘That door’s not as thick as it looks.’

‘No,’ Terry said, louder. ‘No I won’t keep my voice down, James Cooper.’ He was close to shouting now. ‘Not until you get a grip of yourself and recognise what’s right in front of your fucking nose!’

‘
Shoosh
!
’

‘NO I WILL NOT
SHOOSH!
’

‘Terry, I swear I’m going to hit you in the face if you don’t shut the fuck up.’

‘Tell me why not,’ Terry said, his decibel level coming back to Earth.

‘Well for a start Simon Fraser was just here,’ I said. ‘So guess which girl I’m thinking about right now.’

‘She isn’t coming back, Jim.’

‘I know that,’ I said. ‘My
brain
knows that. I’m not ready to stop hoping she still might, though. Every time that door opens I think it might be her; every time my phone rings or I get an email, I hope it might be her. I can’t think about asking anyone else out till that goes away.’

‘Jim, it’s never
going
to go away until you make it. You need to be with someone else, someone you want to be with who actually
wants
to be with you. That’s the only way to end this horrible crap in your head. You like Kate, yes?’

‘As a friend.’

‘You’re also aware that she happens to be one of the most beautiful women you’ll ever have the good fortune to meet? If you were watching porn and she was in it, it would work for you?’

‘Hey!’

‘Am I wrong?’

‘Not necessarily,’ I admitted.

‘So, you like her as a person and you find her attractive physically. What other box needs ticked before you’ll do something?’

‘Eh,’ I said.

‘Paula’s gone, Jim. She isn’t coming back. You can keep kidding yourself she might and be lonely forever, or you can face the truth and give yourself a chance. It’s your choice: poetic misery or actual, potential happiness.’

‘Are they my only options?’

‘Yep,’ Terry said.

‘Okay.’ It happened only rarely but I had to concede that Terry had a point.

I thought about it. I dithered. I argued with myself. I felt the fear of the unknown. I poured Terry another pint. I thought:
what if I move on with someone else and
then
Paula comes back?
I considered that it had to be the right person at the right
time
. I understood I wasn’t in love with Kate, and I remembered I hadn’t actually fallen in love with Paula until we’d been together for at least a month, all those years ago. When we’d first met she was simply a girl I liked as a person and also found attractive. Love happened later.

I made a decision.

‘Give me a minute,’ I said to Terry.

I pushed the office door open. Kate was sitting behind the desk doing the Daily Record crossword. She didn’t need to pretend to do paperwork now that I did it all, and was just being lazy. She looked great.

‘
Hiya
,’ she said, looking up.

‘Hi,’ I said. I could feel my legs shaking. ‘So, tonight, after the pictures.’

‘
Uhuh
?’ Kate’s smile really was sweet as hell.

‘Do you, eh, fancy getting something to eat?’

‘What’s the plan?’ Kate said. ‘Don’t let Natalie talk you into the China Buffet again. My stomach’s still not forgiven me since the last time.’

‘Eh, no,’ I said. ‘I was thinking more that maybe the two of us could, eh, go somewhere. Just us. For food. And maybe a drink, or something?’

‘Oh,’ Kate said. ‘
Oh
. Okay. Eh.’ She still had her sweet smile on her lips, but it wasn’t travelling northwards anymore. ‘Listen, Jim, that’s really a nice … thought. But, eh, I don’t know that it would be such a great idea.’

 
‘Okay,’ I said. I wondered if I’d had a stroke, given the level of numbing my brain suddenly experienced.

‘I mean, I like you a lot, Jim,’ Kate said. ‘But, you know, not really in
that
way.’ She looked mortified, matching exactly how I felt.

‘Cool,’ I blathered. My head was shaking from side to side quite quickly. I tried to stop it, but didn’t have much luck. ‘I’m an idiot, sorry. Do me a favour and wipe this from your mind.’

‘Eh, okay,’ Kate said. Her lips were still smiling, but her eyes were having a shite to themselves.

‘Sorry,’ I said, cringing as I backed out of the office. I was in serious need of a smoke (hadn’t managed that one yet).

‘So?’ Terry said eagerly.

‘You are a total
fuckwit
.’

***

At least I asked.

F
orward
is almost the same as
on
.

THE END