Seaglass (22 page)

Knox stood up and turned toward the window. “I know that now.” He said, turning back toward her. “It was me. I didn’t think you should have to deal with all of it. It seemed like too much to ask.”

Madeline stood gingerly, still feeling a little wobbly. She walked the short distance and stood in front of him. “I thought the same thing, Knox.” She forced herself to meet his eyes. “I told you my pathetic little story, but there was a lot more to it…a lot I left out.”

“Like?” He prodded gently.

Madeline exhaled slowly. “It’s so cliché, it’s almost ridiculous.” She said tightly.

“Tell me.” He implored, putting his hands on her shoulders.

“I believed him.” She whispered. “Deep down, I believed I was worthless—that nothing good would come to me. I believed that you were better off without me. At least I could give you that gift.”

Knox watched as one tear tracked down her cheek. He touched it gently.

“I felt like a fraud.” She continued. “I was trying so hard to be this strong, independent woman on the outside, but inside…” She trailed off and shrugged her shoulders. “I kept thinking, ‘he’s gonna wake up and realize I’m hollow.’”

Knox could not stand it one more second and pulled her tightly into his arms. “I love you, Maddie. Do you hear me? I love you.”

Finally, he pulled her back from him, but kept her close enough so that he could see the beautiful light blue of her eyes. “You are not a fraud. You’re perfect.”

Madeline smiled. “I was thinking the same thing about you.”

Knox scoffed. “No, definitely not me. If anyone’s a fraud here, it’s me.”

“Knox, you’re the most genuine person I know!” She retorted.

“But—“

Madeline cut him off quickly, “If you’re about to say it’s because of your eyes—that’s crazy. You’re allowed to live in denial for a little while. That’s some heavy shit.”

Knox laughed suddenly and loudly. “Yeah, that’s an understatement.”

Madeline smiled but then sobered quickly. “What about now, though? How are you now?”

Knox shrugged as he warred with his intense desire to keep the less attractive aspects of his life hidden versus his wish to be more open and honest.

“I’ve been seeing a shrink.”

If he expected Maddie to laugh at him or be surprised, he was mistaken.

“Has it been helpful?” She asked gently, not wanting to pry.

“Yeah. He’s a good guy—Dan, his name is—anyway, he takes pleasure in pointing out when I’m doing the genuine thing or just giving him lip service.”

“Sounds like a smart man.”

“Yeah—I, um, I wasn’t dealing. That’s the thing, Maddie. I was going through the motions—doing the work at the institute and all that, but not dealing with the emotional stuff.”

Madeline stayed silent, totally undone by his soul baring confession.

“It’s hard, but I think it’s helping.” He said.

“I’m glad.” She said as she reached out and touched his cheek; unable to keep her hands off of him. “I’ve missed you so much, Knox. I wanted to be with you. I was so scared.”

“You thought I’d reject you? Maddie, I’ve been hoping and praying you’d come back.”

“I was afraid you’d see—“She watched as a quick grin spread on his face.

She rolled her eyes. “Not like that—I was afraid you’d see how damaged I was.”

“You’re not damaged.” He said as he tipped her head up with a finger under her chin. “You may be a little banged up, but you’re healing.”

Madeline remembered saying almost those exact words to him so long ago. Now, the tears ran down her face unchecked. “I didn’t want to come to you like this—I wanted to make myself better first. I wanted to—I needed—“

“Maddie, you’re exactly who I want.”

“But—“

“Shhh.” Knox whispered as he bowed his head and chastely kissed her lips. She still smelled a little like the hospital, antiseptic and industrial soap, but under that, she smelled like strawberries. He deepened the kiss and felt her respond to him as she molded her body to his.

“Ah, hem.” A barreling voice from the doorway had them shooting apart instantly.

“Miss Roberts, you’re not supposed to be walking around.” The nurse spoke with authority as she hid the smirk on her face, and patted the bed. “Sit until you’ve been discharged.”

“Sorry.” Madeline felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment as she obediently sat down on the side of the bed.

Tonight was their thirty-seventh date. Knox nervously yanked at his tie and retied it—again. He smiled thinking of Madeline and her ‘rules’ for dating. Ever since she’d been released from the hospital, he’d been asking her to move in with him and every time she’d turned him down flat.

He hadn’t been upset though—in fact, he’d expected it. Instead of coming home to his house to recuperate, she went home with the Maguires. After another week, she went back to work at the grocery store. Soon after that, she was able to move back into her little apartment in the carriage house where Jo and Joe could still keep an eye on her, but she could have some more privacy and independence.

Knox knew a thing or two about hard won independence. In the six months since Maddie’s accident, he’d gone back to the Institute in Littleton for a refresher course. He’d taken it seriously this time. There’d be no more pretending his eye problems weren’t significant, or that he was fine. His eyes were pretty shitty, but stable. Nighttime was damn near impossible now. He’d worked hard on his orientation and mobility and gotten pretty good at using his cane. He’d even begun learning braille, although he doubted his calloused fingers would ever be sensitive enough to handle more than rudimentary labels.

As for Maddie, well, she’d insisted that they ‘date’ for a while. Even though he’d made no secret of the fact that he wanted to be with her forever, she said that they should take it slow and introduce each other to the new versions of themselves. And he had to admit, it was kind of nice.

Maddie was quietly returning to her life in Touchstone. People in town recognized her and were genuinely glad she was back. She’d been afraid of nosey questions about her father, but so far, no one seemed to kick up much of a fuss. She’d been reminded—yet again—why she’d fallen in love with Touchstone from the first. As for him, he’d finally braved the streets of his familiar hometown with cane in tow. It was time to stop hiding and pretending he wasn’t blind. He was. It didn’t matter that technically, he still had some sight—for all intense and purposes—he was blind.

It had taken more guts than he thought he had, but he’d done it. He’d used his cane and let the people in his life see the new him. It was the only ‘him’ there was now, so the time for hiding was over. Surprisingly, most of his friends and acquaintances seemed to get over the shock of it and were just happy he’d come home from Iraq alive. If he was okay, then they were too.

Knox finished his tie and stepped close to the mirror on the inside of his closet door. From what he could tell (which wasn’t much) he looked good enough. His hands shook a little as he smoothed out his hair. The last thing he wanted to do tonight was embarrass himself, and he had to admit a fancy affair—at night—was pretty much his worst nightmare.

The sound of the doorbell diverted his attention from those dark thoughts. Maddie was here, and he instantly felt lighter. He walked quickly down the hall and opened the door to let her in.

“Wow.” She said as she stepped out of the humid night air and into the coolness of his home. “You look great.” She said as she ran her hands down the lapels of his jacket.

“Thanks.” He said as he pulled her close. “Let me see you.”

Madeline watched him as he looked at her. She knew he struggled more at night, even despite the brightly lit room. “It’s my black dress. I’ve worn it before. Kind of my ‘go to’ outfit.”

“I like this dress.” Knox said as he ran his hands down the sides of the fitted cocktail dress.

“We should get going. We don’t want to be late.” She said as wrapped her scarf around her shoulders. Knox nodded and turned to get his phone and cane. Once ready, he led her out the front and locked the door. Then he took her arm as she guided him down the steps and to the passenger side of her new(ish) SUV.

He was mostly silent on the ride despite Madeline’s attempts to draw him out. She knew he was nervous, but hopefully he’d relax once they arrived and he realized he was among friends and family. She pulled up to the front of the historic Touchstone Hotel and exited the car as the valet came scurrying over to her.

“Here you go, ma’am.” He said as he handed her a ticket. She thanked him as she quickly came around to the passenger side to find Knox waiting with his cane extended. She smiled as she touched his hand and then guided them inside the opulent lobby.

“Wow.” She said in awe as she halted their progress so that she could study the magnificent woodwork.

“It’s something, isn’t it?”

She looked at him and smiled. “You did some of this work, didn’t you?”

He smiled.

“What? Tell me.” She stopped their forward progress and turned to face him.

“The big table in the foyer and the mantel.”

She quickly walked them over to the huge fireplace and reverently touched the ornate mantel. She watched Knox as he lifted his hand and ran his fingers over the fine carvings. Despite all the progress they’d both made there were still hurdles to overcome. Madeline still lacked the funds and the courage to attempt to flip another house and Knox had stopped working on all projects save for the occasional family request.

“Knox, it’s gorgeous.”

“It’s nice, huh?”

Madeline stepped back and watched him. “Should we go in? Your dad’s probably wondering where we are.”

Knox let go of the mantel and held his hand out for Maddie. She quickly slid her hand into his. She seemed to have a wonderful sixth sense about knowing when he needed her to anchor him. She never left him adrift in a room or an unfamiliar location. He worried that she’d feel like he was too needy; too dependent, but she’d never said anything to indicate such feelings. According to Dan, Knox needed to learn to trust that she’d tell him if she felt otherwise.

He kept his cane extended as Maddie led them down the main hall to one of the smaller reception rooms. Madeline smiled as she read to Knox the large sign on the easel outside the doorway.

“
Celebrating the engagement of Liz Green and Ed Barrows.”

Knox opened the heavy mahogany door and gestured for Maddie to precede him inside. He took a deep breath and followed the blurry, dark form of the woman he loved into the abyss. He could see various blobs darting in and out of shadowy corners and he could feel bodies swirling around him. The din of conversation accompanied by glassware clinking overwhelmed him and he felt himself shrinking back.

Madeline turned back when she felt Knox slow down beside her. The look on his face and the grim set of his jaw told her all she needed to know. She touched his hand where he had it locked onto her forearm.

“I’m fine.” He smiled halfheartedly.

“I know.” She answered and watched a genuine smile form on his mouth. He turned toward her and lowered his head. She met him halfway and pressed her lips against his in a reassuring kiss.

“Let’s do this.” He said as he pulled back.

“Knox!” Kayla’s bright voice rang out from across the room.

Madeline turned and watched the blonde dynamo as she bee lined it for them.

“You guys are late!”

“Sorry.” Madeline offered. “We were in the lobby looking at some of Knox’s pieces.”

“Oh.” She responded looking a little uncomfortable.

“What’s the matter?” Madeline asked.

“Dad is trying to fix me up with the hotel owner’s son.”

“Would that be so bad?” Madeline probed gently. “You said the other day that you thought it was time to start dating.”

“In theory!” She protested and elicited a laugh from Madeline and Knox. “I feel like I barely have enough time to wrangle my own kids and hold down a job. I can’t imagine having enough time to date.” She grumbled.

“Where is your brood?” Knox asked.

“With Ted and the fiancé.”

“Ouch.”

Kayla shrugged. “What can I do? We share custody. He’s engaged.”

“Well maybe this’ll change your mind.” Madeline gently turned Kayla by the shoulder so they could both watch as a tall, attractive gentleman with hair as dark as a raven’s wing entered the room. He wore a navy blazer embroidered with the hotels’ name on the breast pocket. He moved across the room and spoke quietly to an older, distinguished looking gentleman.

“Was that the hotel owner’s son?” Kayla audibly gulped.

“Oh, I hope so.” Madeline responded.

“I need a drink.” Knox rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

“I heard that.” Ed’s bellowed from behind the three of them and had them jumping.

“Dad!” Kayla admonished.

“Sorry.” He said with cheeks blushing.

“Congratulations Ed. We’re so happy for you and Liz.”

“Well, we figured we’d better make it legit.” He laughed. “C’mon, let’s sit. They’re about to start dinner. Kayla, you’re sitting next to David.”

Kayla looked from Knox to Madeline with panic in her eyes.

“You can do this.” Maddie whispered.

Kayla shook her head and followed her father to the table. Maddie watched and gave Knox the play by play as David pulled out Kayla’s chair for her and held out his hand to assist her.

“He’s got manners. So what?” Knox asked.

Madeline laughed. “I’ve never seen Kayla like this before.”

“Like what?”

“Flustered.”

Knox shook his head as he followed Maddie to their seats. Well, at least one good thing was gonna come out of this evening. Now, he just needed to concentrate on his food enough to avoid wearing it. If he could accomplish that, then he’d officially declare it a success.

xXx

Two hours later, Knox gratefully slunk down into the seat of Maddie’s Toyota SUV and pulled his tie loose.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine. A headache. “You?”

“I’m okay. It was a nice party.”

“Yeah. I’m glad he found Liz. I was worried about him after mom died.”

Madeline cast a quick glance over at Knox as she drove. He was rubbing his temples. She knew negotiating a mostly candlelit room with various people coming at him was stressful. He’d handled it beautifully though. It was only she, Kayla and Ed that had noticed the tightening of his eyes and the grim set of his mouth as the evening wore on. After dessert, Ed had casually suggested that the “young people” head out to have some fun and Knox and Maddie had gratefully excused themselves.

“I think I have some aspirin in my purse.” She offered.

“Nah. I have some stuff at home. I’ll wait.”

“Okay.” She answered as she put her hand on his knee. He quickly covered it with his own.

“You’re invited to stay, if you want.” He squeezed her hand and released.

“I don’t want to bother you if you’re not feeling great.”

“It’s not a bother. I want you to.”

She cast a quick glance at him again and saw the flash of his white teeth as he smiled. She’d hoped he’d invite her to stay. She’d packed an overnight bag.

“I’d love to.”

xXx

The hot water cascading down his neck and back felt like heaven. His migraine pills had finally begun to work and now coupled with the water, he was beginning to feel like himself again. He didn’t think he could feel any more relaxed when he felt Maddie put her strong hands on his lower back and begin kneading his tight muscles.

“That feels good.” He mumbled as he braced himself with a hand against the tile wall.

“I like your new shower.” Maddie answered as she adjusted one the body jets in his luxurious glass enclosed shower. “But…”

“But what?” He groaned as she worked a knot out of his shoulder blade.

“It seems like you designed it for two?” She teased.

“Well, I hoped I’d have someone to share it with.”

“Someone?”

“Yeah.” He teased back as he turned and pulled her wet body against his. “Someone like you.” He lowered his head and kissed her deeply. She matched his strength with her own and pulled him to her and relishing the slickness of his wet skin. They moved as one; each finding what they craved… what they needed. Madeline had been so worried that she’d never be enough for him and that he deserved so much more. He’d showed her that by some miracle, she was what he wanted, flaws and all.

They came together, taking each other to the peak and then crashing over it. She felt the increase of his weight on her frame and pushed him back gently.

“Knox?”

“Hmm?” He said as he quickly rinsed off the soap he’d lathered himself up with.

“I love you.”

He stopped and located the soap dish with one hand and put the soap away with the other. He held out his hand and she took it and pressed it to her lips.

“I love you.” She repeated.

He wasn’t sure why it sounded different tonight, but he was sure it did. Not that he’d doubted her when she’d said those words to him before, but tonight, something was changing and evolving.

He pulled his hand away from her lips and framed her beautiful face with his hands. The dim lights of the bathroom didn’t give him much vision, but somehow her blue eyes always managed to pierce the hazy veil of darkness.

“I know, Maddie.”

“And you love me.”

“Yes.” He pushed her wet hair away from her face. “Yes.” He repeated, sincerely.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I think I’m ready.”

Knox couldn’t stop the huge grin from spreading on his face. “What changed tonight?”

Madeline shook her head. She couldn’t put words to the feelings that were coursing through her. She watched his brow furrow in puzzlement. She knew she owed it to him to explain.

“You let me come here anyway.” She offered.

“Anyway?”

“Even though you had a headache.”

Knox crinkled up his eyes, trying to puzzle out what she was getting at. “Okay.”

“You didn’t push me away.” She responded shyly.

Now his face grew serious. “Did I do that? Before?”