Sean (7 page)

I sat on the stool besi
de her. “Brynn, I love spending time with you. I’m thrilled to have met you in this time of my life. I’ve had heartache and pain, just like you have. I’ve spent years in dark places, wanting to feel something again, but thinking I never would. I decided that was no way to live, so I got help, treatment, just like you have, and I finally feel like my old self again, even better. I want to live, love, smile and laugh with someone who wants to share those things with me. The first date we had, at the beach, I saw it in you. Playing in the water and watching the waves roll in. I felt a closeness with you and considered the fact that you could be the one I’d want to share with. Then, when we zip-lined the next day, and I watched you appreciate the beauty of everything around you, listened to your honesty, and felt your sweet innocence, I knew you were who I wanted to heal with, share with, and make smile as much as possible. This morning, when I woke up with you in my arms, after spending these last few days together, it felt so right. It’s too late for you to worry about disappointing me, we’re past that point.” She stared at me, not believing what I’d just told her, but wanting to.

“Are you saying you want me to be your girlfriend?” She was so sweet and naïve, it was hard to believe she could do such amazing gifted things with her body to make herself seem otherwise.

“Yes, Brynn, my girlfriend,” I smiled and shook my head as her face lit up the entire room. The word meant something to her, something big, something new and exciting. Maybe something she’d wanted to be for a long time, but a title she never wore, until now.

“Thank you for telling me how you feel. I don’t have the words you do to express myself like I want to. I’m used to
expressing myself through dancing, which I hope to do for you a lot more.” I liked hearing that. “I’d like you to know, however, that one of the best moments of my life was when I kissed you on the zip-line platform and the reaction you had. I’ll never, ever forget that. It was the first time I went after something I wanted without worrying about consequences or rejection or even the irritated guy standing there beside us. It was a perfect moment in my mind and I’ve shared several more moments close to that one with you these past few days. You make me feel something so powerful and good, it could easily become an addiction.” That filled me up and I wanted to keep making her feel powerful and good. I wanted her to have moments like that with me every day.

“I love how you express yourself. There’s nothing wrong with the words you use, in fact it’s refreshing how raw they are. You don’t
have to pad your words if they’re honest. And when you expressed yourself through dance the other night, holy shit, Brynn, I’ve never witnessed anything like it. You’re very talented. I could watch you for hours. It’s like the music is coming from your body, like you’re emitting the notes with every move you make. It’s amazing.” I hoped to see more of it, soon.

“Thanks,” she said. “I used to dress up in my mom’s clothes and dance around the house when I was a kid. I choreographed my own little shows and set up my stuffed animals as my audience.” She looked down at her tea as she remembered it and laughed.
“One time our maid watched, unbeknownst to me, and she gushed to my parents when they came home about how talented she thought I was.” Her face turned sad and she stopped telling the story. I lifted her chin to look at me. She just shook her head and took her cup to the stove. She walked over and filled my cup first, and then her own. She dunked her tea bag and set her spoon on it to hold it under the water. Then she looked back at me. “They weren’t impressed,” was all she said.

“Why?” I wanted to feel her pain and I wanted to be inside her, to help her push it out.

“Well, Mom was mad that I’d gotten into her clothes and Dad was mad that I’d played his tapes and stereo. I’d always put everything back so carefully that they never knew. Juanita felt so horrible for getting me into trouble, but I didn’t blame her, she didn’t know it was my little secret. In fact, it made me love her even more, the fact that she thought I was talented and wanted to tell the world.” She smiled at that part.

“Why weren’t they impressed with your dance
, though?” I asked.

Her smile faded
. “They never asked to see it.” She shrugged like it was no big deal. But it was a big deal. A
fucking
big deal to me.

“Have they ever seen you dance?”
I was pushing, and I knew it could go one of two ways. I hoped for the better.

“Yeah,” she said as she sweetened her tea. “I had
a friend in school, Nora, who talked me into trying out for the part of Sandy in our school’s production of
Grease
. She somehow convinced me that no one could play it better than I could. I knew the movie by heart I’d watched it so many times, and of course I dreamed of being Sandy, like every other girl who’d ever watched it. I practiced in my room every day for hours when I got home from school, and with each practice my confidence boosted. By the day before auditions, I had no doubt that the judges were going to be floored by me and I’d not only get the lead, but possibly a ticket out of my non-existent life into a fresh new dance filled life.” She laughed and shook her head. I was mesmerized by her and even though I knew the story was going to go downhill from there, I was rooting for her to get the part.

“My room didn’t have the open space I needed to practice one of the numbers fully, so I practiced downstairs in the foyer some days.
I wanted to get it just perfect and I lost track of time on that particular day.” She paused and filled up the teapot with water. She returned it to the stove and turned on the burner. “I didn’t hear my parents walk in, but from the looks on their faces when they cut the music, I guessed they’d seen enough.” She took a deep breath and a sip of her tea.

“My mom started yelling about the scuffs I’d made on the floor and my dad said I was too fat to be dancing and dressing like a whore.
‘Don’t even think about embarrassing us by trying out for this ridiculous thing!’ my dad yelled. Then my mom chimed in, ‘You’re almost eighteen years old, it’s time you started thinking about your future and stopped with this unrealistic fantasy of yours!’ I was crushed. I felt like someone had just told me I had to stop breathing, stop dreaming, stop hoping and believing.” She quickly wiped a tear that she’d somehow let escape her eye. She glanced at me, probably hoping I hadn’t noticed, but I hadn’t taken my teary eyes off her. She seemed shocked at first, that I was emotional over her story, but then softness filled her eyes and she let one go—silently it fell.

“Needless to say, I didn’t try out. Pamela Johnston got the part. She was skinny and beautiful, making the perfect Sandy. She couldn’t dance
or sing worth a shit, but I realized it didn’t matter, and that my parents were right. If I would’ve tried out, I would’ve been an embarrassment. It wasn’t about talent and hard work with rich snobby people, it was about how you looked, dressed, and flaunted your money. I didn’t want that kind of life anymore, so as soon as I graduated, I left.”

“
Do you still think they were right?” I was semi-panicking.

“I’m still dealing with it,” she said. My heart sank. I was in full panic mode.

“Do you put me in that category?” I was scared to ask, but I had to.

“What?” She looked confused for a moment, but as she studied my face
, she read my fear. “Oh my god, Sean, no, not at all.” She was beside me again, on her stool, as she took my face in her soft little hands. “I know that everyone with money doesn’t have a heart of stone, just as I know not every stripper is a whore. I was nervous about you at first, when I saw your car and realized you were very well-off, but I decided to give you a chance, just as you gave me one when you learned of my job. I’d never put you in that category. You’re the opposite of them. You’ve proven that to me already.” She kissed me sweetly and I sighed in relief.

“I want to delve into your story so badly. I want to make you see all that was wrong about what your parents put you through and all that was right about what you did, but I can’t. I’m sure you’ve heard it all in therapy and hope you’re continuing to discover it in counseling. I want to be your therapist
right now, but I want to be your boyfriend more, I can’t be both. It wouldn’t be fair to you or to us. It’s great the way we talk, just like couples do, and that’s what I want. If you ever want to discuss something specific, I’m here for you, but unless you ask for my help, I’ll be the ever-doting boyfriend with support and understanding, okay?”

“That’s all I could
hope for,” she said. “Now, weren’t you going to make breakfast?” We smiled at each other, knowing we’d lost track of time.

“That’s my girl,” I said as I jumped up and
got back to the stove.

“Mmm,” she said. “I love that you just called me that.”

I winked at her. “Well, that’s what you are.” Her smile said it all. She was happy.

“What would you like to do tomorrow?” I asked
.

“Watch fireworks somewhere, but other than that, just being with you will be great.”

“You like to watch fireworks, huh?”

“Yes! One year Juanita and I climbed out my bedroom window and watched from the roof! Sh
e put a little blanket down on the shingles and we had a picnic.” Brynn giggled. “She’d used cookie cutters to cut star shapes out of grilled cheese sandwiches and we had sugar cookies decorated very festively, which we’d made together earlier in the day. She was so much fun.”

“Did your parents join you two?”

Brynn laughed. “No, they usually traveled on holidays.” She kept smiling as she ate.

“
Even on Christmas and Easter?” I couldn’t imagine being a kid alone on Christmas.

“Yeah, usually.” She looked up and saw my expression. “Sean, I didn’t want to go with them anyway. I wanted to be home, with the staff
. They were my support, they loved me and I loved them. I’ve accepted that, and I’m okay with it.” Well, I wasn’t! “Honestly, the holidays with them are some of the happiest memories I have. They made them very special for me and we had a lot of fun. Don’t you dare look at me like you feel sorry for me. I’m past that.”

“I’m sorry,”
I told her. She was so much stronger than I ever imagined she was. “Do you keep in touch with Juanita, or any of the staff?”

“No. My parents disowned me and they have been forbidden to have contact with me.”

“What? How can they possibly forbid that?” I was shocked.

“They have a lot of money, that’s how.” She finished her omelet and took both of our plates to the sink. I got up to help. “Sit,” she said. “You cooked, I’ll clean.”

“Oh, is that the rule?” I teased.

“Yes. I don’t want you waiting on me when I’m here. I want to be your girlfriend, not your
guest.” She was independent, for sure. She didn’t want anyone to take care of her. That was going to be tough for me. All I wanted was to take care of her and protect her.

“I’m learning a lot about you this morning,” I told her. “You’ve pulled my heart strings, inspired me, surprised me, and now you’re annoying the shit out of me.”

She laughed. “How am I annoying the shit out of you?”

“I’m very uncomfortable with that rule. I just can’t do it.” I opened the dishwasher and started to load it.

“Wow. You’re such a baby,” she said as she grabbed me and turned me to face her. She hopped her little ass up onto the countertop and pulled me to her lips. She kissed me passionately and sucked my tongue while she ran her fingers up and down my arms.

“Mmm, I love when you do that,” I told her.

“Do what?” she asked.

“All of it.”

“Even calling you a baby?”

“Especially that.” She laughed, but seriously, it turned me on.

She wrapped her legs around me and I kissed her neck. She tried to lean back, giving me full access, but her hand went into the sink instead of onto the countertop and she fell backwards, slamming her head into the corner of the cupboard.

“Ouch!” s
he said as she shot back up and grabbed her head.

“Are you okay?” I helped her sit up.

“Yeah,” she said but then pulled her hand from her head and saw the blood. My heart raced and I gasped as I caught her when she fell against me. She was out cold.

“Brynn!” I shook her. “Brynn!” No response. “Fuck! Brynn!” I was hyperventilating as I carried her to the breakfast bar and dialed 911 on my cell.

“Calm down, sir,” the operator said after I screamed my address into her ear. “Help is on the way, but I want you to calm down so you can help your girlfriend, okay?”

“Okay,” I said and tried to take deep breaths.

“I want you to lay her down and get a clean towel.” I laid her right next to the drawer so I didn’t have to leave her side to get it. “Now, fold it and apply firm pressure to the wound. Is she still unconscious?” I was praying silently as I held her beautiful head. “Sir?” the operator said.

“Yes, she’s still out,” I said.

“Okay, keep the pressure on. The paramedics are pulling up now. Stay on the line until…” I hung up, ran to the locked door, swung it open, and ran back to Brynn. She was trying to open her eyes.