Seasons (24 page)

“Brynn, it’s not like that…”

“Yeah, well, it hurts either way. I called you because I thought you were the one person who would be happy for me.”

“You’re not being fair! Everyone would be happy for you if you gave them a chance, but there is nothing to be happy about because you’re not even going!”

He’s right. God, I hate when he’s right. “Trev…I love him. I don’t know what to do.”

“Follow your heart, kid. Unless it tells you to do something stupid. Then you tell that bitch to shut up.”

Leave it to Trevor to make me want to hug him and punch him all in the same sentence. “Yeah, I have some thinking to do.”

“Yes, yes, you do.”

With a couple quick goodbyes, we hang-up just before I pull into the parking lot.

*   *   *

As promised, when I get to Mitch’s, his door is unlocked. I walk in and hear music coming from the bedroom, which is unusual. I try to sneak in to see what’s going on. When I peek into the bedroom, I don’t see Mitch, so I just walk right in. The music playing is not anything I recognize. It’s intense and angry and in another language? The next thing I know, my arms are bent and pinned behind my back, and my face is pushed up against the back of the door.

“Do exactly as I say and you won’t get hurt.” A rough voice speaks into my ear. “Do you understand?”

“Ye-ye-yes.” I stutter.

With his free hand, he swipes at the button of my jeans, dropping them and pushing them the rest of the way to the floor with his foot.

Crack,
a huge smacking sound echoes through the room when Mitch lands a hard slap on my ass, making me jump.

“You said you were leaving your panties at home. You lied. I hope you weren’t a fan of these,” he says before he shreds the fabric from me. My arms still behind me, he grips me tighter and pushes me further up against the door. “Kick your jeans to the side.” When I hesitate, he lands another slap, even harder this time in the same spot. I cry out in pain. Immediately, I step out of the jeans around my ankles and kick them away. I’m definitely going to have a welt tomorrow.

“That’s my good little whore,” he says pushing his bare knee between my legs from behind me and kicking them apart. “I’m going to fuck you, and then I’m going to cum all over this beautiful ass of yours.” He slaps me again, even harder before he pulls me back and slams balls deep into me. A tear escapes my eye as he continues ramming me from behind. My arms are uncomfortable just short of pain, pinned behind my back as he fucks me. On every other thrust, he spanks my ass just before slamming into me even harder.

“Do you like that?”

Crack.

“Answer me!” he growls.

“Y-yes-s, fuck me!”

This response seems to unleash something in Mitch. Still holding my arms pinned behind me at the wrist with one hand, he gathers all my hair tightly in his other hand. I’m completely helpless and oddly completely turned on as Mitch roughly fucks me into submission. My arousal is running down my legs in just a few more thrusts and he pulls out of me, coming violently all over my ass as promised.

*   *   *

A couple hours later, I’m fumbling around the room trying to get dressed and Mitch wakes up. “Where are you going?”

“I have an appointment, remember?”

“For what again? P.S. your boobs are huge today, wow!”

I can’t help but laugh. “For my girly doctor and my boobs are huge because Aunt Flow is coming to town, so it’s a good thing we got it in today.” I wink at him struggling to get my jeans on since I’m still slightly wet from the shower. “Where the hell is my shirt?” I ask slipping my bra on. Mitch throws my purple top across the room at me. I put it on and scramble to grab my purse. After kissing him goodbye, I run out the door.

I get to the office and sign in. A few moments later, a young, blonde in baby blue scrubs comes out. “Brynn Carsten?”

“That’s me,” I say getting up to follow her.

She weighs me and takes my blood pressure. “Here,” she says handing me a plastic cup. “The bathroom is to your right. Leave the urine sample in the silver box,” she instructs. “When you are finished, you can head into exam room two. Leave your top on, bottoms off. There is a sheet on the table.” She smiles.

I leave the sample, and then undress and cover with a sheet as instructed. I don’t know why they call it a sheet. It’s really a piece of crappy paper posing as a sheet. Wrapping it tightly behind me, I hop up on the examination table. “Son of a bitch!” I whisper yell as it rips up the side.

I’m fumbling to cover up with what is left of the damn paper sheet when I hear a knock on the door. The doctor walks into the room, introduces himself shaking my hand and has a seat on a stool in front of me. Pulling a folder out from under his arm. He addresses me, “How are you doing today, Brynn?”

“I’m doing all right.” I smile, even though I’m thinking hurry up and get this over with!

“Your blood pressure was a little elevated. Have you been under a lot of stress?”

“Just started the last semester of school. Got my acceptance letters to grad school today, so I’m a little excited. That must be it.”

“Well, congratulations.” He nods. “Go ahead and lie back and slide your bottom to the edge of the table. We’ll check everything out, and I should have the urine results in a moment also.”

He examines me in silence making mmhm, mhm, noises while he does. “Go ahead and sit back up. You can get dressed. I will be back in just a moment,” he says depositing gloves in the garbage on the way out of the room.

What feels like hours later, the doctor knocks, announcing his reentrance. He has a seat with his nose in the folder he’s holding. He has a seat in a chair and crosses his legs looking over at me and smiling.

“Is something wrong?” I ask nervously.

“Brynn, when was your last period?”

“Um…” I think back. “About eight weeks or so ago. I had a normal period. I had a very light period for about a day four weeks ago. That happens sometimes since I’ve been on the pill,” I ramble getting nervous.

“Brynn, you’re pregnant.” My heart drops out of my body at his words. I sit completely numb in shock.

“I’m on the pill. How can I be pregnant?”

“The pill is not a hundred percent. You are very early along only a few weeks, but you are definitely pregnant.” Tears stream involuntarily down my face while I listen to him continue. “I know this is a shock to you. You know you do have options. I’m going to leave you with some pamphlets to look over. If you are in a relationship, it may help to talk it over with your partner.” Oh, my God, Mitch. How am I going to tell Mitch? What have I done? I just got accepted to school! How? I sit in silence with a river of tears flowing down my face. Everything is a blur. Somehow, I make it out of the building with pamphlets in my hand and get into my car. I think I sit there in silence for a good hour.

I don’t remember driving there, but somehow I make it home. I crawl into bed and lay there not knowing what else to do. I feel like I’m going to be sick from the emotions that are raging through me. I reach down and rub my belly smiling for a moment. Maybe it will be okay? Mitch has a good job. Maybe he will help me finish school and have the baby? That’s when reality hits me. The face of a defeated redhead floats through my mind. What am I going to do with a baby? How will Mitch react? How can I tell him? What am I going to do…?

I wake up to someone nosing my neck in the pitch dark. I recognize Mitch’s smell and a smile plays on my lips. It only lasts a minute before the nightmare that was this afternoon punches me in the gut.

“You didn’t answer your phone. I was worried about you.”

“I fell asleep this afternoon after my appointment. How did you get in?”

“I’m a cop, remember? I have my ways.” He’s so cocky. “That and you didn’t lock it.”

Mitch leans down to kiss me and pulls back like he’s been slapped. “What’s wrong?” He reaches over and turns on the lamp on the side table. “Why are you crying?”

“I have to talk to you.”

Mitch looks at me with a worried brow. “That doesn’t sound good. What’s wrong?” I get up from the bed and pace. “Brynn, you’re freaking me out. What’s wrong?”

I turn slowly toward him. “Mitch…” I say with a fresh wave of tears cascading down my cheeks. “I’m pregnant.”

He sits motionless and just stares at me. Finally, he reacts. “Wow.”

“Yeah, do that about a thousand more times and you might be where I’m at now.”

“Wow,” he says again.

I look at him trying to read him. “Is that a good wow? Or a bad wow?”

“It’s a ‘what are we going to do’ wow.” He deadpans. “What do you want to do?”

“I have no idea. I mean, obviously, we’re having a baby.”

“But you’re still in school.”

“I know.”
Thanks for stating the obvious
, I think but don’t say for fear of pissing him off.

He sits thinking for a while before he says anything. “Brynn,” he starts and then pauses for a beat. “I think this would be happy news if you were done with school and we were married. I want to have children with you, but I think we should do it right.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I have a ring on lay-a-way. I want to marry you. However, right now, it’s just bad timing. How far along are you?”

“The doctor said only a few weeks.”

“You don’t have to have the baby. You have options.”

“Options?”

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t have the baby, but maybe it wouldn’t hurt to look into things.”

“And if I have the baby?”

“I don’t know…”

What the hell is he saying. He wants to marry me? Have babies later? But he doesn’t want
this
baby? I mean, it’s the absolute worst timing possible. I want to be happy about this, I want to revel in it, but I can’t. I have a relationship I’m not currently confident in, and I have alienated myself from my friends and family. How the fuck did I get here?

“I’m just saying let’s make an appointment at the clinic. We can just see what they say? It can’t hurt, right?”

“Get out,” I almost yell.

“What? Why?”

“Is that what you wanted your ex to do, too? Is that why you don’t pay child support or see your son?”

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!” he yells back.

“I believed in you. All this time, I stuck up for you to my family, my friends. I was going to give up my dream to stay here with you! Man, am I a naïve, stupid girl! The truth is you’re nothing but a deadbeat dad who cheated on his wife. Allison told me the truth. Honestly, I don’t want to look at you right now. You need to leave. I want to be alone so I can think.”

“Think about what? Brynn, you can’t have this baby. It will ruin your life, our life.”

“Mitch,
we
don’t have a life. Don’t worry about this. I will take care of it all on my own. Now, please, get the fuck out of my house before I lose my shit!” I am now screaming like a wild banshee.

“Brynn?” he pleads.

“GET OUT, MITCH! GET THE FUCK OUT!”

Putting his hands up in defeat, he backs up. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Don’t bother! Mitch, I’m serious, just fucking leave!”

Mitch leaves and I follow him out, slamming the door behind him and locking it. I throw the chain on the door and jam a chair under the handle for good measure before collapsing in sobs on the floor in front of it.

The next morning isn’t any easier. I feel like crawling in a hole and never coming out. I have no one to run to. I let Mitch slowly separate me from everyone important in my life and now he’s gone, too. Dragging myself out of bed, I do some research online and find out that there is something called a medical abortion for very early pregnancy. It’s like a strong morning after pill from what I can tell that brings on your period.

I don’t take any time to think about it, knowing if I think, I will change my mind. I call the clinic and make an appointment as soon as possible to find out if I qualify for the pill. I park in a lot down the street from the clinic out of embarrassment. Walking toward the doors of the clinic, I notice a bunch of picketers holding signs in front of the doors. I falter in my step, feeling nauseated at what I’m about to do. With tears running down my cheeks, I push through the crowd. As I walk past, they are yelling things at me. “Whore!” “Baby killer!” With my head down, I push through them.

I’m in a fog while I sit in the waiting room. I’m numb. Once I’m shown to a room, I have a seat. I’m here physically, but I’m not here. I listen as a doctor hands me pamphlets, and then does another examination and an ultrasound. I feel nothing, just broken. “You are only a few weeks along, Ms. Carsten. Being that you are so early in the pregnancy, medically, the baby is only a bundle of cells currently. If you are interested in the medical abortion, it is something we could do. You only have a short while to decide before that would no longer be an option.”

“Can we do it today?”

“We can. We require you talk to a counselor before we would administer it, though.”