Second Chance (53 page)

I digest their thoughts and their words and try to piece it all together
and it all starts to make sense
.
I always thought love would be easy and slip into place when the moment is right.
But, h
ow far do you go for love
?
How much of your life
d
o you give up for a single person
?
And
how much do you let yourself change
?
When you stop being yourself, who will you become?

GRAY

When you finally let down your walls, it’s amazing how much sunlight pours through
.
When you stop worrying
so much about
your life, you suddenly start living it.
This state of mind makes me want to blare power ballads from my car speakers
.
I even bought
Heart
’
s
greatest hits
.
Never shop
for music
under the influence of love
.
It’s embarrassing what
you’re in the mood for
.

Dylan and I are together whenever humanly possible
.
M
y world is perfect
.
Until something isn’t right
.

I start to notice
more
changes about her
.
At f
irst it was just her
clothes
.
But
some
thing else has changed
.
Her eye
s
loo
k a little faded, like a light has
cr
awled out from inside of them, l
ike she’s tired
.
Except
I know
it isn’t
a lack of sleep
.
It’s a lack of adventure
.
A lack of
movement
.
T
here’s a slower ga
it
to
her
walk
.
Her hands are calm, usually clasped over her lap
as if this will slow her down
.
She’s a little quieter too
.
Not as many dares
.
Not nearly as many
random thoughts
.

Today I notice the strangest change of all
.
I
played an afternoon game
,
so I t
ake
Dylan out for dinner in Old Town
.
It’s an
old
-fashioned
Spanish
pueblo in the middle of the city
.
The small buildings
have
adobe
-
style
architecture
with flat roofs and curved
edges, the stucco walls brushed smooth to look
like soft, tan suede
.
A church is anchored in the middle of the square
, surrounded by an open,
central plaza
.
Dylan and I
sit at
an outdoor patio
that ove
r
looks the
plaza and we eat enchiladas
with red and
green
chile
salsa
.

It’s a perfect night
.
But something’s missing
.
I look around
us and
finally I pinpoint the problem
.

“
Where’s your
best friend
?
”
I ask Dylan
.

Dylan
points
at me
,
because I’m obviously sitting across from her.

“
Your
camera,” I say
.
“
I thought it was surgically attached to you
.
Where is it?
”

“
I
left it at home.”
 

I
set down my fork
and study her like she’s crazy
.
“Can you even see without it
?
I’ve never seen y
ou
step
outside
your door with
out
your camera.”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” she says
.
She looks away from me, her eyes measuring something in the
courtyard
.
I can tell she wants to take a picture
.
The sunset is going to be incredible, with so many feather
y
clouds in the
sky
.
She rubs her arms and
I notice her
eyes are sad
.
Sad
.

“
Spill it.
”

She hangs her head a little bit
.
“
This might sound stupid, but I
’m afraid I’ll use up all my photo opportunities.
”
 
 

“
What
?
How would that ever happen
?
”

“
Well,
I decided to take
Cat’s offer
. I’m
coming back her
e
next fall.”

I hear the words c
ome out
,
but I don’t b
elieve
it
.
“You want to come back
here
?”

She nods.

“To live?
”
I say with shock
.
She nods again
.

“Haven’t you thought about it?” she asks.

I look down at my plate
.
I’ve thought about it hundreds of times
.
But I
gave up on the idea
last summer
, when she shot it down in
Phoenix
.

“What about
you
r
dream list
?
Backpacking in
Australia
and living in a big city and
traveling
in
Central
America
?”

She
smiles
.
“
I also added
Singapore
and
Hong Kong
to the list.”

“So, you’re
just going to give that all up
?
”

“I want you to be happy,” she says.

“I want you to be happy,” I argue
.

“
Maybe I
outgrew
my dreams,” she says
.
“
Maybe dreams change based on the people you meet and the places you go
.
I can make new dreams
, ones that include you.
”

I turn and watch a family pass us on the sidewalk
.
I’m starting to lose my appetite
.
I test her
.
I ask her what random thing she did today
.

She smirks
.
“
I b
rowsed a class schedule
for next fall
.
”

This is too much
.
“
What
?
I thought you
hated college,” I argue.

“I
never said I
hated it
.
I’m just against the overall
philosophy
of
i
nstitutionalized