Second Chance (Cruiser & Lex, Book 2) (17 page)

Cruiser

I park my bike in the garage and head into the house. Mom’s at the kitchen counter, working on dinner. She looks up when I walk in. “Hi, Elvis.”

“Hey,” I mumble.

All that crap with Erica. I didn’t need it. Now I’ve got a headache and the memories of how she was all over me. The feel of her hands on my body. Shit, it was so familiar. I don’t want it to be familiar. Don’t want to be reminded of my past or any girl. I want my T. Rex.

Glancing at Mom, I see she’s hurting. From Dad, Rey. Probably me, too. She’s always been a strong woman. I don’t like seeing her break down like this. “Need help?” I ask. In the past, I would have never offered. Spending time with Mom always led to arguments. She’d demand answers, like why I wasn’t trying hard at school. Why I wasn’t practicing the violin. Why I didn’t bring home friends like Rey did. But I’m not that person anymore. So much has changed over the past year and a half. I have changed.

Mom’s face brightens like I told her I’m on the honor roll. “Thank you, Elvis. I’d love the help.”

“Isn’t it a little late for dinner?” I ask.

“I’m preparing this for tomorrow. I need to work late and won’t have time to make dinner.”

I’m not much of a cook. The only things I can make are mac and cheese and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The meal I made for Lex and my anniversary doesn’t count because Gran helped a lot. Lex. Thinking of her is like a punch in my heart. I need to go over there and patch things up with her, but I wanted to check in with Mom and Rey first. I’ll go as soon as I’m done helping her.

She puts me on chopping duty while she takes care of the meatloaf. We work in silence for a while, ‘til Mom says, “How are your meetings with the school guidance counselor going?”

I feel a breach of my privacy. But Mom’s asking because she honestly wants to know. Because she cares. I shut my eyes and lower my defenses. “All right. Tomorrow we’re gonna discuss some clubs I should join.”

She nods. “What are you interested in?”

“Not sure.” I slice a carrot. “Maybe orchestra.”

Her eyes widen.

“Yeah. Turns out I kinda like the violin.”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah. But I don’t want to play professionally or anything. Just for the club.”

She nods. It’s nice to see her actually listening to me, as opposed to years ago when she’d tell me what to do without even asking my opinion.

“Not sure what else.”

“What about the debate team?”

I wave my hand. “Nah. Doesn’t interest me.”

This is probably one of the longest conversations we’ve had. It’s nice. Though a part of me feels this could go to hell any minute. Maybe we’ll be at each other’s throats by the time the food’s done. But I’m not going to walk away from this.

“What about theater?” Mom asks.

I stop chopping. Theater. Never considered it. I’m not one to go on stage in front of hundreds of people, but working backstage doesn’t sound too bad.

“And there’s always yearbook,” Mom says.

“I might give theater a try.”

Her whole face changes. Less worry lines, more light in her eyes. It feels good for her to be proud of me for a change. I always wanted that growing up.

The front door barges open. Rey marches in. He doesn’t say anything. Heads straight for the stairs.

“Reagan,” Mom says.

He stops. Doesn’t face us. “What?”

“Come here, please.”

“I gotta go upstairs.”

“Reagan.”

With a groan he storms toward us. That’s when I see it. A piercing on his eyebrow.

Mom gasps. “Reagan! A
piercing
?”

“Relax. I didn’t kill anyone.”

“Rey,” I say. “C’mon.”

He glares at me. “What’s the matter, Elvis? Don’t you like it?”

There’s so much I want to say. Do. Smack him in the head to knock some sense into him. My hand squeezes the knife. “I actually do like it,” I say. His face fills with surprise. “Maybe for Halloween.”

He rolls his eyes. “Why don’t you just put a halo over your head?” He charges toward the stairs.

“Reagan,” Mom says in her authoritative tone. The one that scared us like hell when we were kids. It still shakes me a bit when I hear it. Seems like the same is for Rey, because he freezes. Then he squares his shoulders and climbs the steps.

“Get back here, Reagan Dalton!” Mom yells. “You come right here!”

He continues climbing.

“We don’t get piercings in my house!”

He doesn’t say anything.

Her eyes are full of rage, but there’s something else there, too. A whole lot of hurt.

I touch her arm. “I’ll go talk to him.”

She nods. “Thank you.” Before I turn to leave, she grabs me. Next thing I know, I’m in her arms. I stand there, stiff as a board. A hug. From Mom. Can’t say I remember the last time she did something like this. Years ago.

I head upstairs. Rey’s pacing around, squeezing his stress ball. Standing out here, studying him, I don’t know who that guy is. Because he sure as hell isn’t my twin brother. I miss Rey, really miss him. I wanted him to come back home so bad. But not like this. This…I don’t know what it is.

He spins around as I step in. When he realizes it’s just me and not Mom, his body relaxes. He throws the stress ball at me. I catch it and sit down on his bed. “Rey, you gotta stop this.”

“Can’t stand her nagging.” He starts pacing again.

“It’s not nagging, Rey. I mean, yeah, it is. But it’s not because she wants to hurt you. She cares a lot about you. Can’t stand to see you acting out like this.” I squeeze the ball. “And she ain’t the only one.”

He looks at me from the corner of his eyes. Then shrugs. “It’s fake. See?” He pulls the small ring off his eyebrow.

“Why’d you have to go and freak Mom out?”

“I want to move out.”

“Well, you can’t move out. You’re stuck here. With me and Mom. We’re the policeman and woman. Where have you been? Who are you hanging out with? You know who stopped by Juice Me this afternoon? You know Derek and Jared? Your old friends? And what’s this about you failing school and dropping your clubs—”

“This coming from a guy who has no friends,” he mumbles.

“We’re not talking about me, Rey. We’re talking about
you
. Why are you comparing us? Do you want to be like me? Is that it?”

He scoffs. “Sure, because it looks like so much fun to be you.”

“Then what is it? You gotta understand that people are affected differently by things. We can go through the same thing and come out different. You get that?”

“What the hell’s your point?”

“My point is that if you continue this, it will lead to no good.”

His eyes close into slits. “You’re saying you can handle being a rebel and I can’t?”

I raise my hands in a what-the-hell-gesture. “Why you putting words in my mouth? All I’m saying is that you’ve always been a good guy. The pride and joy of our parents. Everyone loved you. Wanted to be with you. And you’re throwing all that away.”

He bites down on his bottom lip.

“You know I’m right. You’re just too stubborn to admit it. I get you’re going through a hard time. Everyone goes through shit. But what shows strength of character is how you deal with it.”

“Yeah, like running around sleeping with random girls.”

I fight the urge to grit my teeth. “We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you. And FYI, I turned my life around. Made changes. I could have treated New York like a death sentence. But I didn’t. Soon as I stepped foot in there, I quit sleeping around. I quit doing drugs. Drinking. I became a better person.” In one evening, two people have managed to throw my past in my face. I hold back from slamming my fist into the wall. This isn’t about me right now. It’s about Rey.

He makes a tut tut noise. “Oh, poor guy. Such hard work, living with Gran and Gramps.”

I throw my hands in the air. “You’re killing me, bro. I’m trying to help you. Don’t you get that? Are you purposely trying to grate on my nerves, or do you honestly not see the shit you’re in?”

He strides over to the window. Peers out. My chest’s huffing and puffing like I ran a marathon. Sweat gathers all over my body. I reach for the hem of my outer shirt and pull it over my head. Toss it aside. I’m left with my tank. Doesn’t help squat. I feel like I’m a potato baking on the sidewalk at two hundred degrees.

“I’m moving in with Dad.” Rey’s voice is so low, I’m not sure I even hear him.

I take a step toward him. “You’re what?”

“You heard me.”

It’s like a slap in the face. No, a punch in the gut. Knocks the air out of my lungs. More sweat gathers all over me. I pull off my tank, coil it into a ball, and chuck it aside. “What are you talking about?”

Still facing the window, he says, “Need a break.”

“You want to stay with Dad? What the hell? He lives an hour away!”

He turns around slowly. “You think I don’t know that?”

“You were homesick when you were in L.A.”

He shrugs. “It’s different being across town than being across the country.”

My throat’s too tight for me to get out a normal sentence. “Why you wanna run?”

“I’m not running.”

“Like hell you’re not. Nothing good comes from running away from your problems.”

He snorts. “Talking from experience?”

“Yeah, Rey, I am. I could have stayed in New York. Could have kissed my old life goodbye and start fresh. But you can’t start fresh unless you’re willing to make peace with your past. I came back to Miami Beach to patch things up with Mom and Dad. With Lex.” My voice shakes and I swallow. “To face everything that happened and learn to accept it.”

His gaze drops to the floor. Lower lip trembles a little.

“Your problems will follow you there,” I say.

His eyes flash to mine. “I can’t stand Mom being in my business. I want to do what I want without having to deal with her crap.”

“What about me? You gonna leave me?”

“You got Lex.”

It’s like another blow to my gut. I shut my eyes for a second and open them. When I speak, my voice is low. “How many times am I gonna tell you she can’t replace you? No one can replace you. You’re my twin brother.”

He turns away from me. “Ever heard that twins need to separate at some point in their lives?”

“That’s not what this is about. Don’t turn this into something it’s not.”

He walks back to the window and presses his forehead to the glass. “I made my decision. Nothing you say will change my mind.”

“And Derek and Jared? Won’t you miss them?”

“They’re not my friends anymore.”

“Because
you
chose to diss ‘em.”

“Whatever. Can you leave my room? I want to be alone.”

I should tell him I’m no way in hell leaving. Not unless he promises this is all some sort of joke and he’s not really leaving. But I know it’s not a joke. Blame it on twin telepathy or whatever, but I know when Rey’s kidding around and when he’s dead serious.

I stay in my place, waiting for him to turn around and say something. But he doesn’t. Just stands there, his face still on the glass.

I sigh and go to my room. The room will never be the same. Not with my cruiser ship gone. I get down to my knees in the closet and carefully pull out the shoe box. Lift the lid. My cruiser ship, broken in bits.

Just like how I feel right now.

Lex

There’s a soft knock on the door. I’m too weak to tell the person to come in. Too broken. My face is buried in my pillow. It’s hard to breathe, but I don’t care.

The door creaks open. “Lex?”

My eyes open. It’s him. What’s he doing here? Does he want to torture me?

“Lex!” I hear him run over and feel his hand on my back. “What’s wrong, darlin’?”

How can he “darlin’” me after what he did tonight? My eyes snap shut and my chest tightens.

The bed sinks as he sits down. His hand rubs my back. “I’m so sorry about our fight.” He pushes my hair off my neck and his lips skim over my skin. I scurry to the other side of my bed.

“Lex—”

“Don’t touch me.”

I feel him fall back a little, like I slapped him across the face. He lowers his body over mine and whispers into my ear, “I love you so much, Lex. So, so much. I’m sorry about our fight. I understand how hard it is for you to see me with—”

With all my energy, I push him away. I didn’t mean to do it so hard, but he tumbles off my bed. I spring up and stare down at him. He blinks, his eyes shocked. “I’m sorry!” I say. No, I’m not sorry. Not at all. Tears gather in my eyes.

“Lex.” He scrambles to his feet. “Please…”

“You
kissed
her!”

His mouth gapes open. “What?”

“You thought you could hide it? After I told you I was worried you’d run off when we get into a fight, you go ahead and do that?”

His eyebrows crinkle. “What are you…?” His eyes light up with understanding. “You stopped by Juice Me.”

“I saw you dancing with her!” More tears fall out of my eyes. “I saw you kiss her. I saw you go into the storage room.”

Cruiser drops down in front of me. He takes my hands. “Lex, I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me.”

I snort. “Sure, like I never heard that one before.”

“I swear. She was drunk and came onto me. I pushed her away.”

I look away for a few seconds, but I return my gaze to his face and search his eyes. They’re so sincere. I wipe the tears. “Why should I believe you?” My voice is so hoarse I hardly hear it myself. “Everyone’s talking about it.”

“You believe rumors more than you believe me?”

I cover my face. “I don’t know what to think! I walked in there, ready to apologize to you. To tell you that I trust you. And then I saw you dancing with her and making out. Do you know what that feels like?”

“Yes, I do.”

I lower my hands from my face and look at him.

“It’s how I felt every time I saw Rey touching you. Kissing you. Hell, even looking at you.”

My stomach whirls around like a dryer. My head pounds.

Cruiser puts his hands over mine. “Lex, Erica was drunk. She was hurting because of her ex-boyfriend. She thought she could come to me and that I’d distract her like I did before.”

Images of Cruiser kissing her plays in my head. I cover my face again.

“Don’t you believe me?”

With my face still buried in my hands, I mutter, “I want to, Cruiser. I want to so bad.”

I hear him get to his feet. “Then why don’t you?”

I lower my hands and get up, too. “Because you broke my heart once already! After the accident, I was learning to forgive myself. I was ready to be there for you. And you slept with other girls!”

“You pushed me away! Doesn’t it matter how I felt? Why am I always seen as the bad guy here? If you wouldn’t have pushed me away, I wouldn’t have gone to other girls.”

My chest heaves. “So you’re saying it’s my fault? Everything’s my fault, right? Rosie’s in a wheelchair because
I
wasn’t watching her.
I
threw you into bed with all those girls.
I
was the one who got you into drugs and alcohol.
I
sent you away to your grandparents.”

Cruiser grabs hold of his hair and yanks on the strands. “Where is all this coming from?”

“I can’t take this anymore. I just can’t. Everything we have, it’s just too much.”

His hands fall to his sides. “What are you saying?”

“I don’t know!” Tears of frustration seep out of my eyes. “We never talk about the accident.”

“I don’t like bringing it up because I know how much it hurts you.”

“We have so much baggage. How are we supposed to get past all of it?”

His chest rises and falls heavily. When he talks, his voice is soft. “Because we love each other. Because we want to make it work.”

“Don’t you wish we could just forget about it all? To start over with a clean slate?”

“Of course I do, darlin’.”

“But we can’t.” My voice trembles. “Because our pasts haven’t left us. I don’t know if they ever will. Rosie’s bound to that wheelchair. Every day, I watch her struggle. She wants to be happy again—she wants it desperately. I wish I could help her, but there’s nothing I can do. I have to live with the guilt every day. If I would have watched her like I was supposed to, she’d be a happy, lively girl. But she won’t ever be like her old self. Ever.” I swallow.

“Lex—”

“Then there’s you. You and Rey. I thought I could escape it. When Rey moved to L.A., I thought we could finally start fresh. That no one would weigh us down or keep us apart. But then he came back. And he needed you. I tried to be understanding, I really did. But you kept so many secrets from me. It was like Rey and I were playing a tug of war. I felt like I was never going to win. And I didn’t want to win. Not when it came to your brother. Do you know what that feels like? To be jealous of my boyfriend’s twin brother? To wonder if he’ll choose him over me? To feel like a horrible person for wanting to spend time with my boyfriend because he was always away with his brother?”

Cruiser takes a step toward me. “Lex—”

“Then Erica drops in from who the hell knows where and it’s back to two years ago, when the boy I was in love with would go running around with other girls. I cried myself to sleep every night.
Every
night, Cruiser.” I brush the tears away. “I just can’t take it anymore.”

The room is silent. All I hear is our breathing. Cruiser’s gaze is on me, his expression unreadable. I don’t know if he’s hurt or mad or sad or relieved. Maybe a little of everything.

“So you want to end it,” he says, his voice empty. “Because you can’t deal. You’re stronger than that, Lex. Much stronger.”

I can’t meet his gaze. “I just need space before I lose my mind.” I raise my eyes to his. “Before I ruin what we have, what we could have.”

He doesn’t say anything, just keeps his eyes on me. We stand there, facing each other. It’s only seconds, but feels like light years.

“Nothing I say will change your mind?” he asks.

I bite down on my lip and shake my head.

Cruiser backs away toward the door, his gaze still on me. Reaching behind him, he wraps his hand around the doorknob and yanks it open. He doesn’t take his eyes off me until he’s out of the room.

I fall down on my bed and bring a hand to my chest, trying to regulate my breathing. I just broke up with Cruiser. I
broke
up with him. The love of my life. My Cruiser.

I thought I could handle the baggage we each carried. I guess I was wrong. Our problems will never go away. Would I blow up like this every time a girl gets too close to Cruiser? Would jealousy brew in the pit of my stomach every time Cruiser pushes Rey before me? He wants to give up his dream to join the Navy, all for me. That would kill me for the rest of my life.

Cruiser and I could have something amazing. But I’m not ready. I don’t know when or if I ever will be, but I hope one day I will. Because I love him so much. I don’t think I’ll ever feel the same way about another guy. I don’t think I’d have this special connection with anyone other than him.

The truth is, I don’t deserve him. He’s such a good guy and has come a long way. There’s a lot I need to learn before I can have a relationship with him.

If we ever will have one.