Second Chances (10 page)

Nichole had barely sat back down on the couch when her phone
started ringing.

“Hello?”

“Hi,” a man said on the other end. “I’m trying to reach
Nichole Blake?”

“This is her.”

“This is Sergeant Jim Patton at the twenty-fourth precinct.”

“Okay,” Nichole said.  She felt a tightness in her chest
from worry.

“I was trying to reach your brother, Rico, but he didn’t
answer his phone and I saw yours was also on record…”

“He’s probably busy,” Nichole said.

“I was calling to inform you…are you in a…quiet location?”

“Yes,” Nichole said. Tyler was lying asleep on the couch
next to her, curled up in a little ball and snoring softly.  She stood up and
headed to the kitchen.  “What do you need?”

“I am calling to tell you…” the man paused.  “We found your
mother. She is dead.”

Nichole was silent, letting the words wash over her.

“How?” she asked finally. “When?”

“She was brought in to Creekside Hospital four months ago
with late stage breast cancer and died not long after.”

Nichole had considered the possibility that her mother might
be dead, considering she never came back. It wasn’t like her at all to go
missing without any word. But, to actually hear it said out loud was a lot more
difficult than she was expecting.

While her mother was only missing, Nichole held out hope
that maybe she would come back, or they would hear something about her. Maybe
she was kidnapped, or maybe she was just overwhelmed and needed some time to
herself.

But, to hear that she was dead…

“Thank you,” she said.  “For telling me.”

“She was listed as a Jane Doe—”

Nichole didn’t care. “Can we see the body?”

“She’s already been buried,” the officer said.  “By the
state.”

“Okay.”

“Do you want the location?”

“No,” she said, and hung up.

She stood there, in the kitchen, sucking in short breaths of
air and willing herself to not cry.  She felt numb with the information,
finding it difficult to grasp.

The finality of it rocked her to the core. Her mother was
dead and no one had been with her. No one helped her through it, eased her
suffering, mourned for her.  It had been months, and no one had even figured
out who she was.

Why had her mother left?  Was it because she was afraid of
the cancer and didn’t want to drag them into it? Had she even known she had
cancer, or was something else going on?  Nichole didn’t know, would probably
never know; the only thing she did know was that her mother died alone.

With a cry, Nichole shoved the plates off the counter,
shattering them on the floor.  She collapsed into a chair, gasping for air and
crying. All of the tears, the anger and frustration, came pouring out of her. 
Everything she kept bottled deep inside rushed forth.

“Why didn’t they tell us earlier?” she asked no one in
particular. “Why would it take this long?”

Tyler came into the kitchen, alert and with a worried look
on his face.  He didn’t say anything, just stepped close to Nichole and gave
her a hug.  A few seconds later, Kenni appeared as well.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, standing in the doorway.

“Nothing,” Nichole said. 

“Something is wrong. Is it about Mom?”

Nichole didn’t reply, only continued crying.

Kenni frowned.  “Why won’t you tell us?”

Nichole hugged her brother close and sighed.  “Mom’s dead.”

Kenni didn’t say anything, just turned and disappeared back
upstairs.  Tyler looked up at her.

“Dead?”

“She had cancer,” Nichole explained.  Part of her felt like
she should lie to Tyler, to protect him from the truth, but she wasn’t capable
of it right now. She simply couldn’t lie to him about this.

“So she isn’t coming home?”

“No,” Nichole said.  “She isn’t coming home.”

Tyler sniveled and a tear ran down his cheek.  He squeezed
Nichole tighter, burying his face in her blouse, and she held him close. 

Her phone started ringing.  She glanced at it and saw
Richard’s name.  She almost didn’t answer, but after several rings she clicked
the call on.

“Hello,” she said.

“Hi,” Richard asked awkwardly.  “How are you doing?”

Nichole sniffled. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Richard. I’m sure.  What do you need?”

“I heard what happened with your mother and—”

“Before we did?” she said.  “You heard that
my
mother
was dead before
we
heard about it?”

“That was my wife’s cousin that called—”

“And he called you first?” she asked, incredulous.  “What
the hell? Why would he call you first?”

“Deborah asked him to check into it—”

“So you’re telling me we’ve been asking about this for
months,
months
, and the police don’t make any progress, but the very
second a white woman gets involved they solve the case in three seconds?”
Nichole said.

“Nichole…”

“No, I get it.  It makes perfect sense. They can’t help
us
,
but you throw a little weight around and suddenly every cop in the city is
looking to help.  And why not?  You are Richard-Goddamn-Greenwood, friends with
everyone in the city.”

“It isn’t like that.”

“It isn’t?” she asked, feigning shock.  “Well, then what’s
it like?”

Richard was silent.

“It is
exactly
like that, and you know it,” she
said.  “They assume my Mom is poor, not worth their time, doesn’t have family
who loves her or cares about her.  It’s just easier to mark her down as a Jane
Doe or a missing person and not worry about it.  It’s just easier to
not
deal with it, not get involved.

“Tell me honestly, Richard,” she continued. “Tell me if it
had been a white woman in that hospital four months ago that they wouldn’t have
tried harder to figure out who she was.”

He remained silent.

“That’s what I thought,” she said.

“I’m sorry…”

“You should be sorry,” she said.  “Everyone should be sorry,
because this is not how the world is supposed to work.”

“I can help you file for guardianship—”

“You
think
I want your help?” she asked in disbelief.
 “That I want your charity, or a handout, from you?”

“It isn’t a handout.”

“That’s exactly what it is.  You want to do something for me
so you can sleep easier at night, but deep down you don’t really give a shit,
do you? I came to you for help, and it was too much for you to get involved.
Too risky for your career, never mind what I was dealing with. Never mind what
I was going through. What changed? Now you feel bad for me? My Mom’s dead, and
now
you want to help me out?”

The other end was quiet.

“I don’t need your help, Richard,” she said.  “And I sure as
hell
don’t need your pity.”

Then she hung up the phone.

Richard hung up the phone after listening to the dial tone
for a few seconds.  He wasn’t quite sure what to think and felt more than a
little disheartened. He knew Nichole would take the news badly, but he hadn’t
expected such a reaction from her.

She was right about everything, and it ate at him inside. 

A glance at his phone showed he had several missed calls and
two voicemails, all from Meghan.  With a long sigh, he called her back.

“Rick?” she said as soon as she picked up.  “You there?”

“Yeah,” he said.  “Yeah, I’m here.”

“You called her, didn’t you?”

“Yep,” he said.  “You were right.”

“Of course I was,” she said. “And she didn’t take it well,
did she?”

“Nope.”

Meghan sighed.

“I don’t understand,” he said. “I was only trying to help.”

“Why were you in such a hurry to do this?  Do you feel
guilty or something?”

Richard hesitated.  “When I first looked through the list of
interns after the other two left, she wasn’t even on it. I looked at her resume
and just pushed it aside.  The only reason I hired her was because of Deborah.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Richard, we’ve had five interns since I started working
here, and all of them were white before Nichole.”

“It’s not like I was intentionally…” he trailed off.

“I know,” Meghan said softly. “It’s unintentional bias. You
are a man, so it’s easier for you to trust men, and you are white, so it’s
easier for you to trust people who are also white.”

Richard blew out a deep breath.  “Yeah,” he said. “But I
don’t think of myself that way.”

“The point isn’t to
not
be that way, it’s to
recognize that it happens. These are flaws, behavioral or genetic. It doesn’t
really matter which, the point is to see them for what they are, and deal with
them accordingly.”

“So then what am I supposed to do?”

“Offer to help,” Meghan said, “but only offer.  Let her
decide what she wants and doesn’t want. You are a person who thinks he knows
what is right at all times. You
know
what people should do, so you’re
always offering advice.”

“So, you’re saying I’m wrong about what she should do?”

“No,” she said. “But you’re wrong for trying to
tell
her
what to do.  It makes you look like a white-savior-asshole, someone who just
shows up and tells people what to do with their lives to make them better.  It
isn’t your job to tell her how to fix her life. She’s a smart girl, so she can
figure out what she wants.”

“Yeah,” Richard said, rubbing his face.  “Yeah, you’re right.”

“But, Richard, it isn’t the end of the world. Things happen
and you just have to deal with them.  You can still offer to help her.”

“That isn’t going to work now,” Richard said.  “I screwed
things up pretty bad.”

“She just found out her Mom died,” Meghan said.  “You need
to give her some time. The things she has to deal with aren’t the same things
you have to deal with, so let her figure it out at her own pace.”

“Okay,” Richard said.

“I’ll draft up all of the papers as soon as I get into work
tomorrow, but we can’t do anything unless she wants us to.”

“Okay,” he repeated.  “Thanks, Meghan.”

“You’re welcome,” she said. “How is the AA Meeting going?”

“Well enough,” Richard said.  “I wasn’t expecting too much,
and it hasn’t let me down.”

“Do they have donuts and coffee?”

“Of course,” Richard said. “And someone ate my bear claw!”

“No! The monsters!” Meghan replied, aghast.  She laughed. 
“Don’t worry, boss, I’ll get you a bear claw in the morning.”

“I’ll hold you to that, Meghan.”

“Don’t worry, Richard, I know you will.”

They said goodbye and Richard hung up, lost in his own
thoughts.  He absently tapped the phone against his chin, trying to process
everything that had happened.

He didn’t think he’d ever made decisions about Nichole,
either to help or not to help because of her race. But he honestly didn’t know
for sure. So much was subconscious, decisions made on how he felt about people. 
Looking at the evidence of his friends and the people he worked with, he knew
there was some truth in what Meghan had said. 

Nichole was a student to him, a brilliant young woman and an
asset to his practice.  There was no way he could look at her as inferior to
anyone else he’d ever met, and he genuinely wanted to help her in any way he
could.

Things were harder for her than for a lot of the people he
knew, but he didn’t really understand what she was dealing with. For him, it
was easy to get where he was. Getting new jobs, finding new clients, everything
was just simple and fell into place. 

Which was a lot because he was a white man.  Sure, he worked
hard, and sure he had his own obstacles to overcome.  There were things in his
life that had been bad, but how would he have dealt with the sort of things
Nichole was being asked to deal with?

Not well, he knew.

He let out a deep sigh and slid the phone back into his
pocket.

“Screwed this one up.”

This was turning into one hell of a crappy day.

He heard clapping from outside the office.  It sounded like
Jason was speaking, but he couldn’t make the words out.  He heard chairs sliding
across the floor as people stood. The AA meeting must be nearing the end. 

Richard wandered to the door and leaned against the frame.
It was Jason speaking, and he was wrapping up for the night and giving his
final words of encouragement. Another round of clapping when he was done and
then people began droning back into their private conversations.

Richard wished he’d driven over separately so he could head
out now. He didn’t want to stick around, not after everything else going on
with his day. He was in a bad mood, frustrated and exhausted, and now he would
have to wait until everyone else had left and it was cleaned up.

He glanced at his watch. It was a little before nine. Not
terrible, but not great either. He just wanted to get home.

He wandered further down the hallway, absently checking out
the side rooms and willing time to pass.  He went in and glanced around
the storage room where the coffee pots were kept.  He didn’t bother
flicking the switch on.

Without light coming through the windows it was dark, but he
could still see the last pot of coffee sitting on the coffee maker.  The
machine was still on keeping the forgotten pot hot.  A fire hazard if ever
there was one. 

Richard flicked it off. He considered pouring the coffee out
as well to avoid future stains on the glass but decided against it.  He
doubted Jason would care about a few stains.

He headed back to the hallway and wandered into Jason’s
office. It was the one farthest at the end, small and cramped with a polished
desk taking up half the space. It was stacked with papers and letters and
opened envelopes.

Most seemed to be magazines and coupons with a few credit
card applications snuck in for good measure. The kind of mail he threw
away without opening. Bags from various fast food restaurants filled the trash
can and tainted the air with rotten food.

He heard laughing from out in the hallway and the main door
being opened several times.  The noise level was dying down as people
left.  Richard wandered around the desk and collapsed into the chair,
yawning. It was comfortable with ample padding.

The problem with a lot of office chairs was they had too
much padding and not the right kind. He liked the ones that formed to his back,
like memory foam, and his brother seemed to have a similar taste.

“Come on Jason,” he mumbled to himself, spinning the chair
around.  “Hurry the hell up.” 

How long would people want to stick around just to chat?

He kept spinning the chair in boredom. He paused, though, when
something on the desk caught his eye. 

One of the letters he noticed was near the bottom of the
stack, with only enough sticking out to show an official seal.  It was a
state seal from the Governor’s Office.  The kind of seal he ran across in
official business at the law firm.

He gingerly pulled the paper free from beneath the mound and
glanced it over. Very quickly he felt his eyes narrow and his mood sour. 
He felt his stomach tighten up as phrases like ‘
we regret to inform you
’
and ‘
fiscally impractical’
jumped out at him.

It was a notice to Jason that all state funding would be cut
from the clinic and the office of the Governor was apologizing for the
inconvenience.  Apparently it was no longer fiscally prudent to have
clinics in ‘low value’ locations.

It didn’t specify when the funding would end, but the letter
was dated six months ago, which meant that it would be going into effect fairly
soon. Maybe even within the next few months. 

Richard doubted Jason received any support other than state
funding. He never charged anyone for coming to the clinic.

Which meant that Jason’s livelihood was about to disappear
and he needed to find a new benefactor.  Someone to pay the bills while he ran
his clinic. 

Which meant…

Things suddenly clicked into place for Richard. Jason
had brought him here hoping Richard would speak to the Governor for him, or
give him money to keep his clinic open.  

Apparently today
everyone
was planning to manipulate
and use him.

It was bad enough having Nichole try to manipulate him into
committing fraud, considering what she was going through, but Jason was a
completely different story. They didn’t even know each other anymore, had
barely been more than acquaintances in years.

And with everything else going on today, right now he
frankly didn’t have time to deal with it.

He heard footsteps coming down the hallway.

“Richard, you back here?”

Jason
. Richard felt a burst of anger well up in his
stomach and pushed himself away from the desk. He hurried to the door, still
clutching the letter.  Jason stepped through the doorway just as Richard
reached it.

“There you—”

Richard shouldered his brother roughly into the wall,
holding his elbow against his brother’s sternum.

 “What the hell is this?” Richard demanded, holding up
the letter.

“Wha—what?”

“This!” Richard said. “You’re going to lose your funding.
You won’t have the money to maintain this clinic.”

Jason’s eyes hardened. He pushed Richard back. “You went
through my stuff?”

“That’s why you brought me here,” Richard said, angrily
wadding the paper and tossing it on the floor.  “So you could make me feel
guilty and I would talk to the damn Governor for you.”

“No,” Jason replied. “That isn’t why at all.”

“No wonder you were so pushy to get me here,” Richard
continued, ignoring his brother. “You wanted me to see these pathetic people so
you could beg for help and I wouldn’t be able to refuse. Right?”

“Richard—“

“It’s so like you,” Richard said. He started pacing, he was
so angry. “I’m having a terrible day where everything is going wrong, and
this
is what you put me through. God, just like when we were children.”

“Richard, please, I swear that isn’t why…”

“Ever since you were a little kid and I had all the best
toys. You always…”

Jason turned away and leaned heavily against the wall,
letting out a deep sigh. Richard trailed off, unable to keep his momentum. It
wasn’t the reaction he was expecting from Jason.  

“No,” Jason said, his voice soft. He pushed away from the
wall and walked to his desk. He moved the pile of papers aside, pulling another
one out.  “If you had gone a few papers further down the stack…” 

He handed it to Richard.

Richard glanced at it. “This is an eviction notice.”

“Dated last Friday,” Jason said, unable to meet his
brother’s gaze. “Effective tomorrow.”

“But they don’t give you these until you miss several payments…”

“Eight,” Jason said. “They were generous, letting me stay
this long, but it’s over. I’m eight months behind on the rent Richard. That
paper—” he waved vaguely at the crumpled sheet on the floor “—was sent from the
Governor’s office in March almost as an afterthought. The funding cuts went
into effect the first of this year.”

“Oh,” Richard replied.

“I have to be moved out by tomorrow and turn over the
keys.  It’s over. I wasn’t even going to tell you about it because there’s
nothing you 
could
 do. And it isn’t your job anyway. I just…”

Richard couldn’t think of anything to say.  Jason
turned, facing him. His eyes were wet. 

“I just wanted you to 
see
 it. Once. Before
it was gone. I just wanted…” he rubbed his eyes.  “I failed, Rick. I
failed and lost everything. They cut the funding and no one wants to invest in
a clinic in this neighborhood. You always said…back when we were kids…you said
I was a screw up. That I wasn’t good for anything.”

Jason let out a deep sigh. 

“And you were right.” 

“Jason…I…”

“I just wanted you to see it once before I was evicted.
That’s why I pressured for you to come tonight, because it was the only chance
I would have to show it to you. You’ll say: ‘I told you so’ later but just once
I wanted you to see what I had built. What I accomplished.”

The silence was unbearable.  “I’m sorry.”

Jason shook his head. “No, you’re right. You were always
right.  I just need a minute, to say my goodbyes, and then we can leave.”

Richard let out a deep breath and nodded, heading back into
the main room.  He didn’t know if his brother would forgive him for the
things he’d said.  He usually had a good sense of when he was being an asshole,
and this time he’d taken it way farther than he should have.