Secret for a Nightingale (46 page)

“Eliza, please say you’ll come with us. We’ll go and see Ethel in the country.”

“That would be nice.”

“It’s settled, then.”

“You are a one,” she said. Her forehead wrinkled.

“I hope it will be all right with you and Dr. Fenwick.”

“These things take their course.”

“There was one time when I was afraid you was getting something for that Dr. Adair … like Henrietta.”

“For him! Oh no! He’s very remote.”

“That don’t make no difference. I’d say he was a bad ‘un. He’s out for Number One and that is Dr. Adair.”

“I expect you’re right.”

“But he’s got something I’ll say that for him. I reckon the women fall for him like ninepins. It’s that way of his … all them dark good looks and that mystery about the East and all that. I reckon he’s lived a life … and somehow you know it.”

“He seems to have made an impression on you.”

“He’d make an impression in a stone wall, that one would. It’s Henrietta I’m worried about. You’ve got sense. Things have happened to you. You’ve been married once and you know it ain’t all beer and skittles. But Henrietta, she’s a baby, really. She’s an innocent..

rather like Ethel but in a different way, if you get my meaning. “

“I think Henrietta can take care of herself. She seems so light-hearted and a little frivolous, but she is shrewd really.”

“I dunno. Girls can get funny about men, and with that sort of man, you can never be sure.”

“But you don’t think Dr. Adair and Henrietta …”

“I wouldn’t put nothing past him. If he lifted his finger, she’d be off.

“You’ve noticed how she is when he’s about … when he’s mentioned, even. He’d only have to say the word and she’d be off with him and that ain’t going to do her no good.”

“Eliza, you’re wrong. She is seeing a great deal of Monsieur Lablanche.”

“A nice fellow, that one … like Dr. Fenwick, but it ain’t always the nice ones people seem to want if they ain’t got much sense, and most women haven’t. I know what I’m talking about.”

Did she? I wondered.

As the day for our departure grew nearer, Henrietta became more pensive. She lapsed into silences so rare with her. I asked if anything was wrong and she assured me that nothing was. But I knew she had something on her mind.

It was the night before we were due to sail. We were not sure exactly what time we should be leaving Scutari; but we had been warned that we must be ready to embark when the order was given.

I saw Dr. Adair that day. I knew that he had been looking for me. We went into the little room next to the now depleted ward.

“So,” he said, ‘you are leaving tomorrow. “

“Yes.”

“You don’t want to go?”

I hesitated. He was right in a way. I felt deflated. I had come out here determined to show him for what he was; and what had I done?

Nothing. He had outwitted me at every turn; all I had succeeded in doing was making myself dependent on him. It was the first time I had admitted that. Now I saw clearly that when I was with him, when I exchanged words with him, I felt alive. I fed on my hatred; I had lived for it and the plain fact was that life would be blank without it. There was emptiness everywhere.

“So I am right,” he said triumphantly.

“You don’t want to go.” He came close to me and laid a hand on my arm, holding it firmly.

“Don’t go,” he said.

“How could I stay? We have been told we are to leave the hospital.”

“There are places other than the hospital. You know how interested you are in the city. I could show you some fascinating parts.”

“That is absurd. Where should I live?”

“I will arrange that.”

“Are you really suggesting …”

He looked at me smiling, nodding.

“Come, Miss Pleydell. Miss Caged Nightingale. Do what you want to do even if it is against the rules society has laid down for you. Stay here. I will see that everything is arranged for you.”

“Of course I know you are not serious.”

“I am in earnest.”

“Why?”

“Because I should miss you if you went away.”

“Surely not.”

“Please, Miss Pleydell. I know my own feelings.”

“Well, goodbye, DrAdair.”

“I shall not say goodbye. If you are determined to leave tomorrow, I will say au revoir. Because we shall meet again, you know.”

He took my hand and held it, compelling me to look into his eyes. I felt emotion taking possession of my common sense. I was very sad, not because I was leaving the hospital, not because the war was over how could I be? These were matters over which I should rejoice. But if I had to admit the truth, it was because I should not be seeing him. He had obsessed me for so long even before I saw him. I had lived for my revenge, and now that we had come face to face that had eluded me.

I wanted to go on battling with him. I wanted more of these dinnertime tetes-a-tetes when he sat opposite me making oblique suggestions that there might be some relationship between us which I, to my shame, was excited to contemplate.

I was going to feel depressed when we left. I wondered what I should do in London. I should be wishing myself back in the horrors of the Scutari hospital working constantly, witnessing sights which sickened me and filled me with pity, dropping on to my divan at night too exhausted for anything but the brief sleep I could enjoy until morning came. But all the time there had been the possibility of seeing him, of even exchanging a few words with him, of discovering something which I could tell myself was a part of his conceit and villainy.

I should miss him. That was a mild way of expressing what I should feel. My life would be empty without him.

“Goodbye, Dr. Adair,” I repeated.

He kept my hand in his.

“Don’t go,” he said quietly.

“Goodbye.”

“You are adamant.”

“Naturally. I am going home.”

“We shall meet again.”

“Perhaps …”

“Not perhaps. I shall make sure that we do. You’re going to regret leaving, you know.” I just smiled, withdrew my hand and walked away.

It was later that day when Henrietta came to me.

“Anna,” she said, “I’m not going.”

“What do you mean … not going?”

“I’m not going home.”

“You can’t stay at the hospital.”

“I know. I’m not planning to do that.”

“But… you can’t …”

“I can … when we leave here. We are discharged already. I can go where I like. I’m going to stay here.”

“Where?”

“In Constantinople.”

“Alone?”

“Well… I shall be all right. I have to make a decision.”

“What decision?”

“It’s Philippe. He’s asked me to marry him.”

“Have you agreed?”

She shook her head.

“I’m not sure. I want time.”

“But you could always come out again.”

“I don’t want to do that. I’m going to stay here.”

“But you can’t.”

“One or two are staying. Grace Curry and Betty Green and some others.”

“They’re different. They can take care of themselves. They’re not young girls.”

“I’ll have people to take care of me. I have to stay, Anna. Nothing is going to make me change my mind.”

“Oh, Henrietta,” I said.

“We came out together. We’ve been together all this time.”

“I know. Ours is a wonderful friendship, but this is more

important to me than anything. You go home. You’ll have Eliza with you. She’s better than I am . “

“Don’t stay here, Henrietta.”

“I must.”

“You haven’t told me everything.”

She was silent.

“There are some things one can’t talk of. One can’t explain one’s feelings. This is something I have to do on my own.”

“Have you seriously thought of what you are doing?”

“I’ve thought of nothing else for ages. I’m not waiting until tomorrow. I’m going tonight.”

“I can’t believe this. I feel completely shattered.”

“I put off telling you. I should have done so before. But you know me.

If I don’t like doing something, I pretend it doesn’t exist. I’ve always been like that. “

“Perhaps I had better stay with you.”

She looked at me in alarm.

“No, no. You must go home. Eliza’s going with you. Oh, Anna, won’t Jane and Polly be pleased. And Lily too.

They’ll kill the fatted calf. “

“Henrietta, is there something you want to tell me?”

She shook her head.

“No … no. I must do this, Anna. Please try to understand and one day … soon perhaps … I’ll come and see you.

Then I’ll tell you everything. Then you’ll understand. “

She embraced me, holding me tightly in silence, for we were both too emotional for words.

I found Eliza and told her what Henrietta had told me.

She said: “I saw it coming. I knew it. Poor Henrietta, she doesn’t know what she’s letting herself in for.”

“I’ve talked to her. I’ve tried to beg her to come with us. I’ve even said I’d stay.”

“You mustn’t. You must get home. You must live like you was meant to live. Dr. Fenwick will come and when you are married to him, you’ll wonder why you ever put it off so long.”

We said a tense goodbye to Henrietta. A few other women had decided to stay and those who were doing so left that night.

I could not believe that I was losing her. For so long we had been together. I was hurt and bewildered that she could go thus. She knew my feelings and wanted to explain, but she obviously could not bring herself to.

“It’s love, that’s what it is,” said Eliza. That gets stronger than friendship. Every other thing’s forgotten when a man beckons to his mate. “

We went with Henrietta out of the hospital. We watched her make her way down the incline to the shore. We saw her getting into the caique.

Then I stared, for Dr. Adair had joined her and was standing beside her.

Eliza turned to me.

“I told you so. I knew it.”

“What?” I said, although I knew.

“She’s gone off with him. All he had to do was raise his finger and she’s off, forsaking her friends … everyone. Well, that’s the way of the world.”

“She is going to Philippe Lablanche.”

“That’s a likely tale.”

“It was what she told me.”

“She didn’t want you to know the truth. She was under his spell. I saw that plain as plum duff without the plums. She’s gone off with him.

Oh, the little fool. And we’ll not be here when he throws her off.

He’s took her . I reckon he was after you as well. I know his sort.

Gawd help our little Henrietta. “

“I don’t believe it. She would have told me. She distinctly said Philippe.”

“He was waiting for her, wasn’t he?

“Course she’ll tell you it’s Philippe. She wouldn’t want you to know the truth. I’ve seen it coming. I know life, I do. She’s gone off for a few weeks … a few days … perhaps a few hours with our mysterious gentleman, and she thinks that worth while!”

“Surely neither of them would do such a thing.”

“What do you mean neither of them? He’s a rogue and she’s a fool.

He’s out for everything he can get and she’s been working up to this for weeks. “

“Perhaps I should try to find her, bring her back.”

important to me than anything. You go home. You’ll have Eliza with you. She’s better than I am . “

“Don’t stay here, Henrietta.”

“I must.”

“You haven’t told me everything.”

She was silent.

“There are some things one can’t talk of. One can’t explain one’s feelings. This is something I have to do on my own.”

“Have you seriously thought of what you are doing?”

“I’ve thought of nothing else for ages. I’m not waiting until tomorrow. I’m going tonight.”

“I can’t believe this. I feel completely shattered.”

“I put off telling you. I should have done so before. But you know me.

If I don’t like doing something, I pretend it doesn’t exist. I’ve always been like that. “

“Perhaps I had better stay with you.”

She looked at me in alarm.

“No, no. You must go home. Eliza’s going with you. Oh, Anna, won’t Jane and Polly be pleased. And Lily too.

They’ll kill the fatted calf. “

“Henrietta, is there something you want to tell me?”

She shook her head.

“No … no. I must do this, Anna. Please try to understand and one day … soon perhaps … I’ll come and see you.

Then I’ll tell you everything. Then you’ll understand. “

She embraced me, holding me tightly in silence, for we were both too emotional for words.

I found Eliza and told her what Henrietta had told me.

She said: “I saw it coming. I knew it. Poor Henrietta, she doesn’t know what she’s letting herself in for.”

“I’ve talked to her. I’ve tried to beg her to come with us. I’ve even said I’d stay.”

“You mustn’t. You must get home. You must live like you was meant to live. Dr. Fenwick will come and when you are married to him, you’ll wonder why you ever put it off so long.”

We said a tense goodbye to Henrietta. A few other women had decided to stay and those who were doing so left that night.

I could not believe that I was losing her. For so long we had been together. I was hurt and bewildered that she could go thus. She knew my feelings and wanted to explain, but she obviously could not bring herself to.

“It’s love, that’s what it is,” said Eliza.

“That gets stronger than friendship. Every other thing’s forgotten when a man beckons to his mate.”

We went with Henrietta out of the hospital. We watched her make her way down the incline to the shore. We saw her getting into the caique.

Then I stared, for Dr. Adair had joined her and was standing beside her.

Eliza turned to me.

“I told you so. I knew it.”

“What?” I said, although I knew.

“She’s gone off with him. All he had to do was raise his finger and she’s off, forsaking her friends … everyone. Well, that’s the way of the world.”

“She is going to Philippe Lablanche.”

“That’s a likely tale.”

“It was what she told me.”