Secrets - [Guardian Trilogy 01] (26 page)

Having Olivia stay with me was turning into one of the most frustrating and enlightening periods of my life. I worried constantly that someone was after her, someone would catch us, she would find out what I was, she would leave, and the list continued on forever. But there was nothing. No sign of them. Between the nagging concern and the lack of sleep, my barriers were weakening. I desperately needed to blow off some steam, appease the evil inside of me, but I couldn’t leave her long enough to do so. What if I went out one morning and someone came by my apartment? It wasn’t worth the risk. I had to stay with her even though I knew the center couldn’t hold. It was only matter of time, before I lost control around her or something tipped her off.

Don’t get me wrong, I was glad she was there. I wanted nothing more than that. Our conversations were often like mental sparring. She challenged me at every turn. Nothing escaped her notice, and she would ferret it away in her head for later use. Her mind was sharp and her senses honed. Catching me in a lie was no easy feat, yet Olivia seemed to sense them in air. She had an inner light that wasn’t like other people. It was pure and honest, but not overwhelming. It was like the moon.

Olivia had yet to sleep a decent night’s sleep. She tossed and turned, dozing for an odd hour here or there, but always waking up in pain. I so wanted to keep her from feeling what she was feeling, but there was nothing I could do to help her. Her mother called constantly, confused as to why Olivia chose to stay with me rather than come home. Olivia never said anything, but I think she liked my place because there was nothing in it that reminded her of Juliet. My apartment had become a world for just the two of us.

There were times I questioned whether or not she could survive this kind of loss, wondered if I wasn’t just watching her slowly die. Her constitution seemed to weaken daily. Her frailty became more and more pronounced as each day passed. She couldn’t continue on like this. She needed purpose. Originally, I was against her looking into Juliet’s death. However, the longer we put it off, the more I began to believe it might be the very best thing for her. It would focus her mind on something besides sadness and dissecting me.

So long as I could control the course of the investigation, there shouldn’t be any problems. When the clues brought us a little too close to my world, as they inevitably would, I could steer her away from it. The feeling in her apartment was unmistakable. It was unholy, like the theater. They may not have found her with me, but they were looking for her. My time with Olivia was coming to an end very soon. I would do whatever necessary to prolong our time together even if that meant misleading her investigation.

Over coffee a few days after the funeral I asked, “Are you ready to start looking into Juliet's suicide?”

Olivia froze, her coffee cup halfway to her mouth. She looked at me without blinking. Her pretty eyes were muted from her lack of energy and large black bags threatened to swallow them whole.

“I have to go to my mom’s today.”

“Tomorrow then. What time are we leaving?”

“Oh—I was going to go by myself.”

My eyebrows shot up before I could control them—but really, it was surprising. We hadn’t been out of each other’s sight in weeks and now she was just going to leave?

Olivia looked apologetic and took a sip of her coffee. “She's already suspicious of the amount of time we're spending together. She's got a cruise booked, but keeps threatening to cancel the trip. I've managed to talk her into still going. I think if you come with us to the airport, she might change her mind.”

I didn’t like it. “I don’t know if that's a good idea.”

“I’ll be fine. No one's going to get me at Mom’s house or while driving to the airport. You don't have to worry so much about me. Who would have guessed, Holden Smith, a worrier?”

This made me laugh. She had no idea. The concern I felt for her safety was all consuming and never ending. But I was being overbearing—I probably needed to back off a little for both our sanities. Besides, having a little time alone would be good for me. “Just be careful. If you feel threatened at all, even if it seems stupid, call me immediately.”

She gave me a small smile. “I will. And yeah, we'll start on Juliet tomorrow.”

Olivia left the apartment a short while later. I sent her in my car, so no one would recognize her—it's always better to err on the side of caution. When the door clicked closed, I rolled my shoulders back and stretched my neck, releasing all the walls around my mind that I’d had to maintain while she was there. The pressure gushed from me with such force I felt light headed. It was wonderful. I grabbed my door keys and left the apartment. I walked out of the front of my building and directly into trouble.

“Holden! Where did you come from? I've been looking everywhere for you.” It was Ingrid, a colleague and occasional lover—depending on how tedious humans were to me at the time.

“I’ve been around.”

“I've walked by several times. You never seemed home.” I managed to keep a frown off my face. We had been home. We hardly went anywhere. Maybe she came by the day of the funeral? Whenever she came by, we were lucky. Had Ingrid come up I would have had to kill her, and how would I explain that to Olivia?

“I’ve been busy.”

“I guess so.” She took a step forward, closing the space between us. She placed a manicured hand intimately on my chest. “Well, your receptions are never warm, but this one seems particularly frosty.”

“You've been around humans too long, Ingrid. Is that weakness I smell?”

She rolled her eyes. “So I've been hearing some talk.”

“When has idle gossip ever interested me?”

“Oh, I think this will interest you. I hear there's big game in town. A lot of it too, on both sides.”

Shit, it was worse than I thought. “And?”

“And … that's all I've heard. I don’t know why, but I thought maybe you would know something more since you're older and all.”

“They haven’t said a word to me, and why would they? I'm sure it has nothing to do with any of us.”

“Aren’t you curious in the least?”

“Not really. It’s not our business until they make it so. You'd do best to remember that.” I removed her hand from my body. “Now like I said, I’m busy. I have to go. Oh and by the way, I’m not particularly interested in running into you again anytime soon, Ingrid.” I walked a couple paces and turned back. “Remember what curiosity did to the cat.”

Ingrid again closed the gap, her eyes narrowing. “You’ve changed, Holden.” I gave her an impatient look, but didn’t respond. “You have,” she added emphatically.

“How
exactly
have I changed?”

“You seem … you didn’t try to seduce me at all.”

I laughed harshly. “Why would I need to seduce you? I hate to break it to you, you're what people call easy.”

“Exactly, I've never come to see you without dessert.” She licked her lips and leaned in closer to me sniffing the air. “You smell strange, like flowers, and now you can’t seem to get rid of me fast enough.”

I put my hand on her shoulder. “I’m just bored of you. Nothing personal.”

Her mouth fell open as I walked away chuckling to myself on the outside, concerned on the inside that this wouldn’t be the last I saw of her. She didn't ever need to meet Olivia. I considered going back to take care of her, but it would draw too much attention. I kept moving forward, damning her for taking the fun out of my time alone. Pushing my concern to the back of my mind, I looked for somewhere ripe with energy where I could unload. The perfect mark crossed in front of me and into a coffee house. I loved it when universe played along.

A couple hours later, I walked home on top of the world. My mind was clear, the beast was satisfied, and I was going home to a girl I actually liked. Life was, I dare say, good. Without the pressure and tension clouding my mind, I thought just maybe I could make this work. Hope was a dangerous thing for someone like me, something I generally avoided.

Olivia wasn’t at the apartment when I got home, and it was past the time she thought she'd be back.
She’s probably just running late
, I reassured myself. Her cell phone went to voice mail. I sat on the couch and waited, watching the seconds tick by.

What if Ingrid hadn’t left? What if she’d come up here to investigate why I was acting strange and Olivia came home? Anything could’ve happened. Ingrid might’ve killed her or taken her prisoner to question her. Ingrid could be vying for my position, and Olivia might be her leverage. If she touched Olivia, I would do more than kill her. She wouldn’t be able to hide. She had to know that, right? Ingrid liked to use knives, her specialty—a little slicing, a little carving and voila, people around her got verbal diarrhea. I pictured knives dripping with Olivia’s blood, heard her screams of agony, her confusion, her disbelief. The worry sparked anger inside of me. It tripled with each passing minute she was gone. I visualized all the ways I would hurt Ingrid. I wouldn’t just kill her. She would beg to die for days, maybe weeks.

The phone rang pulling me from my daydreams of revenge and torture. I answered, expecting to hear Olivia’s voice.

“Hello.” I said, trying to appear cool, not like a little bitch biting my fingernails because she was late.

“Mr. Smith?”

Shit, not her
. “What?” I asked annoyed.

“Uh, this is Roger Walker. You got that book for me. …” I didn’t respond, just waited for him to continue. “Do you remember me?” he finally said.

“I don’t have all day, Roger,” I snapped.

“Sorry—sorry. I was just wondering if you could help me get something else?”

“What?”

“Myrcia skeldingii.”

I would've laughed and taunted him if I hadn’t been worried Olivia was trying to call. “That plant is extinct.”

“That's why I called you.”

“There are easier ways to accomplish what you're trying to do than to use a shitty, half-baked spell you probably got from the internet.”

“You couldn’t possibly
—”

“Know what you are doing?” I finished his sentence. “Of course I do. And yeah, I can help you, but not right now. I’ll come by the club tonight around the same time. We’ll talk price.”

“You're not bullshitting me?”

“Tonight.” I hung up on him before he could ask me any other questions. I knew he was an easy mark. Hell, I didn’t even have to cultivate the relationship. He came to me.

My satisfaction was short lived. Olivia still wasn’t back. I had to decide what I wanted to do. I could contact Ingrid, but if she didn’t have her, I would raise suspicion. I could go out and look for Olivia like the paranoid idiot I was becoming, I could stay here and do nothing, or I could go out like I would have before she was in my life.

Nothing was the most feasible of the options at hand. However, doing nothing was becoming increasingly difficult. I grabbed a book off the shelf. A random biography I was entirely uninterested in, but I forced myself to read each word, hoping that some part would hook my mind and pull it out of the pond of concern that was flooding my subconscious. Three of the longest hours of my life later, the door handle twitched. I watched the door with both rage and relief ready at the starting gate. Olivia walked in perfectly fine. She plopped her purse on the counter and sat on the couch next to me.