Secrets of the Wee Free Men and Discworld (10 page)

BOOK: Secrets of the Wee Free Men and Discworld
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A Grand Day at the Opera
When was the last time you saw
Phantom of the Opera
? We've seen the stage production a combined total of about seven times.
Maskerade
revisits the world of the
Phantom of the Opera.
But Andrew Lloyd Webber's stage hit wouldn't have been made had it not been for the book written by Gaston Leroux and serialized in 1909-10. Leroux was inspired to write books because of the well-known mysteries of Arthur Conan Doyle and Edgar Allan Poe. Although Leroux said that the inspiration for
Phantom
was the Paris opera house and an accident that took place in 1896, when the counterweight of a chandelier dropped on the audience (ouch), it also may have been inspired by
Trilby,
a popular novel by George du Maurier, published in 1894. The protagonist is Trilby, a tone-deaf young woman who can't sing but who is hypnotized into doing so by Svengali, a musician and mesmerist.
Leroux's world is populated by opera ingénue Christine Daaé, her aristocratic childhood friend Raoul, opera diva Carlotta, opera managers Richard and Moncharmin, Madame Giry, and Erik, the misshapen “opera ghost”/“angel of music” whose murderous antics overshadow all. A man known as the Persian witnesses the story's events.
Erik vows to make Christine a great opera singer if she remains in his control and loves only him. He's also not above extorting money from the previous managers of the opera house and occasionally killing anyone who gets in his way. (As a criminal, he is an overachiever.) But Raoul falls for Christine, who reciprocates his love, which raises the ire of Erik, who tries to coerce Christine into giving up Raoul, by first kidnapping her and then torturing Raoul
and the Persian to rid himself of his rival. But Christine later talks Erik into letting them go.
Opera, of course, plays a major part in the story, with the mention of performances of Gounod's opera
Faust
(based on Goethe's epic) and Erik's own composition—
Don Juan Triumphant.
Leroux's book wasn't exactly a smash hit when it hit the shelves. But a 1925 Lon Chaney movie helped it gain more attention. Other film versions soon followed, including one in 1943 with Claude Rains and Nelson Eddy. (We didn't see either one.)
Andrew Lloyd Webber's stage production of
Phantom,
which first opened in London in 1986, became the
Phantom
most people remember. As of the writing of this book, it is the longest-running show on Broadway in history. It spawned a movie adaptation of its own—a 2004 production directed by Joel Schumacher and produced by Webber.
Pratchett stepped into the
Phantom
world with
Maskerade,
a title that plays on the masquerade taking place during the course of Leroux's story and the stage play and Poe's story “The Masque of the Red Death”—from which Erik's Red Death costume in the book and musical is derived. (Got all that? There will be a quiz later … . Just kidding.)
A Christine inhabits the Pratchett
Phantom
world, but so does an Agnes Nitt, the would-be member of Granny Weatherwax's trio of witches, whose voice is used for Christine's opera debut. Instead of Paris, the venue is Ankh-Morpork. Instead of Buquet, the murdered scene-stealer in Leroux's story, there is Mr. Bucket, the owner of the opera house. (A scene-stealer
does
make an appearance in
Maskerade.
) And instead of Erik the solitary phantom, there are two opera ghosts: Walter Plinge and Salzella, the musical director. But per Webber's production, there is an André. But instead of being the owner/manager of the house, he is an undercover cop as well as a piano player.
Not content to parody the plot of
Phantom,
Pratchett alludes to
several operas, not to mention the one-two combo of a title like
The Joye of Snacks
(Nanny Ogg's racy cookbook), which parodies in content and title both
The Joy of Cooking
and
The Joy of Sex
. But let's stick with opera.
PRATCHETT OPERAS
THE OPERAS TO WHICH PRATCHETT ALLUDES
Cosí fan Hita
Così fan tutte,
composed by Wolf gang Amadeus Mozart
Die Meistersinger van Scrote
Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg
(The Mastersingers of Nuremberg), composed by Richard Wagner
Lohenshaak
Lohengrin,
composed by Wagner
La triviata
La traviata
(The Fallen One), composed by Giuseppe Verdi
Il Truccatore
(The Master of Disguise)
Il trovatore
(The Troubadour), composed by Verdi
Die Fleiderliev
Die Fledermaus
(The Bat), com posed by Johann Strauss II
The Ring of the Nibelungingung
Der Ring des Nibelungen
(The Ring of the Nibelung), composed by Wagner
The Barber of Pseudopolis
Il barbiere di Siviglia
(The Barber of Seville), composed by Gioacchino Rossini
The Enchanted Piccolo
Die Zauberflöte
(The Magic Flute), composed by Mozart
Other theatrical productions mentioned in
Maskerade
:
PRATCHETT MUSICALS
THE MUSICALS TO WHICH PRATCHETT ALLUDES
Guys and Trolls
Guys and Dolls,
composed by Frank Loesser and adapted from Damon Runyon's short story by Jo Swerling and Abe Burrows, opened in 1950.
Hubward Side Story
West Side Story,
an updated
Romeo and Juliet,
was composed by Leonard Bernstein with lyrics by Stephen Sondheim and a book by Arthur Laurents, opened in 1957.
Miserable Les
Les Misérables,
written by Claude- Michel Schönberg and Alain Boublil, who based it on the novel by Victor Hugo, opened in Paris in 1980. It is the third-longest running show on Broadway (behind
Cats
and
Phantom
).
Seven Dwarfs for Seven Other Dwarfs
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers,
a 1954 movie directed by Stanley Donen, with lyrics by Johnny Mercer and music by Saul Chaplin and Gene de Paul.
 
 
 
 
With Discworld's parodies, the play's the thing and the play's cha-ching for Pratchett. For another musical parodied, see
chapter 13
. But for now, please exit to your right. And don't forget your playbill.
Ringside Seats
I
n The Fifth Elephant, Sam, Sybil, and the rest of the diplomatic team travel to Shmaltzberg in Uberwald and see a performance of the dwarf opera Bloodaxe and Ironhammer. This opera, we're told, is from the Koboldean Cycle—a series of operas usually performed over five weeks. Well, that's an allusion to Richard Wagner's opera series Der Ring des Nibelungen (The Ring of the Nibelung)—which is about as grand as opera can get. Many people just call it the Ring Cycle.
The four operas of the Ring Cycle are Das Rheingold, Die Walküre, Siegfried, and Götterdämmerung. This opera series is usually shown over four nights and takes about fifteen hours to perform. (If you're tempted to sneer at that, consider the fact that many people watched all three Lord of the Rings extended editions in marathon showings at theaters—almost twelve hours of viewing, not to mention a marathon of all five Best Picture Oscar nominees for 2007 at AMC theaters.)
Maybe you're not into opera as grand as that. But many fantasy writers, including Pratchett, Tolkien, Stephen R. Donaldson, and the Wachowski Brothers (the Matrix trilogy), were familiar with the story.
The Ring Cycle, which is based on Norse mythology, is about a magic ring a dwarf named Alberich forged out of Rheingold stolen from the Rhine that grants power to rule the world. (So, it's fitting that the Koboldean Cycle is performed by dwarfs!) Everyone who gains it has great difficulty giving it up. Sound familiar? Wotan (Odin), the chief god, steals the ring, thus prompting Alberich to curse it. All who obtain it come to grief as Wotan soon finds out. (Sméagol in Lord of the Rings found that out as well.) Siegfried—a
hero not unlike Achilles in that he's part god, part human, with one weakness (his back instead of his heel)—obtains it, to his doom. If you saw Matrix Revolutions, you saw a funeral as grand as that of Siegfried's in Götterdämmerung.
After that, the ring finally returns from whence it came, just as the ring in Lord of the Rings returns to Mount Doom. Kinda gets you all choked up, doesn't it?
The Few, the Proud, the Inept: Who's Who in Discworld
 
 
Witchy Woman
Wooo hooo witchy woman, See how high she flies.
—“Witchy Woman” by the Eagles from
The Eagles
album (1972), lyrics by Don Henley
77
 
Witches are just plain
meaner
than wizards.
—Professional wizard/detective Harry Dresden in
Storm Front
78
What words or images does the word “witch” conjure in your mind? (Ha ha. Pun intended.) Bad-tempered? Evil? Scary? Warty? An image of someone mysterious like the woman in the song above, even though that song is really not about a witch, per se? It is one that conflicts many people—us included. Traditionally, witches in literature have not been viewed as positively as warlocks or sorcerers have. Think of the image of Ged (Ursula LeGuin's Earthsea series) or Merlin (for more on them, see the next chapter) versus Ged's aunt in
A Wizard of Earthsea
. Whereas Ged becomes a learned man well versed in high magic, the magic-wielding aunt walks in ignorance and battles the suspicions of others. Or think of
The Crucible,
Arthur Miller's
classic play about the Salem witch hunt, as a symbol for McCarthyism. (Or maybe you wish to forget that.) Consider the fears, prejudices, and ignorance of the townspeople and how the accusation of witchcraft became a tool in the hands of manipulative individuals.
Let's get back to image. Many of the books and movies written today have tried to shake up the image of the witch we're used to in fairy tales. In the 1960s, there was Samantha Stephens, the suburban housewife/witch played by Elizabeth Montgomery in the TV show
Bewitched,
which you can still see on TV Land. You know—the one with the annoying mother, Endora, and the mortal husband, Darrin (played by two different actors—Dick York and Dick Sargent). Samantha made a comeback in the 2005 movie starring Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell. (Perhaps you wish to forget that, as well.) Just before the movie
Bewitched
, TV shows and movies like
Charmed, Sabrina the Teenage Witch,
and
The Craft
featured younger witches. And of course, there's the Harry Potter book and movie series, and
Wicked
—first the book, then the hit play.
As you know, witches in traditional fairy tales tend to come in oven door-slamming sizes, ride broomsticks, have warts, and cackle. They're wicked (the Wicked Witches of the West and East from Oz), like to snack on children (Baba Yaga in Russian fairy tales; the witch in “Hansel and Gretel”), are fond of cats, and wouldn't win any beauty contests. But sometimes witches are beautiful, but still evil at heart, like the White Witch in
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,
C. S. Lewis's classic tale, Morgan Le Fay in the King Arthur tales, or the queen in “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,” the Brothers Grimm fairy tale used in the 1937 Disney movie. The queen was also of the stepmother variety and you know what fairy tales have to say about them. (See
evil
above.)
But in the Harry Potter series, Hermione Granger is one of the heroines and doesn't have a wart. She is fond of cats, though. And then there's Professor McGonagall, the head of Gryffindor House—a
stern but noble woman, who can turn herself into a cat, and Professor Trelawney, who's ditzy. In Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, Moiraine Damodred, Egwene al'Vere, Nynaeve al'Meara and many others are Aei Sedai—female channelers of power—who behave heroically, but sometimes make mistakes. None of them have warts, either. And let's not forget the Bene Gesserits—the witches of the Dune series. Like Jessica, the mother of Paul (Muad'Dib), they can be manipulative. (Some would call that assertive.) But no warts there, either.
So, what are witches like in Discworld? Well, they are …
… Powerful.
At Hogwarts, Hermione Granger is touted as the best witch of her generation. So, what does that mean exactly? Well, she's the smartest girl at school, for one thing. (Well, in book 7 this aspect changed to a degree.) Esmeralda (Granny) Weatherwax is possibly the best witch in Discworld. In other words, she's the Ged or Merlin of her world. (Although we wonder if Tiffany Aching may someday eclipse her.) Her brand of “headology” (she makes
you
do the work instead of her) may seem like a bunch of hooey or psychobabble, but it helps her reserve power. She unleashes it from time to time to help save Discworld.
She's a borrower—but not like the Clocks in Mary Norton's classic children's series The Borrowers. She can delve into the mind of an animal. This is different from actual transformation into an animal, as wizards such as Ged or Merlin achieve with the right word of power. After all, Granny leaves her body behind, usually with a sign reminding others that she's alive.
With a troll-given name Aaoograha hoa (“She Who Must Be Avoided”—see
Maskerade
—or the dwarf-given name K'ez'rek d'b'duz (“Go Around the Other Side of the Mountain”—also in
Maskerade
), you know that others see her as intimidating. (Maybe
right now, you're thinking of “He Who Must Not Be Named”—Lord Voldemort of the Harry Potter series. Well,
Maskerade
came first.) And Granny's good at psyching out opponents in Cripple Mr. Onion—the preferred card game of Discworld. Only a fool would bet against her.
Imagine what being the best at something is like. (Perhaps you don't have to imagine—you are.) Like a gunslinger, you wait for someone to come along and challenge your position. Only when that person comes, you know that being the best might mean killing or being killed, severely wounded, dethroned, or humiliated. That's Granny's position. When a younger witch and a Fairy Queen challenge her in
Lords and Ladies,
Granny can't say, “No, I'd rather not, thanks.” Part of the territory of being the best means accepting any challenge. This is Jason Ogg's position, as well (see
chapter 14
).
Pratchett goes into great detail about Granny in his Discworld fact books, so let's move on to Nanny Ogg. While Gytha (Nanny) Ogg may act as Granny's sidekick, she's not really an Avis to Granny's Hertz. After all, Nanny helps turn back time in
Wyrd Sisters
. She also delivers the offspring of the personification of Time and Wen the Eternally Surprised (
Thief of Time
). Anyone who is always there to help save the world is pretty powerful in our opinion. And she's as jolly as the Spirit of Christmas Present in Dickens's
A Christmas Carol.
In her home, her word is law. Just ask her daughters-in-law.
Tiffany, Magrat Garlick, and Agnes Nitt—young and upcoming witches (well, Magrat is a queen now)—don't exactly fit the
Charmed
school of young witches model, although they have the potential for just as much angst. The young witches are constantly engaged in the old-school versus new-school conflict. As you know, Magrat continually butts heads with Granny Weatherwax, who feels that Magrat's clothes and ideas of how to use magic are weird. Magrat's sort of a flower child/sucker for supernatural paraphernalia that Granny is
quick to dismiss. And Tiffany and Agnes have moments, brought about through Granny's manipulation, which they live to regret. Yet Granny seems to see vast potential in Tiffany. And no wonder. Tiffany is possibly the most powerful of her peers, who include Petulia Gristle, Annagramma Hawkin, Lucy Warbeck, and Dimity Hubbub.
… Hardworking and Helpful.
Tiffany, the “big wee hag”—a moniker given to her by the Nac Mac Feegles in
The Wee Free Men, A Hat Full of Sky, Wintersmith,
and a fourth book Pratchett proposed writing, tentatively called
I Shall Wear Midnight
(as of this printing, that book has not yet been published)—is a hard worker, no question about that. She comes from a farming community of hard workers. She makes cheese, milks cows and goats, delivers babies, and apprentices herself to the witches of the land to do more of the same.
As Pratchett mentioned at a book signing in Naperville, Illinois, in October 2006, Tiffany's miniseries is based on words and hard work. Tiffany, Granny, Nanny, Petulia Gristle (the pig witch), and others exemplify this.
Okay, milking a cow or making cheese may not seem as impressive as calling down lightning or shooting fireballs at people. But somebody's gotta do it.
In all of the Lancre witch/Tiffany Aching miniseries, Discworld or some unfortunate individual needs saving from some threat: vampires (
Carpe Jugulum
) , a “phantom” killer (
Maskerade
), an evil tyrant (
Wyrd Sisters
) , a crazed fairy godmother (
Witches Abroad
), “Them” (
Equal Rites
) , the Fairy Queen and her elves (
Lords and Ladies
,
The Wee Free Men
) , the hiver (
A Hat Full of Sky
) , or endless winter (
Wintersmith
) . Then, like true fairy godmothers or like Glinda the Good (the Witch of the North in Oz), Granny, Nanny, Magrat, and Tiffany come to the rescue.
Not all of the Discworld witches are helpful. (Annagramma Hawkin, anyone?) There are more than a few bad apples, à la those in Oz, Earthsea, and other places.
… Followers of Tradition to a Degree.
As we mentioned in
chapter 5
, Granny and Nanny are firm believers in the rule of three, which was also enforced on the show
Charmed.
But some witches, like Lily Weatherwax, Granny's sister, follow tradition to the detriment of others.
Mercedes Lackey calls the storytelling traditions inherent in fairy tales “The Tradition” in her Five Hundred Kingdoms series, which begins with
The Fairy Godmother,
a story about a Cinderella type (Elena) who seeks to buck tradition and avoid a disastrous marriage by becoming a fairy godmother. (Thinking about
Witches Abroad
right now?) The Tradition—the magical force that propels heroes and heroines alike down a traditional path laid out in other fairy tales—wars against Elena's plans. Lily Weatherwax, had she been present, would've forced Elena toward her Cinderella destiny, no matter how ugly that destiny seemed. After all, that's what Lily does in
Witches Abroad.
As we said in
chapter 1
, writers and compilers like the Brothers Grimm, Andrew Lang, Hans Christian Andersen, and others helped shape the tradition by the stories they included in their collections. But Pratchett tweaks tradition to fit his story.
… Odd.
In a series like Discworld, you've got to expect a few, well, oddities. How else can you explain a Mrs. Evadne Cake, a medium with precognition she can turn off and on, or a Eumenides Treason (“Myth Treason” to Tiffany) with her Boffo skulls and seeing-eye mouse (
Wintersmith
)? But every witch has an odd streak in a Pratchett-written
series—even Magrat Garlick, who thinks she's normal, but … isn't. She's slightly “Luna Lovegood” (Harry Potter series; note that Magrat came first as a character)—the odd one even in an odd bunch. Or Agnes Nitt, the young witch with the marvelous singing voice and a split personality (Perdita—the thin witch inside the heavier witch). Or what about Granny, who is as ornery at times as Granny from the 1960s TV series
The Beverly Hillbillies
? Although they're odd, they're never boring.
These aren't your witches striving to blend in to avoid being burned at the stake. (Well, they probably want to avoid that.) Unlike Samantha Stephens, who wanted to get along with nosy Mrs. Kravitz and fit into the neighborhood, Discworld witches revel in their oddities. In fact, witches like Miss Treason deliberately try to fit the notion of the odd witch by going the extra mile—hence the mail-order skulls and stick-on warts. See? Odd.
… Noncacklers (Hopefully).
In Discworld, cackling is a sign of cracking, something akin to going to the Dark Side in the
Star Wars
series. No witch in her right mind (literally) would cackle. Black Aliss—the greatest witch, in Granny's opinion—cackled. Although she was the first to turn back time, she wound up over the edge.
Black Aliss, who went the way of the witch from Hansel and Gretel—shut up in an oven by two kids—is an allusion to Black Annis, the witch from the folklore of Leicestershire. A witch with a diet consisting of children is a sure sign of the cackler. That, and building gingerbread houses. Of course, a witch could go for the house-on-chicken-legs model—another sign of the cackler—à la Baba Yaga, the witch in Russian folktales. Mrs. Gogol, the voodoo witch in
Witches Abroad,
favored a hut on duck feet—a parody of Baba Yaga. That just shows you where Mrs. Gogol stood on the cackling front. (Crossing the border into Cackle Town.)
… Alone by Choice.
Ged's aunt in
A Wizard of Earthsea
lived alone—a product of the suspicions of others and the need for privacy when one practiced magic. Granny Weatherwax has her mountain cottage and soup for one. And although Nanny Ogg has a home with hot and cold running sons and daughters-in-laws popping in for visits, basically, it's just her and her cat, Greebo.
Witches tend to be loners, occasionally getting together with other witches to make up the rule of three or to train someone. Even someone in a family like Tiffany is still alone—that is, forced into a position of authority that makes her feel alone, as we learn in
Wintersmith.
As Galadriel explained to Frodo in the film based on
The Fellowship of the Ring,
“You are a Ring-bearer, Frodo. To bear a Ring of Power is to be alone.”
79
Bearing the mantle of power is to be alone.
In
Wyrd Sisters,
we're told that witches aren't managed by someone who considers herself “head witch.” In other words, there is no archchancellor for witches. There's just an unofficial understanding that Granny Weatherwax is in charge. It's lonely at the top.
BOOK: Secrets of the Wee Free Men and Discworld
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