SeducedByTheAntiHero (14 page)

He gave a humorless laugh. “You know, when I first saw her I
almost didn’t think it was actually her. But when I realized it was? I was so
pissed off, Emma, you don’t even know. I was immature enough that I almost did
go up to her and make a big scene right there in front of God and everybody. But,”
he shook his head, “somehow in the middle of all that rage, I got a kind of
clarity. If she could just fucking leave us like that, go off and start a new
life with some complete stranger, then I had no use for her. She could never
have been the type of mother I needed anyway. She was too angry and bitter and
way
too selfish. I realized then that maybe her taking off the way she did was the
best thing she was capable of doing for us.”

Maybe he was right. The fact that he’d had the presence of
mind to discern something like that in such a moment spoke volumes about his
character. Even at such a young age. More than likely, Emma would have caused
that scene he had talked about. She felt such rage on his behalf, even now, so
many years after the fact. He had turned out better than most men, especially
given his circumstances. But his mother’s abandonment had left scars that had
shaped his life. She was kind of glad his mother hadn’t seen him since. That
woman didn’t deserve to know that her son had turned into such a good man.

But speaking of leaving scars, “Adam didn’t see it the way
you did?”

Sneering, he gave a stiff jerk of his head. “No, he didn’t. I
think that was the moment he decided he was pretty much emotionally done with
women. That’s why he’s such a man-whore.”

She couldn’t help it, she had to laugh. That was a very apt
description of his twin. He had to have sensed what she was thinking because he
shot her a glance out of the corner of his eye and that small smirk tugged at
the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah I know; Adam’s shameless and it shows.”

Emma held her free hand up. “I said nothing.”

He turned toward her then, that same corner of his mouth
twitching. “You didn’t have to. But it’s cool. We all know how he is and he’s
careful.”

“I’m just glad that
you
aren’t like that,” she said,
then immediately felt awkward for all the implications of that statement. Realistically,
it shouldn’t matter to her who he slept with as she would be gone in a few
weeks. But she would be lying to herself if she said it didn’t.

Then he made it worse by not saying anything for a long time
after. His gaze refocused on the calm trickle of water and she was left to
wonder what he was thinking. Had she made faux pas just now? Suggesting that he
might mean something more to her than an extremely inspirational fuck-buddy? Maybe
that was the last thing he wanted to hear right now. Especially on the heels of
rehashing all that went down with his mother.

On the flip side, though, he didn’t have to tell her about
his mother at all. That he had shared such a big part of his past showed that
he at least trusted her as a friend. And the fact that her hand was still held
firmly in his as he idly played with her fingers wasn’t a bad sign either. Problem
was, she just didn’t know.

Just as she was about to overanalyze everything she had said
to him tonight, he saved her by opening his mouth. And the words that came out
left her speechless.

“You asked me what I came here to think about, past and
present. I told you the past part, but that’s all old shit. Now, when I ride up
here, mostly what I’m thinking about is you.”

As those words ricocheted around in her head, he kept his
steady gaze on the creek. There were about a million questions she wanted ask
him then. All of them involving what exactly his thoughts were and if he saw
them moving forward in their relationship rather than going their separate
ways. But the quiet way he had spoken and the way he steadfastly avoided her
eyes told her that he would in no way be comfortable having that conversation right
now. The information he just gave her was strictly food for thought. To let her
know his thoughts and hers weren’t so far apart without having to really say it
all out loud. So she let all of those excited questions die on her tongue and
tried to find a way to calm her racing heart.

Instead, she ignored it like she sensed he wanted her to,
and asked him a completely unrelated question. “So, besides being a
neighborhood hoodlum, and coming up here to think, what did you do for fun
around here?”

That got his attention and a cocked eyebrow. “Really? Hoodlum?”

She just smiled and shrugged.

Shaking his head, he returned her smile. “Actually, there’s
not a whole hell of a lot to do around here. Which is why I always used to skip
over to the next town.”

“I’m intrigued. What was so exciting about the next town
over?”

“It’s bigger for one. So that meant more opportunities to
get into trouble.” He shot her a playful grin and the sheer wickedness in that
smile sent a jolt right to her clit. “But mostly I used to go for the raves.”

Now that was probably the last thing she had expected him to
say. “Wait. You’re a raver?” She couldn’t keep the skepticism out of her tone.

When he just returned what was sure to be her stupefied look
with his usual calm and slightly bored expression, she shook herself out of it.
“I seriously don’t even know why I’m surprised. Is there
anything
you
can’t or haven’t done?”

“I can’t draw for shit.”

Annnnnd there she went again with that dumfounded
expression. “What?”

He shrugged. “Seriously, it’s all stick figures and squiggly
lines.”

“What?” she repeated.

He laughed. “You asked. Besides, you’ve never gone to a
rave?”

Giving him a mock frown, she said, “Sadly, no. Not a lot of
raves where I grew up and as an adult I’ve been too busy.”

A line of pain went right down the center of his face as he
frowned at her. “I think the question I should be asking here is, what do
you
do for fun? ’Cause from where I’m sitting, Sugar, it looks like you’re severely
lacking in that area.”

Pulling her hand from his, she crossed her arms over her
chest and gave him a droll stare. She didn’t want to answer that question
because he kind of had a point and honestly it was embarrassing.

In the end, she didn’t have to. He stood up and muttered, “C’mon,”
before he started walking toward his bike.

Warily she followed him, then took the helmet he handed to
her when she reached him. “Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you to your very first, and long overdue, rave,
Sugar,” he replied as he put on his own helmet.

Emma could feel how wide her eyes got and she backed away
from the bike. “Oh, no. I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” he asked blandly as he mounted the motorcycle.

“Because I sincerely doubt that’s my scene, Ben. I would be
so out of place, it’s not even funny.”

It surprised her when he laughed. “No you wouldn’t.”

Didn’t matter how hot he was, or how sexy that low laugh
sounded, she wasn’t getting on that bike. Remaining silent, she shook her head.

He sighed. “You’re a writer, right?”

“Right,” she said, wondering what that had to do with
anything.

“And I’m supposed to be helping you
with
your
writing, giving you ideas and experiences and whatnot, right?”

Again she replied in the affirmative.

“Then don’t you think, as a writer, you should learn to be a
collector of experiences? If for no other reason than to add variety and
authenticity to your work?”

Oh, he was good. And sneaky. She really hadn’t seen that one
coming. But when he put it like that…

Grudgingly, she put the helmet on and climbed onto the bike
behind him. But not before poking him in the side. “How’d you get to be so
smart, anyway?”

She could see the wry twist of his lips as he spoke. “Musta
been all that time I spent as the neighborhood hoodlum. Who knew delinquency
could sharpen the mind like that?” Then with that, the motorcycle roared to
life, disturbing all the quiet surrounding them and they sped away.

* * * * *

There were so many people rushing and swaying down on that
dance floor that Emma was afraid if she joined them, she would never find her
way back out.

They were in what looked like an abandoned old factory
building. It was just one big, open space. Of course, very little of that space
was actually
open
. All around her, bodies pulsed and gyrated to the
heavy bass of the techno music blasting through speakers that seemed to be set
up in every corner of the building.

Currently, they were standing at the top of a set of metal
stairs, looking down at the throbbing mass of people. Strobe lights went off in
colorful time to the rhythmic beat of the music, touching every space of the
vast room. Massive crowds like this always made her nervous despite the fact
that she’d lived in the city for the better part of a decade. Maybe it was
insecurity, maybe it was distrust, or maybe it was just a touch of claustrophobia.
Whatever it was, the fact remained that Emma wasn’t overly fond of the idea of
going down there.

Ben caught her attention with the placing of his hand
against the small of her back. She turned to him. “You.” She pointed at him. “Want
to go down there?” She redirected her finger to indicate the crowd below.

Rather than humor or irritation, the look he gave her was
full of inexorable patience. “I do.” He nodded. “But I want to go down there
with you.”

“You’re gonna lose me in the masses of people if we go down
there.”

“No, I won’t.” Slowly, he slid his hand down her arm and
entwined their fingers. “Don’t worry, I won’t let you go, Sugar.”

Taking a deep breath, she looked back down at the crowd. “Promise?”
She tried for a jokingly flippant tone but that was an epic fail. She could
plainly hear the anxiety in her own voice.

His free hand cupped her face and pulled her gaze back to
him. “I promise.” The steely resolve in his eyes calmed her nerves just enough
for her to allow him to lead her down the stairs.

When they reached the bottom and were about to enter the
throng of people, he kept going but was stopped by the tug of her hand when she
quit moving. Turning to face her so that his back was to the crowd, he tugged
on her hand, jerking her body into his. His arm wrapped around her waist in a
secure hold and he started backing onto the dance floor, pulling her with him.

“Focus on me, Emma.” And she did. She couldn’t look anywhere
else but at his face. Everything else around them was just too overwhelming.

Then he started to move. “Just let go, Sugar.” He pulled her
with him as his body joined the rhythm of the crowd. The death grip he had on
her hand never loosened but his arm dropped away from around her back when she
started to jump and move along with him to the frantic pace of the music.

Eventually—when she got the hang of it—she found that what
they were doing was…fun. It was different than dancing in a regular club but
not as threatening or violent as being in a mosh-pit. And with Ben right there
with her, she really didn’t have to worry about the other people around them. He
had her and all her focus was centered on him.

Soon she found herself wondering what she had been so
worried about. The minutes and hours blended together as she lost herself inside
the music with her lover. And that was most definitely what he was. Her lover. There
was no denying that or getting around it. His hands were everywhere on her,
urgent and proprietary in just the way she had confessed to him that she loved.

At some point, the music had begun to change. Going from a
fast-paced heavy bass, to something hypnotic and sultry. Now, instead of
bouncing and jumping together, laughing and carefree, he slowly started to
grind his body against hers. That strong arm once again wrapped around her,
pulling her into him and the air between them turned thick with sensual
tension.

His amber eyes seemed to glow in this strange lighting and
in them she saw something she very much recognized and was coming to relish. Possessive
heat. She knew what followed a look like that and when he bent his head to
cover her mouth with his, she wasn’t disappointed. As his mouth devoured hers,
that word that she hadn’t been able to get out of her head since yesterday
roared through her mind.
Mine
.

Yes she was, she realized. She was utterly and completely
his
. There really wasn’t any turning back from that now. It seemed he had
ruined her for every other man.

Fuck Prince Charming. All she wanted was Ben.

The aroma of freshly brewing coffee pulled at Emma’s
awareness until she pleasantly drifted into consciousness. Without opening her
eyes, she rolled onto her back and languidly stretched her arms above her head.

Wait. How as there coffee brewing in her motel room? Her
eyes snapped open.

Ben. She was in his house. In his bed. The damn mattress was
so soft that she slept so well she almost forgot where she was.

They hadn’t left the rave last night until well into the wee
hours of the morning. The exhilarating high of the night had started to wear
off on the way home, leaving her dead tired. She had closed her eyes and rested
her head against his back until the motorcycle had stopped moving. Instead of
taking her back to her motel, he had brought her to his house, claiming he
could tell how tired she was and his house was closer. Then, with no further
explanation, he had practically carried her upstairs, tossed her one of his
t-shirts and they fell into bed. For once, to actually sleep.

Now, as she lay there staring up at the ceiling, she couldn’t
stop the contented smile from lifting her lips. For such a remote, emotionally
controlled person, that man sure liked to cuddle. And she wasn’t about to
complain as he was excessively good at it. She had never felt so warm, or so
safe in her life as she did wrapped up in his arms.

As they had lain together, he had kissed her, slowly,
deeply, tenderly until her lips felt swollen and she couldn’t hold her eyelids
open anymore. Then he had started tracing light kisses down her chin, onto her
neck. That’s how she had fallen asleep. In the cocoon of his arms with the
sweet rocking of his lips back and forth across her skin.

Turning onto her side, she hugged the pillow and took a deep
inhale of his scent, that woodsy, masculine scent that engulfed her. She sighed
happily until she had the disturbing thought that if she weren’t careful, she
could get used to this.

That’s when she heard the sizzling sound of bacon frying in
a pan. She groaned. Yeah, she could definitely get used to this.

Maybe she should quit lying around and get up and go help
him. Make herself a little uncomfortable so she
wouldn’t
want to get
used to this.

She was delighted to find that he had an en suite bathroom. He
hadn’t exactly given her a tour of the place last night when he’d man handled
her up here. But, oh, how she loved the way he handled her.

Okay, stop it,
she admonished herself as she cleaned
up in the bathroom. After last night she seriously needed to get a grip on
herself. No matter what it might seem like at the moment, she knew this wasn’t
going to have a fairytale ending. She needed to prepare herself for that
eventuality.

Quickly, she did her business, washed her face and snagged
the spare toothbrush it seemed he had laid out for her. The thoughtfulness
tugged at her heart but she forced the feeling away. She needed to get her head
back in the game. A man like Ben just wasn’t the right one for her, and she
would do well to remember that.

After finger-combing her hair, she exited the bathroom and
got dressed in her shirt and jeans from last night. Then she took a deep
breath, squared her shoulders and left the bedroom to go find Ben.

Immediately leaving the bedroom found her in a long hallway
at the top of some stairs. Assuming the kitchen was downstairs, she gripped the
wooden balustrade and followed the scent of breakfast downward.

She found him in a small but surprisingly well equipped,
kitchen scrambling some eggs over the stove. When he became aware of her
presence, he shot her one of those small, rare smiles until his gaze ran the
length of her body and the smile turned into a frown.

“Damn, I liked it better when you were wearing my clothes,”
he said grabbing some plates and turning off the stove.

His playful mood from last night was still in full effect
and she could feel her resolve of only a few moments ago slipping. Oh, she
really
needed to get out of here. Before her heart turned into mush.

“Maybe I should have grabbed one of your belts while I was
at it. I could have wrapped it around my waist and worn your t-shirt as a
dress.”

“On you? Woulda looked fucking awesome.” The smile returned
to his face as he approached her. He cupped her face in his hands and gave her
a soft, lingering kiss. “Morning, Sugar,” he whispered against her lips before
kissing her again.

Inwardly, she whimpered. This, as far as she was concerned,
was the perfect way to wake up. A sexy-as-hell man kissing her tenderly and
cooking her breakfast was a definite plus in her book. Too bad said sexy man
could never be a permanent fixture in her life.

Nevertheless, when he finally pulled away from her, she knew
her expression was dazed as her eyes were slightly unfocused. Further evidence
was that spark of amusement in his eyes before he said, “You hungry?”

Emma blinked then cleared her throat. “Sure, I mean, yeah.” Great
she was babbling. Apparently she couldn’t handle this much affection directly
after waking up. Her brain wasn’t working yet. So without saying anything else,
she sat down at the kitchen table and poured herself a cup of coffee from the
carafe he’d set there.

It was then she noticed that the table was set and there was
cream and sugar in front of her as well. She was digesting this when he came
over to the table and set a plate full of fluffy scrambled eggs, bacon and
toast in front of her. Embarrassingly, her stomach growled as soon as the aroma
of the food hit her nose.

To cover up the sound, she said, “Wow, feeling a little
domesticated this morning? This is amazing, Ben. Thank you.”

Either the comment or the praise within the comment, seemed
to make him suddenly uncomfortable. The loose, relaxed way he had been moving
about the kitchen disappeared as he stiffly nodded and took a seat opposite
her. So which was it? Maybe both?

She was starting to regret ever making the comment when he suddenly
looked up at her and shrugged. “I don’t ever really have people spend the night
here so maybe I’m relishing the opportunity to show off.”

Then he winked at her and she felt her whole body flush with
warmth. What was he doing to her? The ability to think clearly just flew right
out the window whenever he was near. This whole experience was beginning to
become too much. She’d come into this expecting one thing but his actions last
night and this morning were suggesting something else entirely. It was dangerously
causing her to hope that what they had here held some fragile substance, that
they could be more if they tried. Maybe he wanted to try as much as she did.

And she completely blamed what she said next on that
feeling. It was that budding sanguineness that had her blurting it all out over
the pleasantness of coffee, bacon and eggs. She hadn’t stopped to think that
what she said might ruin it.

“Ben, what are we doing here?”

Immediately, wariness clouded his expression. “We’re having
breakfast,” he said slowly as though he wasn’t sure why he needed to state the
obvious.

That right there probably should have clued her in that she
shouldn’t have said anything. But she suddenly
needed
to know the answer
to her actual question. “No, I mean, what are we
doing
,Ben?”

Sitting back in his chair, he sighed and ran a hand over his
face. “So we’re actually gonna have the ‘where is this relationship going’
conversation? I really didn’t think you’d be into that.”

That comment pulled her up short. What exactly did he think
she
was
into? “What does that mean?”

“Look, you said yourself that we were just having fun while
you’re here. When did that change and do you really wanna complicate it? Believe
me, Sugar, helping you out with your book is far from a hardship. But if we go
down this road it probably won’t end the way you want it to.”

Even though his response was the most realistic thing he
could have said, for some reason she hadn’t been expecting him to actually say
it. For as long as she could remember, she had always let her fanciful,
romantic side get her into trouble. First with her failed engagement and then
with her “Charming List” that wouldn’t let her give any real men of her
acquaintance a chance. And here she was, doing it again with the most unlikely
of people. The type of person that, up until now, she would have stayed far
away from.

Feeling extremely foolish, she shook her head. “No, you’re
right. I shouldn’t have even brought it up.” She stood and grabbed her purse, which
she had tossed on the floor beside her chair. “But just in case, maybe you
should take me home so that I don’t get confused again about where we stand.”

The look he gave her then didn’t make sense. It was…wounded,
and somehow incredulous as though he hadn’t expected her to react this way. Well,
what
had
he expected her to do? Stay, have breakfast, then maybe a quick
fuck up against the counter before he dropped her off back at her motel room?

Yeah, so not happening.

“Emma,” he said, his whiskey-colored eyes filled with what
looked like regret. He opened his mouth to continue and that surge of hope
rushed through her again that he might change his mind. But then his jaw
snapped shut, the strong muscle ticking there as he stood and that ridiculous
hope died.

“If that’s what you want, I’ll take you back to your motel.”
He pinned her with an intense, steady look. There seemed to be a question or
some other meaning in his stare but she just couldn’t interpret it. At this
point she was done trying.

Nodding stiffly, she said, “That’s what I want.” She
couldn’t stay here with him. If she did, it would just make this harder for
her. Not to mention the tension that would fill the space between them the
whole time they were together after this conversation.

The tension in the truck on the way back to her motel wasn’t
much better, though. They wouldn’t look at each other and neither of them
spoke, making the air in the cab feel almost oppressive. But she was glad he
hadn’t taken his motorcycle. She wouldn’t have been able to handle sitting so
close to him, wrapping her arms and legs around him to hold on. The reminder of
what he felt like against her and that she would never feel it again, wasn’t
necessary.

Oh,
God
, were her eyes actually starting to water? Hell
no. She
would not
cry over him. Especially not right in front of him. In
the end, he had been right anyway. She should have checked her emotions and
pulled back the moment the lines began to blur for her. So it was better this
way.

When he finally pulled into the parking lot of her motel,
she muttered a thank you and a goodbye and jumped out of the truck before he
could say or do anything.

Immature? Probably. But she couldn’t stand to be in that
truck with him any longer than necessary. Stupidly, she was both relieved and
disappointed when he made no move to follow her. Just waited until she got
inside before driving away. Mostly, she was disappointed.

There was an ache right in the center of her chest and her
stupid eyes wouldn’t stop with the waterworks. She didn’t try to hide it now. There
was no point. But she refused to wallow in this feeling. If she was going to
have a pure, genuine emotion, she was going to put it to good use.

First things first, though
. She needed to get out of
her clothes from last night. Ben’s scent still lingered on her skin, making
what had just happened all too real. Right then, she decided that she would
take a long, hot shower, put herself back together with a fresh change of
clothes and take her pen, notebook and bruised emotions back to the lake.

The way she was feeling right now? Charlie was in for one
hell of a fight scene.