SeducedByTheAntiHero (16 page)

He tried to pull his head away from her but she wouldn’t let
him. “What happened to him
was not
your fault. And all those people who
think it was, especially Paul, can go to hell. He’s probably ashamed of himself
for being such a shitty brother and blames you for it because it’s easier. And
you’re already blaming yourself enough. You had your reasons for wanting to
escape reality by doing the things you did? Well, so did Tim and, believe me,
they weren’t because of you. Your friendship was probably the only relief, joy
and acceptance he’d ever felt. You weren’t the one who hurt him.”

Suddenly, without warning, his arms shot around her,
knocking her off balance and into his body. His mouth came down on hers in a
hard, eager kiss. One big hand moved to cradle the back of her head, tilting it
for better access.

He swallowed her moan as she wrapped her arms around his
neck, burying her fingers in his hair. There was so much more to this man than
met the eye and it broke her heart that he couldn’t see it. Right now, in this
moment, she was determined to change that.

Breaking the kiss, he rested his forehead against hers. “I’ve
never met anyone like you, Emma,” he whispered reverently. “No one sees me the
way you do. Past all the bullshit and all the armor.
God
, baby. How’d I
do this before I met you?”

Heart pounding in her throat, she leaned up and kissed his
lips softly. “I have no clue,” she said with a smile. Of course, she was only
half serious but the part of her that was, really did wonder how he’d managed
to turn his life completely around with virtually no support system. He had his
brothers, but from what she could gather, he didn’t let them in much. Not even
Adam.

Speaking of…he
was
just downstairs. “Maybe we should
get out of here,” she said resting her hands on his chest and pushing away
fractionally.

“Why?” He frowned, tugging her back into him.

“Umm,” she cleared her throat. “I think your brother had
plans tonight. I’m sure he doesn’t want to hang around babysitting us.”

For that, she got a full-on smile.
Good Lord
, the man
was beautiful when he smiled. She would never get over it. “He did have plans
but don’t worry. His babysitting duties ended when I got here.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “He left?”

Moving his hand to cup her jaw, he gave her a soft kiss
before he said, “He left. Besides, we could stay here all night and he wouldn’t
care.” He kissed her again, giving her another smile, this one a little wicked
around the edges. “Actually, he probably won’t be back tonight anyway.”

All she could do was shake her head. Adam really
was
a man-whore. “Okay.” She pushed away from him again. “Let’s at least get up off
the floor.” He let her move through his arms until she stood in front of him. She
held out her hand to him and he took it, pulling himself up then once again
pulling her off balance as he tugged her toward the bed.

“Lie down with me for a little while, Sugar.” The grin he
shot her was at once adorable and mischievously sexy. How did he even do that? “I
wanna cuddle with you.”

Wow, really? He didn’t have to tell her twice. Willingly,
she went when he pulled her down onto the mattress. They lay on their sides
facing each other. He hooked her leg on top of his and put his body as close to
hers as humanly possible. Obviously, no space was welcome between them and a
thrill of satisfaction went through her at the knowledge.

With a hand on her jaw, he tilted her head as his lips found
hers. This kiss was slow and thorough. He took his time exploring her mouth,
wet tongue sliding against hers, causing her to hum in approval against his
lips.

Time seemed to slow as they lay there, kissing and touching,
their strokes lazy and unhurried. This felt more like a languid meandering that
fulfilled his need to hold her more than it did a seduction. Emma had never been
more contented in her life. The man liked to kiss her and in no way was she
complaining. But, as much as she was enjoying this, there were still a few
things they needed to sort out before she could get too comfortable.

“Ben,” she said, softly breaking their gentle kiss. “You
should know that this means more to me than just casual sex.” She almost hated
to break the mood but she needed to get this out there. For her own sanity and
well-being, she needed to finish the conversation they had started that morning.
Her conscience wouldn’t let her go on with him thinking that this was something
it wasn’t, or that it was as simple as it had started. It had all become
dangerously complicated for her and he deserved to know that. “I know this is
the last thing you probably want to hear right now, but I just needed you to
know where I stood.”

Closing his eyes, he buried his face in her neck. The feel
of his soft lips trailing kisses against her skin was a little surprising
considering her declaration. Was he going to ignore her words and pretend she
had never said them?

Maybe she
shouldn’t
have said them because his
silence in their wake was ruining the mood for her. How could you cuddle with
someone you knew didn’t care about you? No, she should have kept her mouth
shut.

Honestly, she didn’t know what she had been expecting him to
say. He had been clear with her that morning about this very thing and she
definitely
shouldn’t be lying here in his arms making things that much harder for herself.
Compartmentalizing what they were doing here was an impossible task for her. Why
she couldn’t leave well enough alone was beyond her. She should probably say
something to take the pressure off him. But then he pulled back to look at her.

“Then you should know that I want more from you than just
your sex, Emma.”

Wait
. Did she just hear that right? “Then why did you
tell me this morning that you didn’t want to complicate things?”

Rolling onto his back with a sigh, he stared up at the
ceiling as though looking for the right words. In the end, he settled with, “I
was being an asshole this morning.”

Despite the situation, she had to laugh. “Good, it wasn’t
just in my head then.”

He narrowed his eyes on her but she could see the corner of
his mouth twitch. “You caught me off guard with your ‘what are we doing’
question and I just went in to self-preservation mode.” The look in his eyes
turned uncertain as he regarded her cautiously.

“Self-preservation mode? Like you had to protect yourself
from me?” If anything, she would have thought it would be the other way around.
It was
her
heart that had the most likelihood of being trampled in this
equation. But maybe she had read him wrong?

“Yeah, I did. Please remember the basis of our hookup. You
had a problem writing sex scenes and basically just wanted the experience so
you could pour it into your book. It didn’t start off all hearts and flowers
for us. Besides that, you were only gonna be here for a few weeks. I didn’t
think
you
wanted anything more from
me
.”

It was her turn to roll onto her back and stare up at the
ceiling. Shit, when he spelled it all out like that she didn’t blame him for
thinking he needed to keep any emotions he might be having to himself. He
probably thought her question this morning was about her worrying he had developed
feelings for her. Instead of what it was:
her
developing feelings for
him
.
“God, I feel like such a user.”

“No,” he said turning onto his side to face her and gently
pulling on her hip to make her do the same. “You didn’t use me. Believe me,
Sugar, I was more than willing. It’s just—” He shook his head and licked his
lips. It was like his tongue was a magnet and her eyes were drawn to track the
movement. He had the sexiest mouth she had ever seen and even now, when she was
so interested in what he had to say, he was capable of distracting her without
really trying. It was disconcerting. “Things are different with you, Emma.
I’m
different with you. Have been since I first saw you.”

That had her eyes snapping back to his. “Different how?” And
from the beginning? Up until a few days ago, he had been extremely standoffish
and she had assumed that was his status quo. Or maybe it was just part of his
plan to protect himself from her. Just the thought of him feeling like that
seemed absurd. But she got it, she really did. If she were in his position she
probably would have done the same.

“I can’t explain it.” He reached out to tuck a stray piece
of hair behind her ear. “There’s just something about you that makes me
feel…possessive. From the day we met in the bookstore, I just wanted to mark
you as mine in some way. Even though I didn’t think I could actually
make
you
mine, the impulse was still there.”

“And you did, too, didn’t you?” He had never used a condom
with her. Not once. She had definitely wondered about that but wouldn’t let
herself dwell on it too long even though she knew she should have.

From the way his eyes darkened and he shifted beside her,
she could tell he knew what she was referring to. “Yeah, I did.”

The simple statement coupled with the hard length of him she
could feel digging into her belly, sent her mind reeling. Obviously, he was
turned on just thinking about coming inside her and his sense of proprietorship
over her body made her flush hot all over.

“I’ve never done that with anyone before. Just you,” he
whispered.

“I haven’t either, actually. Just you.” If possible, his
amber eyes got darker, turning almost black.

“Good, keep it that way,” he rumbled, his deep voice
lowering about an octave.
Oh my.
He really was possessive of her, wasn’t
he? She smiled to herself.

“What’s with the cute little smile on your face, Sugar?” he
asked with a little smile of his own as he circled her nose with his.

That just made her smile wider. “I know you’re all
uncomfortable with this, but I like that you’re possessive of me.”

He blew out a breath on a shaky laugh. “I’m glad you like
it. It scares the shit out of me, though.”

Emma felt herself frown. “Why does it scare you?” She wasn’t
going to hurt him. Surely he knew that by now.

“When I’m with you, all I wanna do is lock the rest of the
world out. Just wrap myself up in you and live in our own little world of make-believe.
It scares me because I know we can’t stay there. Sooner or later, my fucked-up
reality is gonna touch you, just like it did tonight. Thank God Adam was
there.” His grip on her body tightened and he pulled her closer as though he
could shield her from what happened. “I didn’t want to think about all that
shit with Paul anymore. I didn’t want it to touch us and what we have. But I
know that’s not possible.”

“But it is possible.” She caught his gaze and held it,
hoping her sincerity would register. “What we have doesn’t have to be make
believe, Ben. We can make it real. More real than your past and what these
people think of you ever was.”

“Fuck, I hope you’re right.” He pulled her into him so that
her cheek rested on his chest. “Because I don’t think I can let you go.”

It amazed her as the realization hit that somehow she had
been the one to get under his skin. Her complete acceptance of who he was, was
the thing that set her apart from everyone else he knew.
That
was the
quality she possessed that tied him to her and she wouldn’t give that up for
the world.

Holding on to him tighter, she snuggled closer and
whispered, “I don’t want you to let go.”

* * * * *

The familiar feeling of Ben’s body wrapped around her was
the first thing Emma registered when she opened her eyes. The room was dark and
quiet and a quick glance at the digital clock on the nightstand told her that
it was going on four a.m. Snuggling back into Ben’s warmth, she wondered what
had woken her.

Then she felt it again.

Ben was shifting restlessly behind her. Grunting in his
sleep, he pulled her closer, her back to his front as one of his knees slid
between her thighs. She wanted to turn in his arms to make sure he was okay,
but his tight hold on her prevented her from doing so.

Just as she was about to pry his arms off her to wiggle
free, she felt his soft, velvet lips begin to run kisses along her neck. Slowly,
a warm, calloused hand slipped beneath her shirt to cup her breast. Instantly,
she knew he was awake and when he rolled his hips into her ass, she realized he
was awake in more ways than one.

“Mmm,” he rumbled into her ear, breathing her in. “You smell
good.” He tugged on the cup of her bra, pulling it down to let her breast spill
into his palm. “You feel even better, Sugar.”

Rocking back into his gently thrusting hips, she whispered,
“So do you.” And,
oh God,
he did. She could
so
get used to waking
up like this.

He rolled and tugged on her nipple before skimming his hand
down her side and onto the front of her jeans. His meandering lips caressed her
jaw and she turned her head to capture them with her mouth as he popped her
jeans open. Deft fingers slid inside and down the front of her panties, the
first touch to her swollen clit making her jerk into him. He growled into her
mouth.

“I fucking love how wet you get for me, Emma.” He
demonstrated his point by sliding his fingers through her slippery slit. If he
didn’t take so much obvious pleasure in it, she might be embarrassed by just
how
wet he made her. It felt like a river between her legs and two of his thick
fingers slid easily inside her. She pulled her mouth from him and groaned at
the fullness of his invasion.

Slowly, he pulled his fingers free and brought the wet tips
up to her aching nub, rubbing it in torturous circles. She couldn’t stop her
hips from rotating and grinding down on his hand any more than she could stop
her erratic breath from hitching in her throat. He just felt too damn good. The
movement of her hips sped up as her muscles tightened with her impending
orgasm. The feel of his wet tongue sliding up the side of her neck had her
turning her face into her arm on a moan, granting him better access.