Seductive Truths (Seductive Trilogy) (32 page)

     The familiar fabric slips through my fingers as I reach to pick up the jacket.  The warmth is still there and I’m unexpectedly overcome with a deep unmoving sadness, as if the empty hole that I thought was filled, returns. 

     His smell flitters around the room.  Bringing the jacket into proximity with my face I inhale the rich aroma that I once found comforting and a wave of forgotten emotions flood my body.  His presence lingers and won’t leave me alone.  My heart is still captivated, leaving wounds open and unable to heal.  William still beats within my breast.  I hear the muscular organ crying out to be held by his muscular arms.  I wish it would all disappear; the pain is too much to bear.

    
‘
What have you done to me?  What have either of you done to me?
’
 

     I’m trapped in emotions I can’t explain.  There’s an internal battle going on inside and I’m powerless to stop it!  I just want out!  I want out of all of this shit my life has been turned into!  There is only so much I can repress before it all comes streaming out.

     I can never go back to the life I had with William.  It’s hard to admit this but I know that every time I gaze into those brooding brown orbs of his, all I’ll see staring back is my brother’s lifeless face.  Every time his hands would caress my skin, my only thought would be of them covered in the blood of his victims.  I know a part of me will love him, will always love him, but we can never be.  I will never be able to erase him from my mind, but at
the same time, I will never be able to face him again.  Too much has happened.  There is no hiding the truth once it has leaked.

     The chiming of the clock striking midnight startles me out of my daydream and I drop the jacket back onto the armchair. 

    
Shower and fresh clothes then back to Gareth
.

     Walking through the door to the bedroom I…

    
‘
Oh Jesus Christ!
’
I start and almost jump a foot in the air; heart rapidly pounding against my ribcage and the palm of my hand comes to rest on the throbbing pulse.

    
‘
We need to talk.
’
  

    
‘
We need to talk.
’

     After regaining my breath, I reply,
‘
Well that’s an understatement,
’
before chucking the jacket I’m wearing onto a chair by the bed.

     Even with all that’s happened I find myself surprisingly relaxed in his company.  Though there is that unsettling feeling brewing in the pit of my stomach, I am comfortable, it is William after all, the man I was going to marry.

     I strip off the soiled clothing so I’m left with only my underwear, grab a clean pair of trousers and a top from my drawer and then brush past William and into the bathroom.  The slight touch leaves a tingle on my bare skin. 
He still manages to affect me!
 

    
‘
Where are you going?
’

    
‘
To take a shower,
’
I say locking the door behind me. 

     Somehow I can’t bear the thought of William seeing me naked, though he’s seen me in such a state a thousand times before.  But things have changed.  I have changed. 
Besides, my body belongs to someone else now
.

    
‘
Alex!
’
I hear him shout. 
‘
I need to talk to you.
’

    
‘
And I need a shower,
’
and with these words I turn it on. 

    
‘
Come on Alex!  Can’t we…
’
but the rest is drowned out by the water rushing over my ears as I step into the warmth.

     The feeling of it gliding over every bit of my body is very liberating.  As I close my eyes and let the water work its magic on my skin, I’m no longer lethargic but revitalised and full of energy, ready for the energetic conversation that is soon to take place. 

     A small smile creeps to the corners of my mouth when I hear his muffle cries of impatience.

     The crimson blood flows like a river down my legs to swirl into the plughole.  I try covering up the pungent smell with my coconut shower gel, but it is no use.  The metallic odour still lingers in my nasal passage.  It doesn’t matter how many times I scrub at my skin I still see the red stain, it’s imprinted on my brain.  I can’t get the image of Gareth lying lifeless, propped up against my chest, out of my mind.  There is no escape, there never will be!

     For those split seconds I thought he’d gone.  Through my blurred vision I watched the light fade from his eyes, his chest to rise and fall no more.  The hand tenderly clutching his side fell limp to the dingy pavement.  Every facial expression, every moment spent with him, be it brief, flashed through my mind.  I imagined all those times we could have had.  The laughs shared, tears leaked and the passionate embraces.  Each microsecond would have been treasured.

     In those seconds my heart stopped beating as well and my world came crashing down around me.  It felt like a chapter of my life was brought to an abrupt end before it was given the chance to start.  And this is what I am finding so confusing.

     How can I feel so strongly for someone I hardly know, for someone who took me by force?  It’s not possible, not logical.  But then again, nothing ever is as simple as black and white, least of all emotions.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand them.

     And then there’s William.  My heart still calls for him.  It hurts to want him, but I can’t deny the feelings swarming my insides.  I still get lost in his eyes and everything comes flooding back, but I will not give in to these sensations, not this time, not after everything he has done.  It would eventually destroy whatever remained between us.  It’s time to say goodbye to him and all we had, no going back.   

     Turning off the shower a chill rolls over my body.  I immediately wrap myself in a fluffy towel hanging on the rail.

    
I feel much better.

     Peering into the mirror I see bright eyes, rosy cheeks and soft features staring back at me.  I look fresh.  Gazing at myself you wouldn’t have thought I’ve been dragged through hell and back. 

    
‘
Alex!
’

     I jump. 
Bloody man.

     Quickly I rub my body down, moisturise and throw on my clothes. 
Hmmm, much better
and turn to walk out the bathroom and face my fiancé.

    
‘
You took your time,
’
William grumbles from his position on the edge of our bed, legs spread apart, casual. 
Our bed?  Sounds unnatural to say that now
.

    
‘
Yeah, well, all the lies and deceit can leave you feeling a little dirty with a bad taste in your mouth,
’
I snap while reaching for a cosy, blue, woollen jumper from my drawer.

    
‘
Oh don’t do this Alex.  You know I’m not like that…
’

     Turning around I snap,
‘
Actually I don’t, not anymore.  Come to think of it I don’t know you at all.  I thought I did, but now…now you are nothing more than a stranger to me.
’

    
‘
Don’t say that.
’

    
‘
Why?  It’s the truth isn’t it?
’

    
‘
It was to protect you…
’

    
‘
You killed my brother to protect me?  Well that sounds rational,
’
I yank a bag down from the top of the cupboard and start to collect my things.

    
‘
That wasn’t meant to have happened.  Thomas got in the way.  It was an accident and I’m sorry.
’

    
‘
It’s a bit late for that.  Sorry won’t bring him back,
’
I chock on the sobs. 
‘
And you could have stopped your car from ploughing into him, you just decided not to.  With Thomas gone, you were safe.
’

    
‘
Safe?  What do you me…?
’

     Dropping what I’m doing, I spin on the spot and storm to where William stands. 

    
‘
How about your second life?  You know the one with secret meetings, packet exchanges, and guns!  Or did you think I’d forget about that?  That’s why you killed him wasn’t it?  My brother uncovered it all so you had to bump him off!  You couldn’t risk your precious Alex finding out, could you?
’

    
‘
Alex…
’
he reaches for me.

    
‘
Don’t touch me, don’t even think about it.
’
 

     The affection disperses in his eyes and turns cold.  His dark side shines through.  Lips form an unattractive line and I see his jaw grinding.  He is barely holding onto his fury.

    
‘
He shouldn’t have put his nose in where it didn’t belong.  If he wasn’t such a goody two-shoes he’d still be alive now.  He brought it on himself.
’

    
‘
This isn’t you.  You are better than this William!  You’re the successful CEO of the business world.  You’re the man that has ideas sprouting from every pore.  Why didn’t you just give up the life of crime the day your father and sister died?  Why carry on living two lives when you’ll be happy with one?  Why William?  Why?
’

    
‘
I vowed revenge on the murderer of my only remaining family.  No one kills one of us and gets away with it!
’
he growls, taking and unnerving step towards me.  The shadow falling across his face only enhances the menacing glare.

    
‘
But Gareth didn’t kill them!  It was his father!
’

    
‘
Him, his dad, what’s the difference, they are still of the same family.  Family stick together, no matter what.  Loyalty demands…
’

    
‘
Fuck loyalty!  Where did that get anyone?  Where did it get you?  Where did it get Gareth?  He killed his own brother because he betrayed
his
family for Christ’s sake!  Some loyalty!
’

    
‘
He was weak…
’

    
‘
Ha!  Weak? 
Weak?
  Are we seriously going to go down this route of what defines a strong and weak man?  It’s just pathetic!  No one has a right to define someone’s actions, especially you of all people!  Weak?  You make me laugh.
’
 

     I turn my back on him to resume packing, but this action only seems to aggravate William further. 

    
‘
He should have taken the bullet like a man!  That’s bravery!
’

    
I can’t believe he is doing this.  I never had him down to be stupid.

     I turn to face him again. 
I’ll never finish my packing at this rate!
 

    
‘
That’s suicide.  What’s brave about being killed?  It’s the coward’s way out.  Bravery is living up to your mistakes.  Bravery is living each day as it comes, on your own, with nothing left to live for.  It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but greater strength to stand up to our friends and family.
’

    
‘
If that’s what you call bravery then I’d rather be a coward.  Where has bravery gotten him?  No friends or family, no steady career, no future.  He’s a loser, Alex!  The sooner you start seeing that the better.
’

    
‘
All I see,
’
I take a step towards him. 
‘
Is a
weak
man belittling a man who has lost
everything
.  Where’s the bravery in that?  Where’s the courage?  You are nothing more than a bully who likes to get his own way and one day you’ll wind up with
nothing
except your screwed up mind.  You’ll be the loser who should have known better.  The sooner
you
start seeing that the better.
’