See How She Awakens (22 page)

“Izzy, you have been gone for some time.” Aberto moved toward me. “Where have you been?”

“Somewhere really, really, really dark.”  I felt different. I couldn’t quite explain it. There was something missing—or rather, not missing—that had been before. 

“Where?” Aberto pressed on. Ever in need of answers. It was like he didn’t believe I was really me.

“I don’t know. Uriel just showed up and told me this is the only place I can exist. He said heaven wouldn’t take me because of the darkness, but hell wouldn’t have me because of my light. Then he shoved his hand into my chest. There was a bright light, and then I woke up on this cold slab.” 

Crap, that was right, I was immortal now.  Son of a biscuit-eater.  I was stuck here. Forever.

“You mean to tell me that you are truly eternal?” Aberto asked.

“Immortal, eternal, it’s all the same,”  I mumbled.  Starting to be freaked out by the way Aberto was looking at me. “What? Is there something on my face?”

“Izzy, what do you remember?”

“I remember it is super creepy in here. Can we maybe go somewhere less dank and cave like. I’m immortal, not a vampire bat.” I stared around the dark cavern wondering just where in the heck they had stashed my body.

“I must be sure it is truly you. You are not acting yourself.” Aberto moved a little closer.  Like that would make a difference.  I was beginning to feel like a specimen under a microscope. 

“Who am I acting like?”  This was irritating. If someone I cared about came back from the dead, I’d been stoked.

“You are acting like yourself, only before the loss. Before the darkness came over you.” 

Aberto’s words crashed into me, dragging forth every moment I’d longed to forget. The pain. The loss. Every last second played out in my mind. I gasped for air as the onslaught of pain gripped my heart firmly before letting go forever. Something had changed in the darkness. Realization slowly dawned—Uriel.

Right before I’d woken up, he’d done something, something I didn’t remember until now. 

“
I abhor the darkness within you, the taint upon your soul. Despite this, I shall grant you a boon. You may never die, you may never pass through the veil to the other side, but I will take from you the suffering which plagues your heart. The memories will remain. This is my gift of mercy, ask nothing more.
”
Uriel’s last words echoed through my mind as Aberto shook my arm.

“Are you well?” Aberto’s concerned eyes pierced my own.

“I am,” I replied, allowing the memories to pour over me. I had to know.

Kennan’s death played out in my mind anew. I still felt the pain, the loss as his life was snuffed out in an instant. The grief had somehow subsided. The all-consuming loneliness had been replaced with something more. I’d found peace. Somewhere in the course of everything that had transpired, my soul had accepted the truth. Kennan was gone.

If I kept living my life as I had, I wouldn’t be able to survive. Kennan died so I could live. He died to give me the chance to live a full life. And I would. I was going to live the crap out of this life for him. I had a hell of a long time to live it.

“Aberto, it is me. I promise you.”  I lifted my hand to his cheek, hoping he could see I was still here.

“Does the grief not weigh heavy upon you?” Aberto moved closer.

“I miss him. I will every day for the rest of my very long life, but no, it no longer weighs heavy upon me.”  Tears pooled in my eyes, relief washing away the remnants of grief as the words wrung the last of my sadness out.

“IZZY!” a shout from somewhere above bounced off of the walls. I knew that voice. The tears threatening to spill forth seconds before came rushing out. There was no stopping the flood as Molly descended the stairs, running straight for me.

Struggling, I stood, bracing for the impact of her body as she threw herself at me.  Her arms wrapped tightly as she sobbed. 

“Molly, I’m okay.” I pulled back, looking her over.  There was no sign that anything had ever been wrong with her.  She looked perfectly whole.

“No, you most certainly are not. Do you realize you’ve been dead for two months?” Molly pulled back, anger replacing her relief.

“I’m sorry?” I wasn’t quite sure what to say. As far as I knew, I wasn’t supposed to be able to die to begin with. It wasn’t like I knew what had happened. “Wait, for two months? Why wasn’t there a ceremony? Why was my body left down here in this damp cellar?” 

“We tried,” Ian coughed from the stairs. I hadn’t even noticed him descending.  “It didn’t work.”

“Um, come again?”  Panicked I started to look over my body for scorch marks.

“The flames engulfed you, but then something weird happened. The flames changed. They turned purple, encasing you in a shield before snuffing themselves out.”  Ian paused scratching his head as he looked anywhere but at me. “We tried a few times, none of them worked.”

“A few times?” my voice came out a shrill squeak as I imagined them trying, and retrying, to burn my body.  “A few times?”  Anger replaced the fear, and I could feel the fire burning within me.  My temper was different now.  More than just my mortality had changed.  The darkness. 

Panic flooded me as visions of the office came back. I’d absorbed the darkness into myself completely. It was as much a part of me now as the light. The dark room was closing in around me, I needed air, room to breathe.

“Perhaps we should adjourn to a more suitable location?” Aberto rose to his feet, his head almost brushing the ceiling as he did.

“Please.” I was still propped against the stone slab that I’d awoken upon. I had no clue where we were.

Aberto held out his hand to me, and for once I did not hesitate.  I clung on to him for dear life. 

He paused, looking down into my eyes. It was hard to read his expression in the dark, but something told me he had a lot of questions, and I wouldn’t be able to escape them.

Ian and Molly climbed the stone steps ahead of us.  As we reached the top of the stairs, I finally figured out where I was.  Much to my surprise, this was the Council headquarters.  Though looking a little worse for the wear in a few places, it was still standing. 

Mona was waiting at the top of the steps, tears pouring down her cheeks. Releasing Aberto’s hand, I moved toward my aunt, hugging her tightly the moment my arms could fully engulf her. We stayed that way, clinging to one another as we both tried to adjust to the fact I hadn’t died. Well, I was adjusting to the fact I could never die. I don’t think I’d ever fully comprehended that before. Damali had found some sort of loophole to kill me with. I still needed to find out what happened.

I pulled out of my aunt’s embrace slowly, reluctant to leave her warmth. Somewhere between the time I’d climbed the steps and finished hugging my aunt, the hall had filled with Seers and Guardians.  Some that fell under the Council, and others that followed the Order.  They were all there, intermingled, and I was struck by the rightness of it.  This is what they were meant for, not to be divided, not to bicker about their roles, but to fight the good fight, side by side. 

I wondered if they had been one entity, if the darkness ever would’ve had a chance to weasel its way in. Perhaps that was the great Divine plan in splitting them into two factions, so that not all would be pulled under and tainted. Or perhaps there was no plan at all, just utter chaos. After Uriel had made it so blatantly clear we were on our own, I really didn’t hold much faith the heavens had any sort of plan. 

My body felt weak under the gaze of so many. There were countless unspoken words written on each face. Questions, fears, hopes—they all bombarded me. I searched the crowd for Aberto. I needed help to take this all in. In truth, I was terrified. I wasn’t sure what they wanted from me, what they expected I could do.

“Um, is there somewhere we can go?”  I said, finally finding Aberto among the mass of people.

“The Seer will speak when she has rested.” Aberto’s voice boomed through the crowd as he ushered me in front of him towards the office.

Dread pulled me to a stop. I didn’t want to go back into that room. Darkness had fully taken me there. I’d been stabbed in that room.  My breathing hitched as I looked for an escape, any direction but that. 

“Be calm. No harm will come to you.” Aberto was using his stupid compassionate voice on me, like I was a scared animal. Okay, so maybe it was fair, but it riled me, which spurred me into action. I hated when he used that tone.

Clenching my teeth, I stepped through the doors of the office.  Aside from the scorched carpet and a boarded up window, not much seemed to be amiss. 

One by one, my friends entered the room.

“I am happy you have recovered,” Conall whispered as he walked passed, as if I’d just had a minor cold.

“Can someone please tell me what happened? How did I die? And what happened to Damali?” I looked around the room, waiting for someone—anyone—to tell me.

“The blade was made of an ancient stone in which there was a curse. Not to kill, but to send the soul into the chasm,” Eleanor murmured from behind a stack of books strewn across the desk. I smiled, finding her there felt right somehow. Surrounded by countless books, Eleanor was in her element. Of course, she’d be the one to know what had happened to me.

“What exactly is the chasm? Oh, and how did it work on me? I thought I wasn’t supposed to be able to die before? I mean, I know I’m not now. Uriel pretty much told me that.”  I couldn’t seem to shut-up. My mouth just kept working as everyone’s expressions slowly changed.  There it was, the same look Aberto had given me. 

“Okay, listen. I get it. I’m acting all weird and like my old self. Uriel did something to me. I think he felt guilty, or sorry for me, or something. I don’t know. But he put some sort of angel whammy on me before shoving me back to the only place I’m permitted to exist. Well, according to him. I can’t go to heaven or hell, so I’m stuck here for all eternity, and so he took away the oppressive grief. Not to say I’m not still sad, but I can’t do that anymore. Live every last day barely keeping my head above water. Oh, and I absorbed the darkness. So there is that.”  Word vomit poured from my mouth, an unstoppable stream of information I wanted to be rid of. There were more important things on the line. Like how did I die, and most importantly, how did Damali die?

“There will be time to discuss all that Izzy has just revealed, but perhaps we should help her to understand what has happened these past months in her absence.”  Mona motioned for us to sit. 

I was pretty sure I’d burnt this couch to a crisp, but maybe they’d had a spare lying around somewhere.  I lowered myself onto the chair as everyone moved about the room, dragging chairs so we all sat in what might as well be a group therapy circle. 

A laugh bubbled up inside of me as I thought about it. Seers and Guardians Anonymous. Inappropriate. Squash that thought down. At least when I’d been burdened by the unbearable grief and the taunting of the darkness, my mind hadn’t had time to inappropriately cope with situations. Pros of being grief stricken: no rampant thoughts, appropriate situational reactions, and general normalizing of behavior. Con of being back to myself: being back to myself.

Aberto tilted his head towards me in question.  Shaking mine in return, I tried to focus. 

“Can someone please explain to me what the chasm is?” I looked at Eleanor, knowing she was probably the one with the most information.

“The chasm is a place of great darkness.  Much like the void, it can cause madness if one lingers there for too long.  It is used to kill people, Izzy.  When a soul is sent there, the body deteriorates, and then the soul moves on to another plane. Be it heaven or hell, they leave. Your body didn’t die, so you remained in the chasm,”  Eleanor examined me.  Perhaps I had gone a little mad in the darkness. 

“It was really dark,” I responded, lamely.  “So, Damali sent me there thinking I would die?”

“I believe she had been sending souls there in an attempt to use the bodies as vessels to be inhabited by darkness incarnate. When she used it on you, I think it was more out of desperation than any well thought out plan.”  Eleanor’s face brought a smile to mine.  I could see the thoughts actively flitting through her eyes.  Her mind was racing in a thousand different directions at once. 

“Why didn’t she just put darkness in them to coexist with the souls?” I asked.

“Izzy, most souls aren’t as strong as yours. Yours has been fortified through love and sacrifice a thousand times over. You’ve become something more than any of us will ever be,” Mona explained.

“So, because I’m a freak, I can contain darkness? But she tried to get me to put darkness into a Seer, right here in this office. She tried to make me infect someone.”  The memory crawled across my skin, causing me to shiver. The smell of burnt flesh lingered in my nose as I thought of Francesca and how I’d let the darkness consume her.

“Loopholes. There are always loopholes. You were, for lack of a better term, infected by Sonneillon’s darkness. As such, you were part demon. Demons are able to possess humans, Seers, and Guardians alike,”  Aberto supplied.