See How She Awakens (3 page)

“
Who are you?
”
my voice escaped in a cracked strain.

“
Do you not remember?
”
Fear laced the man
’
s voice. As I turned to look at the person carrying me, a flood swept over me. Emotions I
’
d longed to forget
—
love, fear, betrayal, truth. My already battered psyche was assaulted by everything I
’
d been trying to deny. 

“
Please let me go.
”
A choked sob reverberated through my body.
“
He
’
s gone. He
’
s gone forever now. You did that.
”

“
Izzy, it is not as simple as you seem to think.
”

Fire coursed through my veins as the man set me down, distancing himself. His demeanor was vastly different from the last time I
’
d seen him. Aberto. That was his name. He
’
d protected me, but he
’
d also lied. 

The Old One will lie,
the darkness whispered inside of me. The voice a twisting darkness that seemed to ooze with every syllable.
  He will betray you once more.  Don’t trust him.

“
GO AWAY!
”
I shouted. The voice was growing stronger. I hadn
’
t heard it like this in the void. Why had Aberto taken me away from my refuge?

“
I will never leave you again,
”
Aberto swore.
“
You may rail against me, vent your rage, tell me to leave a thousand times, but nothing will sway my resolve.
”
His face transformed, frightening me.  The way he looked at me, as though he wouldn
’
t be able to survive losing me again, made me want to run. I couldn
’
t do this. I
’
d lost everything.
“
Izzy, I would not survive losing you.
”
 

As Aberto lowered himself to the ground, he raised his knees, resting his arms across them so his head hung there. Defeat and exhaustion warring with one another.

He lies,
the darkness murmured.

“
STOP!
”
I screamed, curling in on myself.
“
GET OUT!
”
I could feel it churning within me, trying to stretch itself to consume the light left within me. I clawed at my stomach, trying to rip it away.

“
What is this? What has happened?
”
Aberto rose to move toward me. All emotion washed from his face. This Aberto I remembered well.  He was the one that had taught me to soul walk; that taught me my soul was not my own. He was ruthless. 

“
You should
’
ve left me in the void. Now everyone will perish.
”
Repressed tears swept forth, bringing with them the pain and loss that had been walled up within me for God only knew how long.

“
Why would you think that?
”
Aberto
’
s voice softened as he cradled my face in his hands. My eyes looked up to meet his, and I was sure he could see it. The darkness that lingered in the background, pushing me, twisting me into something I never wanted to be.

“
You see it, don
’
t you?
”
I pleaded with my eyes. I needed to know I wasn
’
t imagining it. That this wasn
’
t some sort of side effect of losing Kennan. 

I
’
d escaped to the void to deal with everything I
’
d lost. I thought I
’
d given enough to the world. I
’
d given it all. I floated for longer than I could remember. Then the voices had come, bringing with them the sensation that something lurked inside of me. Something that hadn
’
t been there before. At first, I
’
d thought I was going mad, that it was all a figment of my imagination. Then, I hoped it to be something that occurred when my soul ripped from my corporeal form; changing forever. Eventually, the truth settled in. I
’
d somehow absorbed Sonneillon
’
s darkness into my soul when I destroyed him. I lingered in the void, not just for Kennan, but for the fear of what may happen if I were to ever come out.

“
Izzy.
”
Aberto
’
s voice pulled me from my thoughts.  His brow creased as he looked back and forth between my eyes.
“
What is it you think I should see?
”

“
The darkness.
”
He didn
’
t see it. Maybe I truly was mad. 

He doesn’t believe you. If he can’t believe you, then you shouldn’t trust him.  He will just betray you,
the darkness whispered. 

Closing my eyes tightly I pushed the feelings back. 

He is the reason Kennan left you in the void. He is to blame for every time you lost Kennan.
, the darkness sing-songed.

“
Please, make it stop.
”
I clutched my head tightly, shaking it back and forth, hoping to somehow rid myself of the lingering words.

“
We must leave the dreaming, Izzy. You lingered in the void for too long.
”
Aberto rose suddenly, as if a mission had presented itself, and he was ready to pull me from the dreaming and get me back to myself. 

“
If you take me from this place, everyone will be in danger,
”
I promised. I didn
’
t know how long I would be able to repress the thoughts that wormed their way through my brain, or even how long I would know they weren
’
t my own thoughts. If I lost myself to the darkness completely, I didn
’
t know what might happen.

“
Everyone is in danger now, Izzy. Molly is dying.
”
Aberto
’
s hard gaze locked with my own.

He is just trying to trick you, Izzy,
came the voice again. 

“
How can she be dying? Why? Are you lying to me?
”
Not that he would answer the last question, but the doubt hovered just below the surface. 

“
She is dying because the darkness prevails.
”

“
But I fulfilled the prophecy; I fell,
”
I muttered, disbelief coating every word.

“
I believe the only way you will truly trust what I say is to come back with me.
”
 
Aberto softened his voice, as though he were attempting to placate a child. He
’
d used that voice on me when I was younger. I remembered.

“
If I leave, everyone will be in danger. Why can
’
t you understand? Why don
’
t you believe me?
”
 
Fear crackled through me, igniting sparks along my body. If I wasn
’
t careful I would burn the dreaming.

“
Then a bargain, perhaps?
”
 
Aberto tilted his head in challenge.

“
What sort of bargain?
”
I questioned.

He won’t honor his word. He is going to deceive you again. His words are nothing more than lies.
This from the darkness; the ever present reminder of my deepest fears.

“
If you come back with me, and do not find what I have said to be true, I will return you to the void myself.
”
Aberto leveled me with his gaze. I knew his word was stone. He
’
d proven that countless times. No matter what the darkness might want me to believe, I still trusted Aberto wouldn
’
t break his oath.

“
I don
’
t know that I will be able to help.
”
The honest truth, as painful as it was, finally spoken. 

“
You will never know if you remain here. Come back with me,
”
Aberto pleaded.

“
I have your word you will return me?
”

“
You do.
”
Aberto pulled me to his chest, wrapping himself around me. The pull of the dreaming swirled around us as we were thrust back onto the plane I
’
d never wanted to see again.

We surfaced from the dreaming just outside of the Order. Fear clenched my gut as a thousand images flashed before my mind. This was the last place I’d been with Kennan, and now it stood as a crumbling monument to all I’d lost. Kennan’s voice skirted through my mind; the memory of him asking for just one more day echoing as we moved closer to the house. He’d known he would die, and yet he’d still gone. Everything he’d done was to protect me, so that I could live. But how could I live without him?

Choking back hot tears, I promised myself it would be over soon. Aberto had given me his word. I could be back in the void soon. Back with Kennan. No—he’d left. He’d left because of something Aberto had said. What had he said? My thoughts were so disjointed. Nothing made sense.

“We must get inside.” Aberto’s voice interrupted my thoughts as he opened the door, doing his best to get me into the old rickety house.

Memories rooted me in place, turning my feet into lead. Necessity pushed me; the promise of returning to the void the only thing that propelled me to move. As I took the first steps toward the house, I knew. If I took these steps, everything would change. The moment definitive, there would be no going back. I’d tried that and failed, so I would move forward. Perhaps there I could find the peace I sought.

As my foot crossed the threshold, the house fell into an eerie silence. All eyes seemed to turn toward me at once. I wasn’t sure what they saw. I searched the faces for someone—anyone—that might be feeling the same loss I felt. Conall came into view, his shoulders slumped, defeat etched across his face. But when his eye connected with mine, his posture straightened and determination replaced defeat. He would be disappointed; they all would. I couldn’t help them. My very presence brought nothing more than pain and destruction. I would hurt every last one of them.

They don
’
t deserve your help. What did they do for you? They took you from your life and made you soar before stealing everything you held dear,
the darkness whispered.  The truth of the statement echoed in my mind.  I’d lost so much, and all of it because of what I am, what I was.

“Izzy?” My aunt’s half-choked sob pulled me from the dark words.

“Hello, Mona.”  I turned to face my aunt as she moved towards me. Everything about the way she moved said she wanted to embrace me. Panic welled within me. What if the darkness fled from me only to take root inside of her? I couldn’t let that happen. Just as she moved to wrap her arms around me, I sifted myself backward, reappearing a few feet from where I’d been seconds before, the action an unconscious reflex to my fear. I didn’t even know I was capable of doing it.

“Izzy?” Mona’s question was filled with hurt.

“Please. I don’t want to be touched.” I pleaded with my eyes. If Aberto didn’t believe me about the darkness, how would she?

“I understand.” Mona’s demeanor shifted.  All emotions fled as her back straightened and her face morphed into a black mask.  “Molly is this way.”

In less time than it took to take a single breath, Mona had changed from my aunt back into the leader of the Order.