Seeing Julia (41 page)

“Yes. You did.” Jake looks dazed for a moment by what I’ve said. Then, he takes my hand. “Just know I’m here with you because I want to be. I know you helped my parents for all the right reasons that had nothing to do with me. Kimberley said I just need to let you talk, and so you have, and I just want to say: I
brought
you something from L.A., too. You told me to write down what I had to say in a note. So I did,
weeks
ago.”

He lets go of me and reaches into the pocket of his jeans and pulls out a folded paper. A nice vellum paper that looks miraculously familiar. It’s the note card, I sent him from Paris along with the origami crane mobile. He’s taking his time with this folded vellum note. I feel like I’m going to pass out. I feel like I’m going to, at the very least, hyperventilate, so I rest the side of my face against the coolness of his leather sofa and close my eyes because it’s all become a little bit too much.

“I don’t know where this is going,” I say.

“Just a second, I’ll show you.” He takes my hand again. I open my eyes. He opens the palm of my hand and places the folded note card on it. “My note,” he says. “You told me to write down what I had to say. So I did, forty-four days ago, in L.A.” I’m looking down at the folded note in my hand, while Jake unfolds it. “This is all I need.”

He’s written the word
you
and taped a diamond ring around it.

I stare at the word
you
and the engagement ring. Slowly, I level my gaze upon him. What he’s written on the note and taped to it reaches for me at a soul level. It causes me to express my innermost thought aloud. “I trust you.”

“You already gave me a gift,” he says in wonder. He slowly smiles, pointing to the kite he’s placed near the back door ready to fly tomorrow.

Love for him just courses through me. It’s like an exquisite narcotic, eliminating all the pain, all the loss, and all the heartbreak, all at once. Joy surges in. I’m not completely sure I can handle this exchange of recognizable pain for absolute bliss. I lean back against his sofa and trail an arm over my face, while shock reverberates through me.

I hear him tearing the tape from the note. I peek out from the shield of my arm and confirm this. “I’ve had this ring for a long time,” he says. “Since, I was seventeen.” I lower my arm, unable to look away from him now. “I was going to wait. Kimberly thought it would be best to wait.” Jake gazes at me closely. “But, I don’t think so. I think twelve years is long enough.”

“Jake,” I manage to say in this raspy voice.

One second he’s sitting right next to me and in the next he’s kneeling at my feet, taking my hand, and slipping the ring on my finger. I’m still too stunned to get any more words out beyond his name. “I’ve already checked on marriage licenses in East Hampton. We have to wait twenty-four hours after we fill out the paperwork, but I don’t want to wait any longer than that. Maybe, until Monday, that’s it. Do you? I want to fly a kite and hang out on the beach with you and Reid. I want us to be a family. I want to start now.” He hesitates, probably related in some way to my weighty silence, which effectively unsettles us both. “Of course, my family, especially Laylie Winston, is going to want a big thing in Austin. We’ll have to do both. Okay?”

The last part, the mentioning of his mother, has me reeling again. All these insecurities return. Maybe, Jon and Laylie Winston wanted Savannah Bennett for a daughter-in-law. The Hamilton’s disdain for me still stings, a constant reminder. “I’m not Savannah. I’m not Elizabeth,” I say, before I can stop myself.

“I don’t want you to be,” he says. “Julia, baby, what are you
talking
about? My parents
love
you; have always loved you, just like I do.”

Jake traces my jaw line again, the bridge of my nose. He settles in next to me and takes me into his arms, while remorse courses through me because I’ve ruined the big moment. He’s asked me to marry him and I still haven’t said anything. Yet, instead of being angry with me, he’s reassuring me.

“We’ll figure it out. We’ll take it slow. Okay? I shouldn’t have asked you, yet. It’s too soon. Kimberley’s right. You’re not ready for all of this.” He waves an arm around the room and I shiver missing the warmth of him already. “I’ve never loved anyone else like you.”

I turn in his arms and study his fine face. The new Julia answers. “I’ve never loved anyone else like you either. So
yes
, let’s get married,” I say, allowing the incredible bliss to rush in at just saying the words.

≈
≈*

“Why should you two get to enjoy each other’s company, while the rest of us are entertaining employees? I realize you two have a lot to
talk
about, but I’m just checking in.

I force myself to laugh. “Fine. We’re
fine
.”

Jake’s looking at me intently, making it difficult to concentrate on anything else other than what we were about to do to each other, causing a new round of panic inside of me.
Am I ready for this? For him?
I watch him carry our champagne flutes outside on the deck and breathe a subtle sigh of relief.

“I’ve barely had time to declare my feelings, kiss the man, accept his proposal, and then you’re calling me interrupting absolutely everything.”

“You said
absolutely
.” How Kimberley is able to laser right in on my insecurities is an amazing talent only she possesses. “Are you
okay
? And what do you mean by his
proposal
? Are you getting
married
? I thought he was going to wait.”

“We’re not waiting. We’re getting married soon, maybe even this weekend.”

“You said
absolutely
. Maybe, you need to slow it down, Julia.”

“I’m through with slowing down.” My voice trembles; doubt comes for me. My clairvoyant friend can hear it all the way in Manhattan.

“Oh Julia. You haven’t even slept with him yet; have you?”

The disquiet reverberates from deep inside of me.
What am I doing?
“We’re working on it. We’re going to test those waters.”

I don’t even get a chance to really dwell on the fallibility of her argument that she’s been holding out on Brad. I think the idea of me marrying Jake so soon has caught her completely off guard. Kimberley is the self-indulgent one among us. I’m the very definition of self-control, except when it comes to Jake, apparently. My bravado wanes further at this silent admission. What
am
I doing?

“You know what your problem is? You haven’t done this in a long while,” she says gently. “I know you. You’re busy putting up every obstacle you can think of to ensure it doesn’t happen and generally freaking out.”

“The new Julia doesn’t freak out,” I say airily. “And, are we talking about me or you? Because I’m
fine
on this end.” But, my voice trembles and I know she hears it.

“Maybe, both of us,” she finally says. “Look, you took my call. You didn’t have to.” She sighs. “Is it going to be too much to ask for you to
wait
until Brad and I get there before you marry him? And, maybe, wait for Steph and Christian, too?”

“I can wait for all of you. We have to wait twenty-four hours after the marriage license application is accepted in East Hampton. It might be as late as Monday.”

“East Hampton? I just can’t believe you’re rushing into this,” she says in a daze. “At least sleep with him first to ensure you’re sexually compatible.”

The absurdity of what she’s just said finally reaches me. I start to laugh and the overwhelming doubts about all of it— me, Jake, sex—disappear. “Are we talking about me or you?”

“I’m not sure,” she says. “Brad and I will be out in the morning. We’ll do breakfast first; and then, talk about your future.”

“My future is certain. So is yours,” I say. “And, we’re at Jake’s place. Do you know how to find it?”

“I’ll find it. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. I’m great. Fabulous.” I laugh because the surety of Jake has finally hit me.

“It’s all happening so fast,” she says.

“I know, but it feels right, most of the time, when my best friend isn’t freaking me out, unnecessarily. Sexually compatible,” I say with a silly laugh “My God, Kimmy, look at him. What’s not going to be compatible?”

“Jake loves you, you know. He told me that,” she says.

“He
told
you? When?”

“This afternoon before he left. He was beside himself that you’d left and so intent on catching up to you. He said he’s always loved you. And Julia? I believe him. Just
wait
for me; okay? I want to be there when you say “I do” and start this new normal life of yours.”

“I want you to be there. Hey, Kimmy?” I say, taking a deep cleansing breath. “Thanks.”

“Okay…” she says with a little hesitation. “I’m off to the suite with Brad, so
don’t
call
.”

“What happened to the celibacy idea?” I ask.

“I think you just changed my mind about all of that,” she says with a nervous laugh. “Maybe L.A.
did
change all of us,” she says. “Probably
you
, most of all, but maybe, all of us in some way. Go, Julia. Go greet your life with him. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Not too early.”

“Not too early,” Kimmy says with a little laugh. “It will probably be more like noon.”

≈ ≈

Jake is out on the deck, leaning against the railing staring out at the dark ocean. The roaring of the Atlantic greets me as I walk toward him. Now, I’m secure in the knowledge that I will love him for the rest of my life and have come to accept that there are no guarantees in how long that might be, but time with him is all I want and need.

If there’s a look of love, I see it on Jake’s face, when he turns at my approach. It’s there in the way his lips part, when his eyes connect with mine, and track my every movement. There’s this sense of expectation, significance, even permanence that we share between us when our eyes meet. He’s seems to grow more uncertain as I draw closer to him. I grab his hand. It’s warm with a hint of heat and sweat. I’m a little surprised to discover he’s nervous. The man can stop traffic and have any girl in any room he’s in.