#Selfie (Hashtag Series Book 4) (19 page)

Romeo relaxed and clapped me on the back. “I know.”

I gave him and incredulous look. “You know? I could’ve nailed you right in the face, dude.”

He grinned. “You could have. But you didn’t. You’re not as uncontrollable as you think, B. You’re not as dangerous.”

“It only takes one time,” I murmured. “One hit. One moment, and then everything would be gone.”

“So what’re you gonna do, then? Let her go? Sleep around forever? If you’re already hurting this much after two weeks, it’s gonna be worse later. If she’s the one you want, then you have to fight for it.”

“He called, Rome,” I said, my voice breaking a little. “He fucking brought it all back up.”

Romeo followed the change in topic with ease. He knew what was going on. Maybe better than I did.

He stepped close, his voice low. “He doesn’t own you. He never will. If shit’s turned up now, then take the opportunity to bury it. Bury it so deep it won’t matter anymore.”

I nodded.

Romeo caught me in a hug, right there in the open. Two dudes hugging in the grass.

It was like a romance movie no one ever wanted to see.

Someone catcalled at us, and I pulled back to shoot them the finger.

“They’re just jealous of what we have,” Romeo said with a big cheese-eating grin on his face.

“Dude, you are not right.”

“Think about what I said, huh?”

I nodded.

“And I know you got a lot going on.”

I held up my hand, already knowing what he was gonna say. “You know I’ll watch out for her, man.”

“Thanks.” Romeo’s voice was genuine. “If you need anything while I’m gone, call. I might play for the Knights now, but I’ll always be Team Braeden.”

I grabbed my package and gave it a little shake. Romeo looked at me funny. “I’m just checking to make sure I still had this. Making sure all your sappy talk didn’t shrivel it up.”

Romeo roared.

“Better check your shit. I’m not explaining to your girl why you can’t perform in the bedroom all the sudden.”

Romeo grabbed his junk and grunted. “Still fucking huge.”

“Shit, you know my dick is bigger than yours.”

“If that’s what you need to believe,” Romeo said and threw my bag at me. I caught it with no problem.

“I don’t need to believe nothing. I know.”

We walked around the building and onto the sidewalk where people hurried to class.

“I’ll see you Saturday for the scrimmage.” He turned toward the parking lot.

“Don’t worry about Rim. I’ll make sure she’s okay.”

He nodded. “And you are, too. I can live with whatever you decide to do. Just make sure you can also.”

I nodded and he walked away.

I honestly always thought I had it figured out. I knew where my life was going and who I was.

But now I wasn’t so sure.

Ivy

After my last class of the day, I went to the room and tucked Prada into an oversized bag. I walked a good ways away from the dorms, away from the main buildings, and into a large grassy area near the indoor football field.

Once we were there, I put Prada in the grass and let her play. I felt bad for keeping her in the room. I did take her out as much as I could, and Rimmel took her to the shelter when she was working.

Sometimes I worried she’d get adopted while she was there with Rim and she wouldn’t come back. I knew I shouldn’t, but I’d grown attached to the puppy. Not like it was hard to do. Seemed like it was easy to get attached to lots of things I shouldn’t these days.

I watched her hop in the grass and chase after a cricket she’d somehow found.

Today had been hard. I couldn’t really put my finger on why, other than the guilt I felt about what I did with Braeden and how Missy was going to feel when she found out.

I knew now that I probably should tell her. I didn’t want to, but that only served as another reason I should. Lies put distance between friends, and I didn’t want that. There was a big chance she’d hate me, and if she did, I was going to have to accept it, because the bottom line was I was the one who messed up.

I was tired of messing up.

I thought Zach had been my wakeup call. And then I slept with Braeden.

Funny how both haunted me but for very different reasons.

I still dreamed about Zach, and they came more frequently lately, which I think was guilt, too. I knew Rimmel said I shouldn’t blame myself for what happened, but part of me always would. Beyond that, I felt guilty on my own behalf. Guilty for what I did to myself when I let him touch me.

Sometimes I still can’t believe I did.

I’d never been that drunk before, so drunk I couldn’t remember what happened. So drunk I just let someone like him come back to my room and had sex with him.

Inside my bag, my phone started ringing. Pulling it out, I looked at the screen. It was my brother. I hit the ignore button and tossed it back inside. I didn’t want to talk to him right now either. He’d know something was off and then he’d demand to know what it was.

The last thing I wanted to do was explain to my brother about everything that had been going on in my life.

Prada barked, and I laughed. “You silly girl!” I told her and sat down in the grass. When she attacked my shoe, I took it off and let her “chew” it. I thought about the other night when she attacked Braeden’s.

He didn’t want me to go out with Trent. And the way he kissed me…

I forced the thoughts away.

Braeden and I were over, over before we even got started. I was going to come clean to Missy and hope she could forgive me. Then I was going to go out with Trent and give him a chance. He might not make me feel so turned inside-out like Braeden, but maybe that was a good thing.

After a while, I picked Prada up and went back to the room. When we got there, she ate and burrowed in my bed to nap. I worked on some homework and then lay down with some reading I was supposed to do.

It was boring and I fell asleep.

I dreamt about Braeden. About the words he whispered that night at the beach. I dreamt of the stars and the waves, and of his hands. When I woke up, my hands were sweaty and my breasts felt tender. How could just the memory of him arouse me?

I shook off the dream as best I could and realized the room was dark. I hadn’t meant to sleep so long; I was supposed to be at Romeo’s. I jumped up and grabbed a bag to throw in some clothes, shower stuff, and everything else I’d need for class the next morning.

When I was done, I packed up Prada’s little things and texted Rimmel that I’d be there in just a few minutes.

As I drove, it was far too easy to slip back into thoughts of the dream I had. The sky was dark, and my headlights created the only illumination on the road. Occasionally, I passed another car, but when I turned off the main road and into the neighborhood I drove through to get to Romeo’s, there were even less cars, making me feel like I was alone.

I wondered how long Missy would be at practice tonight and if I would have enough guts to come clean when she arrived. I was glad Rimmel and I would have some time alone before Missy came, because I needed to talk to someone and I knew she would understand.

Well, maybe not understand, but she wouldn’t judge me.

I was almost to Romeo’s when Prada made a little noise. She was in the carrier that was Murphy’s. I managed to smuggle it out of the dorm without anyone seeing. I figured it would be comforting for her to sleep in since we were going to be somewhere she wasn’t familiar with.

The carrier was on the passenger-side floor of the car. I glanced down and told her we were almost there.

When I looked back up, something large and fast darted out from the bushes on the side of the road.

I screamed and jerked the wheel, trying to avoid whatever it was.

But my attempts were futile.

AKA an epic failure.

Something hard slammed into the front end of my car. I screamed on impact. The crunching sound of metal was deafening, and I slammed on the brakes. The car fishtailed wildly, then came to a stop.

My hands griped the steering wheel so hard my knuckles were white. My body was so tense it hurt and my lungs gasped for air like I’d just been strangled.

After a few moments of me just sitting there in shock, I forced my fingers to release the wheel. I tried to reach for my phone, but I was trapped against the seat. I fumbled for the seatbelt release and hit it; my body sagged forward and my shoulder screamed in relief. I had no idea it locked up so tightly on me.

I made sure Prada was okay, lifting the carrier to the passenger seat and turning on the overhead light inside the car. She was okay, and I exhaled in relief. It was a good thing she’d been in this protective case.

Once the original shock of the accident passed, I was able to think more clearly. I realized I was sitting on the side of a darkened road, and I was alone. I could get out and walk over the little bridge I’d just gone over and knock on someone’s door.

Or I could just use my cell.

I liked that idea better.

I was close to Romeo’s. I could just call Rimmel. I’d let her know what happened and… Wait. My car was still running. I could just drive there.

But then I remembered. I hit something.

Or rather something hit me.

My brain was slow and scrambled, and I looked out the windshield to the area surrounding my car. What had I hit?

Was someone injured? Did they need help?

Oh my God, what if they were dead?

I swallowed back my panic as my eyes searched. I didn’t see another car or hear anyone yelling for help.

But then I saw something.

A flickering shadow against the bright beams of my headlights. It wasn’t quite in the center, but more on the edge of the light. Yet once I looked upon it, it was impossible to look away.

I unlatched my door and got out on unsteady legs. Clutching my phone in my hand, I moved around the front of the car, staring, hearing the sounds of a struggle.

Then I saw the blood.

And I started to cry.

Braeden

I laughed when I pulled up to Romeo’s place.

His lime-green Hellcat was parked right in its place, looking as spotless as ever.

It probably killed him to leave that car here for Rim to drive. He was probably sweating through his shirt worrying about what she was gonna do to it while he was gone.

But he left it anyway.

Said a lot about him and how he felt for Rim.

I sent him a text with a pic of the car.

YOU’RE WHIPPED.

A few seconds later, he replied.

SCREW YOU.

I laughed and walked up to the red front door. It swung open before I could knock. “Hey, tutor girl.”

“Hey, Braeden. Thanks for coming over.”

“Why don’t ya call Rome? Tell him ya wrecked the Cat. I wanna see what he does.” I grinned and rubbed my hands together.

Rimmel smacked me in the ribs. “I will not! You’re mean.”

“You love me,” I told her and tugged her ponytail.

“Yes, I do.”

“Why?” I asked abruptly. The words came right out, like diarrhea.

Rimmel stopped on her way to the kitchen and glanced over her shoulder at me. She was wearing a pair of sweatpants that were so big I was surprised they stayed up. On her feet were a pair of white furry-looking slippers, her hair was in a crooked ponytail, and of course, she was wearing Rome’s hoodie.

“I got lots of reasons,” she replied.

“Well, I am impossibly good-looking,” I said, trying to make light of the question.

Rimmel snorted and went on into the kitchen. I followed along behind her. “I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.”

“Say what?”

She held out a soda and I nodded. The can came flying at my head, and I snatched it out of the air.

“You trying to deform all of this?” I asked, waving to my face.

“Sometimes I think you’re too good-looking for your own good.”

“You hitting on me?” I teased. “I’m gonna have to call Rome.” I pulled out my phone, and she snatched it away and set it on the counter.

“Your jokes won’t make me forget the question.”

“Will beer?”

She uncapped a water and took a sip. “I assume you’re asking because you somehow got it in your head you aren’t lovable.”

“Oh, I know I am,” I cracked. But then I added, “I just wonder how long it will take for my lovable-ness to fade.”

Rimmel set the water aside and crossed her arms over her chest. Murphy came in the room and slid around my legs before going over and doing the same to Rimmel.

“I talked to your mom after dinner the other night.”

“Romeo told me.” I popped the top to the soda and took a long sip. The carbonation burned my throat as I gulped it.

“I’m sure it’s really hard to talk about, so we don’t have to.”

“If you got questions, sis, I got answers.”

“I do have one,” she said.

I braced myself. “Shoot.”

“Do you think I love easily?”

I heard the question, but it took a minute for me to understand. Why would she ask me that?

I cleared my throat. “Honestly, after everything I’ve learned about you, I don’t. Sometimes I’m surprised as hell you let Rome in.”

“But he isn’t the only one I let in.”

I blinked.

“I let you in, too.”

I was starting to see where she was going with this.

“I’ve been hurt a lot in my life, B. I’ve been lied to, used, taken advantage of. I’ve been attacked and made fun of… You know.”

“Yeah.” My voice was low. “I do know.” And it pissed me off to no end.

“I planned to live my whole life alone. With animals and my career. I never wanted to let anyone in. I vowed I wouldn’t. But then Romeo came along. And you know that wasn’t easy either.”

“Rim—”

She held up her hand. I shut my mouth.

“And then there was you. Charming, obnoxious, and frankly, a dog.”

“You do like dogs.”

“I have a cat,” she pointed out.

I laughed.

“But that’s not all you are. It isn’t who you are. You might not know it, but underneath your temper—which I finally understand by the way—underneath your jokes and your charm… you’re real. You’re soft, and I think you feel way more than most people do.”

I set down my soda. I felt like those glasses of hers had X-ray vision. I didn’t like it. It made me uncomfortable.

“I think you know me letting anyone in, me loving anyone is a pretty big deal. But yet here you are. My BBFL. Big brother for life. I’m pretty sure for life implies your lovable-ness will never go away.”

“But what if it does?” I whispered.

“What if it doesn’t?”

“You know our talks are a lot different than mine and Rome’s.”

A smile tugged at her mouth and her head tilted. “In what way?”

I shrugged. “We usually hit each other.”

She snorted and pulled her arm up to make a muscle. “You don’t wanna take this on.”

I pulled her into a hug. “You sure know how to make a guy feel better.”

Her laugh was muffled against my shirt. The doorbell rang, and I stiffened. She pulled back. “I ordered Chinese takeout. I’ll go pay.”

I followed her to the door and then made her move back so I could answer it. It was a Chinese dude with some boxes and bags. Rimmel muttered something beneath her breath about me being an idiot and pushed me away so she could pay and smile politely at the man.

“Thank you!” she said.

He smiled at her. I slammed the door in his face.

“You have very bad manners,” she told me.

Wasn’t the first time I heard that.

“You hungry?” she called.

“You know I am.”

“I got enough for all of us.”

I remembered her telling Ivy she’d see her tonight. “You know, I’m not that hungry after all. Think I’m gonna go.”

Rimmel set down the food and turned to face me. Her hands went on her hips and she glared at me. “You’re eating. Wash your hands.”

“You bossing me?”

“You disobeying?”

I went and washed my hands. When I came back out, she smiled sweetly and handed over all the food. “Let’s eat in the living room, and you can tell me what’s going on with you and Ivy.”

I made a choking sound and felt my eyes nearly fall out of my head. “What makes you think there’s something going on?”

She just smiled and patted my chest. Then she disappeared into the bathroom to wash her hands.