Sentence of Marriage (13 page)

She found a suitable place on the hill behind the farmhouse, where a hedge would put her out of sight of the house but she would still be within earshot if Susannah wanted to call her. She sat under a tree that would shelter her from most of the sun and settled herself comfortably. Amy was soon so engrossed in her reading that she gave a small cry when Lizzie plumped down beside her.

‘Lizzie, you gave me a fright! Why didn’t you call out first?’

‘I thought you’d seen me. I should have known you’d have your nose in a book. I had to ask Madam where you were—she didn’t know, she didn’t seem very interested, either. Then I just caught sight of you when I was heading back home. What are you doing hiding up here?’

‘I’m not exactly hiding, just keeping out of the way.’

‘It’s a bit much when you can’t sit in your own house, and you’ve got to go under a tree instead.’

‘It’s worth it for a bit of peace and quiet. It’s nice out here, anyway.’

‘Yes, it’s nice today.’ Lizzie stretched her legs out in front of her. ‘But what are you going to do in winter? Sit in the cow shed?’

‘Maybe,’ Amy laughed. ‘I don’t know, maybe things’ll sort themselves out. Susannah’s in a better temper today, so Pa will be happier too.’

‘Are things pretty bad?’ Lizzie asked, searching Amy’s face. ‘Have you fallen out with Uncle Jack?’

‘Sort of. But it’s all right now. Don’t worry.’ Amy decided it would be better not to tell Lizzie about her punishment. ‘Susannah’s been pretty weepy off and on lately—did you notice anything different about her?’

‘What, you mean about her having a baby? I’ve known that for ages,’ Lizzie said in a superior way. ‘I wondered when you’d finally catch on.’

‘Oh.’ Amy said, crestfallen. ‘You might have told me.’

‘I thought I’d see how long it took you to think of it. What are you reading?’ Lizzie asked, peering over Amy’s shoulder at the open book.

‘It’s lovely, Lizzie, listen to this:

“In Xanadu did Kubla Khan

A stately pleasure-dome decree:

Where Alph, the sacred river, ran

Through caverns measureless to man

Down to a sunless sea.”

Isn’t that beautiful?’

Lizzie looked at her dubiously. ‘Alf? Like my brother? What sort of name is that for a river?’

‘Oh, you’re hopeless, Lizzie,’ Amy said, shutting her book. ‘It’s Alph, A-L-P-H.’

‘Where’s Xanadu, anyway?’

‘I’m not sure, it might be a made-up name. Isn’t it lovely, though?’

‘Not really,’ said Lizzie. ‘I like poems about
love
and things. You should read some like that, then you might grow up a bit and start thinking about your
future
instead of reading about rivers with stupid names.’

‘So what’s love, anyway?’ Amy asked idly. The day was warm, and she was feeling too lazy to bother being irritated by Lizzie.

‘What sort of a question is that? Love’s about people getting married and having babies. That’s what you should be thinking about.’

Amy pictured her father’s face, with the bewildered expression he so often seemed to wear now, and Susannah’s alternating smiles and floods of tears. ‘Like Pa and Susannah, you mean? I’m not sure I’m very keen on love.’

‘It’s better than being an old maid—Aunt Susannah seemed to think so, anyway.’

I wonder what she thinks about it now
. ‘Do you love Frank, Lizzie?’

‘Not yet, I don’t know him well enough. But I will.’

‘What if you don’t?’

‘I just will, that’s all.’

In the face of such certainty Amy admitted defeat.

‘I’ve decided he should come to my house next,’ Lizzie said. ‘But I haven’t quite figured out how to manage it yet.’

‘Really?’ Amy affected amazement. ‘That’s not like you.’

‘I’ve started dropping a few hints to Ma,’ Lizzie went on, ignoring the interruption. ‘You know, lonely men living by themselves and all that, but it hasn’t sunk in yet. The trouble is I’d probably have to get Pa to invite him, and I don’t know if he would.’ She lapsed into silence, pondering the problem.

*

Jack came into the kitchen while Amy was helping Susannah make dinner. Amy saw his wary expression relax when he observed the two of them working together without apparent animosity. It was so good to see the relief on his face that Amy decided the self-composed Susannah was preferable, even if it meant she had to put up with being exulted over.

‘Are you feeling all right, Susannah?’ he asked. ‘Not too much for you, working in this heat?’

‘It’s a little wearing,’ Susannah said, ‘but Amy’s being quite a help today. Her manners are really much improved.’

‘That’s my girl.’ Jack gave Amy a look of such gratitude that she felt it was worth being as meek as Susannah wanted. She could put up with a lot if it meant she did not have to see that disappointment in his face again.

‘Yes,’ Susannah continued as if Amy was not in the room, ‘a few more lessons like that and she’ll turn into a nice little girl.’

‘Now, Susannah, don’t go saying that,’ said Jack. ‘Amy knows she did wrong, she won’t do it again, so there’ll be no need for anything like that again. You just forget about the whole thing.’

Amy thought Susannah looked disposed to argue the point. ‘Well,’ her stepmother said rather huffily, ‘I’m sure I hope it won’t be necessary again, but I don’t think you can train a child with one lesson.’

‘All right, I’ve heard enough about it,’ Jack said. ‘Is dinner nearly ready?’

Susannah started moving plates around in a show of industry, but Amy could see a glitter in the woman’s eyes that contrasted with her apparent composure. She wondered how long it would be before the hysterical Susannah returned.

*

As February wore on Amy kept a wary eye on Susannah’s moods, talking to her as little as possible and spending as much time as she could away from her in the garden or the dairy.

For a long time Amy couldn’t see that Susannah was looking any different. She began to wonder if she had misunderstood her father, though that would mean Lizzie was mistaken too. By the end of the month she thought Susannah was perhaps lacing a little less tightly, although there was still no discernible bulge.

‘What are you looking at?’ Susannah asked one day, watching Amy through narrowed eyes, and Amy realised she had been staring.

‘Nothing, I was just thinking about what we’d have for dinner.’

‘Doesn’t take much thinking about—it’ll be mutton again, I expect.’ Amy resisted the temptation to ask if Susannah would prefer chicken.

Susannah was wearing one of her closest-fitting dresses that day. She pulled at her skirts as though the dress was twisted uncomfortably. ‘It’s very hot in here,’ she complained.

Amy opened a window, but Susannah twitched at the bodice of her dress. ‘I think this has shrunk, it’s cutting into me. I’ll have to get another one made.’

‘I could… I mean, would you like me to let it out for you a bit?’

‘No. You’ll only ruin it, and I want to wear it again next year.’

You won’t be able to wear it again if it’s shrunk, will you?

Susannah pounced on Jack as soon as he entered the room for lunch. ‘I need some new dresses.’

‘That’s no problem,’ said Jack. ‘Come into town with me tomorrow and you can get some bits and pieces.’

‘I hope that dressmaker’s quick with her needle,’ Susannah fretted. ‘I’m sick of this dress.’ She pulled at the bodice again.

‘Can’t you make something yourself?’ Jack asked.

‘I don’t sew,’ Susannah snapped, ‘and I haven’t the time to learn now.’

‘Amy would make something for you, wouldn’t you, girl?’

‘If you want me to, Susa—Ma,’ Amy said dubiously.

‘No, I
don’t
want something a child runs up in the evenings,’ Susannah said. ‘Why can’t I have something nice?’

‘Well, it just seems a waste of money when Amy could do it for you, and you won’t wear it for long, anyway.’

‘I can’t wear my nice clothes any more, and you don’t want me to look nice! You want me to look like an old frump!’ Tears filled Susannah’s eyes.

‘Hey, hey, of course I don’t… don’t cry… hang it all, if it means that much to you you’d better get one made. Just one dress, mind.’

‘One’s not many,’ Susannah said, looking rebellious.

‘It’ll have to do for now. If you really need any more, get Amy to make one. That dressmaker you’re on about can only make one at a time, anyway.’

Susannah gave in, though not graciously. She went into town with Jack to order her new dress, and in another week she duly brought home a gown of soft silk—
foulard
, Susannah said the fabric was called—printed with tiny yellow flowers, with cream lace at the neck and cuffs and yellow ribbon bows around the hem.

Amy could see it was a little larger than Susannah’s other clothes, but she wondered how long it would be of any use. She tried to think back to how her Aunt Edie had looked two years earlier when she was carrying Ernie; she remembered Edie had seemed huge to her, and she and Lizzie had had to pretend they knew nothing about the pregnancy even when Aunt Edie was going about the house in what looked like a giant flour sack. Susannah still didn’t seem to eat very much, though, so perhaps she would not swell up as much as Edie had.

*

‘She’s getting fat,’ said Harry. He and Amy were standing together, watching Jack help Susannah out of the buggy after a trip to town. ‘It’s because she’s so lazy, lying in bed half the day.’

Amy looked at Susannah. Yes, she had definitely thickened around the middle. Amy could see that the new dress was now only just wearable; she supposed that meant Susannah would soon be confined to the house. That would probably mean her stepmother’s temper would become even more uncertain.

‘She’s still got a bony-looking face,’ Harry said, looking puzzled, ‘but she’s got a fat belly.’ His face fell suddenly. ‘Oh, hell, I hope she’s not going to have a kid. That’s just what I need, a bawling baby as well as a bawling woman. Is she going to, Amy?’

‘I’m not allowed to talk about it,’ Amy said, feeling her face go red.

‘That means she is, then. Blast her! And blast Pa for getting sucked in by her. Silly old—’

‘Stop it, Harry, I don’t like it when you talk like that.’

‘It’s true, isn’t it?’

‘It doesn’t do any good complaining about it—it just makes it worse, really. Anyway, it’s not your problem if she is going to… if there is a child coming.’

‘Huh!’ Harry said in disgust. ‘You ask Bill some time about what it’s like to have a baby crying half the night—none of them got much sleep for a while when Ernie came along.’

‘Well, there’s no point worrying about all that before we have to,’ said Amy.

Amy did not know when the baby was expected, and she was not allowed to ask, but she noticed that Susannah was putting aside all the dresses she had brought from Auckland one by one as they became too small, and Amy could see that even Susannah’s new dress was getting tighter and tighter.

At the beginning of April, Amy looked at Susannah one morning when they were making lunch together and she saw that the yellow dress was straining around the middle, with at least one button threatening to pull off.

Susannah looked up from setting the table. ‘Why are you staring at me like that?’

Amy hesitated, trying to decide the right thing to do. ‘Susannah, isn’t that dress hurting you?’ she asked abruptly.

‘Why should it be?’ Susannah turned away from her. ‘You mind your own business.’

‘Well, it’s too tight—Susannah, I’m not trying to annoy you, really I’m not, but you look so uncomfortable with the seams straining like that.’ Susannah turned back to stare at Amy. To her dismay, Amy saw that Susannah’s eyes were glittering and her knuckles were white where she gripped the plate.

But it was too late to stop now, so she ploughed on. ‘Can’t I help you? Please, Susannah. I could let that one out, or I could make you another one—or maybe you could get another one made.’

‘A
sack
, you mean—you all want me to wear sacks now. Even that stupid dressmaker wanted to make this dress too big. And your father won’t let me have any more dresses made.’ She ended in what was very nearly a wail.

‘Then let me make you one—you could have it in whatever material you like—it wouldn’t look horrible if I made it in nice material.’

‘Yes it
would
—everything looks awful on me now—you want me to look horrible!’

‘Of course I don’t, I love seeing your nice clothes, I just think you should—’

‘I don’t
care
what you think,’ Susannah screamed. With a sudden movement, she flung the plate.

Amy ducked too late, but Susannah’s aim was poor, and the plate smashed harmlessly on the floor. They both stared at the fragments of china, and for a moment Susannah looked horrified at what she had done. Then she turned on Amy. ‘You made me do that! You and your nasty remarks about what I look like, and what I should wear. You’re trying to drive me mad, aren’t you?’