Seven Nights with Her Ex (11 page)

* * *

A few hours later they had been given their coordinates and were walking to their first checkpoint. Or so Beau hoped. Gray was the one reading the map and leading the way and she was putting her trust in him totally.

Feels familiar. And look where it got me before!

‘Er... Gray? Could I just glance at the map?'

‘Well, that depends...'

‘On...?'

‘On how often you've used a map to navigate across country.'

She let out a tense breath and glared at him. ‘I made it from Oxford to Heathrow in one piece.'

‘By GPS?'

‘It can't be that hard! Could I just have a look?'

He handed her the map with a smile on his face. ‘There you go. You're in charge.'

She nodded with satisfaction and glanced at the map. She'd expected a few place names, splodges of green for woodlands and trees, maybe patches of blue to mark out lakes and blue lines for rivers. This map
had
all of those things—but it also had other lines that went all over the place. And where were the grid references...? 1...2...3... It was all numbers!

She bit her lip, her eyes scanning the map, looking for some sort of point of reference that was familiar with their surroundings. ‘Is this even the right map?'

‘You have to know our longitude and latitude to start with.'

‘Which is where again?'

She wouldn't look him in the eye. So he stood by her side and pointed at a small spot on the map. ‘Just there.'

‘And we're heading to...?'

‘Over there.' He pointed again. ‘Our first checkpoint.'

‘Right.'

It wasn't getting any clearer. What were all those other lines? Elevation? That seemed about right...

‘So we need to take this trail ahead of us until we reach this...' There were a lot of lines all tightly together. ‘This high spot?'

He nodded and smiled. ‘Looks like it. We should make it there by nightfall. Camp overnight and then tomorrow we need to cross another river.'

Now she looked at him, feeling the cold memory of her previous accident shiver through her body. She wasn't looking forward to that. What if it was deeper and more dangerous than the last one?

‘Oh...'

‘But we should be able to get to the ranger station by lunchtime. Just imagine—tomorrow we can be drinking real tea and tucking in to a restaurant meal with all of this behind us.'

‘Sounds simple.'

‘Should be.'

She passed him the map. ‘Maybe you
should
have this.'

They'd parted company from the rest of the group—everyone with nerves and butterflies in their stomachs, everyone hugging each other, whispering words of encouragement into each other's ears before setting off—turning around occasionally until the others were out of sight.

Each pairing had been given a different checkpoint to reach, and then from that checkpoint they all had to navigate their way back to the ranger station. Nothing too arduous, but enough of a toe in the water to prove to themselves that they
could
do it, that they'd survive and, if need be, could cope with any injuries on the way.

Beau had learnt a few things on this trip so far. She'd learnt that she could cope with being around Gray. With talking to him. Being civil. They'd even got...
close
...and she'd discovered her feelings for him were still very much up in the air. He was maddening and gorgeous and frustrating and sexy and... Had she mentioned gorgeous?

He still bought her favourite chocolate bars. He'd been incredibly hurt and had survived alone. The idea of him lying there, broken and hurting, at the bottom of that remote sea cliff had been nauseating. Heartbreaking. What had he thought of as he'd lain there? Had he thought he was going to die? Had he had regrets?

Was I one of them?

Beau had never rested. Since the day he'd left, she'd pushed herself. Striving, challenging herself, working harder and harder, until the hospital had become the only thing in her life worth a damn.

But there was always a part of me missing...and that part was Gray.

She'd never had any closure. She'd never found out the reason for his disappearance.

There were a few clues now. Maybe it was something to do with his family? Had someone warned him
not
to marry her? It certainly couldn't have been anyone from
her
family. They'd all been so pleased for her when she'd announced their engagement.

Beau glanced at him as they walked, admiring the cut of his jaw, the stubbornness there in the line of his mouth, his tightly closed lips, his lowered brow as he slowly led them up an incline.

And he was doing all this with a prosthetic leg! He was amazing. He was still the man she'd known all those years ago, still challenging himself, pushing the boundaries, taking risks.

I'd be a fool to get involved with him again.

* * *

Gray held out his arm in front of her chest and Beau walked straight into it, frowning.

‘Hey!'

‘Shush!' He held his finger to his lips and pointed ahead through the treeline. ‘Look...a herd of bison.'

Bison?

She stared hard, feeling the hairs rise on the back of her neck as the huge beasts passed them.

It was a large herd. Easily a hundred or so animals, maybe more. It was made up of mainly adults, as tall as her and Gray, with a few youngsters trotting alongside. They were thick, broad animals, with shaggy fur, some of it clumped, accentuating their humped backs as they ambled along, in no hurry at all. Several of them nibbled at the ground, others were snorting and looking around, keeping watch.

Instinctively Beau and Gray knelt out of sight by a large rock at the side of the trail. Beau's legs felt like jelly, but she drew on the reserves inside her that she always drew from. The reserves that had got her through sixteen-hour surgeries, nights on call and the all too numerous occasions when she'd had to sit at a family's bedside and deliver bad news, trying her hardest not to cry alongside her patients' relatives.

She'd had to stay strong. She'd made a profession out of it. Forcing herself to stay dry-eyed, forcing herself to stay on her feet, to answer one more patient call, to do one more consultation, perform one more surgery.

Shifting her feet, she glanced at Gray, excited at having seen these amazing animals up close. ‘Should I take a picture?' she whispered.

‘Does your camera have a flash?'

‘I can switch it off.'

He nodded and she struggled to get her camera out of her fleece pocket. Once she'd deactivated the flash, she pushed herself up onto her knees and peered over the top of the rock. Breathing heavily, she used the zoom to focus in on one particular specimen that was snorting, using its tail to bat away flies as it scanned the horizon, alert for any danger.

‘Wow...'

Back down behind the rock, she showed the digital picture to Gray and he smiled and whispered, ‘It's good. But no more. We don't want them to know we're here.'

‘Surely they can smell us?'

‘Maybe. But I think we're upwind, so I'm going to go with no. Let's stay out of sight until they've passed.'

They sat with their backs to the rock and got some fluids on board.

Beau glanced at Gray. ‘I don't suppose you've got another chocolate bar stashed away in those pockets?'

He smiled. ‘No. Sorry.'

‘Trail mix it is, then.' She rummaged in her pack for the small resealable bag and pulled it out, offering him some.

‘No, thanks.'

She shrugged. ‘More for me.' She ate a mouthful. Then another, savouring the taste of rich nuts and dried fruit, regretting that none of them was covered in chocolate. ‘You know...you surprised me a lot the other day.'

He turned to her, an eyebrow raised in amusement. ‘On which occasion?'

‘The chocolate. That was my favourite bar. The kind you always used to buy me whenever you passed the shops on the way home from a shift. You said you still buy them. Why?'

Gray shifted on the hard ground, as if it had suddenly got a lot more uncomfortable in the last few seconds. ‘Because...' He let out a heavy sigh. ‘Every time I pass a store, every time I have to shop, I buy them. Eat them. They remind me...'

‘Of me?'

He gave a smile. ‘Of some happier times. I have this image in my head of you curled up in the corner of the sofa, your head buried in a pile of medical texts, nibbling away at a bar, one piece at a time, savouring each block before you ate the next. I don't know...it probably sounds stupid...but having them, eating them, makes me feel...closer to you.'

Beau stared at him, her heart thudding away in her chest. That was so sweet. That he still bought those bars. And for him to openly admit... She wondered if he would talk to her about his family, open up more if she asked.

But she didn't. This moment wasn't the right time. Now was the time for being honest—but not in that way. It was not the moment to bring up painful stuff that could turn all this on its head. And she didn't want this going wrong. They were heading in a good direction. Communicating. Opening up about little things. It was a start. And she liked it. Liked talking to him. Right now they were building bridges. They were forging new pathways ahead of them and they were doing it together. That was what was important.

So instead she smiled at him. ‘We're close now.'

She reached out and took his hand, squeezing it, looking up into his eyes and feeling warmth spread within her, as if her heart was opening up and letting him in again. It was scary, but strangely, suddenly, it felt so right.

Their kiss now seemed like a dream, and she began to wonder how it would feel to kiss again—but this time when she was ready for it. Prepared. Able to appreciate it properly. Even instigate it?

Perhaps she ought to take a leaf out of Gray's book? Be daring. Take a risk. Put herself out there on the ledge. Make that leap of faith.

To where, though? Where do I want us to end up? If I kiss him, what message will that send?

Gray smiled at her, then laid his head back against the stone and closed his eyes.

I could kiss him now, but...

Something held her back. She stared at him for a moment longer and then let out a breath, the tension leaving her chest, her shoulders relaxing. Now was not the time.

They continued to wait for the herd to pass. Gray with his eyes closed, resting. Beau just watching him, taking in all the details of his face, questioning her heart's desire.

After the last of the bison had gone, they forged onwards until they reached their checkpoint—a tree marked with a wooden first aid box. Upon opening it, as instructed, they found the extra ‘luxuries' that Mack had promised them would be in there. They'd daydreamed about what they might be. Food? Chocolate, maybe? Perhaps even a small bottle of wine to celebrate?

But no. Upon opening the box they found a standard first aid kit, a roll of toilet paper and a tick remover.

‘Great...maybe we can eat those?' Beau suggested wryly. ‘What
is
the correct way to cook loo roll? You're meant to boil it, right?'

Gray smiled, then they got to work setting up camp for the night. He successfully lit a small fire that they edged with rocks and they ate a rather tasteless lentil broth, their thoughts drifting to dreams of the next day, when they would be back at their luxury hotels. Though even that dream was tempered by the sour note that by then they would have parted ways, and there was still so much they hadn't said...

Beau gazed through the flames to look at Gray. He was looking straight back at her, but this time she didn't look away. She held his gaze, thinking of how they'd once been with each other. The way he'd made her feel. How happy he'd made her. Before their wedding day anyway. She'd loved him so much.

She swallowed hard, determined not to cry over something she'd shed enough tears over. That had been then. This was now. They'd both changed and here they were, in the heart of Yellowstone Park, beneath the stars, sitting around a campfire, with just the sounds of crackling wood and distant insects, the air scented with woodsmoke and pine.

‘At any other time I would say this is quite romantic.' She smiled.

He smiled back. ‘But not this time?'

Now she felt awkward. She didn't know how she should reply. She wanted to keep the good mood. Keep the good feeling they had. She'd missed it. The
ease
of being with him. And she didn't want to let it go. She wished they were sitting closer. Not separated by the flames.

‘Well.' She shrugged and grinned, feeling her cheeks flush with an inner heat. ‘It's kind of awkward. Don't you think? If we were still together, we'd take full advantage of this moment... The stars, the campfire beneath the moon, just the two of us...'

He nodded, agreeing. ‘But let's not forget that I promised to keep my hands to myself.'

She matched his nod. ‘Yes, there's that, too.'

They stared at each other across the fire. Smiling. Breathing. Keeping eye contact.

Beau felt a strange awareness inside her. She could feel the weight of her clothes against her body. The tightness of the tops of her socks, her waistband digging into her stomach. She felt uncomfortable. Keen to move.

She stood up and nodded some more. ‘I think I ought to go to bed.'

Gray stood, too. ‘If that's what you think is best.'

‘I do.'

There was a tense silence. The air was charged with a heat that did not come from the flames below.

Beau kept remembering the way he'd kissed her the other day. How it had felt to be back in his arms. That ease of being with him that she'd never felt with anyone else. He was so close now! So available. But was she brave enough to start something?