Seven Years of Bad Luck (37 page)

“Shit, Kat. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you went through all of that.” Tears kept pouring from my eyes as I exposed my past to Ben.

“I came here to Dallas to start over, Ben. I came here to get better. To find the part of me that I had lost years ago. That’s what the tattoo is all about. I found you when I got here, and I tried hard to fight away my feelings for you. To lock away my emotions, but I failed miserably. Then you ripped my heart out when you sent me packing since I was too screwed up and stubborn. I wanted to try, Ben, but I didn’t want to hurt either one of us! I wanted to try to get my crap together for you, for us and—” My gaze caught on something peeking from under the edge of the coffee table.

Shit! My book!
I jumped to pick it up before Ben could see the pregnancy book I had bought. Ben’s deep blue-green eyes that always had a way of reading my mind, followed my gaze to the floor. I glanced at him, and a confused crease marred the space between his brows. “I got it!” I said as I slid forward on the cushion to reach down for the book. I had my bag beside my feet so I thought if I could just slide the book from under the edge of the table and quickly get it into my bag, he would be none the wiser. I would have bought myself more time to figure out how to tell him about the baby. That’s when our baby changed my plans again. When I leaned forward, something amazing happened. I felt something happen within me. A flutter then a very clear kick from my little baby. I froze and gasped. I righted my shoulders and my hand involuntarily slipped under my sweater to rest on my pregnant belly. Ben’s eyes got wide.

“What’s wrong?” he asked in a worried voice as he surveyed the look on my face, then my hand on my stomach. Before I could even work on conjuring any lousy excuses of cramps or food poisoning. He reached forward and fished out the book that barely peeked out from under his table. I watched him, completely frozen to my seat in amazement and hoping for more little moves from my baby. I watched his face pale and his chest rise and fall faster. “Wh-what’s this?” He held up the book.

Now or never, I guess.

“What’s it look like, Ben?” I asked quietly. He looked irritated. In a flash he was inches from me. He reached down and pulled my sweater up to beneath my breasts. “Hey!” I cried out. His mouth popped open.

“Y-You… You’re pregnant?”

Guilty.

His eyes bulged, his voice was ragged, and he looked moments away from passing out. “You should sit back and relax. You don’t look so good, Ben.” His eyes were glazed over, and he looked upset.

“You’re having a baby.” He whispered with a clear undertone of disappointment.

Ouch. He doesn’t want me or the baby. Great.

“Ben, I should leave.” I made a move to stand, and he gripped me by the wrist with one hand while the other still held up my baggy sweater. He was just staring off into space.

“Who’s the father?” he asked quietly. I scoffed and jerked my wrist from his grip. I was pissed at his implication and jerked my sweater from his other hand and allowed it to fall back into position.

“I’m no whore Ben! I’m over four months pregnant. You do the math, genius!” His eyes snapped back to me, and the glazed look was gone.

“Me?” he questioned.

“You got it, chief!”

“How? You were on the pill.”

“I missed two pills when John had me. I tried catching up, but I didn’t realize that doing that runs the risk of getting pregnant.”

“I’m going to be a dad?”

“Um, yes. It would appear so.” He became angry, so I dropped the smart mouth.

“Didn’t feel the need to tell me? Shit, Kathleen! I’ve missed so much already.” He pointed at my belly and it made me want to cower in the corner. “You are one selfish woman!”

“I’m sorry; I was licking my wounds when I found out about the baby and came to tell you, but saw you with the new woman in your life so I just kept the pregnancy to myself. This baby doesn’t change the fact that we aren’t together anymore, and you have moved on.”

“Like hell! It changes everything, Kathleen, and the woman you saw was most definitely NOT my girlfriend or anything even close! She’s my brother’s girlfriend. I was looking over a contract for her.”

Ah, shit.

Nausea bubbled up and began to consume me. I wasn’t sure if it was due to my hormones or the fact that I hid from Ben because I was too much of a coward to talk to him since I assumed the brunette was his new woman.

“Oh God. I-uh-I don’t feel so great.” I pressed the palm of my hand to my forehead and leaned forward to rest my forehead on my knees.

“What’s wrong? What do I do?” I could hear the worry in Ben’s voice, and it was endearing, even through the powerful urge to be sick.

“I’ll be alright, Ben; just give me a minute.” He dismissed my assertion and tucked me into his side. We stood from the sofa again, and he guided me up the stairs to his room. The same room that I use to call mine for a brief time.

“You should lie down here. I’ll get a damp washcloth. Stay here.”

Don’t think I could go anywhere right now.

A moment later, Ben returned with a glass of juice and a damp washcloth. “Here, sit up.” I complied, and he lifted the sweater over my head and removed my shoes. I lay back to my left side while he folded the washcloth and pressed it to my neck. I began sobbing like the emotional, depressed, hormonal pregnant woman that I was.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Ben.” My voice cracked and wavered through my sobs.

“It’s okay; don’t think about any of that right now.” Ben removed his shoes and slid into the bed behind me. His body spooned with mine and reminded me of how perfect we fit together. I lay in his bed in just my socks, yoga pants, and snug cotton tee. I sobbed harder thinking about how right Ben was and my shoulders rocked. “Shhh. Baby, don’t cry.”

Baby?

My heart and brain both stumbled on the words he whispered sweetly into my ear. I had been dying to be back in his arms. To be his baby again.

“You’re right about me. I’m selfish,” I whispered back through my tears. “You deserve so much more than me, Ben. I’ll never forgive myself for screwing up everything.”

“Don’t. Just stop right there.” His arms squeezed me tighter, and his voice grew stern. “I screwed up plenty, too. I never should have spoken to you like I did that day in my office. I shouldn’t have been so I to think that if I pushed you away, gave you a taste of your own medicine, you’d wake up and realize that I wanted you. That I had fallen in love with you.” My heart skipped a beat at his confession. He rolled me to my back and ran his thumb across my bottom lip the way that made my stomach flip. He leaned in and kissed me tenderly. I felt wanted, cherished, forgiven. His kiss intensified. His tongue slid like satin into my mouth caressing mine. I moaned softly, cupped his face and gave him everything I had. I wanted to show him how much I loved him. How much I needed him. He broke away from my lips and placed soft kisses on my cheek.

“Baby, I wish you would have just told me.”

“I wanted to.”

He resumed our kiss and pulled me closer to him. My hands roamed over his tight body. He rose above me, and I opened myself to him. He settled himself between my legs and pulled my shirt over my head. His hands swept down my chest to my belly. His eyes glistened.

“You’re having my baby,” he whispered. I smiled and nodded. His eyes came back to mine. His expression was wanting, pleading.

“Undress,” I said. He stripped down to his boxer briefs while never letting his eyes leave mine. I had forgotten how perfect Ben’s body was, and I suddenly felt very inadequate, but as if he were reading my mind, he said the perfect thing.

“I didn’t think it was possible for you to be any more beautiful. I was wrong.” His words were like a warm blanket wrapping me up. His eyes left mine and skated down my body to my belly.

“I felt the baby move for the first time on the couch.” I shared the detail that changed the course our evening took. Ben’s eyes widened.

“Really?” I nodded in affirmation. He looked like he was deep in thought at how to proceed, so I did it for him.

“Lie down.” Without pause he moved from between my thighs and lay down beside me. I slid off my pants, then sat up and tossed one leg over his body to straddle him. I put my hands behind my back and unclipped my bra. I tossed it aside and watched Ben’s eyes skate over my body. I had been slightly worried about how my body had changed, but he seemed to be appraising my curves just as he had done so many times before. Maybe even more.

“I think I like you pregnant more.” He teased while cupping my enlarged, bare breasts in his hands. We both laughed at his teasing. I pulled his hungry hands from my breasts and slid them slowly down my ribs and brought them to a rest so that his hands were cupping my belly. His eyes were watching with an expression of wonder in them as my hands moved his hands to where his baby was growing within me. I reminded myself that all of this news was only minutes old to him, and I made sure to use kid gloves with him. I held his hands there for a moment, then let mine fall away to my sides. His large hands remained cupping my pregnant belly. His eyes were fixed there. I remained silent, allowing him to take everything in. He remained that way for a long time. He said nothing, only stared at his own hands resting on my stomach. Finally I interrupted his concentrated stare.

“Ben? Are you okay?” He only nodded while still staring silently. “Ben? What are you doing?” He finally looked up at me.

“Waiting.” He said flatly.

“For?”

“For the baby to move again. I want to feel it.” That’s when I began laughing so hard I nearly peed myself, and my side began to cramp. I rolled off of Ben and clutched my aching side. “What? I think it’s only fair for me to get to feel the baby kick, too.” He admonished sounding only slightly pouty. I kept working at gathering my composure.

“Oh, Ben you can’t sit and stare with your hands on my belly all day waiting on him or her to make a move.” My laughing came back again full force, and the fluttering started again. I stopped laughing and grabbed Ben’s hand. I let his palm rest against my stomach where I could feel our little baby squirming and kicking about. “I think my laughing woke up the baby. Doctor Miller says the babies do pretty much nothing but sleep non-stop.” Ben shushed me. I mean actually shushed me like a parent would a child. Our baby moved, and Ben’s face lit up.

“I felt it,” he whispered. The slight movements faded away, and Ben looked like he was ready to pop open champagne to celebrate. He was so pleased that he got to feel our little baby fluttering around. “That was… incredible.” His eyes were wide and intrigued.

“Yeah, it was.” His eyes grew heated, and I knew that my man wanted to make our reunion official. I obliged.

“Are you mine?” His words were husky, filled with lust and passion.

“I always have been.” With that he slipped off his boxer briefs, freeing his erection. He gently tugged my panties free from my hips and once again placed himself between my open, inviting thighs. I wrapped my legs around his waist and silently begged for him. I could see the apprehension written on his face. “It’s fine. You aren’t going to hurt me, Ben.” His eyes read mine, and he positioned himself at my slick opening. He slid the crown of his erection into me, then the full length of him. I had forgotten how exquisite he felt filling my body with himself. He sank slowly into me, sheathing every pulsing, hard inch of himself with my ravenous body. He rested himself on his bent elbows, caging me and allowing for just enough space to look at each other. Once he was fully buried inside of me, his lips found mine, and they tangled in a kiss like none we had ever shared. His rugged facial hair tickled across my jaw as he moved back and forth planting seductive kisses on my lips, jaw, neck, and ears.

“Promise you’ll stay with me, baby.” He eased into a sensual rhythm, thrusting in and out of me and rolling his hips deliciously, stimulating every part of me.

“I’m staying right here.” Ben sighed in relief and scattered kisses over my skin. The physical connection we were sharing mirrored the emotional connection that had been there even through the months we spent apart. I laced my fingers through his silky hair, and I kept my green eyes locked on the vivid blue-green depths. His breathing was labored just as mine was. We weren’t having just sex. We were making love, and it felt as natural as drawing breath. Like it was a concept invented specifically for us. He slowly and sweetly built both of us to a delectable climax. His lips landed on mine, and I moaned into his mouth as a powerful orgasm raced through my body. My body clenched around Ben, and he erupted, spilling himself into me. We rode the wave of our orgasms together. Tears of joy and relief seeped from the corners of my eyes and rolled down my temples into my hair. Ben stayed planted in me while kissing me breathlessly again.

“I love you,” I murmured against his lips. He kissed me for a moment longer before pulling his full lips from mine.

“I’ve been waiting so long to hear those words come out of your mouth so that I can say them back.” He brushed his thumb across my trembling bottom lip. “I love you, too, baby.” I took in his words and let them wash over me.

He loves me.

I let his words breathe fresh life into me and chase away the darkness that encompassed my every waking moment for months. I let those three words banish the terrible past and fill my heart with promise and hope for the future. A future that I prayed I’d share with Ben at my side. I fell to pieces beneath him and was put back together all at the same time. I was his. I was whole.