Sex, Marriage and Family in World Religions (50 page)

d o c u m e n t 4 – 8 : “ c o u n t i n g t h e fl o w e r s , ” a s h o r t s t o r y b y c h u d a m a n i r a g h a v a n , t r a n s l a t e d f r o m t h e t a m i l b y t h e a u t h o r

The last selection takes us in a different direction, through the medium of fiction by a contemporary woman writer, into the life world of a young woman in contemporary south India who is witnessing her parents negotiate a marriage on her behalf. The author takes us inside the thoughts and feelings of the bride to be and emphasizes the darker side of arranged marriage in the contemporary context, a context brought under serious critique by Hindu feminists. This story gives an important glimpse of marriage negotiations and the ways in which financial and status issues complicate this most important of human relationships.

For many centuries, as far back as textual sources take us, marriage has been a central concern in the Hindu tradition. It is the cornerstone of society, the link between the past and the future, the source of well-being and children, and the pivot of social life. It is not surprising, therefore, that even in the context of contemporary global pressures that bring dramatic changes in ways of life for Hindus, both in India and abroad, it is marriage that continues to be the most sustaining center of gravity for Hindu life.

RIG VEDA 10.85:
THE MARRIAGE HYMN

This ancient hymn (ca. 1200 bce) is one of the most enduring of all Hindu texts. It contains a story of the divine marriage of Su¯rya¯ and Soma as the model for human marriage, a set of instructions for the priest performing the wedding ceremony, the procession from the place of the ceremony to the husband’s
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house, and the sexual consummation of the bridal couple. Verses 1–20 invoke the story of the marriage of Su¯rya¯, daughter of the sun god, Su¯rya, and Soma, the moon. The meters of the chants and the chariot bringing the bride to the place of the wedding are linked to parts of the cosmos. The As´vin twins came there as suitors for the bride but are sent away. The Vedic tradition associated the bride and groom at the human level with the relationship between the sun and moon at the cosmological level. The remainder of the hymn addresses the human couple, invoking divine protection, happiness, and progeny. Verses 28– 30, 34–35 refers to the blood of defloration that stains the bridal gown. The blood is auspicious, in that it displays the sacrifice of the bride’s virginity to enable the marriage to prosper; at the same time, it is dangerous. Thus, the hymn directs the priest to cut the gown to pieces, a gesture similar to sacrifice itself. Hence marriage is understood to be a transformation or perfection
(sam-ska¯ra)
. This hymn has been recited at Hindu weddings for centuries. Seven verses of this hymn are incorporated in the wedding ceremony as prescribed in the tradition in contemporary India and among many Hindus living abroad.

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r i g v e d a , t h e m a r r i a g e h y m n 1. The earth is propped up by truth; the sky is propped up by the sun. Through the Law the a¯dityas stand firm and Soma is placed in the sky.

2. Through Soma the a¯dityas are mighty; through Soma the earth is great.

And in the lap of these constellations Soma has been set.

3. One thinks he has drunk Soma when they press the plant. But the Soma that the Brahmins know—no one ever eats that.

4. Hidden by those charged with veiling you, protected by those who live on high, O Soma, you stand listening to the pressing-stones. No earthling eats you.

5. When they drink you who are a god, then you are filled up again. Va¯yu is the guardian of Soma; the moon is the one that shapes the years.

6. The Raibhi metre was the woman who gave her away; the Na¯ra¯sá¯ma¯ı¯

metre was the girl who accompanied her. The fine dress of Su¯rya¯ was adorned by the songs.

7. Intelligence was the pillow; sight was the balm. Heaven and Earth were the hope-chest when Su¯rya¯ went to her husband.

8. The hymns of praise were the shafts [of the chariot bringing the bride to the groom] and metre was the diadem and coiffure. The As´vins [divine twins]

were the suitors of Su¯rya¯, and Agni was the one who went in front [of the procession].

9. Soma became the bridegroom and the two As´vins were the suitors, as Savitr. [Su¯rya, father of the bride] gave Su¯rya¯ to her husband and she said “Yes”

in her heart.

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10. Thought was her chariot and the sky was its canopy. The two luminaries [sun and moon of the two months of the marriage season] were the two carriage animals when Su¯rya¯ went to the house.

11. Your two cattle, yoked with the verse and the chant, went with the same accord. You had hearing for your two wheels. In the sky the path stretched on and on.

12. The two luminaries were your wheels as you journeyed; the outward breath was made into the axle. Su¯rya¯ mounted a chariot made of thought as she went to her husband.

13. The wedding procession of Su¯rya¯ went forward as Savitr. [Su¯rya, her father] sent it off. When the sun is in Agha¯ [the two constellations of the months of the wedding season] they kill the cattle [for the wedding feast], and when it is in Arjuna¯ she is brought home.

14. When you Asvins came to the wedding in your three wheeled chariot, asking for Su¯rya¯ for yourselves, all the gods gave you their consent, and Pu¯s.an, the son, chose you as his two fathers.

15. When you two husbands of beauty came as suitors for Su¯rya¯, where was your single wheel? Where did you two stand to point the way [to the groom‘s house]?

16. Your two wheels, Su¯rya¯, the Brahmins know in their measured rounds.

But the one wheel that is hidden, only the inspired know that.

17. To Su¯rya¯, to the gods, to Mitra and Varun.a, who are provident for all creation, to them I have bowed down.

18. These two [sun and moon] change places through their power of illusion, now forward, now backward. Like two children at play they circle the sacrificial ground. The one gazes upon all creatures, and the other is born again and again marking the order of the seasons.

19. He [the moon] becomes new and again new as he is born, going in front of the dawns as the banner of the days. As he arrives he apportions to the gods their share. The moon stretches out the long span of life.

20. Mount the world of immortality, O Su¯rya¯, that is adorned with red flowers and made of fragrant wood, carved with many forms and painted with gold, rolling smoothly on its fine wheels. Prepare an exquisite wedding voyage for your husband.

21. “Go away from here! For this woman has a husband.” Thus I implore Vis´va¯sas [the heavenly being,
gandharva,
who distracts brides from their intended husbands] with words of praise as I bow to him. “Look for another girl who is ripe and still lives in her father’s house. That is your birthright; find it.”

22. “Go away from here, Vis´va¯su, we implore you as we bow. Look for another girl, willing and ready. Leave the wife to unite with her husband.”

23. May the roads be straight and thornless on which our friends [the rejected suitors] go courting. May Aryaman and Bhaga united lead us together. O Gods, may the united household be easy to manage.

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24. I free you from Varun.a’s snare, with which the gentle Savitr. bound you.

In the seat of Law, in the world of good action, I place you unharmed with your husband.

25. I free her from here [her father’s house], but not from there [her husband’s house]. I have bound her firmly there, so that through the grace of Indra she will have fine sons and be fortunate in her husband’s love.

26. Let Pu¯s.an lead you from here, taking you by the hand; let the As´vins carry you in their chariot. Go home to be mistress of the house with the right to speak commands to the gathered people [in the village assembly or in her new home].

27. May happiness be fated for you here [the groom’s house] through your progeny. Watch over this house as mistress of the house. Mingle your body with that of your husband, and even when you are grey with age you will have the right to speak to the gathered people.

28. The purple and red appears [in the defloration of the bride’s first inter-course], a magic spirit; the stain is imprinted. Her family prospers, and her husband is bound in the bonds [of marriage].

29. Throw away the gown, and distribute wealth to the priests. It becomes a magic spirit walking on feet, and like the wife it draws near the husband.

30. The [husband’s] body becomes ugly and sinisterly pale if the husband with evil desire covers his sexual limb with his wife’s robe.

31. The diseases that come from her own people and follow after the glorious bridal procession, may the gods who receive sacrifices lead them back whence they have come.

32. Let no highwaymen, lying in ambush, fall upon the wedding couple. Let the two of them on good paths avoid the dangerous path. Let all demonic powers run away.

33. This bride has auspicious signs; come and look at her. Wish her the good fortune of her husband’s love, and depart, each to your own house.

34. It [the bridal robe] burns, it bites, and it has claws, as dangerous as poison is to eat. Only the priest who knows the Su¯rya¯ hymn is able to receive the bridal gown.

35. Cutting, carving, and chopping into pieces—see the colours of Su¯rya¯, which the priest alone purifies.

36. I take your hand for good fortune, so that with me as your husband you will attain a ripe old age. Bhaga, Aryaman, Savitr., Purandhi [protector of marriage]—the gods have given you to me to be mistress of the house.

37. Pu¯s.an [protector of journeys] rouse her to be most eager to please, the woman in whom men sow their seed, so that she will spread her thighs in her desire for us and we, in our desire, will plant our penis in her.

38. To you [the gods] first of all they led Su¯rya¯, circling with the bridal procession. Give her back to her husband, Agni, now as a wife with progeny.

39. Agni has given the wife back again, together with long life and beauty.

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Let her have a long life-span, and let her husband live for a hundred autumns.

40. Soma first possessed her, and the Gandharva possessed her second. Agni was your third husband, and the fourth was the son of a man.

41. Soma gave her to the Gandharva, and the Gandharva gave her to Agni.

Agni gave me wealth and sons—and her.

42. Stay here and do not separate. Enjoy your whole life-span playing with sons and grandsons and rejoicing in your own home.

43. Let Praja¯pati create progeny for us; let Aryaman anoint us into old age.

Free from evil signs, enter the world of your husband. Be good luck for our two-legged creatures and good luck for our four-legged creatures.

44. Have no evil eye; do not be a husband-killer. Be friendly to animals, good-tempered and glowing with beauty. Bringing forth strong sons, prosper as one beloved of the gods and eager to please. Be good luck for our two-legged creatures and good luck for our four-legged creatures.

45. Generous Indra, give this woman fine sons and the good fortune of her husband’s love. Place ten sons in her and make her husband the eleventh.

46. Be an empress over your husband’s father, an empress over your husband’s mother; be an empress over your husband’s sister and an empress over your husband’s brothers.

47. Let all the gods and the waters together anoint our two hearts together.

Let [the goddess] Ma¯taris´van together with the Creator and together with her who shows the way join the two of us together.

[Rig Veda: 10.85, The Marriage Hymn, in
The Rig Veda,
trans. Wendy Doniger (London: Penguin, 1981)]

THE
GR.HYASUTRAS:
THE WEDDING CEREMONY

The
Gr
.
hyasu¯tras,
Verses Regarding the Household (ca. 500–200 bce) are a collection of texts from the late Vedic period used by lineages of priests for instructions about various rituals and practices appropriate to life in the household. They were in contrast to the
Sŕautasu¯tra
s, Verses for Public Ceremonies, which gave instruction for performing the major sacrifices of the religious year and for special occasions such as installation of kings. Within the collection of instructions on household or domestic rituals, there are chapters dealing with marriage. These abbreviated instructions guided priests in performing their duties in reciting mantras, making offerings, conferring blessings, and offering general instructions for how the families of the bride and groom should conduct themselves, according to their social positions. It also delineates eight types of marriage and which ones are appropriate to which classes. There are some variations in the wedding ritual in the various
gr
.
hyasu¯tra
s texts, reflecting differences between lineages of priests and their communities. The selection is from the
As´vala¯yana Gr
.
hyasu¯tra
(chap. I.5–9).

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a s

´ v a l a

¯ y a n a g r

. hyasu¯tra, the wedding ceremony

I.5.1. He [the priest] should examine the family first, as stated previously: “Those who are from the mother’s and the father’s side.”

2. The father should give the girl to an intelligent young man.

3. He (the bridegroom) should marry a girl of intelligence, beauty, moral conduct and one who is free from disease.

4. It is difficult to discern the character of the intended bridegroom, 5. He should prepare eight lumps of earth and murmur over the lumps the following verse: “In the beginning the right was established; on the right is founded truth. For what this girl is born, may she attain that here. What is true may be revealed here.” Then he should speak to the girl to take one of the lumps.

6. If the girl selects the lump of earth from the field that produces two crops in a year, he may know that her children will prosper in food. If she chooses the lump of earth from a cow-stable, her offspring will be rich in cattle. If she chooses the lump of earth from an altar she will be prosperous in holy attain-ments. If she chooses the lump of earth from a pool that never dries up, she will be rich in everything. If she chooses the lump of earth from a gambling place, she will be addicted to gambling. If she chooses the lump of earth from a place where four roads meet, she will not be faithful to her husband. If she chooses the lump of earth from a barren land, she will be poor. If she chooses the lump of earth from a burial place, she will cause death of her husband.