Sex, Marriage and Family in World Religions (61 page)

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The second phase of life, the Gr.hastha, is probably of greater importance because this involves many complex tasks, including, and not limited to, those in the following list:

i. Have mutual intimate relationships with due regard to the purpose of procreation and continuity of God’s creation and the family progeny as the primary objective, and pleasure and fulfillment of physical needs as secondary; ii. Care and nurturance of the future generation; iii. Provide healthful living for the entire family; iv. Enact responsibilities towards the elders, same-age relatives, and the younger relatives.

v. Manage finances so that needs and desires do not cause stress for the husband and other family members;

vi. Make the home a home—a place of warmth, respect, love, affection, a safe haven where all the family members and guests belong and feel loved; and vii. Learn and live the life of trusteeship of God-gifted capabilities given to the couple and the family.

The list of such responsibilities goes on and on. All of these responsibilities belong more to the girl because the female sex is more capable of such big undertakings and adjustments. The life expectancy of the second phase of life is also twenty-five years and the girl leads the second mangala phera¯.

The third phase of life, the Va¯napras.t.ha, is also of great importance and responsibility for both because this involves discipline of the mind and a grow-ing desire to renounce worldly belongings and desires and transmit the trust holdings of cultural and physical manifestations to the future generation. The bride has the most difficult task in this phase because of her greater attachment to the family’s internal affairs for the previous twenty-five years. She also has to be a strong support to her spouse and cater to his needs and lifelong habits.

This [is] more stressful for the bride, and this is why the bride leads the third mangala phera¯. Adjustment to the new environment and to the discipline should lead to the fourth stage of Samnya¯sa.

The fourth mangala phera¯ signifies the period of samnya¯sa, when the husband plays the leading role as a preacher for the society. The groom is expected to have acquired the required strength, emotionally and physically, to renounce attachment to all worldly possessions in order to undertake the difficult task of dedication to the society. He leads the fourth mangala phera¯.

During the whole ceremony of the mangala phera¯, the couple needs to concentrate on the physical, psychological, and spiritual feelings of the God-gifted life. These are strengthened by the chanting and recitation of Vedika mantras by the priest and the couple. They are given explanations of the mantras and reminded of the four basic principles of life that should continue to govern all their activities and thought processes. They are as follows:
Dharma:
Leading a life with trust, sincerity, honesty, discipline, and the feeling of being a trustee of God-gifted talents and capabilities as a human being and with due reverence for the culture evolved by the society.

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Artha:
Earning their livelihood for the family by truthful and honest means with utmost care and reverence for maintenance of balance between the domains of motherhood and the social obligations, greater responsibility is on the groom to earn honestly and on the bride to manage within financial means without causing stress for the husband and the family.

Ka¯ma:
Pleasure. Desire to seek pleasure in life as heavenly a bliss inspires activity in life. Activity is a characteristic sign of all living beings. These activities may be Sa¯ttvika [purity], Ra¯jasa [energy] or Ta¯masa [inertia], depending upon the prakrti of the living organism engaged in that activity. Any action goes through three stages: mana, vacana and actual karma (thought, verbal expres-sion, and the activity for implementation of the thought). At all three stages, full attention should be paid to the intentions of self, perceptions of the society and others affected by the karma, and the effects on the society. A great sense of self-discipline is of utmost importance. It is a misnomer that we have “a personal, a private” life. That is negation of the basic principle of existence of God’s creation and His omnipresence. The life of every individual is and should be an open book for the society to read.

Moks
.
a:
Renunciation, a feeling of trusteeship of the capabilities to perform the act, and keeping selfish interests away from the activities of life. This leads to Nirva¯na, freedom from the cycles of physical birth and death in the life after death.

The couple promises to each other, to the great Sa¯ks.i of yagna fire, their parents, the families on both sides and the society at large that they will, at all times, live life under the four well-founded and developed principles of life throughout the four stages of life. They will set an example for the younger generation and the society in the manner that is expected of them.

Ma¯n
.
ga Bhara¯ı¯ and Cunariya¯

The groom puts
sindu¯ra
[red colored powder] in the
ma¯n
.
ga
(a line of parting of hair on the head) of the bride indicating that she is suha¯gin and his love and protection will always be with her. This protects her from other men for any of their desires. Use of Sindu¯ra for ma¯n.ga and bindı¯ has been described to have a scientific base for health reasons.

Cunriya¯ [shawl] is presented by the phu¯pha¯ (paternal aunt’s husband) of the groom, on behalf of the family, to the bride. This is a Sa¯ks.ı¯ from the son-in-law of the groom’s family, after having known the family for many years.

Saptapadı¯ and Síla¯rohana Pu¯jana
This has different purposes—
pu¯jana
of different deities and goddesses and also to pledge that all seven days of the week, which are governed by the teachings of the seven Rś.is are different grahas and God’s manifestations. The couple shall lead their life with their blessings according to the guiding principles set by them for those days. Every day of the week is influenced differently by
graha
s.

Dietary control and behavioral attitudes are disciplined accordingly. An example would be to refrain from eating meat, eggs, onions or garlic on Tuesday, Eka¯das´ı¯, Ama¯vasya¯, and Pu¯rnima¯ even by those who may normally be non-vegetarian. These are developed according to the understanding of the princi-

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ples of healthful living and as perceived by different great teachers—r.s.is and the society. As a symbolic gesture, seven steps are taken on a piece of rock which is moved with each step symbolizing steadfastness like rock. Brothers of the bride give emotional support by assisting the bride in this act. These two ceremonies may be done separately or in combination, according to the local customs and convictions of the priest. The reason that the bride goes through this ceremony is because she is the sákti (strength) behind her spouse. She is the one who has to play the most important role in her future, her spouse’s and the family’s future.

Another significant purpose of
saptapadı¯
ceremony is that the bride affirms the following seven feelings and promises, one with each step: Hey Deva! Having been blessed by my good deeds in many previous lives, I got you as my Soubha¯gya (husband).

I shall nurture all your relatives from infancy through old age. I shall be happily satisfied with whatever I shall get (for expenses) from you.

I shall obey you everyday and prepare sweet (with natural juices) food, vege-tables,
etc.

Using all the clean (and healthy) natural cosmetics, I shall with my heart, words, and body actions engage in physical activities with you.

With the (God-gifted) capabilities of forbearance in hard, difficult and pain-ful times and of happiness in good times I shall share your feelings in happiness and sorrow, and never give company (in thoughts and actions perceived or otherwise) to another man.

I shall perform all your assignments with happiness; I shall serve my parents-in-law and pay due respects and be hospitable to all the relatives. I shall live wherever you live. I shall never cheat my beloved (husband), and I shall never be cheated by him.

Oh my lord! I shall assist you in all religious activities hawan-yagna
etc.
and in religious, economic, intimate-sex related activities. I shall live up to your expectations. In the presence of agni as sa¯ks.ı¯, bra¯hmana priest, my parents and members of the family. I have accepted you as my lord and I have surrendered myself (body) to you.

According to R´g Veda, while the bride takes seven steps to the north-east (the bridegroom sings the following verses) Panikkar, p 263: “First Step for Vigor,

Second Step for Vitality,

Third Step for Prosperity,

Fourth Step for Happiness,

Fifth Step for Worldly Wealth,

Sixth Step for (six) Seasons,

Seventh Step for Friendship.

To me be devoted.”

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287

After the seventh step, he lets her remain on the
síla¯
[stone] and says: “With seven steps we have become friends.

Let me reach your friendship.

Let me not be severed from your friendship.

Let your friendship not be severed from me.”

The priest greets the couple, sprinkling them with holy water, and chants blessings. Next, while standing to her left, the groom places his arm around the shoulders of his bride and touches her heart reciting, “Into my will I take thy heart; thy mind shall dwell in my mind. In my world, thou shall rejoice with all thy heart. May Uma¯pati, God Síva, join thee to me.”

Hr
.
daya Spars
.
a
Sadhvı¯ kanya¯ dedicates her heart only to her husband by letting him symboli-cally touch her heart. The groom promises with the sa¯ks.ı¯ of all the people participating in the ceremony and the Agni that he will protect and respect her feelings by accepting the trust of the bride.

Besides, the husband affirms his faith that the sákti of the women is the source of the inspiration, growth and development, success and achievement in every family and the symbolic touch acts like a connection between the electrical wire and the generator. This connection is the source of light and warmth in the environment.

Sun or Pole Star/Darsána

Just as the sun and the pole star are perpetually set in their location, and actively performing their duties to guide the world, so the couple will be steadfast in their actions. The groom sees the sun/pole star and points it out to the bride so that her future life in her new family will be guided by the sun/pole star.

Another aspect of this ceremony is the reminder of Devı¯ Arundhatı¯ and Rś.i Vasís.t.ha as a couple. Arundhatı¯ devoted her sákti to support the Rś.i in the attainment of his worldly and spiritual strengths in her subtle and non-exhibi-tionistic ways. Rś.i Vasís.t.ha obtained for her a place in the ever-existing sky as the pole star to be worshipped by couples in the marriage ceremony, this star has guided the world scouts for determining the direction at night. The groom remembers the role of Arundhatı¯ in Vasís.t.ha’s life and says to the bride, “Oh Devı¯ (incarnation of Arundhatı¯)! Like Vasís.t.ha, I seek your strengths to support me in my endeavors in life.” The pole star is a satellite planet that stays fixed at one place and seven other stars (the consortium of Milky Way) revolve around this in a twenty-four hour cycle like Earth facing the sun. This is a strong indication of existence of scientific knowledge of sending satellites into the solar system in ancient times.

Marriage is a beautiful union of man’s creative ambitions and woman’s inherent supportive strengths. Another simile is in the mixture of milk and sugar.

Sugar dissolves in milk and makes it more tasty and acceptable for the consumer.

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Agni Perna¯huti

The groom, the bride, and other members of the family offer three a¯huties of sa¯magrı¯ (dha¯na and ghee are important parts) to the yagna fire as a gesture of completion of the ceremony and of their Sa¯ks.ı¯ to it with all the purity of their hearts and souls.

Pan˜ca¯mr
.
ta, Madhuparka
A cup of perfect food-mixture of yogurt, milk, honey, kesar, and Tulsi leaves— is fed by the groom and the bride to each other as a symbolic gesture that they will provide for each other’s physical and emotional needs and prosperity in future life until death and after death in thoughts and spirit.

Before they feed each other, the groom offers the food to all the four
disha
s (directions) east, west, north, and south, fifth
a¯kasa
(sky) and sixth Earth— Sarvamvai—God’s total creation of living beings. This conveys the feelings that whatever he is provided by God (in the form of food, wealth, etc.) is to be shared with all the living beings before he or his immediate family would consume for themselves. According to the Hindu Sá¯stras, “A person who earns for himself (and family) only and consumes any food or other material wealth does so with sin toward God and all living beings.”

Seeking Blessings from Priest and Relatives
The couple touches the feet of the priests and of the close relatives, who are elder to them in relationship, to seek their
a¯s´ı¯rva¯da
(blessings) for strength to fulfill their responsibilities and duties as expected of them. All of these people bless the couple using different gestures—kisses—and verbal statements like
soubha¯gyavatı¯ bhava, cira¯yu bhava.
Elders may kiss on the head or forehead of the groom/bride. Mothers, sisters, and brothers may kiss on the cheeks. Of particular mention is the fact that the bride and the groom do not engage in any act like kissing, holding hands (with passion or feeling of lust) or embracing each other during the whole ceremony or any time thereafter in public.

Pu¯ja¯

This ceremony at the bride’s parents’ home is called Ganapati and Is.t.a Deva Pu¯ja¯. This is a thanksgiving by the elder ladies, gents and the couple together to Lord Ganapati for having helped the family to fulfill the Samska¯ra with peace, happiness and without obstacles.