Shades of Atlantis (29 page)

Oh, I sighed quietly. I’ll kill her.

She didn’t want to, he confessed. I dragged it out of her. I wanted to check out the, eh, competition.

I glanced at him sideways. Competition? I asked, confused.

You know what I mean, he said, his voice breaking slightly. I could tell he was uncomfortable talking about this.

Caleb isn’t competition.

I know, he sighed. I’m sorry. I thought you just had a really bad relationship back home and broke up with the guy. I didn’t realize. That wasn’t what I’d meant about competition. No one could compete with Caleb. He would win every time. I kept this to myself and let John continue.

I suppose I understand now why you’re so reluctant to get involved again, he said awkwardly. I mean, after losing the love of your life like that. My heart tightened a little. A tear escaped, and I wiped it away before he saw. John stopped walking and took my hand in his, turning to face me.

I don’t expect to replace him, he said, but if you give me a chance, you might find I’m a good substitute.

I stared up, amazed at the sincerity in his eyes. You shouldn’t have to be a substitute for anyone, you deserve

I deserve to be with the woman I’m falling in love with, he interrupted before I could get my excuse out fully. I looked away from his face in dis-grace. I’d never meant for things to get this far with John. I only knew I liked having him around. The sky was darkening around us.

You’re the one thing in my life that’s not touched by Caleb, I said slowly. When I’m with you, I can pretend that I won’t always ache for him. Please understand, I want to want to be with you. If that makes any sense? I looked at him, and his eyes focused on me intensely. I really do.

I’m just not there yet.

He grinned. So there’s hope?

I returned his smile and looked up at the sky as the first drop of rain fell and splashed onto the side of my face. My heart lightened, feeling the caresses of the tiny cool droplets hitting my skin.

I told you so, I said, smirking at him.

John grabbed my hand and dragged me after him. The rain started coming down thick and fast. He stopped under a tree near a small park and pulled me in close to him, but I wriggled from his grasp.

It’s just rain, I laughed. I stepped out from under the shelter of the branches and stretched my arms out wide, turning my palms upward. I tilted my face back so my face was to the sky and closed my eyes. The drops splashed against my skin, sending shivers through my body. I could feel every drop, and I turned around slowly, letting them land from different directions.

When I opened my eyes, John was standing patiently, watching me from under the cover of the tree. He reached out a long arm and brought me to him, trapping me against the trunk. My T-shirt and jeans were soaked through, and my hair was matted to my face. He placed one tentative hand on my waist and brought the other hand up, sweeping the hair from my cheek before pressing it tenderly to face. He examined my expression carefully as if he were waiting for my reaction, but I didn’t move to stop him this time. John lowered his face to mine and hesitated. I could feel his heart pounding under his T-shirt where my hand rested, and my own heart quickened in anticipation. Then his lips touched mine. I responded in the way I knew I should, wrapping my arms around him and urging him closer with my mouth, but I felt nothing in my stomach. My heart didn’t race faster, and the only chills I felt were from the rain and nothing more.

It was warm and comfortable in his arms, but he wasn’t Caleb.

John walked me back to my apartment holding my hand. It was awkward beside him. The rain had stopped, but I was still soaked. He paused when we got to the door.

Aren’t you coming up? I asked.

He let go of my hand before he answered. No. I have some paperwork to catch up on, and I’m expecting a call from Emma. His tone was strained.

I hoped he didn’t sense my regret at our kiss.

Oh — okay.

I put my key in the door and unlocked it. His hand caught the handle before I could push the door in. His body was tight at my side, and his hand gripped my elbow firmly. His face was only inches from mine.

We will be together someday, he said. The words were confident and determined.

My breath caught as I finally grasped the intensity of his feelings for me.

He wanted much more than companionship. He released his hold on the door, and I smiled uncomfortably before stepping inside.

As I stood at the open door watching him walk away, a tear fell down my face. I brushed it away, but more followed. I went inside and slammed the door closed behind me, panting heavy, painful breaths. Images of Caleb invaded my head. My heart felt like it would burst open, and I clenched my hand to my chest.

It was a betrayal kissing John that way. I knew John was falling for me, and I realized that in my head I wanted to feel something, wanted to move on and let go of Caleb. I fell back against the door, and my legs gave way as I slid down slowly to the floor. It was my heart that wouldn’t let go. It pounded loudly in my ears. I wanted the comfort I felt with John. My head told me to love him, but I still pined for Caleb’s touch so badly. I could feel him now, the way I always did when he was nearby. Like in a dream, I reached out to him, but he was gone, and I sat at the door weeping miserably.

I woke curled up in a ball on the floor with my knees clutched to my chest and the sound of the phone ringing. Reluctantly, I dragged myself out of my stupor, uncurling and stretching for the phone on the small table beside me.

Hello? My voice sounded strange, like it wasn’t mine.

Hello? Triona? It was Ben. My heart lifted at the sound of his voice, but the connection was bad. He sounded off.

Are you okay? he asked with a worried tone.

I coughed to clear my throat and tried to pull myself together. My eyes were sore. Everything in the room seemed unnaturally bright and clear, more defined somehow, like the edges were sharper which struck me as strange, considering that it had gotten dark out while I slept. I could see the uneven surface of the wall, something I’d never noticed before, and it was hurting my eyes. I blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the brightness.

Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. I just had a bad day.

Oh, Ben said, understanding immediately. I didn’t need to define bad.

Amanda was asking about you today, I stammered, eager to change the subject of the conversation. I pushed myself up from the floor with one hand; blood rushed to my head, and I staggered.

How is she?

I detected an air of concerned affection in his voice.

Fine. Slowly pieces were starting to come together in my head. Ben, is there something you want to share with your big sister? I moved up the stairs, heading to my bedroom and transferring the phone to my other hand, feeling strangely light on my feet.

Something’s happened, Triona.

Immediately panic gripped me, and I stalled on the stairs. What?

I’m on an eight-thirty flight out of Bangor. I have to wait for a connecting flight in Philadelphia, but I should get to you early Monday.

What’s happened? I yelled, scared for Lewis and Carmel, before starting up the stairs again.

It’s okay, he reassured me. Everyone here is fine. I’m fine. I just really need to see you. I’ll explain everything when I get there, just don’t worry.

It’s something really good, I promise.

I took a breath, pulling at my damp crumpled T-shirt.

Sure, I mumbled.

Just, he paused, don’t be shocked when you see me.

What?

You’ll see, he said smugly. I’ll talk to you soon. Tell Amanda not to worry.

Hmm, I sighed. Bye.

The phone was already dead, and I raked my fingers through my tangled hair. I walked over to the full-length mirror in my bedroom to survey the damage and stopped in my tracks. I gasped, and the phone dropped from my hand and landed with a clatter on the floor. It was hard to focus, but everything seemed so real all of a sudden, so clear. Like a mist had lifted.

I looked the same; it was me staring back, but it wasn’t. To anyone else I might look the way I always did, but I could see that my skin had changed.

The texture was different smoother and silky soft. I looked as if I had been sitting in the sun and gotten a healthy glow, almost a light gold.

I stepped closer and ran a single finger inquisitively across my cheek. It was silky to the touch. My eyes were different too. My eye color was lighter, and my eyes shimmered like emeralds. My hand flinched away from my own skin. My hair was messy and sticking out at odd angles but it was also slightly different. It was shiny and the color was richer. I was sure that if I brushed it, it would look like I came straight out of a shampoo commercial.

By now my breathing was coming shallow and fast, and my heartbeat drummed against my ribs. I lowered my head and stepped back, shutting my eyes tightly against the image I had just seen. My heart thundered in my ears, but I could hear more than that. I squeezed my eyes tighter in concentration, trying to block out all the other sounds around me. The alarm clock on the nightstand behind me, the traffic, the footfalls of the people rushing around in the rain outside, and the rain itself, tinkling like crystals hitting the glass of the window. A heartbeat. I could hear another heartbeat, beating as hard and fast as my own. Breathing. I could hear a slow intake of air and then an exhalation, filling the air around me with a delicious fragrance, so familiar it made me tremble. I wrapped my arms around my body, frozen to the spot, and kept my eyes shut as tightly as possible, afraid to open them in case the sounds around me, the breath I could feel on my face, vanished.

Open your eyes, whispered a voice as smooth as satin.

I couldn’t. I couldn’t move. I felt a tender touch on my cheek. A thumb caressed my face, smoothing the crease at the edge of my tightly shut eyes, sending tingles through my entire body and rushing blood to my heart. I could smell the scent of the skin on the hand that still held my face, and I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs.

Open your eyes.

Tears flowed freely down my face, and slowly my eyes relaxed and opened.

My voice was barely audible as I cried out, Caleb! 171

Phoenix

I stood motionless, my heartbeat pulsing so strongly I could feel it in every vein. The room seemed to be spinning, making me sway. Caleb caught me firmly in his grip and held me at arm’s length. I couldn’t react. Everything seemed to merge in a fog Ben’s call, my reflection, Caleb standing in front of me, alive. Unless I was dreaming. But his grip felt real; his strong fingers felt real on my skin. It was sensory overload, and my brain was working overtime to catch up.

Triona. His face was anxious. I need you to stay calm and take a breath. What was he saying? His words made no sense; it didn’t make any sense that he was standing here at all. Maybe it’s a brain tumor, I thought. It would explain the headaches. Or maybe I had been struck by lightning; it would serve me right for standing in the open during a summer rainstorm. I didn’t remember dying but then maybe nobody remembers dying and my heart was pumping so hard. How could I be dead if blood was gushing through my veins?

Breathe! Caleb demanded, shaking my shoulders lightly.

My face felt hot, and my chest hurt. I gasped loudly, and the air rushed through my body while the pain in my chest eased. Caleb’s expression softened, and he exhaled hard. I got the full force of his breath on my face.

Waves of familiar pleasure flowed through me, and my skin prickled under his touch.

My voice sounded hollow. How?

His anxious face smoothed and became relieved. I will explain everything, I promise, he said, just as soon as you recover from the shock.

We were both unwilling to move. His hands still held me, and I was afraid he would disappear with the slightest motion of my body. Recover, I thought, that’s an understatement if I ever heard one. My breath continued in heavy gasps, and my eyes stung from crying, but I couldn’t take them off him.

His features were as perfect as I remembered, but better. His blue eyes sparkled at me, scanning my face, memorizing every detail. His lip twitched, almost grinning. I was dizzy, surrounded by his presence, his scent, his heart pounding to match my own, and the sound of his breathing. Everything was too real, the colors too sharp, and the sounds too strong. My lungs filled deeply, taking his essence into me. I had dreamed this, wished for it.

I shuddered and exhaled. Caleb responded with a wide smile that lit up his eyes; they creased up at the corners exactly as they had so many times before.

My body tensed, and I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him and covering him in feverish kisses. He lifted me from the ground lightly, one hand at my back and the other on the back of my neck holding me to him, and crushed his lips against mine. My fingers entwined in his hair, and I brought my legs up so they wrapped around his hips. Caleb held me tighter and groaned enticingly against my lips. My heart raced, and my body exploded, craving him and devouring his touch as the agonizing shivers of pleasure coursed through me.