Shadows in the Silence (3 page)

“Sammael,” I snarled, tasting something bitter on my tongue. “He’s wiping out the Grigori.”

Ronan nodded. “I’ve heard that he’s trying to take out anything even remotely angelic that may be a threat to him. Once he’s strong enough, he’ll go after the Cardinals.”

“Do you mean the Grigori lords?” I asked. “Of the North, South, East, and West?”

“Yes. The Watchers may be chained to the earth, but they’re the closest thing to an archangel’s power in this realm—besides you, of course.”

Cadan let out a frustrated breath. “He’ll go after Antares, the Lord of the West, first, because she’s the closest. She’s bound to the mountains, up in the Rockies.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “Can the Cardinals
be
killed?”

“Anything made by divine power can be unmade by divine power,” Ronan spoke up. “All things are limited by the balance.”

Which included archangels—and even Sammael himself. Sammael had once been an angel. If he’d been created, then he could be destroyed. That gave me a flicker of hope. We had a chance at saving one of the Grigori lords from Sammael. And once Will was healed, we could take Sammael down for good before he could kill any more of the Watchers.

“Virgil is dead,” I repeated, thinking aloud. “Are there any other Grigori nearby, Ronan? Any that could cure a demonic reaper’s venom?”

“Again,” Ronan replied, his voice small, “I am sorry, but I have nothing that could help you. I wish you luck, truly I do. Sammael can’t finish what he’s started.”

I released Ronan and let my swords disappear while he climbed to his feet. “Cadan.” I sighed, turning to my friend. “We have to find Antares before Sammael does. If he kills her first, then there’s no way to save Will.”

He closed his eyes. “We can find anoth—”

“No!”
My screech echoed through the empty club, making the two demonic reapers jump and startling even me by its sharpness. I took a deep breath to calm myself, but my lips wouldn’t stop trembling. “We have to do this. If you don’t want to help me, then I’ll find her myself. Sammael has the grimoire and I have no leads on the missing copy Nathaniel made. If Antares gets hostile, then I’ll fight her!”

“Ellie,” he protested. “Let’s spend the rest of the night think—”

“We don’t have
time
to sit around and think anymore!” I cried. “The Lord of the West is just a few states away and we can get there in just a few hours. Don’t you want to help me? Don’t you want to save Will?”

“I don’t
care
about him!” Cadan shouted, his fire opal eyes flashing blindingly bright. “I care about
you
! I will help save his life for
you
, because
you
love him. It’s all for
you
!”

Tears poured down my cheeks and I buried my face in my hands. Maybe this was too much to ask and it wasn’t right using him the way I was. We’d fought at least a dozen
demonic vir minutes ago, and he’d even saved my life.

“I’m just hurting you,” I whimpered. “I’m sorry.”

“The second Will wakes up, he will try to kill me,” Cadan said breathlessly. “I will help you save him and I won’t stop him when he comes for me.”

I stared at him. “I can’t let you throw your life away like that.”

His gaze matched mine. “And I can’t let you throw away yours, either.”

I’d completely forgotten that Ronan was still there, that we were still in that club. Cadan didn’t make a move to touch me, but he was shaking as if he was fighting himself with everything he had.

“I’m going to find Antares with or without your help,” I said at last. “But it’d be a hell of a lot easier
with
your help.”

His eyes searched mine and we were again trapped in that fragile silence, balancing on the edge of a cliff, waiting for a gust of wind to blow one of us over into the abyss. “I want to help you. I’ll go with you.”

“Thank you,” I said to him, shaking.

“Antares will know what is needed to heal Will,” he said. “She will know everything we need, because she…She is the original author of the grimoire.”

“
Antares
wrote the grimoire?” I almost shouted.

Cadan nodded, letting his gaze fall.

“Then we have to go to her,” I said, my heart lifted. “She knows everything about divine magic. Why didn’t you tell
me? Why would you try to find another Grigori before her? She’s the one we need!”

I was turning wild with hope, and he held my face with his hands to steady me. His eyes drove into mine. “Because Antares won’t give up the information willingly. If she doesn’t just kill us, then she’ll name a price and I don’t know what it will be.”

My hands smoothed over his and guided them down. “Anything. I would give anything to save him.”

He drew in a long breath and let it out just as slowly, his eyes closing for a moment. “Ellie, a Grigori isn’t like you, or Michael, or Azrael. They’re still Fallen angels. They’re trapped here. Earth is their prison. Antares is one of only four Cardinals in the entire world and the most powerful of their kind. They are the Watchers and they are bound to the place where they fell.”

I shook my head, not understanding. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” he began, “that Antares fell before time began and she’s trapped there. The Cardinal Watchers are practically mad, Ellie. They’ve been forced to watch the world go by with little to no contact from anyone for so long they have become elemental. And you…You’re an archangel. You put her there. I don’t know what she would do if she saw you.”

Did I have the strength, in my human body, to fight her if she attacked me? What sort of price would she demand from me for Will’s cure?

“He’s right,” Ronan said from behind us. “I’ve heard
stories, but Cadan is the only person I know who’s met one of the Lords. You’d be wise to take his advice.”

I turned to face him, narrowing my gaze. My hands trembled and I tightened them into fists to hold them steady. “I don’t have time to be wise while my Guardian is dying. I have to do whatever I can to save him. Wouldn’t you have done the same for Emelia?”

His eyes brightened almost imperceptibly. “If I’d been as crazy as you, she might still be alive.”

“Sometimes crazy is a surprisingly successful last resort,” I replied. Cadan and I headed for the exit.

“Cadan,” Ronan called, and we looked back at him. “If you love her, then let her go. You know you have to.”

Cadan’s teeth clenched, but he made no move or response to the other vir. I put my hand on his arm and guided him with me.

“Let’s go,” I said softly. “He doesn’t have anything else to say.”

He let me lead him from the club and we walked to his car in silence. Too many thoughts ran through my head for conversation, and I assumed the same for him as well. We both knew that I was using him, but he was willing to put his life in danger to help me. I couldn’t process what was happening. All I could think about was Will, dying on a kitchen table.

I climbed into the seat, fastened my belt, and leaned back. My eyes fluttered open and shut as Cadan got in the
car and turned the ignition. He glanced at me.

“You should try to sleep,” he offered, his voice quiet.

I shook my head, fighting to keep my eyes open. “I can’t sleep.”

And then I did.

BEFORE I OPENED MY EYES, I FELT THE COOL MOIST air on my face and it smelled like the sea. The wind was chilly, combing through my hair and pulling at my clothes. I opened my eyes and stared at the ocean in front of me—and the next second I realized in horror that the ocean was hundreds of feet
below
me. Giant waves crashed upon jagged rocks at the foot of the cliff I leaned over. A sharp gasp escaped me and I flailed back, my heart pounding against my rib cage.

I looked around at the rolling, rocky landscape, desperate to know how I’d gotten here—and where
here
was exactly. The sky was dark and gray, the raging sea below even darker and mercilessly hurling itself against the cliff wall. The waves drowned out the cries of the gulls overhead.

“Ellie?”

His voice took hold of my heart and I whirled to meet him, to stare into his face. It had only been a few hours, but I felt like I’d forgotten how green his eyes were. He watched me with a perplexed look, as shocked to see me as I was about everything, but he looked healthy standing there in front of me.

“What are you—?”

I didn’t wait for Will to finish before I launched myself into his arms, holding him tightly. Something wasn’t right here, I knew that, but it didn’t matter. He was here and he was okay. “The last thing I remember is Cadan driving me home. I have no idea how I got here.”

He pulled away only just. “Cadan? Why were you with him?”

“He’s helping me to save you,” I said, twisting my fingers in his sweater. He was warm like always and I wanted to fold myself into him.

Will blinked and looked even more baffled. “Save me? I’m just fine, Ellie.”

“You look it right now,” I said, still piecing the puzzle together in my head. “But you’re sick. I must be dreaming. I must’ve fallen asleep or something.”

“Do you think you’re dreaming?” he asked.

I slipped out from his arms and studied the beautiful landscape. The cliffs and sea were familiar, but this particular location was unknown to me. I was certain I’d never been here before. “Where are we? This is Scotland, isn’t it?”

He gazed at me fondly. “Yes, the Isle of Skye. This is where I grew up, in the house on the hill. Beyond it is a human village. My mother liked to keep a small distance from them.”

Behind him was a small stone house, its chimney smoking gently. I’d never seen his childhood home. There was no way I could have imagined this scene so vividly. “This isn’t my dream,” I said, turning to Will. “It’s yours.”

His expression was determined and perhaps a little sad as he accepted this and looked past me and out onto the sea. “I miss this place. It feels good to be back here.”

“It’s amazingly beautiful,” I said, but my gaze was on him instead of the landscape. “Do you dream of it often?”

He frowned some, his brow darkening his eyes. “Not often, but enough so that I’ll never forget this place. I dream of many things.”

“Memories?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Good memories, terrible memories, of things I long for, and of things I fear.” At last he looked at me, but his form seemed to mist over, to dematerialize and become solid again, all in an instant. “Beware the serpent,” he said in a hollow voice that didn’t seem his own. “He comes for you, as he did the giver of life. The venom of God will try to tempt you, Gabriel. You must be vigilant and strong against the incubus.”

I caught my breath, staring back at him in surprise. “What?”

Will’s form shattered once more before he returned to normal, almost like a glitch in a computer program. “I asked how you’re doing. Are you okay?”

“I—I’m fine,” I stammered, struggling to gather my senses. “Hanging in there.”

I wanted to ask him about what had just happened to him, what he’d said, but I reminded myself that this was a dream and if there was one thing I knew about dreams it was that they didn’t make a whole lot of sense. But as I contemplated the cryptic words coming from Will that couldn’t possibly belong to him, I began to realize that they made more sense than was first apparent. Was my subconscious taking over here, or was it something entirely else? The serpent, the venom of God…that was Sammael, he who tempted Eve, the giver of life, in the guise of a snake. Had the warning meant Sammael, the incubus, would tempt me? He’d have to just try and kill me, because no way would I touch him. But
why
would he try to tempt me? Just because he thought he could, or was there a purpose?

Will touched my cheek, pushing my hair back behind my ear and studying the locks between his fingers as he sometimes did. The gesture was so familiar and comforting that I was able to shove away my stirring fears of Sammael. “Your hair…it’s like strands of dying embers that flicker with firelight. My fire goddess. I am cold to your heat.”

I gave him a little smile. “You’re talking like a crazy Martian again.”

He smiled back. “You make me crazy.”

“Right back at you,” I said playfully and kissed his palm before drawing closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his back and he held me tight.

“These are the dreams I wish I always had,” he whispered against my hair. “I don’t want any more of the other dreams where I lose you. They are nightmares and they are memories.”

“Don’t think about them,” I said, and tightened my grip as if he’d float away. “Concentrate on right now, where I’m here and we’re both safe.”

“I can’t help it.” His words were strangled by his shallow breaths. His body tensed against me and I felt his fear so vividly, I could taste it on my tongue like too-ripe citrus. “Your deaths haunt me. I see your face in my nightmares, your blood on the ground and the light dimming in your eyes. The flames flicker out and your embers die.”

I drew away from him and stared into his face as my pulse picked up speed with my growing terror. “Will, don’t talk like that. We’re really not that emo—”

“Every time you fall, I’d gladly take your place,” he said hoarsely. “I pray for my own body to lie there, and He never listens. I pray for you to get back up and you don’t. I close my eyes, but I hear nothing but my own prayers. He has forgotten me.” Will slipped completely out of my arms and moved past me.

“It’s okay, I promise,” I said to his back. “Don’t blame
yourself. It’s crippling you.”

Black clouds rolled through the sky, devouring the afternoon light until the landscape was so dark, it seemed as if we were suddenly trapped within a pitch-dark room. I gasped as our forms disappeared into shadow, but as soon as the light went out, a dim glow like moonlight came from an unseen source. All I could see was him and me.

“What’s going on?” I asked. “Are you doing this?”

“I can’t stop the nightmares,” he replied absently. “All I can do is fight. It’s all I ever do, but I know nothing else.” His sword shimmered into being, the sudden silver brightness blinding me for a moment.

Then he was swinging. The shapes of lupine reapers materialized in the darkness, black fur glistening in light that seemed to come from nowhere, and I drew my swords on instinct. Trees grew from the ground, sprouting leaves lightning fast. The reapers came from the trees like a plague of rats, snarling and snapping their jaws, and on the other side of Will, I saw
me
.

In the midst of the swarm of reapers, I—or rather, Will’s mental projection of me—swung the unmistakable Khopesh swords swallowed in white angelfire. My dream self fought effortlessly, sword strokes fluid and well-placed. I’d never seen myself fight before. It was as if the phantom me knew her enemies’ next moves before they occurred, blades meeting flesh, ash and fire billowing toward the forest canopy as one by one the reapers met their deaths by her hand. The
glimpses I caught of her face made my breath stop. She was every bit the avenging angel striking down her enemies, her face hardened with determination, and the shadows in her eyes made her seem older. Will matched her every move, but no matter how many enemies they cut down, there were just too many.

She let out a smothered cry of pain and her blood painted the ground.

“No!” Will roared and destroyed the reaper between them with a final swing of silver through flesh. He moved fast, taking hold of my dream self before her knees hit the grass. His sword was gone and she was in his arms, and then they took to the sky in retreat. The sensation of being shot from the ground like a rocket flattened my stomach and I almost lost my balance. Their forms blurred away and reappeared as Will knelt and gently set my dream self on the grass in a quiet grove of trees. She groaned and clutched her chest. Blood steadily leaked from deep, jagged claw marks that ripped through her clothing and skin.

Will frantically pushed her hair away from the wounds and tore off the sleeve from his shirt, revealing his tattooed right arm, and pressed the cloth to her chest. The fabric turned bright red instantly. He murmured fearful things under his breath and cupped her cheek.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, and it was all that I could make out. “I’m so sorry.”

She gargled something back, gruesomely choking on her
own blood. I felt strangely detached from the moment, watching myself die in agony. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, as I watched the horror unfold before me. Her body became limp in Will’s arms, his anguish naked on his face, and her eyes lost their focus.

Will bent over her, clutching her tightly to his chest, before he laid her back onto the grass. “I can never save you. You always die like this, in my arms, and I can’t bring you back.”

I watched my dream self shudder into silence, the blood leaking from her like a river. “That’s not me,” I told him, finding my voice at last. “Well, it
was
me, but I’m right here. This is just a memory. A dream. This isn’t real.”

“It’s always real.” His fingers brushed my dream self’s cheek as his jaw tightened and he closed his eyes. “It hurts so much. You’re dying, and I can feel it like acid through my veins, through my bones. You’re so sad and I know your sadness is for me, not for yourself. I feel everything that you feel.”

“Then feel me,” I pleaded. I knelt beside him, trying to focus on him and not my dream self dying on the ground. I took his face in my hands and made him look at me. Forgotten, the body faded away. “Feel that I’m right here. My heart’s beating. I’m alive and I’m right next to you. I’m not hurt, can’t you see?”

His lip trembled as his eyes roved over me. A tear slipped over his cheek and disappeared. “How? How are you there?”

“You’re dreaming, Will,” I said, smoothing a hand over his hair, trying to stop my own tears from coming. “Believe me. This isn’t real, but
I
am. I’m right here.”

“You’re okay?”

His voice was so heartbroken that I was breathless for a few seconds. I nodded and drew in a quivering breath. “Yes,” I whispered. “I’m okay.” I took his hand and pressed it to my chest. “Feel my heartbeat? I’m okay, I promise.”

He swallowed hard and his shoulders sagged with relief. He squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face into my shoulder, pulling me into him. “Ellie,” he sighed. “I miss you where I am. It’s dark here.”

I hushed him, resting my cheek against his hair. “I’m with you. I’m right here.”

The scene changed and we were on the cliffs of Scotland again, and the misty wind shoved against me, but I didn’t feel its chill. The crashing waves and crying gulls were in the distance and it was just him and me.

He lifted his head, his green eyes bright and gazing up at me. He pulled me into his lap and my knees sank into the cool grass on either side of him. He cupped my face, brushing his cheek against my skin, moving against me, drawing my hair over my shoulders and pressing his lips to the locks as he inhaled. “Jasmine,” he whispered, and smiled wistfully.

I nodded and a soft sob escaped me. I still wore the perfume I’d put on for prom. “Yes, Will.”

“I miss you,” he said again.

“I miss you, too.”

“I keep looking for the light, but I can’t find it. Come back to me.”

My fingers brushed his lips and I pressed my forehead to his. “I will, I promise.”

He tilted his head back and his mouth opened against mine, his lips soft, and I melted into him. He held me as close as he physically could, his hands gentle but tight, as if he were afraid I were a tiny bird that might fly away if it escaped. An overwhelming rush of sadness and longing passed through me, because I knew this wasn’t real, that we weren’t really together. His torment broke my heart and I felt like I was falling through the sky, like the ground wasn’t really beneath me, like my body wasn’t really against his. None of this was real. None of it.

It’s not real.

No matter how hard I tried to believe the words circling in my mind, I could only focus on Will, who kissed me like he needed my lips to breathe, like we were sinking beneath the ocean beyond the cliffs and we’d drown if he pulled away. I could only think of how much time I’d wasted, all these centuries of denying how much I was in love with him, and now he was dying.

Something tugged at my core, pulling my stomach out my back. I broke our kiss and stared into his face, confusion wrapping around me. My body jerked involuntarily and he tightened his grip on me.